


When Evan Met Connor

by hopefulminty



Series: When... [1]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, F/F, F/M, Family, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Gen, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2020-05-31 14:59:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 40
Words: 164,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19428346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopefulminty/pseuds/hopefulminty
Summary: He looked at Connor and suddenly it occurred to him that they’d never really met. Not officially. Not in a way that counted.Which was weird when he stopped and thought about it. He’d known who Connor was since elementary school.He didn’t know if the feeling was mutual, but...Evan wiped his hand on his jeans before extending it. “I’m Evan, by the way.”There was a beat. A moment. A moment where something flashed across Connor’s face.And then he shook Evan’s hand. “Connor.”





	1. Pre-College

**Author's Note:**

> So, I’m going to blame this story on three things:
> 
> 1\. The eccentric side of my personality because it convinced the rational side that not only do I not need to take a break from writing these characters (after consistently writing various versions of them for the last year and a half), but I am definitely up for creating yet another universe. 
> 
> 2\. The tv show _Greek_ because I’m rewatching it now and it’s making me want to write another college story. (One that will not have anything to do with Greek life because everything I know about that comes from pop culture and my one cousin who was in a sorority.)
> 
> 3\. The movie _When Harry Met Sally_ \- as you may have guessed from the title. That movie was actually originally going to be a major influence on _Acquaintances_ , but then I changed my mind. It’s kind of funny because apparently Meg Ryan is a DEH fanfic muse for me. First, _You’ve Got Mail_ influenced _Sincerely, E_ and now this. Now I’m just hoping I don’t happen to catch any parts of _Sleepless in Seattle_ (because it would make a really boring fic) or _Kate & Leopold_ (because the historical inaccuracies would be horrific).
> 
> Tags will be added as I go. This is definitely going to be a slow burn. Updates for this will probably be more frequent than the ones for _More Than Acquaintances_ (which will probably be updated sporadically with little bits of fluff until I run out of ideas for that universe). 
> 
> Rated T for swearing and because the usual sensitive topics (including suicide and anxiety) will be touched on.

****

**Second Grade**

First there was a scream and then a shout and then a sound that may as well have been that of a bomb going off.

The room dissolved into chaos.

Evan threw himself against the wall. Something metallic dug into his back, but he barely noticed the pain. His eyes never left Mrs. Giovanni’s face. 

He watched as his teacher grabbed at her hair and stared at her feet and tried to breathe. She jumped – they all jumped – when the door to their classroom flew open and Mrs. Hill came running in.

“Leigh?” Mrs. Hill gasped. “What happened? What was that... Is everyone okay?”

Mrs. G closed her eyes and nodded. She took a breath before turning on Connor. “Connor Murphy, get up here now. The...” She cleared her throat and tried again. “The rest of you...”

She glanced at Mrs. Hill. “We were on our way to the library.”

Mrs. Hill nodded. “I’ll take them. My class has gym now.”

Mrs. G gave her a quick smile. “Let’s go, Connor.”

Someone behind Evan started snickering. 

And then everyone started laughing. Or so it seemed.

“Ooh, trouble!”

“Did you see that? Boom! The printer went boom!”

“Boom!”

“Boom boom!”

The laughter grew louder and louder until Mrs. Hill clapped her hands above her head.

“All right, second graders, let’s go. Single file.”

The class immediately obeyed.

Because Mrs. Hill was a fifth grade teacher and they knew better than to mess with a fifth grade teacher.

Most of them did anyway.

There was a bit of commotion behind Evan and then he felt someone pressing into his side.

“Did you see that?” Jared hissed. “Did you see what Connor did?”

Mrs. Hill narrowed her eyes at the two of them. “No talking. There are classes in session.”

Evan wilted like he’d been scolded.

Which he had, but it wasn’t his fault. He hadn’t been talking. He couldn’t help it if Jared chose to talk to him.

Jared shook his head and chuckled as quietly as he could manage. He looked at Evan expectantly.

Evan kept his eyes on the back of Sophie Ventura’s head. He didn’t see how any of this was funny.

It only took Jared a second to give up on him and start whispering to Jacob Rivers instead.

****

**Fourth Grade**

“Heads down, thumbs up, it’s time to play seven up!”

Had there ever been a more terrifying sentence in the history of the world?

Evan didn’t think so.

He hated this game with every fiber of his being. He hated when he was picked to be one of the seven. He hated it even more when he wasn’t.

He hated it the most when someone touched his thumb.

Which was why he let his thumb hover above his fist while the seven roamed around the classroom.

That would fool them. He couldn’t be tagged if they thought someone else had already gotten him.

And he wasn’t cheating. He kept telling himself that.

He wasn’t cheating because his thumb was technically up. 

Sort of.

It wasn’t down anyway. It wasn’t all the way down. 

It was a foolproof plan until Mrs. Redman told him to stick his thumb out more.

Evan reluctantly lifted it up a fraction of an inch.

And then it was immediately pressed back down.

He felt like he could cry.

“Heads up, seven up!”

Evan pushed his chair back and staggered to his feet. He blinked around the room, first at the other six who had been picked, then at the seven who were lined up along the board.

Abby, Tyrone, Hailey, Paul, Justin, Connor, Bianca.

He couldn’t imagine any of them choosing him.

Mrs. Redman nodded at him. “All right, Evan. Take your guess.”

Evan’s heart leapt into his throat.

He was going first?

How was that fair?

What had he ever done to make Mrs. Redman hate him?

“Um...” Evan scratched his neck and blinked at the board.

Paul elbowed Justin in a way that made Evan’s stomach twist.

“Um...” Evan said again. He scanned the row and grasped the back of his chair and...

Mrs. Redman smiled tightly. “Danielle, who do you think-”

“Bianca,” Evan blurted out. 

“Nope!” Bianca shouted triumphantly.

Evan’s whole body felt hot as he slid back onto his chair. 

Mrs. Redman shushed the class when several of them started to laugh.

Evan didn’t know why he’d guessed Bianca.

Because she was as good a guess as any, he supposed. 

Because he’d been desperate to sit back down and move on with his life. To make everyone else move on. To make them stop watching him. Watching and laughing.

He buried his head in his arms.

He kept it there until Mrs. Redman announced that indoor recess was over and it was time to start Reading.

****

**Sixth Grade**

“The locker room’s down there and the...”

Evan stopped talking when he realized his mother was no longer listening.

It took her a minute to notice he’d noticed. She gave him a quick, apologetic smile and rolled her eyes to show she’d much rather be talking to him than the person who had called her.

“Yes, I know, Dr. Ritter did say that,” Heidi sighed. She closed her eyes. “I don’t... I’m at my son’s school. It’s Parents’ Day.”

Evan didn’t need to hear any more.

He didn’t want to hear any more.

He went to the water fountain so he couldn’t hear what she was saying.

She was off the phone when he returned.

He stared at his shoes. “You’re leaving?”

“Just for a little while. I’ll try to make it back before lunch. You said it’s at 12?”

“12:30,” Evan corrected.

He didn’t know why he bothered.

She wouldn’t be back. They both knew that.

Only one of them was fooling themself into thinking there was a chance she’d make it back.

The bell rang.

The sound made Evan feel so dizzy he had to lean against the wall.

“We’re supposed to do a problem set with our parents next period,” Evan blurted out. “If you’re not there, Mr. Geller will...”

Mr. Geller would make him work with someone else. He’d force Evan to team up with some poor, unsuspecting student and their parents.

Evan couldn’t handle that. He squeezed his eyes shut like doing that would shut out the world.

It didn’t work.

The bell rang again.

He would’ve been worried about being late except he knew all his teachers were cutting the sixth graders some slack because their parents were there.

He wondered if he could get away with skipping the rest of his classes. It wasn’t like they were learning anything important that day. Most of his teachers were just showing off and giving out cookies.

He didn’t say that out loud.

He forgot about that idea as soon as his mother spotted the Kleinmans. He trailed behind her while she wove through the crowd to get to Jared’s mom.

He knew what was coming.

His mother knew Jared was in his math class. She was going to negotiate on his behalf.

He tried to look on the bright side. Working with Jared and his parents was slightly less terrifying than having Mr. Geller stick him with someone random.

He looked away when Jared turned to smirk at him. 

He went to the classroom and waited outside the door. There was something comforting about leaning against the wall. He’d never seen the school this busy before. He didn’t like it. 

An argument broke out to his right. It took him a second to realize that the parents who were arguing were in fact having a fight.

Their conversation sounded far more civil than the ones his parents had had at the end.

He recognized the sounds of irritation though. The hissing, the clicking, the rustling of fabric.

He allowed himself to look up long enough to see who it was.

And then he looked away because they were Connor Murphy’s parents and he wasn’t about to be caught watching Connor Murphy’s parents fight.

Especially not while Connor stood between them, glaring and sulking and looking like he was ready to throw another printer.

“Larry, this is our son we’re talking about.”

“You think I don’t know that?”

“This is important. Look at him. He’s devastated that you’re leaving.”

Mr. Murphy let out a barking laugh. “He isn’t devastated. He couldn’t care less that I’m-”

“What’s so important that you have to go to the office now? You told them you were taking the day off.”

“It’s the Johansson case. Roger needs me to-”

“Roger can wait.”

“This case can’t wait. It’s-”

Mr. Murphy’s phone started to ring. At least, Evan assumed that was what he was hearing. He kept his eyes on his hands as they clenched and unclenched in front of him.

“Are you going to answer that?”

“Am I going to be in the doghouse if I do?”

“Are you... Go. Just go. Connor’s late for Art.”

Evan flattened himself against the wall as Mrs. Brown, the vice principal, walked by.

“Uh oh,” Mrs. Brown called in a voice that somehow rose above the chatter. She chuckled when people turned to stare at her. “Looks like I’m going to have to start handing out some tardy slips.”

The parents all laughed like she’d made a hilarious joke.

It did the trick though. The crowd broke up as the students finally managed to drag their parents to their next class.

Evan soon found himself being embraced by Jared’s mother.

“Evan!” Mrs. Kleinman beamed down at him. “Look at you! You’ve grown. You’re going to be taller than me before I know it.”

Mr. Kleinman rubbed his hands together. “Jared said there’s a competition in this class. First team to finish the worksheet gets a prize.”

“A homework pass,” Jared grinned. 

Mr. Kleinman pretended to pout. “Well, that’s no fun.”

“Dad!” Jared whined. He swatted his father’s arm. 

“Hey! Henry’s teacher gave us stickers when we shadowed him last month.”

Mrs. Kleinman threw an arm around Evan’s shoulders. “It’s a good thing we have you on our team. Your mother says you’ve become quite the math whiz.”

Evan didn’t know what to say. 

He glanced over his shoulder before he followed them in.

The Murphys were gone.

So was his mother.

****

**Eighth Grade**

Evan felt like his heart was going to leap out of his chest when he closed his locker and found Jared standing on the other side.

He tried to play it cool and keep his panic – his very brief, momentary panic – from showing.

He didn’t know why he bothered.

Jared could tell because he was Jared and detecting other people’s weaknesses was his superpower.

“What?” Evan snapped in a tone that surprised them both.

Jared raised his eyebrows at him before reaching into his backpack. “I need you to sign my...”

Jared’s mouth twisted to the side as he dug through his bag. His face lit up when he finally found what he was looking for.

Their yearbook. Jared wanted him to sign his yearbook.

“Oh,” Evan breathed. He automatically reached for his copy.

Jared shook his head. “Uh-uh. Let me see that.”

Evan reluctantly handed it over.

Jared flipped through it quickly before shoving it back. “Just as I suspected. You don’t have any signatures.”

“I haven’t gotten around to-”

“You haven’t gotten around to asking anyone? What have you been doing all morning?”

Evan stared at his feet. 

He’d been in the library. He’d gone to the library the second he’d finished his last exam.

He’d gone to the library instead of joining his classmates who had spent the rest of the morning running around the school like a pack of wild monkeys.

“I’m not going to be the only one who signs that thing,” Jared said. “What if you have grandkids someday? They’ll find that book and think we were, like, best friends or something.”

Jared tapped his foot impatiently. “Are you going to sign mine or not?”

“You want me to?”

“My mom wants to see it. She’ll flip if she doesn’t see your signature anywhere.”

Evan tore the book open and scribbled down the first thing to pop into his mind. 

It brought him a small bit of joy to see he wasn’t the only person who had written that they hoped Jared had a good summer. Far from it, really. 

He handed the book back to Jared and turned on his heel to stalk away from him.

And promptly stepped on Alana Beck’s feet.

“Ow!” Alana cried. 

“Sorry!” Evan gasped. He looked around wildly like doing that would tell him where she’d come from.

It only took Alana a second to straighten herself back up. “It’s okay. I’m fine.”

She shook her shoulders and beamed at him. “I saw you signing Jared’s yearbook and...”

Evan blinked as her yearbook suddenly appeared in her hands. 

“I was wondering if you could sign mine. I’m only three signatures away from getting the whole class.” Alana handed him the book. “Two after you sign.”

She shook her head when she saw he was looking at the inside cover. “Your page please. I’m having everyone sign their page. That’s the only way I can keep track.”

Evan lowered his head while he flipped through the pages. 

Jared cackled as he leaned over to see. “Well, would you look at that? A blank sheet with your name on it. You can fill the whole page for her.”

Evan’s ears felt hot as he scribbled a quick ‘have a good summer.’ “I missed the deadline.”

“You missed the deadline,” Jared repeated sharply.

“I forgot. It had already gone to the printer when I-”

Alana looked like someone had kicked her puppy. “You should’ve come to me. I could’ve gotten it in for you.”

“Yeah, Evan,” Jared chuckled. “You should’ve-”

“Here,” Evan interrupted. He closed the book and held it out to Alana.

“Do you want me to sign yours?” Alana offered brightly.

Evan glanced over his shoulder when Jared started snickering.

He shook his head. “No thanks.”

“Oh,” Alana whispered.

Evan’s breath caught in his throat. “I just... I don’t have it with me. I...”

The corner of his book was poking out of his backpack. He shifted it around in hope that Alana wouldn’t notice.

Alana nodded dazedly. “Okay, well... Have either of you seen Connor Murphy? He’s the last person I need to ask. Besides Brett Unger that is, but he’s still out with mono.”

“I think I saw him go outside,” Jared said.

Alana gave him a quick smile before heading for the door.

Jared released the laughter he’d apparently been holding in the second she was gone. He patted Evan’s arm. “I’m going to miss these moments.”

“What moments?”

“These classic moments of Evan awkwardness.”

For one brief moment, Evan thought Jared was saying he thought Evan was starting to become less awkward. He shook his head when he realized that was impossible. “You mean-”

“We’re going to be in high school next year. It’s going to be a whole new world. We’ll probably never see each other again.” Jared made a face. “Except for the dinners our parents drag us to. But other than that...”

“We might have some classes together,” Evan pointed out.

“Yeah, but do you know what the average class size is at Jefferson?”

Evan didn’t know. Thinking about it made him feel dizzy.

Jared chuckled again. “I still can’t believe you didn’t put anything on your page. Even Connor Murphy put something. And they printed it!”

Curiosity got the better of Evan. He grabbed his yearbook and flipped through the pages. He flipped past his blank page and Jared’s page that used a series of photos to depict ‘The Evolution of Jared Kleinman’ and all the others in between before he finally landed on Connor’s.

It contained a list of books.

Evan did a double take. He didn’t know what he’d been expecting. Something really bad, judging from Jared’s tone.

He closed the book and blinked at Jared. “That’s, uh...”

“Who knew he could read?” Jared cackled. He held out his hand to give Evan a high five. “Am I right?”

He frowned when Evan didn’t budge.

And then he squared his shoulders and stuck out his chin and strode away like he couldn’t believe he’d wasted that much time talking to Evan.

****

**Tenth Grade**

“I’m sorry, sweetie. I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

Evan squeezed his eyes shut and tightened his hold on the phone. 

Of course, she didn’t mean for this to happen. She never meant for these things to happen.

And yet they did. 

“I know,” he mumbled.

“I’ll make it up to you, I swear. We can go anywhere you want for dinner. Even-”

“Don’t you have class tonight?”

He could picture the expression on her face without even trying, could practically hear the curses going off in her head.

Evan couldn’t hold it in anymore. “See, this is why I didn’t want to wait for you. I wanted to take the bus home. You were the one who said-”

“I know what I said.” Evan could tell that came out sharper than she meant it to. She breathed into the phone. “I thought I could get there on time.”

“You always...” Evan’s shoulders shook as he tried to breathe. It had been a long day and a long week and a long month and...

“I don’t even want to go get ice cream. It’s cold outside.”

His mother let out a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a huff. “It doesn’t have to be ice cream, but...”

“But what?”

“Dr. Sherman thinks I should be...”

“Should be what?”

There was a loud rustling sound and then, “Oh, shoot, sweetie... I have to go. It’s a madhouse here. Isn’t there a late bus you can catch?”

Evan nodded even though he knew she couldn’t see him.

He was all too familiar with the late bus. 

“There’s leftover Chinese in the fridge,” Heidi reminded him. “You can have that for dinner.”

“I ate that last night.”

“Oh...”

His mother was very clearly stumped.

“Well, there’s bread and cheese and.... Coming!”

“You have to go,” Evan monotoned.

“Promise me you’ll eat something.”

Evan didn’t bother giving her his word. The call ended before he had a chance.

He shoved his phone in his pocket, only to retrieve it to check the time before shoving it back in.

He had a half hour to kill before the late bus left.

He decided to sit in the lobby and finish his homework while he waited.

He settled himself down and pulled out his Biology textbook and...

He stood back up and followed the music like it was a siren and he was a sailor with a death wish.

It was coming from the auditorium. A sign on the door informed him that there was a rehearsal in progress. 

He plopped down on the floor across from the door because he knew better than to mess with that.

It sounded like one of the bands was performing. He wasn’t sure which. 

He knew their winter concert was coming up. There were fliers about it all over the school. 

He hadn’t had any interest in it until that second though. 

The music was soft and pretty in an almost hypnotic way. Evan closed his eyes and allowed his body to relax against the wall.

And then it all changed. The tempo picked up and there was a kind of funky guitar riff and Evan laughed in spite of himself.

He glanced around self-consciously and sighed when he saw no one else had seen him do that. He opened his textbook and forced himself to study, but he couldn’t seem to get his foot to stop tapping along to the beat.

He stayed like that until the music stopped. He barely had time to scramble to his feet before the doors flew open and the musicians came stumbling out.

He watched as they giggled and teased and congratulated each other on successfully performing the piece they’d been practicing for months.

Something twisted around in stomach. He wanted that.

Not _that_ specifically. He couldn’t play an instrument. He’d tried the piano once when he’d been ten and it had been a disaster.

He just...

He wanted that feeling of belonging, of being part of something bigger than himself.

He lowered his eyes because he felt like was spying, like he was intruding on something that could never be his.

Deep down, he knew he would never know what that was like. He wasn’t a musician. Or an actor. Or a dancer. Or an athlete. Or any of the many things that allowed you to be part of a team.

He allowed himself to look up when the group started going their separate ways. 

Before long, there were only three of them remaining. Two boys and a girl.

A girl swinging her guitar case while she laughed at something one of the boys had said.

Evan couldn’t take his eyes off her.

She was quite possibly the prettiest girl he’d ever seen in person. 

But that wasn’t the reason he couldn’t stop staring.

He’d had crushes before. Celebrity ones, mostly. His mother liked to tease him and call Emma Watson his future bride.

This was different. There was something about the girl. About the way her face lit up, about the way she looked like was listening – really listening – to everything her friends said.

About the way she smiled when their eyes met.

Like it wasn’t at all creepy or weird that he was openly watching her.

Evan practically tripped over himself in his hurry to get away.

He put his head down while he made a run for it. A run that wasn’t so much a run as it was a very fast walk.

It was enough to make the girl’s friends laugh though.

Evan stopped at the end of the hall and looked over his shoulder.

The girl wasn’t laughing with her friends.

He wasn’t sure if that was because she didn’t think this was a laughing matter or because she was talking to someone at the other end of the hall.

Connor Murphy.

Evan blinked when he saw that.

He blinked even harder when Connor told the girl (Zoe – what a beautiful name) to hurry up because their mother was double parked.

Evan’s mind spun when he realized what that meant.

Zoe, the girl who had made him feel like he’d been hit by a truck (in a good way), was Connor Murphy’s sister.

He really knew how to pick them.

****

**Twelfth Grade**

“Freeze! Hold it right there!”

Evan cringed when he heard Ms. Ross’s voice behind him. He instinctively curled in on himself like doing that would make him invisible.

“Are you deaf? I’m talking to you, Connor.”

She said Connor’s name in a tone that could not be ignored.

A tone that could not be ignored by a sane person who respected their guidance counselor’s authority. Evan wasn’t sure if Connor qualified.

He wasn’t sure until Connor stomped back over to them and barked, “What?”

“Don’t take that tone with me,” Ms. Ross snapped. “You aren’t the only one having a bad morning. My car wouldn’t start, which means I’m late for work, which means I get to deal with your sorry self before I’ve even had my coffee.”

Ms. Ross flapped her hands like a butterfly.

The butterfly effect was her thing. She always mentioned it in her annual assembly. How one small action could make a huge difference. How one small comment (good or bad) could change a life.

She put a hand on her hip. “Now, tell me, were my eyes playing tricks on me or did I just see you push this boy?”

This boy. 

He had a name.

Evan wasn’t sure if he was happy or sad that she couldn’t remember it.

Connor simply glared.

Ms. Ross shook her head and pointed at Evan. “Are you going to help him up?”

Evan’s heart leapt into his throat when he heard that. He watched in horror as Connor’s arm swung back and forth like it had a mind of its own. He scooted backwards until he crashed into a row of lockers.

That earned him a spattering of laughter.

Because, of course, they had attracted an audience. Ms. Ross’s presence had guaranteed that.

He shook his head rapidly. “He-he didn’t push me.”

Ms. Ross frowned down at him. “What was that?”

Evan cleared his throat. “He didn’t push me.”

He closed his eyes when the words came out louder than he’d anticipated.

He choked out a breath. “I, uh, I tripped. I lost my balance and-”

“You lost your balance?”

Evan nodded. “I-”

He forgot what he was going to say when the crowd parted and Zoe Murphy stepped forward.

“He was pushed. I saw the whole thing.”

Connor glared at his sister like he was trying to melt her with his mind.

She returned the glare before spinning around to face Ms. Ross. “My brother-”

“Your brother?” Ms. Ross laughed. “Oh, it is too early for this.”

Zoe smiled tightly. “My brother pushed him.”

Her eyes softened when they met Evan’s. “I’m sorry about him. He-”

Ms. Ross put a hand out to stop Connor when he tried to slip away. “Not so fast, Mr. Murphy. My office now.”

She shook her head as she steered him down the hall. “Are you trying to get yourself suspended before the bell’s even rung? This must be some kind of record. And a boy with a cast? I’m going to have to pull Mr. Howard in for this one. You remember what we discussed last year, don’t you?”

Connor responded with something that was sure to get him suspended. Or, at the very least, a week’s worth of detention.

Zoe’s lip jutted out as she watched her brother go. Her eyes glazed over like she was being overwhelmed with thoughts. And then, just like that, the moment was over. 

The bell rang and she was gone.

They all were. Every single one of the rubberneckers left when they heard the bell.

Evan struggled to his feet. He scooped up his bag and swallowed several times and brushed the imaginary dirt off his clothes.

He wasn’t surprised to find himself alone. That was his natural state.

That was how things had worked out for him every year of his academic career.

This was how he always ended up.

Alone again, naturally.


	2. Freshman Year - August

College didn’t immediately feel like the blank slate Evan had always expected it to be.

It would’ve been easy for him to blame that on the twenty-six people from his graduating class who were also going to his university. 

He knew that wasn’t fair though.

The school was big enough that it wasn’t like their paths crossed on a daily basis. And even when they did, it wasn’t like they stopped and told the people they were with about the loser known as Evan Hansen. If they acknowledged him at all, it was with a quick, ‘hey, I know you’ kind of nod.

So, no, he couldn’t blame them. 

He couldn’t blame anyone other than himself.

Because that was the thing about blank slates. The slate may have been blank, but he was still Evan. He was still the same person who choked under pressure and stuttered his way through conversations and didn’t know what to do with himself when his awkwardness took over.

Which it always did.

He tried to remember the things he’d gone over with Dr. Sherman. He tried to use the tips his mother had given him. 

He knew trying counted for something, but it wasn’t enough.

He’d hoped he would forge an instant friendship with his roommate, Ryan. Ryan had seemed cool when they’d chatted over the summer. 

Not chatted. Texted, mostly. They’d texted and had one really awkward conversation in which Evan had ended up creating an excuse to get off the phone before Ryan realized exactly what he was being stuck with and asked for a switch.

It didn’t take him long to realize that was not something he had to worry about. 

Ryan didn’t care what Evan was like because he didn’t want to be friends. 

Because Ryan had friends. Not at first, but he made them so quickly it was like they’d been there from the start.

By the end of freshman orientation, Ryan had a group of friends and a girl who he said was not his girlfriend but who seemed to spend more nights in his bed than in her own.

Evan hadn’t been counting on that. He’d never shared a room with anyone before. It was awkward enough having to adjust to living with Ryan, but throwing Layla into the mix complicated things in a way that almost made Evan want to move back home.

He seriously considered it for a minute until he remembered his house was forty minutes away, he didn’t have a car, and he’d made the mistake of signing up for two 8 am classes.

Luckily, the earliness of those two classes was his only complaint about the academic part of his college experience. He liked what he was studying. He liked his professors. He even liked his assignments. He found them far more interesting than the ones he’d had in high school.

Which was definitely a good thing because he had plenty of time to study.

He didn’t tag along with Ryan and his friends when they went out. Ryan didn’t ask and he made sure not to say anything that would make it sound like he was waiting to be asked. Because how pathetic would that be?

He didn’t go to any of the activities his RA tried to plan. He didn’t go to any of the movie parties on his floor. He didn’t look for people to sit with in the dining hall. 

He sat by himself when he was feeling brave enough to sit down. Most of the time he grabbed a to go box and ate in his room or in the basement lounge.

The basement lounge quickly became his favorite place on campus.

It was just what it sounded like – the lounge in the basement of his dorm. 

There was a lounge on every floor of the building, but hardly anyone frequented the basement one because there wasn’t anything else down there except a storage room, a broken vending machine, and the custodian’s closet.

And it smelled inexplicably like fertilizer.

Evan could deal with that though. It was the only place that almost felt like home. It was the only place where he never bothered hiding behind his earbuds.

It was the only place he felt comfortable going into without peering around the corner first, without scoping things out and deciding if it was safe to proceed.

That all changed at the end of his first week of classes. 

He grabbed his dinner to go, headed back to his room, changed course when he heard the noises coming from it, and went to the basement lounge instead.

His phone rang when he reached the bottom of the stairs.

He glanced at it before answering, “Hey, Mom.”

“Hey, sweetie. I’m at Target and they’re having a sale on pillowcases.”

Evan smiled slightly. He knew where this was going. His mother had called him at least four times since he’d left to see if he wanted her to bring him more things. “I already have two pillowcases.”

“I know, but-”

He scrambled to catch his phone before it hit the floor.

His mother didn’t notice. He could hear her talking about pillowcases and thread counts while he blinked at his usual table by the window.

He took a breath and told his mother he had to go.

He could sense her hesitation over the phone.

“Is everything okay?”

Evan nodded numbly. “Yeah, uh... I’ll... I’ll call you later.”

He hung up before he could change his mind.

He instantly regretted it.

He regretted hanging up. He regretted not keeping his earbuds in 24/7.

Because either of those things would’ve saved him from the awkwardness that came from standing across the room from Connor Murphy.

From standing across the room from Connor Murphy, who was sitting in his usual seat and staring at him like he was the intruder.

Evan did the only think he could think of.

He turned around and ran for the stairs. 

He texted Jared later that night. _Connor Murphy goes to my school._

_New phone, who dis?_

Evan rolled his eyes. _Connor Murphy goes to my school!_

_I think he thinks I’m trying to steal his table._

_Even though it was mine first._

It wasn’t a total surprise, Evan supposed, that Connor went there too. There were twenty-six of his former classmates there after all. And he’d only seen seven of them so far.

He really should’ve studied the graduation program more closely. He’d barely looked at it at all. His mother had been the one to tell him how many of his classmates were going to college with him.

She’d said it like that was a good thing, like it was something that would make him feel at ease about the whole thing.

He hadn’t had the heart to tell her it had the opposite effect.

His phone buzzed several times.

Apparently, Jared had decided to stop messing around.

_???_

_Actually, I don’t want to know._

_All I know is you’re doomed._

_Glad I had the sense not to go there._

_Can I have your vinyls if he kills you?_

He came prepared the next time.

He had his earbuds in and his phone out. He kept his eyes glued to it as he stepped inside. He plopped down on the couch, the one facing the ancient tv in the corner that got, like, four channels. 

He didn’t look at the table by the window.

He didn’t acknowledge Connor in any way.

He pulled out his laptop and his Ecology textbook and got to work.

He awoke with a start.

He startled and flailed and nearly took out one of Connor’s eyes.

Because Connor was that close to him.

Because apparently Connor had taken it upon himself to wake him up.

Because apparently he had fallen asleep at some point in the last...

Evan’s face scrunched up as he looked around. “What’s that noise?”

“The fire alarm. We have to go.”

Evan frantically scooped up his belongings and followed Connor out the door. “Is the building on fire?”

“Doubt it. I bet one of those idiots on my floor burned their popcorn again.” Connor glanced at him quickly. “You’re a deep sleeper.”

Evan shook his head. “No, I’m not.”

Connor snorted and gestured at the alarm that was blaring above them.

“I...” Evan sighed. “I haven’t been getting much sleep this week.”

“Roommate problems?” 

Evan did a double take. “Kind of. I... How did you...”

“Just a guess,” Connor shrugged.

Evan chewed his lip. He played with his bag and took his time fastening all the compartments as they stepped outside.

It was like an oven out there. He longed to turn around and go back into the air conditioning, fire or not.

They came to a stop by the edge of the crowd and listened as one of the RAs hoarsely informed everyone that no one was getting back inside until the building had been cleared.

Evan sat down on the stairs leading to the library. He was only half-surprised when Connor sat down too.

He looked at Connor and suddenly it occurred to him that they’d never really met. Not officially. Not in a way that counted.

Which was weird when he stopped and thought about it. He’d known who Connor was since elementary school. 

He didn’t know if the feeling was mutual, but...

Evan wiped his hand on his jeans before extending it. “I’m Evan, by the way.”

There was a beat. A moment. A moment where something flashed across Connor’s face. 

And then he shook Evan’s hand. “Connor.”


	3. Freshman Year - September

When did a friend become a friend?

Evan had been asking himself that question for years, since elementary school at least. 

He first remembered thinking about it when he saw the invitations for his eighth birthday party. It was the first one he’d had since his father left and his mother wanted to make it extra special.

In her mind, that meant inviting his entire class. Because, naturally, she thought they were all his friends. Evan had been too embarrassed to correct her when he found out.

They weren’t his friends just because he spent a good portion of his waking hours with them. Even then he understood that in a way he knew she never could.

But they came anyway. 

They came because it was the polite thing to do. They were kids and their parents made sure they did the right thing whenever possible.

It was an okay party. Nothing spectacular.

When it was over, his mother smiled and asked if he’d had fun with his friends. He said yes. 

Even though they weren’t his friends.

Even though he knew none of them would go out of their way to talk to him on Monday.

He’d had neighborhood friends when he was growing up, back when falling into a certain age bracket was the only requirement necessary to be someone’s friend.

He’d hung out with the other kids on his block when they weren’t in school. They were all in different grades and, in some cases, in different schools, but that hadn’t mattered. The proximity had been enough to form a temporary bond.

Because, of course, that kind of friendship wasn’t built to last. The group completely fell apart before Evan started middle school. Tommy moved away. Erica became obsessed with ballet. Mike started playing basketball. Callie got really into doing theater.

And Evan was Evan. He didn’t find his niche. 

And then there was Jared. One of the few constants in Evan’s life. The closest thing Evan had ever really had to an actual friend.

Which was sad on so many levels he hated to think about it.

Because ultimately Jared was just a family friend. He was adamant about that. 

Which was all well and good for him (even if Evan sometimes thought Jared was full of it), but it complicated things in Evan’s mind.

If his classmates hadn’t been his friends, if his neighbors hadn’t been his friends, if Jared wasn’t really his friend, then when did a friend become a friend?

Evan started asking himself that question a lot during the second full week of school.

Because of Connor.

Because of Connor Murphy.

It was enough to make his head spin.

He knew spending a lot of time with someone didn’t automatically make them your friend. If being in the same space as someone else was all it took, then his roommate Ryan would have been his new best friend. 

And that definitely wasn’t the case.

It could be worse. He knew that for a fact. It wasn’t that he didn’t get along with Ryan. They were civil to each other, friendly even. But they weren’t friends. They were just two people who happened to sleep a few feet away from each other.

Which was why he wasn’t really sure if he’d call Connor a friend.

It was possible they were just two people who had decided to spend the majority of their free time in the basement lounge.

And since they were usually the only two people down there, it would’ve been weird if they never talked. 

At least, that was what Evan told himself at first.

It started the day after the fire alarm went off.

Evan went straight to the basement lounge after he left the dining hall because he’d spotted Layla entering the building right before he did.

The room was empty. For a second, he wasn’t sure if he was happy or sad. Relieved or disappointed.

He sat down by the window, put his earbuds in, and picked at his food while he tried to decipher his calculus notes.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when something landed in front of him a few minutes later.

His head flew up when he saw what it was.

A can of Red Bull.

He pulled one earbud out and blinked at the can before blinking at Connor. “Um...”

“So you don’t fall asleep,” Connor explained with a shrug.

He sat down across from Evan like it was nothing. Like sitting there wasn’t a big deal.

Which it probably wasn’t to him. Evan would’ve agonized over that decision for at least a minute before giving up and taking the couch.

Evan tapped his fingers on the can. He swallowed sharply. “Oh, uh... thanks, but...”

“But?”

“I have this thing with caffeine. I try to limit how much I drink because it makes me jittery.” Evan stared at his hands as they twitched in front of him. “Jitterier... Is that a word?”

Connor nudged the can towards him. “For another day then. When you haven’t already maxed out on caffeine.”

Evan slipped the can into his backpack and froze. He bolted back up. “How much do I owe you?”

Connor snorted. “For a can of Red Bull that you didn’t ask for or want?”

Evan simply blinked. He hadn’t thought about it that way.

Connor pulled a textbook out of his bag and opened it without saying another word.

And so it went.

Semi-silently eating dinner in the basement lounge became a thing they did. Sometimes they talked, sometimes they didn’t.

It wasn’t as awkward as Evan would have expected.

His earbuds helped. So did the massive, never-ending amount of reading he had to complete.

When they did talk, they kept it simple. 

They talked about the weather, the food, the lounge’s fertilizer smell.

They wondered if the fertilizer smell was a sign their dorm had been built on top of an ancient burial ground. 

They didn’t talk about high school. They didn’t acknowledge that they had technically known each other for most of their lives.

Evan wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.

He wasn’t sure if Connor was aware of it. He realized there was a very real chance that Connor had no idea they’d been going to school together since kindergarten. He realized there was a very real chance that Connor had never noticed him, that he had no recollection of pushing Evan the year before. Or, if he did, he didn’t realize Evan was the boy he had pushed. 

One of the boys. Evan was pretty sure he wasn’t the only one who’d had a run-in with Connor.

But it wasn’t something he was about to bring up.

Evan was amazed by the amount of free time he had every day. That was one of the things about college he really hadn’t expected.

He was used to school taking up his entire day. He was used to having hours of homework at night.

He wasn’t used to having four hours to kill between classes.

He knew he should enjoy it while it lasted. Eventually, he was going to have to get a job. A part-time one somewhere on campus, ideally.

He’d promised his mom he wouldn’t get one until he’d been there for at least one semester though. She thought he needed time to adjust so he didn’t stretch himself too thin.

He was starting to think she didn’t need to worry about that though.

Sure, he had a lot of work, but it was more manageable than the workload he’d had in high school. More interesting and more manageable. 

And not nearly as time-consuming.

He started meeting Connor in the lounge in the middle of the day too.

Not meeting. Meeting made it sound like they did it intentionally, like there was a plan involved.

There wasn’t a plan. Their schedules just happened to coordinate more often than not.

They both had two hours of free time in the afternoon on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.

Which was why they started eating lunch together too.

It just made sense.

What didn’t make sense was the soap opera they accidentally got hooked on.

Evan didn’t know its name. That didn’t matter to him.

It wasn’t the one he used to watch in the nurse’s lounge whenever he’d visited his mom at work. He knew that much.

That one hadn’t had nearly as many fancy dresses and catfights.

They’d started watching it because their choices were limited in the basement. The tv only got broadcast channels and even those didn’t always come in correctly.

Wi-fi in the basement was also a bit of a joke.

Normally, they found something to watch on PBS, but they’d gone for the soap opera one day because PBS had been showing a bird documentary and Connor hadn’t been up for that.

Because apparently Connor Murphy was not a fan of birds.

Possibly to the point of being terrified of them.

Evan wasn’t about to ask.

The soap opera had been so outlandishly over the top that they’d gotten hooked immediately. 

Even though they didn’t understand anything that had happened.

Possibly because they didn’t understand anything that had happened.

Neither of them cared enough to try to figure it out.

Or so Evan thought.

Evan didn’t know what to do with himself when he saw Connor was on the phone.

Not just on the phone. He was FaceTiming with someone.

Evan turned to go when he heard the person ask, “Is that him?”

Connor glanced over his shoulder and nodded.

And just like that, Evan was trapped.

He stood in the doorway and fiddled with his bag until Connor hung up.

“That was my mom,” Connor explained. “She was telling me about the show.”

“Oh,” Evan blinked. “She watches it too?”

Connor nodded. “She remembers you.”

Trapped. Evan was so, so trapped. 

He eyed the door. “Um... She... what?”

“From elementary school. She was a chaperone when we went to the zoo in fourth grade. She said you were in our group.”

Evan blinked at a wall. They were openly acknowledging their past now? Had he missed some kind of memo? Group text? Something that told him this was happening?

“You know we went to-”

“Yeah,” Evan interrupted. “I know.”

He glanced at Connor out of the corner of his eye.

So, that answered that then. Connor knew too. Or at least his mom did. 

His nose scrunched up as he processed that. “Your mom remembers me?”

“She didn’t at first, but Zoe pointed you out in one of our photo albums.”

He decided to play dumb. “Zoe?”

“My sister.”

“Right.” Evan nodded like that was brand new information. 

Which wasn’t a hard thing to do because he was being ambushed with brand new information.

Connor knew they had gone to school together. Connor’s mother remembered him because Zoe knew who he was. Connor’s family had a picture of him in one of their photo albums. A picture that they had sought out because Connor had told his family about him. 

Which meant they were friends?

Evan knew better than to ask that question out loud.

He wondered what else Connor remembered. 

He wasn’t about to ask. 

He didn’t need to ask. His face gave him away.

Connor poked at his arm and avoided Evan’s stare. “I didn’t hurt you, did I? Last year, when I... you know.”

Evan shook his head. “Not really.”

“Not really isn’t a no.”

“Do you want me to lie?”

Evan’s mouth snapped shut when he heard himself.

Connor started laughing, which made Evan laugh too.

“You shoved me onto the floor,” Evan said between laughs. “I didn’t land on a pillow.”

Connor forced himself to stop laughing. “I know I’m a year late, but I really am sorry about that.”

Evan’s eyes widened when his paranoia suddenly took over. “Is that what this is?”

“What?”

“You’re trying to make amends? You’re...” He gestured around the lounge. “Because you’re trying to-”

“You think I’m hanging out with you because I’m trying to...” Connor didn’t seem to know how to finish that sentence.

“I don’t know,” Evan said shrilly. 

“I’m not.”

“Okay.”

The room fell silent except for the tv.

It was the first truly awkward silence they’d experienced.

Evan focused on his breathing as the theme song started to play.

He gestured at the screen. “Your mom explained it to you?”

Connor nodded slightly. “You know the guy we thought was a duke?”

“Yeah.”

“Turns out he’s really a Russian spy.”

Evan smiled into his hand. “Okay... What else?”

“The guy in the wheelchair killed the maid.”

“But-”

“He can walk. My mom said it was a big plot twist last year.”

“Then why-”

“And his daughter is actually his wife. They’re pulling some kind of con.”

Evan shook his head. “This is the greatest show I’ve ever seen.”

Connor grinned at the screen. “Wait until you hear the truth about the twins.”


	4. Freshman Year - October

Evan stomped his feet on the mat and shivered at the sudden change in temperature. “My mom was right. I should’ve carried an umbrella today.”

He peeked inside his to go box and sighed when he saw his dinner had somehow stayed dry. He started to comment on that, only to stop when he realized Connor was no longer listening.

Or there.

He blinked as he crossed the lobby. 

Connor nodded at the elevator. “I need something from my room.”

“Oh,” Evan muttered. He glanced over his shoulder at the door leading to the basement.

He didn’t know what to do with that information. He thought about saying he’d meet Connor downstairs, but then he realized Connor was holding the elevator for him.

He stumbled inside at the last second.

Because apparently this was something they did now. 

They had a friendship that existed outside the basement lounge. One that included stopping by each other’s rooms.

Evan tried not to overthink that one, even if this was a first.

It wasn’t like he was still questioning if they were friends.

They were friends.

They had each other’s numbers. They’d exchanged those when Connor said he wished he could’ve sent Evan a picture of a guy running through the quad dressed like a squirrel.

They texted each other throughout the day. Stupid things, mostly. Pictures of things they saw around campus.

Connor didn’t seem to mind getting pictures of the trees changing colors.

If that wasn’t a sign that they were friends, Evan didn’t know what was.

The elevator came to a stop on the eighth floor.

Evan cleared his throat as he followed Connor out. “I’m on seven.”

Connor squinted at him for a moment. “You need to go to your room first?”

Evan shook his head. “No. I just... I’m in 716. I just thought...”

He shrugged. 

He just thought it was fair for Connor to have that information at his disposal. It evened things out. It wouldn’t be fair if he knew where Connor lived, but Connor didn’t know where his room was.

“I’m in 812,” Connor told him. 

The door to 812 was cracked open when they got there.

Connor closed his eyes. “Cole must be in. I’ll just be a minute.”

Evan wasn’t sure if that was an invitation to follow him in, so he hovered in the doorway while Connor went to his desk.

His eyes flickered around the room for a minute before they landed on a guy sitting at the other desk and scowling at the interruption.

Connor frowned as he looked between the two of them. “Cole, Evan. Evan, Cole.”

Cole’s scowl deepened as he spun around to face Evan. “Are you a witch too?”

Evan choked on his spit. 

“Um...”

He whacked his chest and glanced at Connor and immediately regretted that decision when he saw Connor was trying not to laugh.

He glanced around the room again. This time, he allowed himself to really take in what he was seeing.

Their sides were as different as night and day. He’d noticed that right away.

Connor’s was cluttered and dark and covered in posters. Posters containing images of Hogwarts and mountains and mind-warping designs.

Cole’s was neat and light and covered in crucifixes.

Suddenly, Evan knew what he had to say.

“I prefer the term wizard, actually.”

Cole’s mouth dropped open. He spun back around like he had been very personally offended.

Connor grabbed a notebook off his desk and waved it triumphantly. “You ready?”

Evan nodded weakly.

They held it together until they were halfway down the hall.

“Okay, um...” Evan struggled to catch his breath when his laughter finally subsided. “So, that was Cole?”

“Really makes you appreciate Ryan, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah.” Evan glanced at him quickly. “You’re not actually... are you?”

Connor raised his eyebrows menacingly.

“Not that there’s anything wrong with it if you are,” Evan said shrilly. “As long as you’re a good witch, I mean. As in one who isn’t secretly plotting to, like, sacrifice me to the moon or something.”

Connor snorted and pushed the button for the elevator. “I’m not a witch. I never told him I was. He took one look at me and came to that conclusion on his own.”

“Oh.” Evan’s mouth twisted to the side. “And you didn’t correct him?”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Connor jabbed the button again. “Besides, it’s not like it’s the worst thing someone’s said about me. I’ll take witch over school shooter any day.”

The elevator arrived before Evan could respond.

He kept his mouth shut until they reached the basement.

It took him a second to process what Connor had said and then he didn’t want to risk being overheard and then...

He took a breath as they stepped into the lounge.

He moved forward so he was in front of Connor. 

“Jared can be a real jerk sometimes.” His eyes darted around aimlessly. “I wasn’t laughing with him last year. You know that, right? I wasn’t laughing at what he said. I was laughing at the situation. I was... I was nervous and... It was a nervous laugh, not a ha-ha, that’s funny laugh.”

Connor didn’t say anything for a minute.

For one tortuously long minute.

They sat down on the couch and started eating in silence.

Evan’s food was cold, but he didn’t say that out loud.

Because saying it out loud would break the silence and possibly inspire Connor to point out there was an easy solution to that.

They could always start eating in the dining hall.

He’d rather choke down cold chicken than do that.

“I know,” Connor finally said. “I realized you weren’t laughing at me later that day. Ms. Ross and I went over the, uh... the whole thing over and over again until...”

He shrugged.

Evan nodded like he understood.

Which he did. Kind of.

It wasn’t a surprise. He doubted they would’ve become friends if Connor thought he’d been making fun of him that day.

Or maybe they would have.

Maybe they were both so desperate to have a friend that...

He shook his head to clear it.

He decided to change the subject. “Did you know it’s Family Weekend next weekend?”

Connor cringed at that. “Don’t remind me.”

Evan stared at his reflection as he tried to get his hair to smooth down. He stepped backwards, winced, and eyed his closet again.

Ryan spun around to face him. “Hot date?”

It was to Ryan’s credit that he managed to say that without laughing.

Because they’d been at school for a month and a half and Evan hadn’t gone out once.

Not even once.

Evan fidgeted with his collar. “My friend Connor... You know Connor?”

Ryan shook his head. “I’ve heard you mention him.”

“Oh,” Evan nodded. “Right.”

“So, you guys are...” Ryan’s hand flopped around like he was trying to get at something.

Evan blinked when he realized what. “Oh! No... No. His parents are taking him out to dinner and they invited me to come with them.”

“So, your hot date is with your friend Connor and his parents?”

Evan frowned when he caught Ryan’s reflection using air quotes around the word ‘friend.’

“His parents want to meet me.”

“Because you’re friends?”

Evan decided to give up on his reflection. He leaned against his desk and tried to meet Ryan’s stare. “Well, yeah, and because my mom’s not coming up until tomorrow and they felt sorry for me when they heard and...”

He chewed his lip as he debated how much he wanted Ryan to know.

He decided there was no point in hiding the fact that he was a formerly friendless loser. Emphasis on the ‘formerly friendless’ part. He thought the ‘loser’ part still applied.

“And neither of us have really done the whole friend thing before. Like at all. So, his parents think it’s kind of a big deal and...” Evan shrugged. “I don’t know.”

Ryan did such a quick double take Evan thought he may have imagined it.

“Oh,” Ryan whispered. “So, by friend, you mean...”

“Friend. Connor’s my friend.”

Ryan rested his chin on his hands and studied Evan for a minute.

Really studied.

It went on long enough that Evan started to shift around uncomfortably.

“You should come out with us sometime,” Ryan said. “Both of you. It would do you some good.”

“Um...” Evan muttered. “Okay. Sure. Maybe.”

“I mean it.” Ryan nodded like it was a done deal. “Next weekend.”

“Is there a party or-”

Ryan grinned like he thought Evan was hilarious. “There’s always a party. Usually more than one.”

Evan felt like that was something he probably should have known.

“What kind of party?”

Ryan quickly went from grinning to outright laughing at him. “Alcohol’s usually involved. And dancing. And... other stuff.”

“I don’t know if I-”

“This is college. Trying new things is part of the experience.”

Ryan’s tone was anything but reassuring.

Evan checked his phone when it buzzed. “They’re here.”

Ryan spun back around. “Have fun on your not-so-hot date.”

Evan hugged his mother so tightly he half-expected to hear a rib crack.

He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed her until she got out of the car.

She was beaming when he finally let go. “A year ago, you wouldn’t have been caught dead doing that in public.”

“Yeah, well...” Evan laughed as he glanced around the parking lot. 

He wasn’t the only student who was happy to see their family.

Heidi straightened herself up and scanned the area. “So, what first? The email they sent listed dozens of activities. Are we actually doing any of them?”

Evan checked his watch. “They’re serving lunch in the dining hall for another twenty minutes.”

“I could eat,” Heidi nodded. “Don’t you want to go out though? I’m sure their food is... adequate, but wouldn’t you rather-”

“The food isn’t terrible. And everyone says they’re going to go out of their way to impress the parents this weekend.”

“Dinner then,” Heidi decided. “We’ll go out for dinner.”

“You’re staying all day?”

Heidi tilted her head at him. “Of course, I am. You think I drove all this way for lunch?”

“All this way? It’s not even an hour drive.”

“It feels farther. You don’t know how many times I almost drove up to check on you. You should thank Maggie the next time you see her. She keeps reminding me you’re growing up and don’t need your mother popping in every five minutes.”

Evan forced himself to return her smile.

He knew she was exaggerating. There was no way she had time to even think about popping up to see him like that.

The dining hall wasn’t nearly as crowded as Evan had been expecting.

He supposed most people had already eaten or gone out or were watching one of the many athletic events taking place around campus.

He knew Connor’s family had gone to see a baseball scrimmage. 

Connor had told Evan to shoot him when he heard.

They found a table by the window so they could watch a group of interpretative dancers put on a show on the lawn while they ate.

Evan had been right. The food was significantly better than usual.

He gobbled down his food while his mother updated him on all the happenings back home.

He listened while she told him all about Maggie and her latest hobby (knitting).

He listened and tried not to laugh when she told him she’d heard Jared was having a hard time at his new school, that he didn’t like being so far from home.

It stopped being funny when she said she’d told Jared’s mom he should look into transferring to Evan’s school.

He listened while she told him about how the hospital kept cutting her hours.

She was trying to look on the bright side. It meant she had more time on her hands.

She’d been going out with Maggie and her other girlfriends a lot more. 

And she’d decided to buckle down and really focus on her studies.

She crossed her fingers when she finished telling him about the meeting she’d just had with her advisor. “So, fingers crossed, if all goes as planned, I’ll finally be done in December.”

“And then you’ll be a paralegal?”

“That’s the plan, assuming I can find a job.”

“You should talk to Connor’s dad. He’s a lawyer.”

“Connor?” Heidi repeated softly. “Your friend Connor?”

“Yeah. I met his dad last night.”

“You met him?”

Evan nodded. “Connor’s parents drove up for the weekend. They took us out to dinner last night.”

“They live near us, don’t they? You said he went to school with you?”

Evan nodded again. “They got a hotel room for the weekend so they could be here for all the events.”

Heidi put her fork down and stared blankly out the window. “Well, that’s... Where’d they take you to eat? I’ve been looking at reviews on Yelp to get some ideas and....”

She looked at him expectantly.

“They took us to this restaurant called Flora.”

“Oh,” Heidi said tightly. “I heard that’s supposed to be really good.”

“It was.”

“And expensive.”

Evan swallowed sharply. “I don’t know. I mean, I just ordered a salad.”

And a steak, at Connor’s parents’ insistence. 

He wasn’t about to say that though.

“And they treated, so...”

Heidi took a sip of her water. “I hope you thanked them.”

“Of course, I did.”

“Good. I’d hate for them to think I didn’t teach you any manners.”

“I thanked them.”

Heidi pushed her chair back. “Shall we?”

Evan popped the rest of his sandwich in his mouth and scrambled to his feet. “Okay, so, I was thinking and I think I should give you a tour. I can show you my room. It’s all set up now. And where my classes are. And they’re having this thing in the science building in about an hour if you want to meet one of my professors.”

Heidi squeezed his arm as they stepped outside. “I’m glad you made a friend.”

“Me too,” Evan nodded.

“I’d like to meet him sometime.” She shook her head when he reached for his phone. “Not now. He’s with his parents.”

Evan chewed his lip. “You know, I thought the food at Flora was kind of overpriced.”

“Really?”

“And pretentious. The whole place had this...” Evan wrinkled his nose. “It had this feel to it. I don’t know if I’d go back.”

“You’re saying I should cancel our reservation?” Heidi laughed at his expression. “I was thinking we could try The Millhouse. It’s supposed to be good.”

“I’ve only heard good things.”

“I’m open to suggestions though. Have you eaten anywhere else?”

Evan closed his eyes for a moment. “I, uh... I haven’t really gone out much.”

He looked away because he couldn’t handle seeing the concern radiating off of her.

“I’ve just been busy with school, you know. Classes, papers, that kind of thing.”

He chanced a quick glance in her direction. He could practically see the wheels turning in her head.

“There’s this party next weekend though. I was invited and I’ll... I’ll probably go.”

“Sweetie, is everything-”

He swallowed and gestured at a building to their left. “That’s the library. It looks like they’re-they’re having a presentation of some kind. Do you want to...”

He didn’t finish his question.

He didn’t wait for a response.

He ducked inside without another word.

Evan folded his arms across his chest and slid down on the couch so that he could kick the edge of the chair in front of him.

His body felt like there were electric currents running through it. He hadn’t felt this restless in ages.

Connor glanced up from his phone when Evan kicked the chair again. “What? Do you want to watch something else?”

Evan shook his head. “There’s nothing else on.”

And it was the truth.

The tv in the basement lounge was on the fritz that night. It was only allowing one channel to come through clearly.

Evan chewed his lip as he stared blankly at the screen.

He thought about asking Connor if they were doing this all wrong, if there were other things they should be doing on a Saturday night.

He didn’t though because he knew the answer.

There was a part of him that was actually disappointed Ryan seemed to have forgotten about their conversation from the week before.

Connor rolled his eyes and let out an exasperated huff. 

Evan raised his eyebrows. “What?” 

“My sister...”

“What about her?”

“Our parents went away for the weekend and she’s bored.”

“Oh?”

“And scared. They let her stay home alone. They never would’ve let me stay in the house by myself like that.”

Evan glanced at him quickly. “Why’s she scared?”

“She’s never stayed there by herself overnight. She stayed with her friend Nicole last week, but they got in some big fight, so she convinced Mom to let her stay there alone.”

Connor’s phone buzzed again.

He rolled his eyes and held it out for Evan to see.

It was a picture of Zoe clawing at the door to their building with the caption ‘LET ME IN!!!’

Connor sighed and stood up. “Let’s go...”

They ended up in Evan’s room because Connor didn’t want to subject his sister to Cole.

Evan sent Ryan a quick text about what was happening and received an immediate response saying it was fine, that he’d stay at Layla’s.

Which was a good thing because Zoe was spending the night.

Both of the Murphys were.

Because it would’ve been weird otherwise.

They fetched some blankets and pillows from Connor’s room for him to sleep on.

Zoe had come prepared with a sleeping bag, pillow, and stuffed unicorn.

Evan gave himself exactly one minute to think about how adorable that was.

And then it was down to business.

He told her where the bathroom was, explained how the water cooler worked, and warned her not to believe anything the guys in 711 tried to tell her.

And then the room fell silent.

Evan didn’t know what else to say.

Zoe sighed and leaned back against his desk chair. “Am I totally ruining your night?”

Evan shook his head rapidly. “We were just watching tv.”

“You were just watching tv?” Zoe looked between them. “You weren’t doing anything else?”

“Like what?” Connor demanded.

“I don’t know,” Zoe shrugged. “Aren’t there things to do around here?”

“My roommate’s at a party,” Evan blurted out.

Zoe snapped her fingers. “Like that.”

“I’m not exactly a party person.”

Connor snorted.

“Well...” Zoe puffed out her cheeks. “Aren’t there shows you can go to or... I don’t know.”

She rested her head on her arms and squinted at Connor. “Weren’t you thinking about joining a writing group?”

Evan blinked at that. “You write?”

“He used to write poems,” Zoe grinned. “He was such a nerd.”

Connor whacked her with his pillow.

“He really was. He had reading glasses and everything. Not real ones. Fake ones. He thought they made him look smarter.”

Connor tried to whack her again.

She giggled and dove out of the way. She smoothed out her shirt as she sat back up. “That was a long time ago though. Before he discovered the...”

She lifted two fingers and pretended to smoke.

The room fell silent again.

Evan shifted around on his bed. He cringed when the springs squeaked.

He nodded at the light switch and pretended to yawn. “Should we...”

He wasn’t tired. None of them were.

It wasn’t even ten o’clock.

“We could go get ice cream,” Connor suggested.

“Ice cream?” Evan repeated.

“At the Cove. They’re open until midnight.”

Zoe’s face lit up. “You can get free ice cream until midnight?”

“It’s not free,” Evan said. “You have to use your card.”

“But still...” She jumped off the floor. She gestured for them to do the same. “Come on. Let’s go. Let’s go get ice cream and wander around for a bit.”

She smirked at her brother. “Maybe there’s a poetry reading going on somewhere.”

Ryan was waiting for him when he got back from class. 

It took Evan a second to realize that. He froze and looked over his shoulder when he did.

There was no one else there.

“We’re going out tonight,” Ryan announced.

Evan’s mouth opened and closed twice before he managed to point out that it was Thursday.

“It’s Halloween,” Ryan reminded him. “A bunch of us are going trick-or-treating.”

Evan stared at the floor while he let that sink in. “I don’t have a costume.”

“We can make you a costume. My friend Aimee is an art major.”

Evan didn’t know what to say.

“Tell your friend...” Ryan tapped his chin. “Connor?”

Evan nodded dazedly.

“Tell Connor we’ll pick you guys up at seven.”

“Pick us up?”

“In the basement lounge. That’s your spot, isn’t it?”

Evan nodded again.

Ryan grabbed his backpack. “I have class.”

He spun around when he reached the door. “Do you want me to text Aimee or not?”

Evan shook his head. “I’ll come up with something.”

He went as a mime.

Black shirt, black pants, stage makeup he picked up from the store and shared with Connor (who decided to go as a vampire).

It was brilliant in its simplicity and came with a built-in excuse for his silence when he didn’t feel like talking.

Which he didn’t for most of the night.

He stayed on the outskirts of the crowd with Connor.

It was fun in a way.

He didn’t make a bunch of new friends, but it was an experience.

He sent his mother a few pictures and received a line of laughing emojis in return.

And he ended up with a bag of free candy.

That was definitely a plus.


	5. Freshman Year - November

Evan struggled to make his face go blank when the lights came back on. He chewed his lip and fidgeted with his hands and stared at the program in his lap like it held all the answers to life’s mysteries.

He didn’t look up until he heard Connor snort next to him.

It made him feel better to see he was having an easier time keeping it together than Connor was.

“Thanks for coming with me,” Connor said.

“Of course,” Evan nodded. His eyes glazed over when they landed on the stage again. “What are you going to write?”

Connor shook his head. “No idea.”

“You don’t actually have to write a paper on it, do you? You said this was for extra credit.”

Connor’s head flopped from side to side as he considered that. “I’m going to write it though.”

“You need the extra credit?”

Evan looked away when he realized how curious he sounded.

It wasn’t that they didn’t talk about their classes.

They just didn’t talk about how they were doing in their classes. 

Evan had to admit he was curious. He’d never thought Connor was a good student when they were in high school. 

The fact that they were going to the same college meant...

It didn’t mean a lot. It wasn’t a prestigious school. It wasn’t a terrible one either. 

It had a decent science department. The second best in the state, according to some website his mother had found.

And they’d offered Evan a scholarship he would’ve been stupid to turn down.

He knew they didn’t accept just anyone. 

Which had to mean Connor’s grades had been okay. Or his test scores had made up for them. 

Or maybe his parents had bribed someone in admissions. There seemed to be a lot of that going around.

Evan didn’t think that was the case with Connor though.

Connor was smart. Evan had realized that the first time they’d had an actual conversation.

“It’d be stupid to pass up a chance at extra credit, wouldn’t it?” Connor shrugged. “And, besides, I have a lot of thoughts about that.”

He nodded at the stage.

“Don’t get too carried away,” Evan teased. “You might have to take another one of his classes someday.”

Connor blinked like he hadn’t thought about that. “I’ll email it to you before I turn it in.”

Evan tapped his chin as he followed Connor up the aisle. “You know, I actually think I liked it.”

Connor raised his eyebrows. “Which part?”

“I don’t know,” Evan mumbled. “I’m not saying he should quit his day job and become a playwright or anything, but it was interesting.”

“Definitely interesting,” Connor agreed. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to look him in the eye next week.”

“See, that’s the good thing about being an environmental science major.”

“Your extra credit assignments don’t require you to attend your professor’s crazy-ass play?” Connor’s mouth snapped shut when the girl in front of them glanced over her shoulder.

He shoved his hands in his pockets and nodded at a table by the window. “I’m going to go check in with the TA, then we can leave.”

Evan leaned against the wall and pretended to play with his phone while he waited.

Someone started clapping next to him and then someone else joined in. Within moments, the lobby was filled with cheers and claps and so much commotion he lost sight of Connor.

A man Evan assumed was Connor’s professor stepped into the middle of the crowd and took a bow. His eyes danced as he scanned the room. “Well?”

The cheers grew even louder. Evan nearly dropped his phone in his hurry to clap.

He carefully maneuvered his way along the edge of the wall towards the door when the crowd started to descend upon the professor.

He didn’t feel any need whatsoever to be a part of that.

He tried to locate Connor before he ducked outside, but it was impossible. 

He went outside and sat on the stairs and stared blankly at the moon.

He glanced over his shoulder when he heard the door shut behind him. It wasn’t Connor. It was the girl who had been standing in front of them. 

But this time she wasn’t alone.

Evan stared at his phone like it was a bomb that needed defusing when the girls started to talk.

“Go on. Ask him.”

“No! This is crazy...

Evan resisted the urge to look at them again. He wondered if they realized he could hear them. 

“Just ask. You can get his name at least.”

“Dude, no. I’m not going to... Oh my God. What are you doing?”

Evan jumped when one of the girls plopped down next to him. He didn’t like the smile that was creeping across her face. He didn’t like it one bit.

“Hi,” she slurred.

Evan nodded to himself.

They were drunk. 

That explained a lot.

He swallowed and tried to find his voice. “Hi?”

“What’d you think of the show?”

“It was... good?”

The girls exchanged a look and giggled. The one who was still standing looked like she wanted to die.

“Which class are you taking with Mansfield?”

Evan shook his head. “I’m not in any of his classes. I came with a friend.”

“A friend,” the girl drawled. She threw a very pointed stare in her friend’s direction.

Her friend who looked she was about two seconds away from running for the hills.

“Yeah,” Evan said uncertainly. 

His eyes widened as he looked between them. Something twisted in his gut when he realized what they were after. He decided to throw them a bone. “My friend Connor’s in his-”

“Connor!” The girl turned to smirk at her friend. “His name’s Connor?”

“Oh my God,” the other girl muttered under her breath. “Can we just...”

Evan blinked when the girl patted his knee and stood back up.

“Thank you. This has been very informative.”

He didn’t watch them go. He could hear them laughing until they rounded the corner and stumbled towards Harris Hall.

The door swung open behind him and several people came rushing out. He sighed when he saw Connor was one of them.

“Okay,” Connor said as they made their way across the quad. “Thought number one, Professor Mansfield clearly needs to find a good therapist.”

“Yeah,” Evan agreed. “You’re not going to put that in your paper though, are you?”

“Maybe he doesn’t know he needs one.”

“Do you want to fail his class?”

Connor wrinkled his nose. “Thought number two, he’s gay.”

“You think?”

Connor nodded. “And in denial.”

“You’re not putting that in-”

“Thought number three, he really likes Greek mythology.”

“Okay, that can go in the paper. Focus on that.”

“Thought number four...”

Evan tilted his head when he didn’t go on. “What’s thought number four?”

Connor’s eyes rolled up like he was thinking.

Evan puffed out his cheeks and took a breath. “Did you see any of your classmates tonight?”

It took all of his willpower not to stare Connor down.

Connor shrugged. “A few. Why?”

Evan thought about the girls, about what they’d said, about what he thought they’d been trying to say.

He shook his head. “No reason.”

Connor glanced over his shoulder at the building. “Thought number four, I want to do that.”

“That?” Evan’s forehead furrowed. “You want to be a theater major?”

“Not _that_.”

“You want to write crazy-ass plays about your childhood?” 

“I definitely have enough material, but...”

Evan blinked as he remembered what Zoe had said. “You want to join a writing group?”

“Maybe. I don’t know.”

“You want to start writing poetry again?”

Connor’s eyes flashed in Evan’s direction. His expression softened when he realized Evan wasn’t making fun of him. “My parents were always trying to find outlets for me. Things to make me focus and blow off steam. Writing was the only one that actually kind of worked.”

“Then you should do it.” 

Evan swallowed dryly. He tried his best to look enthusiastic about the idea. 

He wasn’t though.

It was stupid.

And selfish.

He knew that.

It felt like the neighborhood group all over again.

Connor would find his niche. He’d find people like him. 

And then he wouldn’t need Evan anymore.

And then Evan would be right back where he started.

He hoped that didn’t show on his face.

Because it really was stupid. And selfish.

He blinked when he realized Connor had been saying something. “What?”

“You could join too.”

“I’m not a-”

“You want to do research. That’s what you’re always saying, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, but-”

“Honing your writing skills can only help.”

He had a point there. Evan knew that. 

Especially since Evan was hoping to be the kind of researcher who stayed behind the scenes. The kind who very rarely had to present his findings.

“I’ll think about it.”

“Okay,” Connor nodded.

Evan tugged at his sleeves. “Okay.”

Evan checked his watch for what had to be at least the fifth time. The lady with the clipboard cleared her throat and did the same. He pulled his hood up to avoid meeting her eyes.

He thought about calling Connor or texting him or possibly sending a carrier pigeon.

He bet the lady could find one for him. She seemed like the type of person who could get stuff done. And she was clearly losing her patience with the last few stragglers.

The dorm was supposed to close at noon for Thanksgiving break. That meant Connor had less than a minute to make his way downstairs or...

Evan wondered what the lady would do. 

Hit Connor over the head with her clipboard until he agreed to leave the building?

He typed out a quick text and then deleted it when he thought it sounded too demanding.

He stood up when the elevator doors opened.

One of the RA rolled her eyes as she shooed several students out into the lobby.

Evan sighed when he saw Connor was one of them. He hurried to catch up with him by the door.

The lady checked them off and informed them the building would reopen at 9 am on Sunday.

“We’ll be here,” Connor grumbled.

Evan blinked at that.

They hadn’t gotten around to discussing their trip back. Evan hadn’t even been sure if they’d be travelling back together.

“You’re coming back Sunday morning?”

Connor tightened his hold on his bag. “Yeah.”

“Oh.”

Connor glanced at him quickly. “You want to come back later?”

“My mom can bring me if...” Evan’s voice trailed off when Connor’s expression turned cloudy. “Thanks for doing this, by the way.”

“Doing what?”

“Giving me a ride. You didn’t have to...”

Evan stopped speaking when Connor squinted at him.

“We’re going to the same place.”

Evan nodded because that was true. Sort of. More true than false. 

They lived closer to each other than Evan would have guessed. Close enough that he didn’t feel bad about taking Connor up on his offer.

Especially since it meant he didn’t have to wait for his mother to come get him.

Or Jared. That was the real head-scratcher.

Jared had supposedly offered to come pick him up. Supposedly being the keyword since it had happened through their mothers.

Evan had a hard time believing that Jared had willingly said he’d get Evan on his way home.

Unless he had some kind of ulterior motive, that was. 

Evan was glad he didn’t have to find out what it was. 

The parking lot was almost empty when they got there. 

Evan choked on his spit when he saw the girl getting into the car across from them.

She glanced up and blushed and sped off before he’d finished coughing.

The look on Connor’s face was somewhere between amused and confused when Evan managed to calm himself down.

“Do you know that girl?” Evan somehow managed to ask.

“Do you?” Connor countered.

Evan choked again. He threw himself into the car and buckled up. He kept his eyes straight ahead while Connor did the same.

“I think she’s in one of my classes,” Connor said slowly.

Evan snorted and nodded. “I saw her at your professor’s show.”

Connor twisted around to look him in the eye. “And you... what? Think she’s cute?”

Evan shook his head. “I mean, she’s cute and all, but that’s not... She likes you.”

Connor didn’t say anything for a minute.

And then he whipped around to face Evan again. “What makes you say that?”

“Because she approached me... Well, actually, her friend approached me. She looked like she wanted to die. Her friend approached me after the show and...”

Evan shrugged. “She likes you.”

“What do you expect me to do with that?”

Evan blinked when he saw how serious Connor looked.

How seriously confused.

“I... I don’t know.”

“What would you do with that information?”

Evan blinked again. “I don’t know. Panic, probably. And avoid her, all the while coming up with increasingly complicated scenarios in which I-”

“I’m gay.”

“Oh.”

“In theory.”

“Oh.” Evan looked at him out of the corner of his eye. “In theory?”

“I’m not a practicing gay.”

He said it lightly enough that Evan didn’t feel guilty when a small laugh escaped.

“I’m bi... in theory.”

“I don’t know if I’m totally gay,” Connor admitted. “If I had to guess, I’d say I’m probably around a 4 or 5 on the Kinsey scale.”

“I think I’m a solid 3.”

“I’ve never really felt the need to put a label on it.”

“You don’t have to put a label on it.”

Connor nodded slightly. He shifted in his seat and started the engine and backed out of the spot.

He stopped at the stop sign and looked at Evan again. “It’s theoretical for you too?”

Evan smiled because he got that.

He sometimes felt like he was the last person his age still in the theoretical stage.

“Oh, no,” Evan deadpanned. “I’m having sex. You have no idea how much sex I’m having. And what kinds. All kinds. You name it, I’ve-”

Connor snorted like he was trying not to laugh.

“-done it,” Evan finished with a grin. 

Connor smirked as he flipped the turn signal on. “So, theoretical then?”

Evan nodded slowly. “Purely theoretical.”


	6. Freshman Year - December

Evan kept his eyes down as he followed Ryan into the dining hall.

He tried to keep them down. He wasn’t entirely successful.

There was a naked guy standing in the hallway, arguing that he should be allowed in because it was Pajama Breakfast and he slept in the nude.

It was kind of impossible not to look at the guy.

Which was totally the guy’s fault. He had to know people were staring at him. He was asking for it. 

Literally.

Evan blinked when the guy started strutting around like he was on a runway.

He scratched at his neck and hoped his face wasn’t turning too red.

Yup... bisexuality confirmed.

As if there was ever any doubt.

Not that he actually wanted to do anything about it. The guy was nice to look at, but that was it.

Even thinking about thinking about doing more than that made his stomach twist.

Especially while he was surrounded by people who were laughing and recording the guy’s fashion show.

The guy froze in mid-stride when cries of ‘campus police’ started spreading through the hall. He put his arms in the air and took a deep bow before snapping back up.

“Thank you and good night!”

The crowd went wild as the guy made a run for it.

“Oh, man...” Ryan chuckled. “I needed that. I think my brain’s starting to melt.”

Evan nodded because he knew the feeling. His brain felt fried from studying all day. 

And he was hungry. So hungry that he’d jumped at the chance when Ryan had asked if he wanted to go to Pajama Breakfast.

So hungry that he hadn’t really thought this through.

He realized that when Ryan waved to a group of his friends. 

He weighed his options. The dining hall was packed. There were so many people there that some of them were standing and eating. 

Connor was in the library with his study group. Evan hadn’t even bothered checking to see if he wanted to come too.

He could always take some food to go, but he wanted pancakes and pancakes did not travel well.

And he’d been trapped in his room studying for two days. He was afraid his brain really would melt if he went back before it had a chance to recharge.

He got his food and went over to Ryan’s friends’ table. He took a seat near the end. 

He felt like laughing when he realized he’d been worrying over nothing. No one was talking. Three of them were staring at their textbooks while the others looked as dazed as he felt.

The girl across from Evan grabbed her head and started rocking back and forth. “How am I supposed to learn all this by tomorrow afternoon? Tell me. How am I supposed to-”

The guy next to her threw his fork down and glared at the wall. “My Spanish oral’s tomorrow and I still can’t say...” He finished his sentence by mumbling something that didn’t resemble any word Evan had ever heard.

Evan poked at his pancakes. “My first final’s at 8 am.”

“That’s in less than twelve hours,” the girl breathed. 

Evan nodded. “Yeah.”

He blinked when he looked up at them.

There was a sense of solidarity there. Of sympathy and solidarity. 

He took a bite of his pancakes and washed it down with his juice.

The basement lounge was no longer theirs. It, like every other public space on campus, had turned into an emergency study shelter.

Evan could handle that. He could deal with that. He didn’t need to be alone to study.

He had this. Everything was under control.

Four finals down, one to go.

The big one.

His biology final. The class he really needed to ace. The first of two prerequisites he needed to pass in order to get into the classes he actually wanted to take.

He jumped when his knee hit the table again. He mumbled the word ‘sorry’ under his breath.

He didn’t look up, even though he could tell Connor was trying to catch his eye.

A phone rang behind them. 

He jumped again.

“I’m in the basement... Yeah. Bring me one too. Please and thank you... Oh my God. That test was the worst. I swear I’m going to blow my brains out if I don’t get an A.”

Evan squeezed his pencil so tightly he was surprised it didn’t break. 

“No, I’m serious. I’m going to Blow. My. Brains. Out. if I don’t pass that class. There’s no way I can deal with Reese again next year. I’ll switch majors before I take that class again. Maybe I should become a kindergarten teacher too. I like finger painting as much as the next girl... I’m kidding! I know you do more than that... Seriously, chill. It was a joke!”

A guy across from them cleared his throat and raised his eyebrows at the girl.

She rolled her eyes and hunched over like that would keep her voice from being heard.

“And now I’m killing myself trying to cram a semester’s worth of statistics into my head... It’s crazy, isn’t it? We pay them to torture us like this.” The girl laughed shrilly. “Our parents pay them to torture us like this. This is so much worse than the time-”

Evan couldn’t stay there any longer. He gathered up his things and pushed his chair back with more force than was really necessary.

The girl turned to glare at Evan because clearly the sound of his chair scraping across the floor was the most disruptive thing in the room. “Do you mind?”

The guy across from them threw his book down and jumped up. “Okay, that’s it. Bimbo Barbie, would you kindly shut the fuck up? Some of us are actually trying to-”

“What did you call me?” The girl shrieked something into her phone before jumping up too.

Evan didn’t wait to see how that played out. 

He started toward the elevator, but changed his mind when he saw how many people were waiting for it. He decided to take the stairs instead.

He made it all the way to the fourth landing before he realized Connor was right behind him. He took that as a sign that it was time to sit down and catch his breath.

Connor sat down too. “Okay, those two are either going to end up killing each other or screwing on the basement floor while everyone around them keeps studying.”

Evan tried to make himself laugh. 

Connor’s brow furrowed. “What’s wrong with you?”

Evan shook his head.

“You’re stressing about your biology final?”

“That and...” Evan’s cheeks puffed out as he tried to breathe.

“And?”

Evan closed his eyes when he saw how concerned Connor looked. “It’s nothing.”

“Yeah... That wasn’t even a little bit believable. You want to try again?”

“It’s stupid.”

“It’s finals week. Everyone’s freaking out about stupid things. Cole nearly had an aneurism when he spilled his cereal this morning.”

Evan watched his hands as they twisted and untwisted in his lap. “Did you hear that girl?”

“Bimbo Barbie?”

Evan nodded. “The way she was talking...”

Connor frowned when he didn’t go on. “Which part bothered you?”

“It’s-”

“If you say stupid, I’m going to...”

“Going to what?”

Connor shrugged.

Evan didn’t know how to explain it. He didn’t know how to explain the way Bimbo Barbie’s words had felt like a knife to the gut.

He didn’t know why they had. 

Probably because of the stress he was under.

Probably because he was there on scholarship. Because he had to keep his grades up or he could lose his scholarship. Because he didn’t have a parental safety net to fall back on.

Not in the financial sense anyway.

“Her parents are paying her tuition and she’s acting like...” His arms flopped around aimlessly. “And you shouldn’t joke about things like that.”

“Like what?”

“Blowing your brains out. It’s not funny. It’s not a funny thing to say.”

“No one was laughing.”

Evan chewed his lip. “I need to study.”

He stared at the ceiling. He didn’t know where to go. 

The basement lounge was out, obviously. And he doubted he could find a spot in the library.

He wondered if Ryan and Layla had finished their finals week stress relief session.

“You want to study in my room?” Connor asked. “Cole’s at a prayer meeting.”

“You’re really going to miss him over break, aren’t you?”

“I don’t know how I’ll survive.”

“So, you’re saying the guy in the red sweater is the evil twin?”

“I think so. Unless they switched places again. They do that sometimes.”

“And the lady with the hat is their mother?”

“Yes,” Evan nodded.

“But she looks so young!”

“Plastic surgery. She almost died during the procedure because her secret daughter snuck in and messed with her meds.”

Heidi chuckled as a commercial came on. “This may be the greatest show I’ve ever seen.”

Evan grinned and poured the rest of the chips directly into his mouth. He wrinkled his nose as he brushed the crumbs off his shirt. 

They really needed to vacuum. It was starting to look like a movie theater floor down there.

It wasn’t a surprise, really. Evan’s post-exam self-care routine involved spending the day on the couch, eating massive amounts of junk food, watching Hallmark Christmas movies, and getting his mother hooked on his favorite soap.

It had been fun the first day, but he knew he needed to move eventually. 

And shower.

He really needed to shower.

So did she. Maybe not as much as he did, but...

He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. “Mom?”

“Yeah?”

“Shouldn’t you be at work now?”

That was a loaded question. He knew that when he saw her face.

“Not that I want you to go,” Evan said quickly. “It’s just you usually don’t get two days off like this and-”

“The budget cuts finally got me.”

Evan’s mouth dropped open. “They fired you?”

Heidi smiled tightly. “It’s fine. It’s good even. I wasn’t planning to stay there much longer.”

“But-”

“I finished my classes. I’m putting my resume out there. It’s only a matter of time before I find a job as a paralegal.”

“When?” Evan demanded. “When did this happen?”

Heidi stared at the tv. “Two weeks ago.”

“Two weeks and you didn’t think to tell me?”

“I didn’t want you to worry. You had your finals and-”

Evan scoffed at that. 

Heidi squeezed his hand. “It’s fine. It’s going to be fine.”

“Have you heard back from any of the places you’ve sent your resume to?”

“Not yet, but the holidays are coming. I might not hear anything until January.”

Evan closed his eyes and tried to breathe. “I’ll look for a job.”

“Sweetie-”

“I have five weeks off. I can find a job while I’m here. I can-”

“We’re fine. We might have to dip into my savings a bit, but-”

“I can get a job on campus next semester. You don’t have to keep sending me money.”

“Keep sending you money?” Heidi laughed. “I’ve hardly sent you anything.”

Evan nodded because he knew that was true. He was lucky enough to have a scholarship that covered almost everything he needed.

“Which is why school needs to remain your top priority.”

“Lots of people work and go to school,” Evan pointed out.

“Get a part-time job if you need the spending money. Otherwise...” Heidi shrugged. “Don’t worry about me. If I run into trouble, I can always go work for Maggie. She’d get a kick out of bossing me around.”

Evan tried to return her grin. He wasn’t entirely successful. “You should talk to Connor’s dad.”

“Evan-”

“His firm might need help. Or maybe he knows someone who...”

He folded his arms across his chest and slumped down when he saw her expression.

“I’ll keep him in mind,” Heidi said lightly. “If I haven’t found anything by the time you go back to school...”

She twisted around to study him. “I’m going to make this work. You don’t need to worry about that.”

Evan decided not to argue. He nodded at the tv. “The show’s over.”

His mother took the remote and flipped back to Hallmark. She smiled when she saw which movie was playing. “This is a good one. The lead actually has a personality.”

Evan leaned against the counter while he waited for the waitress to get their pie. He felt like calling for her to take her time. He really wasn’t in a hurry to get to the Kleinmans’ holiday party.

He reluctantly looked up when he heard someone approaching him. He automatically reached for the cash his mother had handed him. He nearly dropped it when he saw who it was and how she was beaming at him. 

“You came!” Alana cried as she hurried across the diner. 

“I...” Evan looked over his shoulder in case there was someone standing behind him. “What?”

“You’re the first one,” Alana said. She tugged on his arm and frowned when he didn’t move. “I reserved two tables in the back. Do you think that will be enough?”

“Enough?” Evan blinked. “For what?”

“For...” Alana’s face fell when the waitress returned with his pie. “You aren’t here for the reunion?”

The waitress laughed. “Told you. I told you no one was going to show.”

Alana pursed her lips. “They still might. The Facebook invitation said between five and eight.”

“People want to see their friends while they’re home, not their entire class.” She turned to face Evan. “That’ll be $12.99.”

Evan handed her thirteen dollars. “Keep the change.”

The waitress rolled her eyes. “Gee, thanks. Merry Christmas to you too.”

She turned on her heel and stalked back into the kitchen.

“My sister...” Alana sighed. She shook her shoulders and tried to smile. “So, how’ve you been?”

“Good,” Evan muttered. He eyed the window. His mother was talking to someone on the phone. She motioned for him to hurry up. “You?”

“Good,” Alana chirped. “I had a very productive semester.”

Evan nodded along as she went on about her classes and her grades and the many, many people she’d met. 

He stood there and listened until his mother honked the horn.

It was the least he could do.

Evan had been going to the Kleinmans’ annual holiday party for as long as he could remember. 

Which meant he’d been hating it for as long as he could remember.

The only good part was the food. He loved Jared’s grandmother’s latkes. They were so much better than the ones his Catholic grandmother used to make in honor of his Jewish grandfather. So much better. There really was no comparison.

He filled up his plate and scanned the room for a safe place to sit. He decided the stairs were his best option. There was a limit to how many people could sit there without causing a traffic jam.

He wasn’t surprised when Jared joined him the second he sat down.

“So,” Jared drawled. His eyes narrowed as he looked Evan up and down. “You look the same.”

Evan picked at his shirt. “Were you expecting my hair to be blue?”

Jared snorted and took a bite of his doughnut. “I feel different. Do you feel different?”

“Not really.”

“I had sex.”

“Today?”

Jared threw his head back and laughed. He gave him a look that screamed ‘same, old Evan.’

Evan thought that had been a fair question though. Because, really, what else were you supposed to say when someone made a statement like that?

“I’m kind of seeing this girl at school.” Jared shrugged like it was no big deal.

“Oh,” Evan nodded. “Congratulations?”

Jared smirked in his direction. “What about you? Any progress on that front?”

Evan shook his head. 

Jared’s grin grew even wider. “You make any friends?”

He said it like he already knew the answer. 

“A few.”

That was an exaggeration. Sort of. 

Jared put his hand out. “Yeah... I’m going to need to see some photographic evidence if you expect me to believe that.”

He rolled his eyes when Evan didn’t immediately hand over his phone. He grabbed his and held it out for Evan to see. “That’s my roommate Lucas. And that’s Harper, the girl I...”

Jared wiggled his eyebrows. “And that’s Micah. He’s in my fraternity.”

“You’re in a fraternity?”

“The Jewish one,” Jared mumbled. His eyes flashed dangerously. “Still counts.”

Evan threw his hands up in surrender. 

Jared lowered his phone. He stared at Evan expectantly. 

Evan sighed and unlocked the screen. He didn’t have many pictures he could show. He knew better than to let Jared see the ones he’d taken of all the trees on campus.

He scrolled down until he found the ones from Halloween. He flipped through them quickly without offering any sort of explanation.

Jared snatched the phone before he could stop him. “Hold up. Was that...”

Evan swallowed a sigh as Jared frantically flipped back through the pictures.

“It is!” Jared gasped. “That’s Connor Murphy. You have a picture of Connor Murphy on your phone. You went trick-or-treating with Connor Murphy?”

Evan released the sigh he’d been holding in. “We’re friends.”

Jared looked like he didn’t know whether he wanted to laugh or scream. “You’re friends with Connor Murphy?”

Evan closed his eyes and nodded.

“You’re seriously friends with Connor Murphy?”

Evan grabbed his phone and stood up. “I’m going to get some more cider.”

Jared put out an arm to stop him. “What’s the story there? Inquiring minds want to know.”

“We’re friends,” Evan shrugged. “Connor and I are friends.”

“You’re actually friends with that freak?”

Jared’s laughter cut short when he saw the way Evan was glaring at him. “This is for real? You’re actually-”

“What’s it to you anyway?” Evan snapped. “It’s not like we’re friends. Isn’t that what you’re always saying? We’re family friends, not friend-friends.”

Jared’s mouth opened and closed several times. 

Evan’s cheeks felt hot when he realized why. 

They were attracting an audience.

He stared at his feet to avoid meeting his mother’s stare. He took a breath and pushed past Jared. “I’m going to get some more cider.”

Christmas was usually quiet for them. 

It wasn’t a big deal. They hadn’t made a big deal out of it since Evan was twelve.

There were several reasons for that. They didn’t have strong ties to the holiday. They didn’t really have strong ties to any of the winter holidays. Evan supposed that was the result of his mother being half-Jewish, half-Catholic.

They didn’t even bother decorating most years.

It had just been the two of them since his grandmother had died.

Which meant that Evan had spent the last few Christmases by himself because his mother had needed to work.

Which was why he didn’t know what to expect when he woke up on Christmas morning.

They’d exchanged their presents the night before. That was the one tradition they had. They’d always gotten the present portion out of the way early because of his mother’s work schedule.

He’d given his mother a sweatshirt from his school store. She’d renewed his membership to the local arboretum and gotten him an iTunes gift card.

A modest haul, but that was to be expected. 

He expected the actual holiday to be a quiet one, most likely filled with Hallmark Christmas movies and peppermint hot chocolate.

He was right about the hot chocolate.

“I’ve been thinking,” his mother said as soon as she heard him on the stairs. She handed him a mug of cocoa and took a sip of her own. “I’ve been thinking and I’ve decided we’re going somewhere today.”

Evan blew on his mug. “Where? Everything’s closed.”

“The movie theater’s open.”

“So, we’re embracing our Jewish side today?”

She glanced at him quickly. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Evan blinked. He had no idea what it was. “What?”

“You and Jared. The other night...”

Evan shook his head. “We could go ice skating.”

“Do you remember the last time we did that? I think I still have a bruise on the back of my knee.”

“We could go to a Chinese restaurant.”

They both laughed when their eyes met.

“Okay,” Heidi decided. She snapped her fingers and pointed at the living room. “New tradition. We’re watching _Hocus Pocus_ all day.”

Evan followed her to the couch. “Throw in _Halloweentown_ and you have yourself a deal.”

The Murphys’ house was even bigger than Evan had expected it to be.

He swallowed dryly as he looked up at it 

His mother patted his arm when he reached for the door. “Call me if you need a ride.”

“I’m spending the night.”

“I know, but... You can call me. I’m just going to Maggie’s.”

He smiled at her as he climbed out of the car. He hoped his smile looked reassuring. He hoped it made her feel like there was no reason she should be worried about her eighteen-year-old son attending a New Year’s Eve party at his new friend’s house.

This was new territory for both of them.

Thinking about that made his nerves flare up yet again.

The door flew open before he could ring the bell. Connor’s mother grinned when she saw who it was.

“The rest of the kids are downstairs,” Cynthia said as she ushered him in. “They’re having their own sub party. You can leave your bag on the stairs. I’ll have Larry put it in Connor’s room.”

She smiled patiently when he didn’t move. “The basement’s through there. The door’s open. You can’t miss it.”

And then she was gone, back to her guests.

Seeing them made Evan glad there was a sub party in the basement.

He was glad until he saw the sub party consisted of twenty people. 

“Zoe’s friends?” Evan guessed after he joined Connor in the corner.

Connor nodded and lowered his book. “You came.”

Evan tilted his head when he saw how surprised Connor looked. “You invited me?”

He resisted the urge to check his phone. Those texts had come from Connor. He was sure of that.

Unless someone else had sent them from Connor’s phone.

Zoe, possibly? He narrowed his eyes at her when she waved.

“No, I know,” Connor said. 

“I said I was coming.” Evan frowned at his hands. “Didn’t I?”

Connor nodded again. “I don’t usually stay for the whole thing.”

“He usually doesn’t come down here at all,” Zoe said. She smirked as she perched on the arm of Connor’s chair. “Come meet everyone.”

She poked Connor’s shoulder when he started to protest. “If you’re nice, I’ll let you destroy Troy at Call of Duty. He thinks he’s the king.”

She didn’t wait for a response. She jumped up and announced that a tournament was about to begin. 

Connor glanced at Evan and shrugged. “Do you care if I play?”

Evan shrugged too. “It’s better than sitting on my couch alone, which is what I would be doing if I hadn’t come here.”

Connor snorted and stood up. He rubbed his hands together as he surveyed the crowd. “Okay. Which one of you is Troy?”

They joined the main party just before midnight at Cynthia’s insistence. 

Evan fell into step with Connor as they all poured into the living room. “You’re good at that game.”

“I’ve had lots of practice.” 

“I can tell.”

Connor looked at him quickly. “You didn’t want to play?”

“I suck at those games. So much. Like, it isn’t even funny how much I suck at them.”

“We’ll work on that next semester.”

Evan raised an eyebrow. “Is that a promise or a threat?”

The commotion behind them distracted Connor before he had a chance to respond.

Evan shook his head as he watched Zoe’s friend Nicole stroke Troy’s chest and coo into his ear.

“Troy doesn’t look happy.”

Connor smirked over his shoulder and shrugged. “He needs more practice.”

Evan turned to face the tv when the adults started counting down the seconds.

The ball dropped and the room was filled with cheers.

Evan awkwardly hugged himself as he nodded at everyone around him.

He twisted around when he heard someone shriek in the back of the room.

Nicole stomped on Troy’s foot and looked around wildly. Her face lit up when she spotted Connor.

Connor jumped backwards when he saw her coming, but Evan wasn’t fast enough.

He wasn’t fast enough to get out of the way when she changed course and headed for him instead.

And then he was kissed.

And punched. 

In that order.

It happened so fast his brain couldn’t keep up.

He held his cheek as the room dissolved into chaos.

He heard Nicole shout at Troy. He heard Zoe shout at Nicole.

He heard Larry tell Connor that he should never solve a problem with violence.

It was at that moment he realized he wasn’t the only one clutching his face.

Troy was holding his nose and glaring at Connor like he wanted nothing more than to see him drop dead.

Cynthia stretched her arms out to show that she was ready to keep Troy and Connor from having another go at each other. She closed her eyes and took a breath. “Zoe, take Evan to the kitchen and get some ice for his face. Connor, go with them and...”

A small laugh escaped from her mouth. She laughed again when she heard it. “Sorry. That champagne...” She closed her eyes and tried again. “Connor, go soak your hand.”

She nodded at the door. “I think it’s time for the rest of you to go.”

She put a hand out to stop Nicole. “Except you, sweetie. You’re staying here tonight unless one of your parents comes to get you.”

Zoe deflated at that. She shook her head and nudged Evan’s shoulder. “Let’s go get that ice.”

“My dad thinks you’re quite the ladies’ man.”

Evan opened his eyes when a fresh rag hit his face. He mumbled his thanks and rolled over to face Connor. “He does?”

“That’s what he just told me.”

Evan snorted and then laughed. A full laugh. A full laugh that lasted almost a minute. 

He laughed so hard that he started worrying about popping the air mattress.

“I can’t believe that just happened.”

“Which part?” Connor grinned.

Evan shook his head dazedly. “All of it. I got kissed. And punched. And now your dad thinks I’m a ladies’ man.”

“He’s probably hoping some of that will rub off on me.”

Evan propped himself up on his elbows. “Does he know you’re...”

Connor dangled his feet off the edge of his bed and watched them as they swung. “He knows I’m a gay.”

“Oh.”

Evan didn’t know what else to say.

“I told them when I was thirteen.”

“You knew when you were thirteen?”

“I knew I wasn’t straight. I knew I didn’t fit into the box they wanted me in.”

“And they, uh...” Evan sucked in a breath. “They didn’t take it well?”

“My mom was okay with it. My dad didn’t respond at first. And then he asked me how I knew I was gay if I hadn’t even kissed anyone. So, I asked him how he knew he was straight if he’d never kissed a guy.”

“What did he say to that?”

“He asked what made me think he’d never kissed a guy.” Connor snorted at the memory. “And that was the exact moment I realized it’s pointless to tell my dad things. He has an answer for everything and, in his mind, he’s always right.”

Evan chewed his lip and decided to lighten the mood. “My mom found out I’m bi last year.”

“How’d she take it?”

“Fine. She’s cool that way. She...” Evan tilted his head backwards. “It’s kind of a funny story, actually.”

Connor motioned for him to go on.

“We were having a Marvel marathon with her friend Maggie and the two of them got really drunk. They started playing this drinking game and... It wasn’t much fun for me since I was playing with ginger ale, but they got wasted. At one point, my mom started talking about how the movies make her feel dirty because she feels like she has to look up the actors’ ages before she can admire their asses because they lose all their appeal if she feels like she’s old enough to be their mother.”

Evan shook his head. “Which... Consider yourself lucky if you’ve never heard your mother say that.”

Connor nodded like he had a newfound appreciation for his mother.

“So, anyway, then my mom and Maggie started going on about Chris Evans and I chimed in because their giddiness was infectious and I didn’t think there was a chance in hell they’d remember.”

“And they did?”

Evan nodded solemnly. “My mom and I had a long talk the next morning.”

“But she was okay with it?”

Evan nodded again. “She was fine. She said she just wants me to be happy and healthy and safe. And to make good choices. She’s very big on that.”

“Mine too.” Connor flopped down onto his pillow. He rolled over so he was looking down at Evan. “So, how was it?”

“How was what?”

An evil grin spread across Connor’s face. “The kiss.”

“It was kind of overshadowed by the moment her boyfriend or... whatever Troy is to her... decided to punch me.”

“But before that... Did you like it?”

“It was wet and she bit my lip.”

“Not good then?”

“Definitely not good. Would not recommend.”

Evan rolled onto his side when Connor didn’t go on. He jumped when the air mattress let out a farting sound. “That wasn’t me.”

He could hear Connor chuckling in the dark.

“I know.”


	7. Freshman Year - January

It took Evan a second to realize why the sounds coming from the kitchen were making his stomach twist and churn.

And then it came to him.

And then he wanted to run.

Because nothing good ever happened when there were hushed conversations taking place in the kitchen.

His parents’ divorce, his grandmother’s diagnosis, his doctor’s suggestion that he see a therapist. All things that had happened after he heard people whispering in the kitchen.

It wasn’t a one-sided conversation this time. Evan closed his eyes when he realized that.

His mother wasn’t talking to someone on the phone. There was someone in the kitchen with her.

It took him a second to realize whose voice he was hearing.

And then he really wanted to run.

His mother poked her head out before he could reach the stairs. “I thought I heard you.”

He flailed as he gestured at the ceiling. “I forgot something upstairs.”

His mother simply raised an eyebrow. “Jared’s here to see you.”

Evan eyed the stairs. His mother reached his side before he could flee.

“He says he comes in peace. He has an offering and everything.”

Evan’s shoulders slumped at that. 

He would’ve thought Jared would’ve gotten the hint by now. He would’ve gotten the hint if someone had been ignoring all his texts for the past two weeks.

Heidi squeezed his shoulder. “I’ll be upstairs.”

Evan eyed the front door. He shook his head and decided this was a band-aid he needed to rip off.

He stepped into the kitchen and started fixing his breakfast like he was the only one there. He leaned against the counter and ate his cereal and gave Jared a look that very clearly said, “well?”

Jared pushed a muffin across the table and rocked back in his chair until he hit the wall. He glared at it before giving Evan a look that was strangely skittish. 

Evan pointed at the muffin. “That’s your peace offering?”

“I stopped at Louie’s on my way here. Chocolate chip. Your favorite.”

Evan sat down across from him and examined the muffin for signs of sabotage.

Jared sighed. “You want me to eat half first, to prove it hasn’t been poisoned?”

Evan took a big bite and wiped his mouth. 

Jared stared at his hands so intently his eyes seemed to cross. He sighed again. He sighed so heavily it was like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. “Okay, so, it’s been brought to my attention that you are my best friend.”

Evan choked on the muffin. He grabbed his cereal and tried to drink the milk. That only made it worse.

Jared smiled grimly. “My thoughts exactly.”

“I’m your-”

Jared’s head fell into his hands. “Yeah... After you left that night, my entire extended family decided to lay into me about what they heard. Because that’s the Kleinman way.”

Evan blinked at the wall. “And they said I’m-”

“Henry said you’re my best friend. Because, of course, that was the moment he chose to take his head out of his ass and notice something.”

Evan smothered a smile with his hand. That must have been an interesting observation to hear. Jared’s older brother wasn’t exactly the sharpest tool in the shed.

Jared forced himself to sit back up. “So, yeah... I know it doesn’t go both ways. I know I’m not your best friend. Because, apparently, that role’s being played by Connor Murphy.”

Evan lowered his eyes when Jared looked to him for confirmation.

He didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t like he’d had the best friend talk with Connor.

He wasn’t sure how that worked, if people actually had that kind of talk. He knew Connor was the closest thing he’d ever had to a best friend though.

The closest thing besides Jared, who only sort of counted. Sometimes. Depending on the day and Jared’s mood on that day.

Jared sighed like that was all the confirmation he needed. “I’m your oldest friend though. Don’t forget that. We’ve been stuck with each other since day one.”

“Since day two for you,” Evan reminded him. “You’re a day older than me.”

Jared rolled his eyes in a way that was almost affectionate. 

“You know, it is possible for a person to have more than one best friend.”

Jared recoiled in horror. “No. No. This isn’t an episode of _Full House_. I’m just here to say sorry for being an ass and-”

“For being an ass for the last eighteen years?” Evan interrupted. He smirked when he saw how shocked Jared looked.

“And,” Jared drawled. He tapped his chin and stared at the ceiling. “And to say we should hang out next semester. Our schools aren’t actually that far apart, you know. It’s only, like, a half hour drive if you take 95.”

“I don’t have a car.”

“I can come to you. Or doesn’t your BFF have a car?”

Evan tilted his head to study him. “Are things that bad at your school?”

“Bad?” Jared scoffed. “What-”

“Are you that...” Evan was hesitant to use the word ‘lonely.’

“I’m in a fraternity! I have a girlfriend!” Jared met Evan’s stare and held it for a second before he deflated. “She’s not really my girlfriend. She’s made that perfectly clear.”

“What-“

Jared twisted his hands around in front of him. “She says she doesn’t believe in monogamy and that she’s only willing to be in open relationships. And she keeps showing me pictures of her other boyfriends. Except she doesn’t actually use the word ‘boyfriend’ to describe any of us.”

“At least she’s up front about what she wants. That’s a good thing.”

Jared squirmed in his seat. “And I’m pretty sure I only got into the fraternity because of my dad, because I’m a legacy.”

“They told you that too?”

“They stamped the word ‘legacy’ on my forehead the first time I went there.”

Evan nodded slightly. “My mom said you were thinking about transferring?”

Jared bit his lip. “Maybe. I don’t know. I’m not a quitter.”

“If you’re that unhappy, then...” Evan shrugged.

“You like your school?”

“Yeah.”

Jared nodded and then frowned. Suddenly frowned. “What’d you do to your face?”

“What?”

Jared did a double take. “Your face. I just noticed there’s a bruise – a giant bruise – on your face.”

Evan absentmindedly poked at it. “It’s starting to fade.”

“Yeah, but...” Jared laughed. “What did you do? Did you fall out of another tree?”

Evan frantically shook his head. “I, uh...”

“What did you, like, go climb a Christmas tree somewhere and-”

“Someone punched me.”

Jared looked like a feather could have knocked him over. “Someone punched you?”

“Yeah...”

“Who?”

“This guy...” An evil grin spread across Evan’s face. “I kissed this guy’s girlfriend and he-”

Evan lifted a fist and pretended to punch his cheek.

“Oh my God,” Jared sputtered. “Who are you and what have you done with Evan Hansen?”

Evan stepped away from the car when he saw that Nicole was sitting in the backseat with Zoe. He glanced back at his house and tried to smile when his mother noticed his hesitation. 

He pretended to fiddle with his bag until Nicole shouted that she wasn’t going to kiss him.

Or kick him.

It was hard to tell with the windows closed.

Both of those statements were reassuring though since she was sitting behind the passenger seat.

He threw his duffle in the trunk and climbed in.

Zoe gave him a quick smile before burying her head in her pillow and saying, “Good night.”

That statement did not sit well with Connor. He glared at the rearview mirror while he blasted his music.

He turned it down a notch when he saw he had everyone’s attention. “If I’m not sleeping, no one’s sleeping.”

Zoe sighed and sat back up. “Ugh, fine. License plate bingo, anyone?”

Four hours and thirty bingos later, they arrived at the Mount Pleasant Ski Lodge and Resort. 

It was not the cabin in the woods Evan had been expecting to see. 

Though, in all fairness, they were technically staying in a cabin. It was just that it was a deluxe three-bedroom cabin adjacent to a sprawling resort/spa. 

Connor’s parents were on the porch waiting for them when they arrived. They ushered them in and pointed to the bedrooms. Boys to the left, girls to the right, parents in the back. No hanky-panky allowed.

Something about their tone or their phrasing struck a nerve with Connor. Evan picked up on that right away.

It only got worse when they asked their children to guess who they’d run into the night before.

Zoe blinked when her parents’ smiles didn’t waver. She glanced at Connor and let her breath out in a huff. “I don’t know. Who?”

“The Harrises,” Cynthia beamed. “Can you believe it? It was the funniest thing. I’d just been telling Larry we should’ve called them before we came up here and there they were. All four of them.”

“The boys were hoping to see you before they checked out this morning,” Larry told Connor. “You probably passed them on the road.”

“They were so disappointed you two weren’t here last night,” Cynthia said. “I told them Zoe wouldn’t let us pull her out of school early and they said ‘that’s our Zoe.’”

“Anthony’s a sophomore at Yale now, you know. And Brad’s a senior at Cornell.” 

“I told them to stop by the house before they head back to school. They promised they’d give us a call next week.” Cynthia reached out to stroke Connor’s arm. “You three used to have so much fun together.”

That struck a nerve with Connor too. Evan didn’t need to look at him to know that.

Zoe nodded at the door. “We’re going to go get something to eat. It was a long drive.”

“Do you want us to-”

“No,” Zoe chirped. “I’m sure you’ve already eaten. Go hit the trails and the spa. We’ll see you at dinner.”

She opened the door without waiting for a response. 

She spun around to face Connor as soon as they rounded the bend. “You okay?”

She didn’t look satisfied when Connor nodded.

Evan couldn’t blame her.

Evan wasn’t a skier. He’d never been skiing before, but he thought it was safe to say he was not a skier. He was pretty sure that hurtling down a mountain with pieces of wood strapped to his feet could only end in disaster. 

Luckily, Connor wasn’t a skier either.

Or so he said.

Evan had his doubts. “Are you sure you-”

“Are you sure you don’t want to go with the girls?”

Evan nodded slowly.

Connor did too.

They both stood there nodding until they started to laugh.

Evan glanced around the cabin. “Okay, so-”

“I hate the Harrises.” Connor smirked when Evan turned to blink at him. “To answer the question you haven’t asked yet, I hate the Harrises, especially the sons.”

“Oh.”

“My mom saw what she wanted to see. Anthony and Brad picked on me every time we came here with them.”

“Did you come here a lot?”

“When we were kids,” Connor nodded. “We haven’t been here in a few years.”

“Jared went through a phase when we were ten where he thought it was hilarious to spill water on me and tell everyone I’d wet my pants.”

“Anthony’s the reason I told my parents I was gay. One of the reasons.”

Evan tilted his head as he tried to follow that reasoning. “Because you had a crush on him?”

Connor flinched like he’d been slapped. “What? No. Huge no. A world of no.”

“So, that’s a no then?”

Connor snorted. “If you saw him, you’d get it.”

“Ugly?”

“Preppy.”

Evan self-consciously picked at the polo shirt under his sweater.

“Not your kind of preppy,” Connor said. 

“Would you actually call me preppy though?” Evan frowned. He shook his head and tried to focus. “So, why did he make you tell your parents then?”

“Because I didn’t want him to tell them. He decided I must be gay when I didn’t want to sneak into the women’s locker room with him. He wouldn’t shut up about it. He told his brother and they...” Connor shrugged.

“So, you told your parents before they could?”

“I took control of my narrative. I told them because I thought there was some truth to what Anthony was saying. I told them because my dad actually looked disappointed I wasn’t with Anthony when he got caught.”

“He was disappointed you weren’t a peeping tom?”

“He thought it was hilarious when the Harrises had to go fetch Anthony from the main office. He agreed with my mother when she said Anthony was wrong to sneak in there, but he kept laughing and saying boys will be boys.”

“That’s...” Evan didn’t know what that was. Or, rather, he did, but he didn’t know how to say it.

Connor shoved his hands in his pockets and nodded at the door. “It’s stuffy in here. You want to go exploring?”

Evan didn’t have to think about that. He grabbed his coat and followed Connor back outside.

Evan tripped over his feet when he realized he wasn’t the only one in the cabin.

He tripped and knocked into a chair and chuckled in a way that ensured he couldn’t slip out of there unnoticed.

He scratched his neck and looked around aimlessly when Larry glanced up from his paperwork. “Sorry. I, uh... I forgot my phone. I charged it before we went to dinner and I forgot to get it when we came back. And then we were about to sit down in the theater and I realized I...”

He shrugged and scuffed his foot along the floor.

Larry smiled patiently. “You know there’s no service up here, don’t you? And the wi-fi’s slow as molasses.”

“No, I know,” Evan nodded. “I’ve been using my phone to take pictures. That’s why I had to charge it. Connor and I went for a hike and I took so many pictures it died.”

“You got Connor to go on a hike?”

Evan blinked when he saw how amazed Larry looked. He forced himself to nod.

Larry rested his head on his hand and studied Evan with an intensity that made him squirm.

“What else did you two do?”

“Today? Not much. Mostly, we just walked around.”

“What else do you do? In general. At school.”

Evan blinked again. He glanced over his shoulder at the door. He had to hurry or he was going to be late for the movie. “We...”

He cleared his throat and swallowed and tried to think of a safe answer. Not that there were really any unsafe answers, but still...

“We study and... There’s this show we watch sometimes. It comes on in the afternoon.”

Larry nodded eagerly. “The one Cynthia’s obsessed with. She told me Connor had started watching it.”

“Yeah,” Evan laughed. “It’s crazy. It’s by the far the craziest show I’ve ever seen.”

“And...” Larry closed his eyes for a moment. “Do you go out?”

“Go out? Like...”

Evan’s heart did a flip. Was this Connor’s dad’s way of asking if they were dating? 

“Do you go to parties?”

“Not really.”

“Not really or not at all?”

“Not at all. We don’t really...”

“So, it’s just two of you then? He isn’t... What I’m trying to say is-”

“We went trick-or-treating with my roommate and his friends and that’s basically it.” Evan shrugged. “It sounds boring when I say it out loud.”

Larry nodded slightly. “Your roommate and his friends, are they-”

Evan gestured at the door. “I should really... The movie’s about to begin.”

“Those things never start on time up here.”

“I should let you get back to work.” Evan spun around before he reached the door. “Which, um, which law firm did you say you work for?”

“Harvey, Porter, and Lee.”

Evan’s eyes widened. The biggest firm in town.

“I see our reputation precedes us.”

Evan let out a small laugh. “You know, my mom... She, uh, she just became a paralegal. She’s looking for a job actually, so if you know anyone who-”

“Has she put in an application with us?”

“I don’t know.”

Larry reached for his phone. “What’s her name?”

“Heidi Hansen.”

“I’ll check with HR on Monday.”

Evan nodded numbly. “If not, maybe... If you know anyone...”

He stopped speaking when the door squeaked open. 

Evan didn’t think he’d ever seen an expression as blank as the one Connor was sporting.

“Movie’s starting.”

Evan shoved his hands in his pockets and turned to go. He didn’t look back. He didn’t look up until they were halfway down the trail to the main building.

Connor looked him in the eye as soon as he did. “What did he want?”

“Your dad?”

Connor rolled his eyes. “No. The pope.”

“We were just talking.”

“About me?”

“About my mom. I was telling him about how she’s looking for a paralegal job.” Evan sighed when Connor didn’t look away. “You may have come up too.”

“He asked you about me? What did he say?”

“He-”

“What did you tell him?”

Evan stopped walking before they reached the stairs into the building. “Nothing. He asked what we do.”

Connor scoffed at that. “What we do?”

“At school. I told him we study and-”

“You told him that?”

“It’s the truth. What do you want me to say?”

“No comment.”

“You seriously want me to say no comment if your dad asks-” 

“What else did you say?”

“Nothing,” Evan hissed. “I... I don’t know. I told him we went trick-or-treating with Ryan and his friends. I told him about our show. I... I told him we don’t go to parties.”

“You told him we don’t-”

“He asked!”

“He asked if we go to parties?”

“Yeah.”

“Did he ask if I...”

“If you what?”

“Nothing.”

Evan leaned against the railing and squinted at the moon. “There are worse things than having a dad who cares enough to check up on you, you know.”

“That’s not what he was doing.”

“Really? Because it seemed that way to me.”

“You don’t know him the way I do.”

Evan threw his hands up in surrender. “Okay, fine. If he ever tries to interrogate me again, I’ll say no comment. Is that what you want to hear?”

“I’ll give you a hundred bucks if you tell him to go fuck himself.”

“Yeah... I’m not doing that.”

“Fifty if you tell him to go screw himself.”

Evan just stared.

“Twenty if you-”

“We’re missing the movie.” 

“It’s _The Wizard of Oz_. Don’t tell me you’ve never seen _The Wizard of Oz_.”

“We’re still missing the beginning.”

Connor sighed. “Fine... Ten if you-”

Evan ran up the stairs before Connor could go on.

His mother got a call from Harvey, Porter, and Lee the day before he returned to school. They wanted her to come in for an interview.

She was surprised because she’d thought that one had been a long shot.

Evan watched as she puttered around, debating what she should wear.

He told her to ask Maggie every time she tried to get his opinion.

Other than that, he didn’t say a word.


	8. Freshman Year - February

Connor’s phone rang as soon as the episode was over.

Evan barely heard it. He barely heard the conversation that followed. He tuned in and out while Connor talked to his mother about their soap’s latest plot twist.

He closed his laptop and forced himself to focus when he realized Connor had hung up and was talking to him.

He tried and failed to replay what Connor had just said. “What?”

“My mom’s bawling her eyes out.”

“Because they killed off Jeffrey?”

“Because she’s been ‘shipping Jeffrey and Madeline for fifteen years. Because she’s seen all their ups and downs and betrayals and they were finally happy and...” Connor pretended to slit his throat.

“Maybe he’s not really dead. We didn’t see the body. Maybe he’ll wake up in a ditch somewhere with no memory of Madeline or their baby.”

“They’re already doing the amnesia plotline with Yvette.”

Evan shrugged. “Maybe he had to fake his death to save his family from Tyson.”

“Tyson drowned last week.”

“We didn’t see his body either.”

“Either way it’s stupid.”

“Why do you sound so surprised? This show isn’t exactly known for its intelligent-”

“Because,” Connor said sharply.

Evan raised his eyebrows. Connor was clearly taking Jeffrey’s death way too seriously.

“Because it’s stupid to kill someone off like that.”

“Are you going to bawl your eyes out too?” Evan cackled when Connor flipped him off.

“The writers probably thought they were being so clever, that Jeffrey’s death was so shocking, but it was stupid and predictable. Everyone does it. At this point, it would be a bigger twist to let the happy couple stay happy and together and alive than it would be to kill one of them off.”

Evan blinked at the tv. “I didn’t realize you were that into Jeffrey and Madeline.”

“I’m not,” Connor huffed. “It’s just... They’ve been through so much.”

He narrowed his eyes when Evan started to laugh. 

“It’s lazy writing, is what it is,” Connor muttered. “They thought people would lose interest in the show when Jeffrey and Madeline stopped being the main will they/won’t they couple.”

“I bet they did it so the actress who plays Madeline can get a Daytime Emmy. You know the show’s going to focus on her for the next few weeks.”

“That’s just it! Madeline didn’t need to lose Jeffrey to have something to do. She already had her own life, her own identity. They both did. It would’ve been more interesting to see them continue growing and working through their issues together and alone than to...” Connor puffed out his cheeks and glared at the screen.

Evan pretended to slit his throat. “I still say he’s probably lying in a ditch somewhere. Or maybe the Russians got him. It’s about time Jeffrey and Madeline got pulled into the Russian spy plot.”

“So, you’re saying they need a lot of unnecessary outside drama to stay interesting?”

“Are you saying you want to watch yet another episode where they debate whose turn it is to change Chrissy’s diaper?”

“They did that one time!”

Evan snorted when their eyes met. Connor did too. 

They both turned to glare at the tv.

“I guess we’ll have to tune in tomorrow to see what happens.”

“I guess we will,” Connor sighed.

Connor put a hand out to stop Evan when he turned to go. Evan looked him in the eye and glared until he lowered it.

He tried not to feel too self-conscious as he stalked out of the classroom. 

That was easier said than done because there were only ten other people in the room and they all turned to watch him leave.

He comforted himself with the knowledge that he was in the right. 

He wasn’t sure exactly what Connor had been trying to pull, but he knew a trap when he saw one.

When he walked into one. Literally.

He wasn’t surprised when Connor caught up with him before he reached the stairs.

He spun around to face him. “That isn’t a writing group.”

Connor had the decency to look ashamed. “I didn’t actually say we were going to a-”

“Is this because of my presentation?”

It was. 

One look at Connor confirmed that.

Connor had tricked him into going to some kind of communications club because of the history presentation he’d bombed.

“I was...” Evan shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels. “I was having a bad day. That’s all it was. I’ll... I don’t have to give another one until April. I’ll do better next time.”

His chin jutted out when it became clear that Connor was trying not to say something. “What?”

“Nothing.”

“You obviously have something to say.”

“I don’t think it would be a good idea for me to say it right now.”

Evan folded his arms across his chest. “You don’t think I’ll do better next time?”

“We were in the same English class last year.”

“Yeah. So?”

“So...” Connor shrugged.

Evan chewed his lip. “My _Hamlet_ presentation?”

“I don’t know if you know this, but we had several classes together in high school. Your presentations are among the few things I can vividly remember from them.”

“Because they were that bad?”

“Because they were memorable.”

“Memorable in a bad way?”

“Memorable in a memorable way.”

Evan knew Connor hadn’t mean that as an insult, but he couldn’t help taking it that way. “Yeah, well, you were pretty memorable too.”

He hadn’t meant that to sound like an insult, but...

But he sort of had. And he wasn’t sure why.

He ran a hand through his hair and looked away. “I mean-”

“You knew who I was?”

“Everyone knew who you were.”

“They noticed me. They didn’t know me. No one really knew me. Most of them didn’t even know my name.”

“Yeah, well, join the club.” Evan stared at the ceiling. “Except without the noticing me part.”

A girl poked her head out of the classroom they’d left and waved. “We’re getting ready to start. Are you two in or out?”

“In,” Connor called.

Evan breathed in sharply. He closed his eyes and reached for his phone.

Connor eyed him suspiciously. “Who are you calling?”

“No one.” Evan smiled to himself as he began his search. 

He didn’t set out to walk down the hall as slowly as his feet could manage. It just worked out that way.

Connor sighed when he reached the door and saw that Evan was only halfway there. “What are you-”

“Oh, would you look at that?” Evan grinned. “There’s going to be a poetry slam in Gregson Hall this weekend.”

Connor shook his head.

“And you have to RSVP.” Evan made a show of hitting the button. “Two please.”

“No.”

“Yes.” Evan pocketed his phone. “Done and done.”

Connor did not look amused.

It was an understatement to say there were more people interested in watching a poetry slam than there were in attending a Toastmasters meeting.

The auditorium in Gregson Hall was standing room only by the time they got there. 

“I wonder how many of these people RSVPed,” Evan muttered under his breath.

“We can always go home,” Connor reminded him.

Evan ignored him.

Connor poked his shoulder and tried again. “I said we can-”

“It’s Valentine’s Day.”

Connor looked at him strangely. “Um...”

Evan’s eyes widened with realization. “No! No. That’s not... I’m not looking to meet anyone or... It’s just...”

Connor closed his eyes when someone brushed past him. “Just?”

“It’s just that Ryan reserved our room for the night.”

“For the whole night?”

Evan hadn’t thought of that. “I should text him.”

“Do you really think now’s the best time to-”

“Before they... I’ve only been gone five minutes. They can’t be that far along, can they?”

Connor burst out laughing.

Which made him laugh too.

“You can stay in my room if you have to.”

“Cole won’t mind?”

“Cole went home for the weekend. You can sleep in his bed.”

“He won’t mind?”

Connor grinned as the lights started to flicker. “Of course, he will.”

Evan tilted his head. “Do you think maybe you should stop actively trying to antagonize your roommate?”

Connor lifted a finger to shush him. “It’s starting.”

Evan kicked his feet as he tried to get comfortable. It was hard because Cole’s bed smelled weird and the sweatpants he’d borrowed from Connor were too long. 

They were better than the alternative though because the alternative involved sleeping in his boxers. 

He was close to Connor, but not that close. And he was fairly certain Cole would skin him alive if he ever found out.

He cleared his throat and rolled over so he was facing the ceiling. 

Connor was still up too. The light coming from Connor’s phone told him that.

He propped himself up on his elbows. “So...”

Connor lowered his phone. “So?”

“Are you going to compete next time?”

“You think there’s going to be a next time?”

“You had fun. Admit it.” Evan was struck with a sudden burst of uncertainty. “Didn’t you?”

“It wasn’t the worst thing I’ve ever seen.”

Evan grinned triumphantly.

“It was better than Zoe’s jazz recitals.”

“I always liked her jazz recitals.” 

Evan wanted to dive under the covers when he realized what he’d said. He would have if it weren’t for the smell.

Connor sat up to study him. “You went to those?”

Evan’s mouth went dry. So dry that it became impossible for him to form words.

“Were you friends with someone in the jazz band?”

Evan managed to shake his head. “I just like jazz.”

“Really?”

He didn’t need to look at Connor to know he was far from convinced.

“What’s your favorite piece?”

Evan closed his eyes to keep them from darting around. “I don’t really have a favorite, per se.” 

He opened his eyes and scratched his neck and felt the need to explain himself when Connor didn’t respond. “Okay, so... Don’t kill me, but-”

“You like Zoe.”

It came out as a statement, not a question. Evan rolled over when he realized that. 

He only managed to look at him for a second before he turned away. “I used to.”

“You don’t like her now?”

“I do. I mean...” Evan exhaled deeply. “I used to have a crush on her, I guess. I don’t anymore.”

“What’d she do to you?”

“Nothing,” Evan said quickly. “She’s even nicer than I thought she was.”

“You just-”

“There’s a difference between liking someone from a distance and-”

“Your crush disappeared when you got to know her?”

“Kind of,” Evan mumbled. “I don’t know. It started fading after you, uh, after you... you know. Pushed me last year. I just... She saw that and I felt so...”

“How long did you have a crush on her?”

“Two years.” 

He blinked at how easily the words came out of him.

Connor didn’t bat an eye. “And you never did anything about it?”

Evan snorted. “Uh, hi? Have we met? She basically would’ve had to fall into my lap for me to even think about making a move.”

“That’s got to be one of the saddest things I’ve ever heard.”

Evan glanced at him quickly. “You aren’t going to kill me, are you?”

“For having a crush on my sister that you didn’t do anything about?”

Evan shrugged.

“Are you planning to do something about it?”

Evan laughed and shook his head.

Connor considered that for a moment. “Lick Cole’s pillow and we’ll call it a day.”

Evan quickly obliged.

Evan automatically ducked down to pick up the plate the girl in front of him had dropped.

She smiled when he handed it to her. “Thanks.”

Evan attempted to return the smile. “Sure.”

The girl wrinkled her nose at the tray in front of her. “What do you think that is?”

Evan leaned forward to see. “Green bean casserole? That’s what the label says.”

“The labels lie though. Yesterday, I ate something they claimed was chicken, but it so was not.”

Evan wrinkled his nose and decided to pass on the casserole too. “As long as it wasn’t Soylent Green...”

“This is why my roommate always sticks to the salad bar. Woman cannot live on salad alone though.”

“True,” Evan agreed. “At least the food here’s better than it was at my high school. By better, I mean better selection.”

The girl hummed in agreement. And then she snapped her fingers and pointed at him. “I know you.”

Evan blinked and glanced around uncertainly. “You do?”

The girl nodded. “Where do I know you from? Were you in my English class last semester?”

Evan recognized her a second before she figured it out. He kept his eyes down as he helped himself to a scoop of mashed potatoes.

“Mansfield’s play. You were there with that guy Lauren was crushing on.”

Evan nodded. “Connor.”

“Your name or his?”

“His. I’m Evan.”

The girl stuck out her hand. “Mia.”

Evan made a split-second decision not to wipe his hand on his pants before shaking hers.

“Is he here too?”

Evan’s eyes automatically darted towards the toaster oven where Connor was waiting for his pizza bagel.

Mia breathed in excitedly. “Lauren’s over there. I have to go get her.”

Evan grabbed his tray and hurried over to Connor. “Quick change of plans.”

“What?”

“We need to pack up our food and-”

“You want to take it to go?” Connor’s hands jumped around as he tried to throw the bagel onto his plate. He blew on them when he was done. “The heater’s broken in the basement.”

“I know, but...” Evan stepped in front of him when he spotted Mia and Lauren heading their way. “Look who I ran into.”

“Two girls from my English class?”

“The one on the left has a thing for you.”

Connor shook some parmesan cheese onto his bagel. “You were just talking to the one on the right.”

Evan nodded slightly. “Yeah. Kind of.”

“Do you want to keep talking to her?”

Evan did a double take. “I don’t know. Why?”

Connor grabbed his tray. “It looks like they want us to sit with them.”

He set off towards them without another word.

Evan decided to give it a minute. He pretended to study the selection of breads while he willed his heart to stop pounding.

Connor was sitting with the girls when he looked up again.

They were at a table with four chairs.

The only spot left was the one next to Mia.

Evan took a breath and went to join them.


	9. Freshman Year - March

Evan coughed into his arm and cleared his throat like it was covered in phlegm. “I think I’m coming down with something.”

Ryan froze in his tracks. The look on his face would’ve been funny if Evan had been in the mood to find it funny. “What?”

Connor shook his head. “He’s fine.”

Evan cleared his throat again. “The girl who sits next to me in calculus has been sneezing all week.”

Ryan glanced around wildly. “I can’t get sick. I have an econ test on Monday.”

“He’s fine,” Connor maintained. 

Ryan didn’t even try to be subtle as he moved away from Evan. “Remind me to Lysol wipe the room when we get back.”

“He’s fine!” Connor rolled his eyes when Evan and Ryan turned to gawk at him. “He’s just nervous.”

Ryan frowned as he looked between them. “Nervous? About what? We’re just going to Aimee’s art show.”

Layla’s arrival spared them from having to answer. She threw her arms around Ryan and snuggled up to him in a way that made him forget his question.

She lifted her head up long enough to offer Evan and Connor a half-hearted greeting. “Hey guys...”

“I can’t wait to see what Aimee’s cooked up,” Ryan said. “She’s been so secretive about it. All I know is it involves acrylic paint.”

“And Mel,” Layla added. “Acrylic paint and Mel.”

She smacked Ryan’s arm when he opened his mouth. “Don’t go there. That’s my best friend you’re thinking about.”

Melissa, more commonly known as Mel, was Layla’s roommate and lifelong best friend. She was also Aimee’s girlfriend and current muse.

“Mel has enough integrity not to pose naked,” Layla sniffed.

Ryan smirked as he nipped at her neck. “Posing naked doesn’t mean you-”

Layla bristled at that. “Okay, wrong word. I know it’s her body, her choice. Just because it’s something I wouldn’t do doesn’t mean it’s...”

She shrugged. “I just worry, is all.”

Ryan nodded knowingly. “Because she’s...”

He had the sense not to finish that sentence.

Layla elbowed him anyway. “Not everyone thinks Mel should love her body. People can be so... Did I ever tell you about the time I-”

“Dumped a plate of spaghetti on a girl who called Mel fat? You may have mentioned it once or twice.” Ryan’s eyes danced as he looked at her. 

“It’s more than that though,” Layla sighed. “Mel’s like my sister, so... Let me put it this way, if there are naked paintings of Mel in there, I’m going to have to go home and bleach my eyes. And transfer to another school. My parents might finally get their wish.”

She let go of Ryan as they stepped into the gallery. Her face lit up when she spotted Aimee’s display. She took off towards it without another word.

Ryan pretended to wipe the sweat from his brow. “Phew. No naked Mel.”

The paintings were all of what Evan guessed must be Mel’s hands, feet, and hair. 

Ryan gave them a quick smile before he headed over to the girls.

Evan immediately turned on Connor. “This is a terrible idea.”

“That sculpture was a terrible idea. This isn’t.”

“Lauren likes you.”

“I know.”

“Like-likes you.”

“Are we in middle school?”

Evan narrowed his eyes. “This isn’t fair to her.”

“It isn’t fair to meet up with-”

“It isn’t fair for you to lead someone on who you have no intention of-”

“Who says I have no intention of...” Connor shrugged.

“You’re...” 

Evan’s mouth snapped shut because they were in public. And because Lauren and Mia had just entered the building.

“I’m trying something,” Connor whispered. “If it’s a failure, then it’s a failure. At least I’ll know.”

Evan glared at the floor

“And, besides, there’s no way you would’ve done this on your own, is there?”

Evan’s head snapped back up. “You’re here as my wingman?”

Connor shrugged. “What’re friends for?”

Mia chewed her lip to keep from laughing as they wandered away from the sculpture garden. “That one on the left looks like the ashtray I made my dad when I was five.”

“Is your dad a big smoker?”

“He doesn’t smoke at all.”

“Oh,” Evan muttered. “I was just wondering because that thing’s huge and he’d have to be a big smoker to fill it all. To fill it all the way up. To... you know. Use it properly.”

He felt like flinching as he replayed that statement in his head.

He decided it was only a five out of ten on the awkwardness scale.

He could live with that.

He’d have to live with that because the alternative involved making a run for it and abandoning Mia. Which was not something he wanted to do. And not just because that wouldn’t be fair to Mia.

It wouldn’t be fair to Connor and Lauren either. Their night would be ruined if he took off. Which would be a shame because they actually seemed to be getting along. 

He glanced over his shoulder to confirm that was still the case.

Mia was smiling when he turned back around. “Lauren was so scared she was going to blow this.”

“Oh,” Evan nodded.

“Oh?” Mia laughed. “You thought that was a possibility?”

“Well... I don’t know. I mean...”

Evan didn’t know what to say.

Mia laughed again. “Okay, enough about them. What’s your story?”

“My story?”

Mia nodded. “You have a story, don’t you?”

Evan stood there and blinked.

“Everyone has a story.” Mia rubbed her hands together. “Okay, I’ll go first then. I’m the oldest of three. I have two younger sisters, fifteen and eleven. The fifteen-year-old’s a brat who’s always stealing my clothes. The eleven-year-old’s shaping up to be an evil genius. She’s like the little sister on a Disney Channel show. One of these days, she’s going to try to blow up the moon.”

Evan snorted.

Mia smiled when she saw she’d amused him. “Do you have any siblings?”

“No,” Evan said automatically. And then he cringed. “Yes.”

Mia nodded sympathetically. “That bad, huh?”

“No... just.” Evan puffed his cheeks out. “They’re my half-siblings. They live in Colorado with my dad and his new wife.”

Evan wrinkled his nose. “By new, I mean second. The woman he left my mother for when I was seven.”

Mia let out a low whistle. “Okay... So, uh, moving on... Let’s talk majors. What are you studying?”

“Environmental science.”

“A science geek, huh?” Mia teased. “I’m a psych major.”

Evan coughed to cover up the fact that he’d choked on his spit.

Mia rolled her eyes. “I’ve taken one class. I haven’t been trained to psychoanalyze you yet.”

“No, it’s just...”

Evan really didn’t feel like explaining what it was.

“My parents are both licensed therapists. They share a practice.”

Evan hoped she couldn’t tell how fast his heart was racing. “So, you’re, uh, you’re going into the family business?”

Mia shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t know. I never thought I’d be a psych major. I’ve spent most of my life telling my parents I’m going to be anything but.”

“What changed?”

“I worked in their office last summer and...” Mia chewed her lip. “I can’t go into it because that would violate the patient’s privacy. Let’s just say I saw something that made me realize my parents are doing something really worthwhile.”

Evan blurted out the first thing to pop into his head. “I like trees.”

“You want me to analyze that for you?”

Evan shook his head. “That’s what got me interested in environmental science. That and I want there to still be an environment in fifty years.”

“Another worthwhile cause,” Mia nodded.

She tapped her chin and tilted her head to study the next sculpture. “Okay, that looks like my aunt Judy. Like, it’s scary how much.”

“I think it looks like a potato.”

Mia’s eyes widened. “Like I said. Judy.” 

Evan snickered and glanced over his shoulder.

And then he turned to do a full search.

“They left a minute ago,” Mia told him. “I saw them duck out the side door.”

“Connor and Lauren?”

He squeezed his eyes shut. He didn’t know why he’d felt the need to have that confirmed.

Mia nodded. She shoved his arm playfully. “Relax. Lauren only eats every other guy she goes out with and she devoured the last one whole, so...”

She tilted her head when he didn’t so much as crack a smile. “That’s a joke. You don’t have to worry about Lauren. She has no cannibalistic or murderous tendencies... That I know of anyway.”

Evan nodded stiffly. He swallowed and gestured at the statue next to the potato. “What do you think that is?”

“A giant booger,” Mia said automatically.

Evan nodded again. “I can see that.”

Evan didn’t remove his earbuds when Connor sat down next to him. He didn’t remove them even though he could sense that Connor was trying to tell him something.

He gasped when Connor finally yanked them out. 

He rubbed his ears like it had hurt far more than it actually had. “Ow...”

A slight hint of regret flickered across Connor’s face before he leaned back and propped his feet up on the table in front of them. “The show’s starting.”

Evan glanced up in spite of himself. “I thought we were boycotting it.”

“I was thinking about it and you may be right. We still haven’t seen Jeffery’s body.”

“They cremated him.”

“But we still haven’t seen the body. And we haven’t seen Madeline see it.”

“You think there’s a mass conspiracy going on?”

Connor stared at the screen as the theme song started to play. “They’re having his memorial service today. This would be the perfect time for him to reappear.”

“You know the service is going to be playing for the next three weeks, at least.”

Connor nodded and pulled out his laptop. 

Evan’s eyes flickered back towards the textbook in his lap. He blinked and swallowed and straightened himself back up. “So... How’d it go with Lauren last night?”

Connor stopped typing and turned to face him. “Is that why you...”

“Why I what?”

Connor shook his head. And then he changed his mind. “Is that why you were ignoring me just now?”

Evan held it in as long as he could. Which really wasn’t that long. “You left me there!”

“You were with Mia! And Ryan was still there. I knew you could track him down if you-”

“So?” Evan interrupted sharply. He raised his eyebrows and held his stare. “Where’d you two go?”

Connor kept his eyes straight ahead. “We went back to her room.”

“And?”

“And...” Connor shrugged.

“Things are no longer theoretical?” Evan guessed.

“Not entirely,” Connor muttered.

“What do you mean by-”

“You want to know how far we went?”

Evan turned so that his eyes were boring into the tv. 

“We fooled around a bit. I stopped it before it went too far.”

Evan resisted the urge to ask what he meant by too far. “Are you going to see her again?”

“Probably. We’re both English majors.”  
‘  
Evan glanced at him quickly. “No, I mean-”

“I know what you mean. I don’t know the answer.”

“Do you like her?”

“She’s all right.”

Evan pressed his lips together. “Did you like it? Whatever you... Did you like it?”

Connor snorted. “It wasn’t horrible.”

“Well, that sounds promising.”

Connor studied him for a moment. “You’re worried because I said I’m gay?”

“Not worried. Wondering.”

“It’s like I said, I’m not worried about labels, especially for myself. I decided I was gay before I had the language to explain exactly what I was, before I got that there’s a spectrum and it isn’t always black and white.”

“Okay,” Evan mumbled.

“So,” Connor grinned. “How’d it go with Mia?”

“We saw a sculpture that reminded her of her aunt.”

“And...”

Evan shrugged. “She said something about getting a coffee when we get back from spring break.”

Connor groaned into his arm. “Fuck. Spring break. I almost forgot that’s coming up.”

“You know you’re probably the only person in the world who-”

Connor put up a hand to stop him. “They don’t have to go on vacation with my family.”

Evan sighed because he knew there was no point in arguing.

Evan rubbed his eyes and yawned as he stumbled into the kitchen.

His mother was still there.

He blinked when he saw that.

He blinked and checked the time.

This would take some getting used to. It was weird seeing her in the morning. It was weird seeing her when she didn’t look like she was panicking about being late. It was weird seeing her when she didn’t look like she needed to keep pumping coffee into her system to stay awake.

She smiled as she took a leisurely sip of her coffee. “I wasn’t sure I’d see you before I left for work.”

Evan yawned again. He poured himself a cup of orange juice and put a pop tart in the toaster.

“We’re having dinner with the Kleinmans tonight.”

Evan nodded because he’d been expecting that. It was Jared’s birthday. Which meant it was the day before his birthday. Their families almost always did something together to celebrate the occasion.

“Are you going to spend your whole break in bed?”

Evan shrugged. “I might move to the couch today.”

Heidi clucked her tongue. “You should go out there and do something. Take a walk, get some fresh air. Just because you’re not spending your break in the Caribbean like your friend Connor doesn’t mean you get to-”

Evan coughed when his juice suddenly went down the wrong pipe.

Heidi gave him a knowing look as she put down her mug. “His father works for Harvey, Porter, and Lee too, you know.”

Evan gripped the side of the counter. “Oh. He does?”

She nodded slowly. “He told me all about the vacation he’s taking his family on.”

She knew.

Or suspected.

Evan wasn’t sure which. 

He fumbled with his pop tart when it popped up. 

Heidi pointed at him as she reached for her bag. “Don’t forget – dinner with the Kleinmans tonight, birthday lunch with me tomorrow, and...”

She took a breath and gave him a quick smile. “You have an appointment with Dr. Sherman on Friday.”

Evan nodded slightly.

He’d known that was coming. He knew he was supposed to check in with Dr. Sherman whenever he had a break from school. 

And he had. 

For the most part.

He hadn’t had time to see Dr. Sherman over Thanksgiving and he’d skipped the first appointment his mother had made in December, but he’d gone twice in January. He thought that should count for something.

Heidi swooped down to kiss the top of his head. “Nineteen... I can’t believe it.”

And then she was gone.

Evan wrapped up his pop tart and went back to bed.

Evan kept his eyes glued to the paper in his hand as he turned it over again. 

“It’s a tree,” Connor explained.

“I see that.” Evan forced himself to look back up. “You got me a tree?”

“There’s a tree sanctuary on the island. I thought-”

“You know, most people bring back t-shirts and postcards and-and magnets when they go on vacation.”

“I got you a t-shirt too. That’s for your birthday.”

“Oh,” Evan mumbled.

“You don’t like it?” 

“No, I do.”

“Zoe thought it was stupid too.”

Evan traced the lettering with his finger. “It’s just... I didn’t get you anything for your birthday.”

“My birthday was in September.”

“I know.”

“We were barely even friends then.”

Evan nodded slightly. “I might go see my father in Colorado this summer.”

“Bring me back a rock.”

Evan snorted and gave him a thumbs up.

Evan startled when the door to his room flew open and Ryan came stumbling in.

It wasn’t that he’d never seen Ryan drunk before. He’d just never seen him that drunk. He’d never seen him laugh that loudly either.

Ryan grabbed the edge of his desk as he tried to steady himself. 

Evan looked from Ryan to the guys who’d followed him in and back again.

“Layla dumped him,” the guy in the middle explained.

Ryan snapped his fingers and pointed at Evan. “Get up, get up, get up!”

Evan looked to Ryan’s friends for help.

“We’re going to take him to Alfie’s Diner so he can soak up some of the alcohol with greasy food.”

“I need my bros!” Ryan cried. “Where my bros at?”

Evan shook his head because he hadn’t realized he was one of Ryan’s bros until that moment. He wondered when that had happened.

“I have an 8 am lecture,” Evan reminded him.

“Class?” Ryan groaned. “Who can think about class at a time like this?”

Evan closed his eyes and reached for his phone. He sent Connor a quick text ( _SOS – meet me in the lobby_ ) before standing up.

If he was going to do this, he wasn’t doing it alone.

All of Ryan’s energy seemed to disappear as soon as they were seated.

He rested his cheek on the table and stared blankly at his fingers as they tap danced in front of him. The only sound that escaped from his mouth was the occasional cry of ‘Layla!’

His friends (Seth, Kai, and Chris) introduced themselves before launching into the story of how Ryan had become so intoxicated.

They made it sound like there was more to it than there really was.

Evan felt like they could’ve summed it up in a few short sentences. Layla got mad at Ryan and told him they were over. Ryan went to Seth’s dorm and drank all his beer. Ryan’s friends could tell he’d reached his limit, so they ignored his requests to go out.

And that was that.

“You missed all the fun,” Seth grinned. “Ryan serenaded us before we left my room.”

“There’s plenty more where that came from,” Kai said. “Next year’s going to be awesome.”

“Next year?” Evan blinked.

“The four of us are going to get a suite together next year,” Kai explained.

“Oh,” Evan nodded.

He hadn’t thought about that. He hadn’t thought about the fact that Ryan probably wouldn’t want to room with him again.

“What’re you two doing?” Kai asked. He jabbed a fry in their direction.

Evan chanced a glance at Connor before clearing his throat and staring at the wall. “Uh...”

“We need to find at least two more guys,” Kai continued. “Sophomores almost never get the two bedroom suites. We’ll have better odds of getting something together if there are six of us.”

“Or eight,” Chris chimed in. “There are a ton of four bedroom suites.”

“We haven’t really...” Evan looked at Connor again and shrugged.

“Think about it,” Kai begged. He clasped his hands together and pretended to pout. “It’ll be fun. We’re a fun group.”

“We have the best booze.” Chris grinned like that was a major selling point.

Connor slid out of the booth and nodded at the counter. “I’m going to...”

Evan watched him go.

No one else seemed to notice when he strode past the counter and went outside instead.

Evan stood up too. “We’ll be right back.”

He found Connor sitting on the curb outside the diner.

Connor didn’t look surprised when he sat down too.

“You don’t want to room with them?” Evan asked.

“Do you even know them?”

“Not really,” Evan admitted. “Kai comes by sometimes, but other than that...”

Connor nodded numbly. “So, next year...”

“Yeah?”

Connor gestured between them. “You want to?”

“You don’t want to stick with Cole?”

Connor recoiled at the suggestion. 

Evan couldn’t help laughing at his expression. “And here I thought you and Cole were in it for the long haul.”

Connor waited until his laughter subsided. “Was there a yes in there somewhere?”

Evan nodded. He gestured at the diner. “The housing lottery’s not for a few weeks, so we can think about the rest later.”

He tilted his head when a thought popped into it. “Does Cole know you’re not going to be roommates next year?”

“He has to, doesn’t he?”

“I don’t know. Does he have any friends?”

“None that I’ve seen.”

Evan chewed his lip as another thought occurred to him.

“What?” Connor demanded.

“I just had a really horrible idea.”

“Do I want to know?”

“Jared has decided to go here next year.”

Connor nodded like he was afraid to hear where this was going. “Okay...”

“And Cole’s going to need a roommate. And those guys just said the odds of getting a suite together are even better with eight people.”

Connor burst out laughing. “Oh my God... I never realized you were this evil.”

“I’m not-”

“Jared and Cole?” Connor tried to smother his laughter with his hand. “Okay. Fine. I’m in.”


	10. Freshman Year - April and May

“Let me see that.”

Evan glanced up suspiciously. “Why?”

Connor didn’t bother answering. He yanked the papers out of Evan’s hands and started marking them up so quickly that all Evan could do was stare.

“What are you doing?” Evan hissed. He reached out to grab the notes, but Connor turned away before he could.

Evan’s hands trembled in his lap as he squinted at the sun. He tried to make himself breathe. He willed his heart to slow down.

He glared at Connor when he finally returned the notes. “What was that?”

“Take a breath every time you see a triangle.”

Evan flipped through the pages. “What-”

“Tenth grade world history. Your presentation on the French Revolution. You almost passed out.”

Evan grimaced because he had. He really had.

He would’ve been surprised that Connor remembered that, but he knew it was one of the few things about him that had stood out. Several of his classmates had spent days pretending to faint in front of him after that speech.

“You’re lucky you don’t have this problem,” Evan muttered.

His eyes flashed when he spotted Mia and Lauren heading their way.

Connor took the hint and swallowed whatever he’d been about to say.

Lauren climbed up onto the wall next to Connor and practically crawled into his lap.

Evan looked away because it was a weird sight to see. No matter how many times he saw it, it still felt weird. It was like his brain managed to forget how touchy-feely Lauren was every time she went away.

Mia rolled her eyes at them. “Get a room, why don’t you?”

Her hand brushed against Evan’s as she leaned over to look at his notes. “You finished your PowerPoint?”

Evan nodded. “I have to give my speech in about twenty minutes.”

“You nervous?”

A sudden wave of terror spread through Evan’s body. 

She could tell? She could tell he was freaking out? It was that obvious?

The breath caught in his throat.

This went against everything he’d been trying to accomplish around her.

Hide the crazy. He had to keep that part of himself below the surface. He had to keep it buried. Six feet under preferably.

“I get so jittery before I have to give a speech,” Mia said. 

“Me too,” Evan mumbled.

She smiled as she stepped in front of him. She put her hands on his shoulders and tilted her head. “Kiss for good luck?”

He nodded and gave her something that resembled a smile. Or so he hoped.

It was a quick kiss because she could tell he wasn’t big on PDA. Or maybe because she wasn’t. They’d never actually talked about that.

They’d never actually talked about a lot of things, including what they were to each other. Evan tried to push that thought aside. This was not the time to think about that.

She leaned over to tap Lauren’s shoulder. “I’m going to the library. You coming?”

Lauren squinted at her like she’d sprouted another head. “Um...”

Mia rolled her eyes. “Forget I asked.”

She turned towards Evan again. “You’ve got this, okay?”

Evan looked at the slides in his lap. “Okay.”

“Whatever you do, don’t picture them naked. I actually tried that once. I won’t say it was the biggest mistake of my life, but...” She shuddered at the memory.

Evan closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind. He knew the material. He’d gone over it so many times he could recite it in his sleep.

He had recited it in his sleep. He’d dreamt about his speech the night before. He’d been naked in his dream. All of his clothes had spontaneously blown off of him while he was talking.

He was fairly certain that wouldn’t happen when he actually gave the speech.

He’d purposely picked out a different outfit though, just in case.

He tried to remind himself that the speech would only take up five minutes of his life. Ten if people asked a lot of questions.

He tried to remind himself that this was college, not high school. It was no longer considered cool to prey on the weak. 

He tried to remind himself that it didn’t matter if he scraped by with a C in this class. He was a science major. He wasn’t there to study history. He was only taking this course because he needed it for the gen ed requirement.

He tried to remember the feedback he’d gotten during the Toastmasters meetings Connor had dragged him to. Slow down. Make eye contact. Take a second if you need one. Don’t panic if the words don’t come out right. Breathe.

He studied the triangles Connor had drawn until Mia cleared her throat.

He knew that look. She was wondering where his mind had gone. 

She wasn’t the only one. Connor was staring at him too.

“Do you want to go over it again?” Connor asked.

Evan wished he could say yes. He’d been planning to go over it with Connor one more time before he left. The girls’ arrival had ruined that.

He shook his head. “I better head over there.”

Mia nodded. “I’ll walk with you. You’re going to Woodbury Hall, right? That’s next to the library.”

She raised an eyebrow at Lauren. “Are you coming or not?”

“Not,” Lauren chirped. She pulled back to study Connor. “My philosophy class was cancelled and Claire will be in the photo lab all afternoon. You want to...”

She wiggled her eyebrows and giggled into her hand.

Evan didn’t wait to see Connor’s response.

Mia linked her arm through his as they walked. “I’ll meet you afterwards for a victory coffee.”

She grinned when she saw his expression. “Or a sympathy scone.”

Evan forced himself to smile.

He forced himself to breathe, to move, to go on.

Evan nearly dropped his laptop when Connor collapsed onto the couch next to him. He let out a sound that didn’t even come close to sounding like a word. 

Connor pulled himself up so he could bury his face in his hands. “I think I just did something stupid.”

Evan closed his laptop and placed it on the table in front of them. “Stupid how?”

“Really fucking stupid,” Connor groaned into his hands.

“Okay.” Evan waited for him to go on. He bumped his shoulder when he didn’t. “I’m going to need more than-”

“I just slept with Lauren.”

“Oh.”

“Like I said, really fucking stupid.”

“Literally. Like, literally fucking...”

Connor snorted. “Stupid.”

Evan glanced at him quickly. “When you say just you don’t mean you-”

“Rolled out of her bed and came straight here?”

Evan nodded.

Connor was silent for a minute. “Kind of.”

“Oh my God,” Evan laughed.

Connor leaned back and stared at the ceiling. “I think it’s safe to say that experiment’s over.”

Evan stopped laughing when he heard that. “Was it still just an experiment for you?”

Connor fell silent again. 

“Not really. Kind of.” Connor shook his head dazedly. “I don’t know. I like her. Liked her.”

He pressed his hands against his forehead and rubbed. “I think we could’ve been friends if the circumstances had been different.”

“Maybe you still can.”

“After that?” Connor scoffed. “It’s too bad I can’t tell my parents about this.”

Evan looked at him like he’d lost his mind. “Why?” 

“Because they’ve always blamed my terrible decision-making skills on weed.” He glanced at Evan out of the corner of his eye. “I wasn’t high.”

“I didn’t say you were.”

“Or drunk or...” Connor puffed out his cheeks and exhaled loudly. “You were thinking it.”

“You don’t know what I was thinking!”

Evan knew he didn’t because even he wasn’t sure what he was thinking. His thoughts were bouncing around his head quickly and aimlessly and loudly. It was impossible for him to keep up.

“You know I was the school stoner.”

“One of the school stoners,” Evan corrected. 

And then he shut his mouth.

“You know I-”

“I know who you were. I haven’t seen that guy in a while though.”

“I still smoke sometimes.”

Evan nodded because he knew that. He smelled it on Connor every now and then. It didn’t bother him as much as he would’ve thought it would.

“I don’t use it the way I used to.”

Evan didn’t follow that. “How did you-”

“I used to use it when I felt like I was going to explode. Which was most of the time.”

“It had a calming effect on you?”

“Sometimes.” Connor shrugged. “Sometimes it calmed me. Sometimes it made me goofy. Sometimes it made me hungry. Sometimes it made me so angry and paranoid that I...”

He didn’t go on. 

Evan decided to lighten the mood. “What’s the goofiest thing it made you do?”

Connor bit his lip. “I don’t actually remember doing this, but Zoe swears I did.”

“What does she say you did?”

“She swears I came into her room one night and woke her up to watch the movie _Frozen_ with me. According to Zoe, I spent the entire movie rambling on about how we were just like Elsa and Anna.”

“Which one were you?”

“Elsa, obviously.”

“Did you sing ‘Let It Go’?”

Connor flipped him off and slid down in his seat. “Zoe has a video of it.”

“Okay, I’m going to need to see that video.” Evan reached for his phone. He changed his mind when he saw Connor’s face. He decided it would be in his best interest to text Zoe later.

His phone buzzed before he could put it back. “It’s Mia. She says Lauren’s wondering where you went.”

He raised his eyebrows at Connor. 

Connor groaned into his hands. “I may have left while she was in the bathroom.”

He smacked Connor’s arm.

“Like I said, really fucking stupid. The whole thing was a terrible decision.”

“Then why did you do it?”

“Because I wanted to.” Connor tugged at his hair and sighed. “I wanted to while it was happening.”

“You need to go back there.”

Connor jumped like he’d been shocked. “Are you crazy? I’m not going back there.”

“What do you want me to tell Mia?”

“Lie. Tell her you haven’t seen me since before your-” Connor tilted his head. “How’d your speech go, by the way?”

Evan’s mouth dropped open. “Are you seriously asking about my speech right now?”

“You survived at least.”

“It was fine. Nothing spectacular, but I...” Evan shook his head. “What are you going to do about Lauren?”

“Change my name and switch schools?”

“That’s not an option.”

“Claim I have an evil twin?”

“This isn’t our soap opera.”

“Tell her I had a family emergency and had to get out of there fast?”

Evan made a face. “Better, but-”

“Tell her I’m not interested?”

“After you...” Evan wrinkled his nose. “She’ll think her vagina turned you gay.”

He sat up a bit straighter. “Is that what this is really about?”

“The experiment has taught me that I was right. I’d say I’m definitely a 4 or 5 on the Kinsey scale.”

“Okay, so-”

“It was fine. The during part was fine. The before part was fine too. The after part was when I realized-”

Evan put up a hand to stop him. “Okay, this is getting weird.”

“I realized I’m not interested in Lauren. Not like that anyway. I think it would’ve been better if it had been with someone I really connected with.”

Evan sighed when he saw the guilt on Connor’s face. “Okay, so what-”

“I could always ghost her. Except that would put you in an awkward position, wouldn’t it? With Mia, I mean.”

Evan narrowed his eyes. “Ghosting her is not a valid option.”

“It is from where I’m sitting.”

“It’s a terrible idea. A terrible, cruel idea.”

“And telling her that sleeping with her made me realize I don’t like her that way isn’t?”

Evan shook his head. “Okay, well, looking on the bright side, you’ll be able to use this to show your parents that your terrible decision-making skills aren’t caused by weed after all.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you can tell them all about the girl who keyed your car because you ghosted her.”

“You think Lauren will-”

“Or slashed your tires. Or dumped a bowl of soup on your head.”

Connor stared at his hands. “I should call her.”

Evan nodded slowly. “But you aren’t going to, are you?”

“Maybe I’ll send her a text... in a day or two.”

Evan squeezed his eyes shut and reached for his phone. He sent Mia a text saying he didn’t know where Connor was.

And then he turned away so he could convince himself it wasn’t a total lie.

Ryan closed his textbook and spun around to face Evan. “Get ready. It’s time for Phase 3.”

“Phase 3?”

“Of my post-Layla life. Phase 1 was getting drunk. Phase 2 was trying to win her back. Phase 3 is moving on.”

“Okay, so you want me to clear out for the night?”

Ryan smirked and shook his head. “Get ready to party like it’s 1999.”

Evan tugged at his shirt. “Um...”

“We’re going out.”

“By we, you mean-”

“The guys are meeting us at Moyes House.” He nodded at Evan’s phone. “Tell Connor we’re leaving in five minutes.”

“I don’t know if Connor will be up for that. He’s kind of been trying to lay low since, uh...” Evan stopped himself when he remembered Ryan didn’t know about the Lauren debacle.

“Text him anyway. I’m not going to babysit you all night.”

“I don’t need a babysitter!”

“This is your first party and you’re...” Ryan gestured at him. “Just so we’re clear, we’re all going there with the intention of meeting people. You’ll pretty much be on your own from the start.”

Evan’s heart did a flip. “Maybe I’ll just stay in and-”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You’re one of the guys now!”

Evan sent Connor a quick text.

The music coming from Moyes House was so loud they could hear it from the street. That didn’t do anything to soothe Evan’s nerves.

True to his word, Ryan abandoned them the second they stepped inside.

Connor scanned the room. “Do you want to-”

He suddenly gasped like he’d been shocked.

Or pinched.

Evan realized that was the case when he spotted Lauren behind him.

“So, you are still alive,” Lauren sighed. “I was getting worried. I was starting to think you’d been abducted or something.”

Mia popped up behind Lauren. Her face lit up when she spotted Evan. She gave him a quick kiss. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Evan parroted.

She gestured at the others. “Let’s give these two a chance to talk.”

Evan ignored the look Connor gave him. The look that was clearly begging him to stay.

It served Connor right, really.

“Do you want to grab some punch?”

Mia chuckled as she followed him across the room. “You know that’s not safe to drink, don’t you?”

Evan froze in his tracks. “It’s not?”

“Party 101, don’t drink anything you didn’t open yourself.”

“Oh. Right.”

“There’s a cooler on the deck. We can get something from that.”

He followed her through the crowd and onto the porch. It was even louder outside than it was inside. And more crowded. So crowded that he started to feel dizzy.

She handed him a beer from the cooler and took one for herself. “Cheers.”

Evan eyed the cooler. “Is there any soda in there?”

“You know no one’s going to card you here, right?”

Evan nodded. “I know. It’s just...”

“Tap water’s your only non-alcoholic option tonight.”

She laughed when he continued to eye the bottle like it was going to bite him. “Do you need help opening it or...”

It took him a second to pop it open. He tried to play it off, but he could tell she’d noticed his struggle. He tentatively took a sip.

“Is that seriously your first beer?” Mia chuckled.

Evan shrugged. “Yes... sort of. My mom let me try a sip of hers when I was, like, thirteen.”

Mia smiled as she sipped hers. “You really are adorable.”

Her smile faded when she noticed something behind him. Evan turned to see.

Lauren was standing in the doorway, wiping her eyes and waving at Mia. Frantically waving.

Connor was nowhere to be seen.

Mia shoved her beer at Evan. “I better go deal with that.”

Evan had a feeling she wouldn’t be back.

He stood there for a minute, holding the two beers and listening to the music. He stayed there until the awkwardness of it all got to him and forced him back inside.

He spotted Ryan right away. He was sitting in a corner with Layla, smiling and hanging onto her every word. Evan had a feeling they’d be back together before the night was over.

He spotted Seth and Chris by the pool table, trying to chat up a pair of girls who looked like they hadn’t decided if they were interested yet.

He spotted Kai heading up the stairs with a girl from his Spanish class. 

He spotted Mel and Aimee dancing like they were the only ones on the floor. Which they were because it wasn’t exactly a dance party.

He jumped when someone snuck up and grabbed one of the bottles from him.

“Is that for me?”

Connor didn’t wait for an answer. He downed half the beer and wiped his mouth before finishing it off.

Evan raised his eyebrows and took a small sip of the other one.

Connor shook his head. “I need something harder than this.”

Evan turned on his heel and followed him back outside. “Do you really think that’s a good idea?”

“After that?” Connor waved his arms around dramatically. 

“That bad?”

“The experiment is officially dead. Not just over. Dead.”

Evan chewed his lip. “So, I take it you told Lauren?”

“She told me. She told me she won’t be treated like she’s nothing. And then I agreed.”

Evan’s eyes bulged. “That’s she’s nothing?”

“That she shouldn’t be treated like she’s nothing. At least that’s what I meant to say. She may have misunderstood though because then she started to cry and...”

“She left with Mia.”

Connor nodded numbly. “I really screwed that up.”

Evan couldn’t argue with that. 

Connor headed for the bar. “I need a drink.”

He paused to look over his shoulder. “You coming?

Evan watched his beer as he made it swirl. He gave a slight nod. “Yeah... okay.”

Evan groaned and shielded his eyes when Connor turned the light on. “Why did you do that?”

“Because it’s dark in here.”

“But it feels good. The darkness feels good. It’s too bright out there.”

“That was deep.”

“Deep?”

Connor nodded slowly. “Really deep. You should be a poet.”

“You’re the poet.” Evan snapped his fingers. “Poetry club. Next year. We’re joining one.”

Evan laughed when Connor nodded and gave him the okay sign. “You’re drunk.”

“So are you!”

Evan wrinkled his nose because that was a fair point. He collapsed on the floor next to his bed. He nodded to himself to show he’d meant to do that, that he really had been aiming for the floor and not his bed.

Connor sat down next to him and opened the bag they’d gotten from Alfie’s Diner. “Here. Eat this.”

Evan dry heaved when he looked at the cheeseburger. “I think I’ll pass.”

“You need to eat something.”

“So I have something to throw up?”

“So you don’t lose all your brain cells.”

“I don’t think that’s how it works.”

Connor shrugged. “You’re the scientist.”

Evan nodded. “I am.”

He tentatively took a bite of the burger. 

They ate in silence until the food was gone.

Evan opened his mouth to comment on how it looked like the musicians on Ryan’s posters were actually performing, but Connor sighed before he could.

He tilted his head at him. “What?”

Connor blinked. “What?”

“You sighed.”

Connor sighed again. “I’m starting to think this is a pattern with me.”

Evan didn’t follow that at all. “What?”

“Running away, avoiding things, ghosting people.”

Evan snapped his fingers. “We’re talking about Lauren.”

“We’re talking about me!” Connor leaned back against the bed. “I always do this.”

“I thought that was the first time you-”

“Okay, not this exactly, but...” Connor waved his arm around. “When things get rough, I can’t deal, so I run away. This time I literally, physically ran away.”

“Yeah...”

“I don’t think I’m cut out for this.”

“This?” Evan frowned.

“That. What Lauren wanted.”

“So, you’re saying it really was you and not her.”

“Or maybe it was her. I don’t know. Maybe if she’d been someone else...”

“So, you have to try again.”

“I should probably try with a guy next time.”

Evan jumped when their eyes met. “Don’t look at me.”

“I wasn’t looking at you!”

Evan scoffed at that.

“I mean, I was, but not like-”

“I’m not going to be one of your experiments!”

Connor folded his arms across his chest and pushed back against the bed. “I know. Trust me, I know.”

Evan couldn’t help feeling like he’d just been insulted. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that...” Connor looked at him quickly. “We’re friends.”

“Yeah...”

“And... It’s like I was telling Zoe. It is possible for two guys who like guys to just be friends.”

It took a second for that to sink in. Evan’s head popped up when it did. “You talked to Zoe about that?”

“What?” Connor demanded. “You’re mad I told her you like guys too?”

Evan shook his head dazedly. “That’s not... How did that even come up?”

Connor shrugged. “I don’t know, but it did. We talked about it when we were away last month.”

Evan shook his head again. “Yeah, well, you’re definitely going to have to look elsewhere for your next experiment.”

“I know.”

“I mean, there’s Mia for one thing.”

Connor snorted. “So, you’re saying if there wasn’t a Mia...”

Evan shuddered at the thought. “Even if there wasn’t a Mia, we’re friends. I don’t have many of those, so I’d really prefer not to lose one of the few I have.”

Connor nodded. “Same here.”

“Good. I’m glad that’s settled.” Evan held out his hand.

Connor laughed when he saw that. “Are you going for a handshake or a high five?”

Evan blinked when he noticed the direction his hand was pointing. “Um...”

Connor slapped his hand and then shook the top of it. “That’s our thing now. You know how some guys do those crazy complicated handshakes. That’s ours.”

“All the other guys will be so jealous.”

Connor’s eyes narrowed as he scanned the room. “Do you have any chocolate? I could really go for some chocolate about now.”

“In my desk drawer.”

Connor groaned and slid down until he was lying on his back.

Evan thought it was safe to say neither of them felt like moving.

Evan stared blankly at the wall when the call ended. He felt like he’d been hit by a train. “That was my dad.”

Connor lowered his book and looked at him. “Oh?”

He smirked when Evan didn’t continue. “Why do you look like you just got off the phone with my dad?”

Evan inhaled sharply. “He got me a job at the camp my siblings are going to this summer.”

“And that’s a bad thing?”

“He didn’t even ask. He just went ahead and... Is that even legal? I’m nineteen. Shouldn’t I have a say in these things?”

“I think they’d have to listen if you refused to work there.”

Evan shook his head. “His friend’s wife runs it. That’s why they hired me sight unseen. No interview necessary when you’re Dan Hansen’s son.”

“How long is the camp?”

“What?”

“The camp. How long is it? Didn’t you say you were only spending a week there?”

Evan let his breath out in a huff. “That’s the other thing. My dad must be experiencing one of his random bursts of parenting because he’s decided I should spend the whole summer there.”

“That you should definitely have a say in.”

“But here’s the kicker. He’s decided to give me his old car. He’s already talked to my mom about it. They’ve decided I can spend the summer there and then she’ll fly out in August when she can take a week off. And then the two of us will drive home together.”

“Sounds better than-”

“Oh my God,” Evan moaned. “Are you still upset about that? Do you even know how lucky you are?”

“It’s for the entire summer!”

“It’s Europe!”

“With Zoe and my parents.”

“Your parents will only be there for part of it. You and Zoe will have plenty of time to-”

“Kill each other?”

Evan didn’t know what to say.

Connor closed his eyes. “Zoe and I have a complicated relationship.”

Evan really didn’t know what to say. “It’s not for the whole summer.”

“It’s for two months.”

“That’s still not the whole summer. I fly out the day after I go home.” Evan chewed his lip. “You want to know the really funny part?”

“What?”

“This all started because Ella, my seven-year-old half-sister, started telling the kids who were picking on her that her big brother was going to beat them up. Which made them laugh because they know Liam. So then she started telling them about me.”

“So you’re going to be a counselor for a bunch of kids who think you-”

“Are a black belt with a license to kill? Yeah.”

Connor snorted. “Thanks. I needed that.”

“Anytime,” Evan grinned.

Evan didn’t know what to do when they were done.

Which wasn’t a surprise because he hadn’t really known what to do during any of it. 

It wasn’t that he...

He’d seen things. And read things. And _seen_ things.

He knew where everything went and how it all worked.

And it had helped that Mia had clearly done it before.

He wondered if she could tell he hadn’t.

Who was he kidding? Of course, she could. 

He stared at the ceiling and waited for his heart to slow down. He didn’t look at her.

And then he did.

They both laughed.

She patted his arm. “That was fun.”

Fun?

Evan supposed it was.

He didn’t know what to say.

His brain was still reeling from what had just happened. He tried to figure out what had set it into motion. He really wasn’t sure.

One second, they’d been studying and then they’d been kissing and then she’d started taking off his shirt and...

She cleared her throat. “Not to be a party pooper, but you should probably go.”

Well, that settled that.

Evan wasn’t sure if he was relieved or insulted.

“It’s just Jen will be back any minute and that will really ruin the mood.”

She slipped her t-shirt back on and slid out of bed. He watched as she finished getting dressed.

“I’m going to the bathroom.” Her eyes twinkled when she looked over her shoulder. “You have my permission to be gone when I get back.”

She paused with her hand on the door. “So, if I don’t see you, have a good summer.”

“You too!” Evan called after her.

Evan was the last one there. He’d expected that. He’d expected to be the last one when he’d realized what time it was.

Though, in all honesty, he’d expected it to be even later than it was. Apparently, the thing with Mia had not taken...

His cheeks heated up when he thought about that. He slid into the booth next to Connor and looked around the table. “Sorry. I-”

“You’re late,” Cole snapped.

Evan stared at his hands. “I know. Sorry. Mia and I were studying together and...”

His eyes darted towards Connor. He was dying to say something, to tell someone.

“We were talking about all these theories that no longer exist.”

It took Connor a second and then he burst out laughing.

That got everyone’s attention, especially Jared’s. Evan could practically see the wheels turning in Jared’s head as he tried to figure out what he was missing.

Evan drummed his fingers on the table. “Okay. So, what did I miss?”

“Nothing,” Cole sniffed. “We were waiting for you to get here before we started.”

“Again. Sorry.”

“I think we need to have a system. A chore wheel or chart. Otherwise it’ll be chaos next year.”

Chris and Seth exchanged a look that clearly screamed ‘is this guy for real?’

Connor nodded when they looked at him.

“We’re responsible for keeping our suite clean,” Cole reminded them. “Whatever you all want to do with your bedrooms is up to you, but...”

He turned to look at Jared. “I hope you’re clean.”

Jared’s mouth dropped open. He turned to glare at Evan.

Evan snorted and slid down in his seat. 

“But,” Cole drawled. “We are all going to be sharing the bathroom and the living room. And does anyone know if this suite has a kitchen?”

“A kitchenette,” Ryan said.

“I’ll work something out over the summer,” Cole decided. “Unless one of you wants to do it.”

He smiled when everyone just stared. “Now then. I think we need to establish some rules.”

Jared wasn’t the only one who glared at Evan that time.

Cole pulled out a notebook and pen. “First things first, we need to decide what our rules are concerning overnight guests.”

“Do you think there’s a basement lounge in Tilney Hall?”

Evan reached for his phone. “I can check.”

He sighed when the page wouldn’t load. “If there is, I hope it has better service than this one.”

“If not, we’ll have to find another spot.”

“Agreed,” Evan nodded. 

“So,” Connor started.

“So what?”

“Are you going to see Mia again before you leave?”

Evan shook his head. “She already left this morning.”

“She’s been in touch then?”

“She sent me a selfie from the road.”

“So, that means...”

Evan shrugged. “No idea.”

“You haven’t seen her since you two...”

Evan shrugged again. “The last thing she said to me was to have a good summer.”

“Ouch,” Connor cringed.

“Why does that get an ouch?”

“Isn’t that code word for...” Connor took a breath. “It’s like when we were in middle school and someone you didn’t know asked you to sign their yearbook, you always wrote have a good summer.”

“I think I know her pretty well.”

“Yeah, you do,” Connor grinned. “In the biblical sense.”

Evan rolled his eyes. “I mean... I don’t know. We never really defined things, I guess.”

“But you were exclusive?”

Evan’s heart skipped a beat. “I was.”

“Do you think you’ll see her next year?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. We’ll see.”

“Lauren sent me a have a good summer text.”

“Jeez,” Evan groaned. “Way to make me feel better.”

“I’m just saying...”

“Did you respond?”

“Do you think I should?”

Evan stared at him in disbelief. “Seriously? Are you trying to make her hate you?”

“I don’t want her to hate me!”

“Good because you’re both English majors, so your paths are bound to cross from time to time.”

Connor bit his lip. “She switched majors actually. She’s decided to study philosophy.”

“Because of you?”

“She didn’t say. I heard about it from someone else.”

Evan shook his head. “Okay, that’s it. No more experiments for you.”

Connor nodded. “Random meaningless sex it is then. From here on out, that’s all... What?”

“Yes,” Evan monotoned. “That’s exactly what I was suggesting you do.”

“Then what are you suggesting?” Connor demanded.

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe wait to sleep with someone until you actually feel a connection.”

“Like you did with Mia?”

“I felt a connection with Mia.”

“You’re in love with her?”

“I don’t know about that,” Evan muttered. “Or, actually, I guess I do. I’m not, but I felt something. More than you did with Lauren.”

Connor was silent for a moment. “I’m sorry it didn’t work out with you and Mia.”

“Who said it...” Evan snorted. “Yeah, okay. Maybe we’ll be friends next year.”

“Maybe Lauren and I will...” Connor nodded to himself when he saw Evan’s expression. “That’s not happening, is it?”

“Not unless she hits her head and forgets the last month.” 

Evan checked the time. It was after midnight. “I should probably call it a night. My mom’s coming at seven to help me move so she can make it to work by twelve.”

Connor stood up too. “I guess I won’t see you in the morning then.”

He did a double take. “I won’t see you for, like, three months, will I?”

Evan startled when he realized that. There was a difference between knowing something and having it hit you in the face. “We can still talk.”

“I don’t know what service will be like over there.”

“Or text. Or email. We can email.”

“We can Skype.”

Evan made a face. “I hate that. I hate how in your face it feels, like you know the other person is watching everything you do.”

“Email then. We’ll email.”

“Email,” Evan agreed. He paused before he hit the button for the elevator. He didn’t know if it was his exhaustion speaking or the rush from the past few days, but there was a question that wouldn’t leave him alone. “Do we hug?”

He jabbed the button and sighed when the doors immediately opened. He kept his eyes straight ahead until they reached his floor.

He turned to say goodbye to Connor. He laughed when he saw Connor’s outstretched arms.

He stepped into the hug and returned it.

It was quick and soft and kind of great. Evan was surprised how good Connor smelled.

He took a step back before he could dwell on that. “See you.”

“See you,” Connor echoed.

He jumped out of the elevator before the doors could close. He looked over his shoulder to wave, but it was too late. Connor was already gone.


	11. Summer After Freshman Year

**Tuesday, June 2, 2020 10:45 AM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Work**

So, turns out my father.... scratch that... Larry because we’re at work and he knows what it’ll sound like if the other interns hear me call him Dad and he doesn’t want me to feel uncomfortable or weird or like I’m here because nepotism is alive and well... and not because he is in any way, shape, or form embarrassed to have people know I’m his son...

Turns out Larry wasn’t kidding about me working in his office until we leave.

You were right. I should’ve listened.

I should’ve known better. I should’ve known that joke was too

**Tuesday, June 2, 2020 11:20 AM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: Work**

Turns out sending personal emails is not one of my jobs.

That they are not paying me for.

That I did not agree to do.

I’m going to have to type really fast or people will start to think I’m up to no good.

Because everyone here moves faster than The Flash.

It really

**Tuesday, June 2, 2020 12:55 PM  
To: Evan  
From Connor  
Subject: Re: Work**

Lunch.

Finally.

I might actually be able to type this email without being interrupted.

So.

This morning wasn’t the total nightmare I was expecting.

It could’ve been worse.

I’m not here to be Larry’s slave. This evil lady named Eden must’ve drawn the short straw because she’s the official intern wrangler.

She already hates me. Probably because I’m the only one who isn’t sucking up to her every time she comes by.

All the other interns are acting like this is the BEST THING EVER. They’re all pre-law though, so I guess they have to see it that way.

Shit.

You don’t think this is Larry’s way of getting his claws into me, do you? I am not going to become a lawyer. If you ever hear me say I am, call the authorities and show them this email because someone has clearly slipped something in my coffee.

**Tuesday, June 2, 2020 1:00 PM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: Work**

You’re a scientist. Is there something that people can slip into your coffee to brainwash you into becoming a lawyer? Because if there is, I need to know all about it. 

**Tuesday, June 2, 2020 2:15 PM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: Work**

You’ll never guess who’s here.

Alana Beck.

From high school.

Do you remember her?

She’s sitting across from me and I kept thinking she looked familiar and she finally said we went to high school together.

I think she’s sad I didn’t remember her name.

**Tuesday, June 2, 2020 2:20 PM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: Work**

Alana just asked if I want a tic tac.

Do I have bad breath?

You’d tell me if I had bad breath, wouldn’t you?

**Tuesday, June 2, 2020 3:00 PM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: Work**

Alana says hi.

**Tuesday, June 2, 2020 4:00 PM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: Work**

Zoe just stopped by to give my dad his jacket for tonight. Our parents are going to some fancy dinner and he walked out without it.

She smirked at me the whole time she was here.

Because, of course, she doesn’t have to get a job until we leave. Because the thought of her having nothing to do for three weeks doesn’t terrify our parents.

Mom tried saying it’s because Zoe just graduated and therefore needs a break.

Which is such crap because everyone knows she mentally checked out of high school in March. She spent the last few months coasting on fumes.

I, on the other hand, have been dealing with finals and papers and Lauren.

Did I tell you she texted me last night? “Accidentally” texted me.

She sent me a picture of her resting her head on some guy’s shoulder. 

And then she said “oops” and sent a laughing emoji.

Whatever makes her feel better, I guess...

**Tuesday, June 2, 2020 4:45 PM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: Work**

What do you think the record is for the longest paperclip chain ever made? Because if it’s less than ten feet I’m a legend.

I’d look it up, but they were very clear about what we are and are not allowed to use our computers for.

I know I’m pushing my luck by checking my email this much.

Heaven forbid I get fired from my unpaid, unwanted internship.

**Tuesday, June 2, 2020 11:30 PM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: Re: Work**

Ok, for future reference, that was more than a couple emails. 

I was expecting to find 2, maybe 3. 

So, yeah. Just something to keep in mind next time you decide to warn someone you sent them “a couple emails.”

I’d hate to see what my phone would look like if you’d been able to text today.

I’m starting to get why you sounded so frazzled though.

Not frazzled. That’s not the word.

I don’t know.

Cut me some slack. It’s late and I’m tired.

My mom called right after you did.

Turns out she was given the option of having an intern this summer.

I have a feeling you’re going to be reassigned tomorrow.

\-----

**Thursday, June 4, 2020 11:10 AM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Sorry**

I may have just told your mom about Mia.

**Thursday, June 4, 2020 9:20 PM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: Re: Sorry**

Yeah.

I noticed.

**Friday, June 5, 2020 9:30 AM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: Sorry**

Shit.

She said something?

**Friday, June 5, 2020 5:10 PM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: Re: Sorry**

We had a nice, long talk about it.

**Friday, June 5, 2020 8:40 PM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: Sorry**

Was she mad?

She didn’t look mad when I told her.

Surprised, but not mad.

**Saturday, June 6, 2020 11:00 AM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: Re: Sorry**

She wasn’t mad.

Disappointed, but not mad.

Disappointed that I hadn’t told her myself.

**Saturday, June 6, 2020 3:00 PM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: Sorry**

It was an accident. I didn’t know you hadn’t told her!

**Saturday, June 6, 2020 9:30 PM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: Re: Sorry**

Does your family know about Lauren?

**Sunday, June 7, 2020 2:15 PM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: Sorry**

Ok. You’ve made your point.

Is there anything else I should avoid mentioning around your mom?

**Sunday, June 7, 2020 8:00 PM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: Re: Sorry**

Maybe just don’t talk to her about me at all?

**Sunday, June 7, 2020 11:30 PM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: Sorry**

You know that’s not possible, don’t you?

Your mother and your best friend are working together. You know your name’s going to come up at least ten times a day.

**Monday, June 8, 2020 8:00 AM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: Re: Sorry**

When do you leave for your trip again? 

**Monday, June 8, 2020 11:45 AM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: Sorry**

June 21st.

Don’t remind me.

\-----

**Saturday, June 13, 2020 7:50 PM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: (no subject)**

Ok, you aren’t answering and this is too long to text and I’m kind of freaking out, so...

Guess what I did today?

I took a CPR/First aid class with my dad.

Turns out I need to be certified before I can start working at Camp Sunny Pines.

I’m also supposed to know how to play tennis and baseball and be able make a birdhouse out of popsicle sticks.

Ok, I can do that last one.

And I have a very basic understanding of tennis and baseball, but still.

By basic, I basically mean I know where the ball’s supposed to go. For the most part.

This whole thing has disaster written all over it.

So, anyway, my dad decided to take the class with me as a sort of bonding exercise. A chance for us to spend some time one on one. In a class with a dozen other people.

Including Blake, my dad’s friend’s son who’s going to be a sophomore at Villanova and just came out as gay.

Yeah, you read that right. That is exactly what my father told me when he spotted Blake.

I guess I should just be happy he didn’t say that when he introduced us.

My dad tried to act cool, but he was vibrating with excitement.

I mean, I get it. I know he wants me to know he’s cool with the bi thing. And I know he loves those random moments where he feels like he’s actually connected to my life.

And he feels bad about the fact that he hasn’t spent much time with me since I got here. He’s worried I’m getting bored sitting around the house all day. And that I’m resentful about having to chauffer the kids everywhere.

But this?

So not the way to fix that.

At least he didn’t tell Blake I’m bi.

He just said we should hang out some time, that Blake should show me all the “cool spots” in town.

And then he stood there and stared until Blake suggested we exchange numbers.

He spent the whole ride home telling me I should ask Blake to do something while the kids are at a birthday party tomorrow.

I half-expected him to grab my phone and do it himself.

You know what the worst part is? Blake’s going to be a lifeguard at our pool. 

And as the kids’ summer chauffer, you know what that means...

**Saturday, June 13, 2020 11:00 PM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: (no subject)**

Is he hot?

**Sunday, June 14, 2020 9:30 AM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: Re: (no subject)**

That’s what you got from that?

**Sunday, June 14, 2020 2:20 PM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: (no subject)**

You didn’t answer the question.

**Sunday, June 14, 2020 5:50 PM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: Re: (no subject)**

I don’t know. I guess.

**Sunday, June 14, 2020 8:30 PM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: (no subject)**

Which means yes.

I say you text him. Or, if that feels too forward, you can always go to the pool and pretend to drown.

You know he knows CPR, so... you know.

**Sunday, June 14, 2020 11:45 PM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: Re: (no subject)**

I didn’t say I was interested in him.

**Monday, June 15, 2020 7:30 AM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: (no subject)**

Ok, no fake drowning then.

You could use a friend out there though and he’s the only potential one you’ve mentioned. 

So, unless you plan on bonding with your fellow counselors this week, you might want to give him a shot.

**Monday, June 15, 2020 1:30 PM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: Re: (no subject)**

We’re having dinner at the pool tonight.

You haven’t found a way to conspire with my dad too, have you?

**Monday, June 15, 2020 5:30 PM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: (no subject)**

Try to take a picture of him if you can.

I want a visual of this guy.

\------

**Wednesday, June 17, 2020 8:00 AM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: Blake**

Ok, fine you win. I don’t know why you still want this. I had to get it from the cloud because I deleted it after he told me about his ex, who he is clearly not over. 

I’m off to counselor orientation now. 

Hope your day is better than mine.

< attachment >

**Wednesday, June 17, 2020 11:30 AM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: Blake**

He’s cute. 

Alana and I approve.

\------

**Wednesday, June 17, 2020 11:45 AM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Sorry, pt. 2**

So... there’s a chance your mom may have overheard us talking about Blake.

**Wednesday, June 17, 2020 6:30 PM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: Re: Sorry, pt. 2**

That’s it.

I’m telling Zoe about Lauren.

\-----

**Thursday, June 18, 2020 5:45 PM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Zoe**

WTF??

You actually texted Zoe about Lauren?

What. The. Hell.

And don’t say I told your mom about Mia and Blake.

That was an accident. Both times.

You intentionally told my sister something I didn’t want her to know.

She won’t leave me alone now and it’s all your fault.

**Thursday, June 18, 2020 6:30 PM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: Zoe**

Ok, we’re even.

I told her about your crush.

**Thursday, June 18, 2020 10:00 PM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: Re: Zoe**

You told her?

Oh my God.

Why?

Ok, I get that I may have crossed a line. I probably shouldn’t have texted her, but I was annoyed and...

Yeah, I know that’s not an excuse. 

That was the last thing I needed to see after the day I had. Being a camp counselor is like being back in high school. Everyone knows each other and they’ve all already formed their cliques. I ate lunch in my car again today.

How am I supposed to look Zoe in the eye now? This really sucks because I’m going to see her all the time next year.

**Friday, June 19, 2020 8:30 AM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: Zoe**

What do you mean you’re going to see her all the time next year?

**Friday, June 19, 2020 8:45 AM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: Zoe**

She’s going to our school next year? How did you know that and I didn’t?

**Friday, June 19, 2020 9:00 AM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: Zoe**

This has my parents written all over it.

Last I heard, Zoe was going to what’s-it-called. I forget. It’s in Ohio.

Or Iowa.

Or Hawaii.

I forget. She was going to one of those states. 

When did that change?

**Friday, June 19, 2020 9:30 PM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: Re: Zoe**

I don’t know. She mentioned it to me last month, I think.

Why does it have your parents written all over it?

**Saturday, June 20, 2020 2:30 PM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: Zoe**

Because she’s obviously going there to keep an eye on me.

**Saturday, June 20, 2020 7:00 PM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: Re: Zoe**

Do you really think your parents would do that?

Do you really think Zoe would go along with it? This is her future we’re talking about. Do you really think she’d agree to go there just to spy on you?

When I talked to her, she mentioned our school’s music program and that it’s close to home. Those seemed to be the big selling points for her.

**Sunday, June 21, 2020 5:30 AM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: Zoe**

Yes to your first question.

Zoe said the same thing you did when I asked her.

I’m withholding judgment until after our trip.

\-----

**Wednesday, June 24, 2020 9:30 PM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Trees**

< file containing 5 photos >

**Thursday, June 25, 2020 6:30 PM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: Re: Trees**

Wow... ok... thanks?

Should I start a Trees of Europe folder?

**Saturday, June 27, 2020 4:15 PM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: Trees**

Yes.

< file containing 10 photos >

**Sunday, June 28, 2020 2:30 PM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: Re: Trees**

Awesome. Thanks.

You know you don’t have to limit yourself to trees though, right? Feel free to send pictures of flowers and animals and anything, really.

**Monday, June 29, 2020 7:30 PM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: Trees**

< files containing 52 photos >

\-----

**Sunday, July 5, 2020 8:30 PM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: Where are you**

Answer this the second you get it.

I’m serious.

**Monday, July 6, 2020 6:30 AM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: Re: Where are you**

This isn’t funny.

I’m freaking out here.

Your parents and Zoe keep calling me to see if I’ve heard from you.

**Monday, July 6, 2020 12:30 PM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: Re: Where are you**

Do you know how many times I’ve checked my phone this morning?

If a camper dies under my watch, I’m blaming you.

**Monday, July 6, 2020 4:00 PM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: Re: Where are you**

Zoe finally told me what happened.

I get why you took off, but you have to at least let someone know you’re alive.

Me preferably because I’m seriously considering starting a GoFundMe so I can fly over there and help them look.

Only thing stopping me is my lack of a passport.

**Monday, July 6, 2020 4:30 PM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: Re: Where are you**

You know your dad’s leaving in three days, don’t you?

**Monday, July 6, 2020 4:35 PM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: Re: Where are you**

Or should I say he’s supposed to leave in three days?

You know he’s not going to leave until you’ve been found, right?

So, if you’re planning to keep hiding until his plane takes off, you may want to rethink some things.

**Tuesday, July 7, 2020 3:30 AM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: Where are you**

Don’t let any campers die under your watch.

You would never survive a real-life horror movie.

**Tuesday, July 7, 2020 3:35 AM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: Where are you**

I’m sorry I scared you. If I’d known they were going to pull you into this, I would’ve checked my email while I was gone.

**Tuesday, July 7, 2020 6:30 AM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: Re: Where are you**

Zoe told me you’re back.

Don’t do that again.

Seriously. 

Don’t even think about doing it again.

You can’t just take off like that. Every time the phone rang, I thought it was going to be someone telling me they’d found you dead in a gutter somewhere.

They sent me home from work yesterday because I was so distracted.

My dad had to pick up Liam and Ella because I forgot them.

I’ve barely slept since Zoe first called.

So, I’m serious.

Don’t. Do. That. Again.

\-----

**Wednesday, July 8, 2020 2:30 AM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: An Explanation**

I don’t know what Zoe told you, but here’s my side of it.

It was because of my dad. And my mom. And Zoe. And, to some extent, you.

Because you were the one who told Zoe about Lauren.

She was teasing me about it the other day and our parents heard and, well, you know the rest.

They were confused. Well, my mom was. She sat there blinking and saying she thought I liked boys.

And then there was this moment where I could see what she was imagining. Big white wedding, grandkids, the works.

And then she caught herself and reached out to touch me.

I didn’t let her.

Then my dad started chuckling and saying he’d always known I’d spoken too soon. He started going on about how I’d only told them I was gay when I was thirteen because I’d wanted to feel special, to get their attention. 

So, yeah, you can probably guess how I took that. 

I said my piece and left. I didn’t plan to take off for a couple days. I was only planning to circle the block and maybe go to the park until Zoe tracked me down. 

I didn’t plan to hop on a train and fall asleep and do an exhaustion/rage-fueled European tour. I don’t even know where I went. I just know I’m sending you a lot of pictures of hills and farms.

I eventually made my way back to London and got yelled at by my family.

Really yelled at. To the point where my parents are talking about cutting our trip short. My dad’s planning to stay a few extra days until things calm down and Mom’s decided she’s not leaving us here alone after all. She was supposed to leave in two weeks so Zoe and I can explore on our own. I have a feeling we all might head back with my dad.

Which is fine with me. I knew this trip was going to be a fucking disaster.

It’s not just what my dad said. It’s that he always says things like that.

Anytime I say anything he doesn’t like, he says I’m being dramatic or seeking attention or making shit up. 

Zoe said she told you about the last time I took off like that. She said she didn’t really get into it though because it isn’t her story to tell.

It happened during the summer before senior year. I was going through a rough time. I had been for a while. My parents blamed it on the weed. They sent me to counselors and therapists and people who tried to tell me that smoking pot kills you.

It got to the point where I just couldn’t anymore. I couldn’t keep going to stuffy old doctors who looked down on me. I couldn’t keep going to yoga retreats and spas where it’s impossible to find water without a piece of fruit in it. Or cucumber. You wouldn’t believe how much cucumber water I drank that year.

They caught me sneaking in one night and let me have it when they smelled the pot on my clothes. My mother cried. My father yelled. Zoe stuck her head out and rolled her eyes when she saw what was happening.

I stood there and listened to them until I couldn’t listen anymore. 

I started yelling back. I told my mom not to sign me up for another fucking yoga class. I told Zoe to mind her own fucking business. I told my dad to go fuck himself.

And that was just the start.

I went on and on while they stood there staring at me like they were shell-shocked. I don’t even remember half the things I said.

I finished by saying maybe it would be better for everyone if I just killed myself. I grinned and said that was an excellent idea, actually. The solution to all our problems. 

And I meant it. 

My mother cried even harder at that and tried to hug me. Zoe scoffed and chewed her lip like she didn’t know what to think.

And my father rolled his eyes and told me to stop being so dramatic. He tried to laugh and play it off by saying he didn’t know where I got that from.

He stopped when he realized he was the only one laughing. He straightened himself up and told me in his most patronizing tone that I had their attention, to go ahead and tell them what was bothering me.

I couldn’t. 

I couldn’t stay there any longer.

I turned on my heel and stormed out of the house. 

I didn’t come back for two days. 

So, that’s why they were freaking out this time. 

And that’s why I couldn’t stay put after my dad said what he said. 

I don’t expect you to get all that, but there it is. 

For what it’s worth, I really am sorry I scared you.

**Wednesday, July 8, 2020 2:35 AM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: An Explanation**

I almost forgot...

< files containing 107 pictures >

**Wednesday, July 8, 2020 8:45 AM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: Re: An Explanation**

I don’t have time to respond to this properly because camp’s about to start, but I just wanted to say I get that. A lot. More than you’d think. 

**Wednesday, July 8, 2020 8:50 AM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: Re: An Explanation**

I’m shaking now, so thanks for that.

My campers think it’s funny. I wonder if I can convince them it’s some kind of dance.

**Thursday, July 9, 2020 12:10 AM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: An Explanation**

I feel like I should say I haven’t been that low in a while. That summer was probably the worst it got.

Things turned around a bit senior year and last year was the best I’ve ever been. And that’s not an exaggeration.

My mom and I went therapist shopping after I got suspended for pushing you. That was Ms. Ross’s suggestion. She talked to my mom when she picked me up and said I should be involved in the process, not just a pawn who gets placed here and there. 

We actually found one who’s been helping me. I see him every other month now.

**Thursday, July 9, 2020 8:15 AM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: Re: An Explanation**

I started seeing a therapist when I was fourteen because of my anxiety. The one I’m seeing now is the third one I’ve gone to because the first two weren’t a good fit.

So, yeah, I get what that’s like.

I get the rest of it too. I get reaching the point where you just can’t anymore, where you wonder if it’s worth it to keep going.

It is. I have to remind myself about that sometimes, but it’s true.

I think the fact that I haven’t really needed to remind myself in over a year is proof of that.

\-----

**Friday, July 10, 2020 9:40 PM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: Horror Movie Survival**

What do you mean I wouldn’t survive a real-life horror movie?

I would totally be one of the last ones standing.

I wouldn’t even be in it at all because I’d leave town the second some maniac with a machete started chopping people up.

And if I couldn’t leave, I would have the sense not to go investigate the strange noise, not to trust anyone I’d just met, and not to think it’s a good idea for the group to split up.

My anxiety would be an asset in a situation like that.

**Saturday, July 11, 2020 10:00 AM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: Horror Movie Survival**

I stand corrected.

I’d be the red herring, the one everyone thought was the killer. Which means I’d either be trapped by the people trying to survive and killed by the real killer or I’d get to be the one who unexpectedly saved the day.

\-----

**Sunday, July 12, 2020 3:30 PM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Going Home**

The four of us are officially going home on Wednesday.

I expected Zoe to throw a fit about it, but she didn’t.

She even told Dad she wants to work in his office too when we get back.

Because, of course, they’ve decided I should keep interning until it’s time to go back to school.

Because, of course, the idea of me having that much free time on their hands is terrifying beyond belief.

**Monday, July 13, 2020 8:00 AM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: Re: Going Home**

My mom was excited to hear you’re coming back. She said to tell you she has a pile of filing with your name on it.

\-----

**Wednesday, July 15, 2020 3:45 AM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Last Photo Dump**

< files containing 230 photos >

\-----

**Friday, July 17, 2020 4:30 PM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: ???**

What the hell happened on our show while I was gone?

I mean, seriously, when did the aliens show up?

**Saturday, July 18, 2020 10:30 AM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: Re: ???**

There are aliens on the show now?

I haven’t seen it in a few weeks.

I’ve been kind of busy working, you know.

**Sunday, July 19, 2020 9:30 PM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: ???**

You need to catch up on it.

It isn’t nearly as fun talking to my mom about it as it is talking to you.

\-----

**Thursday, July 23, 2020 11:45 AM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: (so subject)**

Do you know this guy?

< attachment >

**Friday, July 24, 2020 11:50 AM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: (no subject)**

I sicced Alana on him.

His name’s Geoff.

He’s here to take your mom out to lunch.

**Friday, July 24, 2020 11:55 AM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: (no subject)**

I thought you said she wasn’t seeing anyone.

**Friday, July 24, 2020 12:00 PM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: (no subject)**

Alana thinks we should follow them.

Zoe concurs.

**Friday, July 24, 2020 10:30 PM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: Re: (no subject)**

Ok, so the texts I got from you and my mom make a lot more sense now...

\-----

**Monday, July 27, 2020 11:00 AM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Geoff**

Your mom’s boyfriend is trying to win us over. He brought in bagels and donuts for the whole office.

He stopped by my desk for a chat before he left because he heard we’re friends.

He asked me a lot of subtle questions and I gave him a lot of vague answers.

You’d be proud.

**Monday, July 27, 2020 10:00 PM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: Re: Geoff**

Is he nice? 

**Tuesday, July 28, 2020 9:15 AM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: Geoff**

I’d say yes.

But then they all are in the beginning, aren’t they?

\-----

**Sunday, August 9, 2020 11:00 PM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: On the Road**

My mom just stepped outside to answer a call.

It’s almost midnight.

That has to mean it’s Geoff, doesn’t it?

Should I pretend I don’t know about him?

**Monday, August 10, 2020 9:05 AM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: On the Road**

She knows you know.

Didn’t I mention that?

**Monday, August 10, 2020 9:30 PM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: Re: On the Road**

You really love telling my mom things, don’t you?

**Tuesday, August 11, 2020 10:30 AM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: On the Road**

I miss your mom. She made work tolerable.

I’m helping my dad this week since she’s gone. He’s being so polite it’s scary.

At least this is my last week here.

I wonder if there’s going to be cake on Friday.

**Tuesday, August 11, 2020 10:00 PM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: Re: On the Road**

I feel like my eyeballs are burning. Driving all day is hard. 

We’re ahead of schedule though, so we might actually make it home on Thursday instead of Friday.

Which means I can come have cake with you and the other interns.

My mom said they’re getting a vanilla sheet cake. 

**Wednesday, August 12, 2020 11:00 AM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: On the Road**

It would be vanilla.

You can stop by – please stop by – but you haven’t earned that cake.

You’ve only earned a slice of that cake if you’ve spent your summer filing and typing memos and filing and working on spreadsheets for things you don’t understand.

And filing. Did I mention the filing?

**Wednesday, August 12, 2020 10:45 PM  
To: Connor  
From: Evan  
Subject: Re: On the Road**

Does it count for anything that I’m missing my end of camp party tonight because my mom had to fly out a week early?

I should be roasting marshmallows and awkwardly hanging out with my fellow counselors tonight, not sitting in a dingy motel room with my mom (who is in the bathroom whispering to someone on her phone).

She’s really serious about Geoff, isn’t she? 

She just told him she’d see him tomorrow.

I guess that means we’ll be home tomorrow. 

**Thursday, August 13, 2020 11:00 AM  
To: Evan  
From: Connor  
Subject: Re: On the Road**

Okay, fine.

I’ll save you a slice.


	12. Sophomore Year - August and September

Evan’s phone buzzed just as he started thinking it might be time for him to move from the couch to his bed.

_Are you up?_

Evan nodded and typed _Yes_.

The doorbell rang immediately.

He nearly fell off the couch as he scrambled to hit pause.

He didn’t bother checking to see who it was before he opened the door. “What would you have done if I’d said no?”

“Called you out for being a liar.” Connor gestured at the living room window. 

Evan raised his eyebrows. “You were spying on me?”

“I...” Connor puffed out his cheeks when he realized Evan was trying not to laugh. “If this were a horror movie, you’d be dead now.”

“Because I didn’t look outside first?”

Connor nodded. “You didn’t come get your cake.”

“Yeah, I, uh...” Evan shrugged.

He didn’t feel like explaining why he hadn’t. 

Connor nodded like he understood. “Alana was disappointed you didn’t show. She wanted to ask you what happened with Blake.”

“Blake?” Evan frowned. The name felt foreign to him. He knew who they were talking about, but... “Nothing happened with Blake.”

“That’s what I told her. She thought there were things you weren’t saying though.”

Evan snorted. “Yeah, no. We never even really talked or texted or...” He shrugged. “I saw him at the pool a couple times, from a distance, but that’s it.”

Connor still looked skeptical. “That’s it?”

“It’s like I told my dad, Blake and I weren’t meant to be just because we’re the same age and have similar inclinations.” Evan tilted his head. “Was there a European hookup you forgot to mention?”

Connor’s eyes widened at the suggestion. He looked past Evan and nodded. “What are you watching?”

“ _Prisoner of Azkaban_. I’ve decided to watch all eight movies this weekend.”

Connor nodded again. “Okay.”

He seemed to take that as an invitation. 

Evan wasn’t sure if it had been one, but he was okay with it all the same.

He flopped down on the couch and hit play. He jumped when a thought suddenly popped into his head. “What-”

“Is your mom home?”

Evan’s mouth snapped shut. “My mom?”

He shook his head. “She’s at Geoff’s. Why?”

“I was just wondering. You know, noise and all.”

Evan tilted his head. “Are you planning to cheer when they save Buckbeak?”

Connor rolled his eyes. “How’s all that going? Your mom and Geoff. Are you...”

“I’m having dinner with them next week.” Evan closed his eyes for a second. “That’s the real reason she flew out a week early. So I’d have time to meet Geoff. Because otherwise I would’ve come home and had, like, two days before I had to pack up for school.”

He had to give his mother credit. She’d known he was going to try to put off meeting Geoff for as long as he could, so she’d made sure he couldn’t use his lack of free time as an excuse. 

He sighed and looked Connor in the eye. “You think he’s nice?”

Connor nodded. “And he clearly adores your mother. We’re talking heart eyes.”

Evan pretended to gag. “This is my mom we’re talking about.”

“You don’t think her boyfriend should look at her like he thinks she hung the moon?”

Evan shuddered and slumped down in his seat. “I don’t know. She deserves someone great, but it’s weird. She’s never introduced me to anyone she’s gone out with.”

“Never?”

Evan shook his head. “Not that there have been many... Not that I know of at least. She was always so busy with work and school and me and...” He shrugged. “And I think she’s always tried to keep that part of her life separate. They must be really serious if she wants me to meet him.”

“Do you think she’s going to marry him?”

“Marry?” Evan choked. “Who said anything about getting married?”

“You just said-” Connor’s mouth snapped shut as he changed his mind. “I had dinner with my dad tonight.”

Evan twisted around to face him. “Just the two of you?”

Connor nodded solemnly. “It wouldn’t have worked out that way if you’d come to get your cake.”

Evan’s mouth opened and closed several times. “How was I supposed to know that?”

He shook his head to clear it. “I decided you were right. I didn’t earn that cake and it would've been weird if I just randomly showed up, especially since my mom works there too.”

He studied Connor for a moment. “Was it that bad?”

“He kept asking me questions and...” Connor chewed his lip. “He said he’s trying to understand me. That he feels like his life’s come full circle. That he felt like his father didn’t understand him and now he sure as hell doesn’t understand me.”

“Is that a bad thing? The trying to understand you part, I mean. It sounds like he’s-”

“My mom put him up to it, obviously.”

“Maybe he really does want to get to know you.” Evan resisted the urge to remind Connor about the questions his father had asked during their ski trip.

Connor glared at the tv.

Evan decided to change the subject. He cleared his throat and asked the question that had popped into his head. “What house do you think you’d be in?”

“Ravenclaw,” Connor said automatically. 

“Me too,” Evan nodded. “Though I feel like I could make a case for Hufflepuff and Slytherin too.”

“Not Gryffindor?”

“Definitely not Gryffindor.”

“I could see the Sorting Hat putting me in Gryffindor if it was in a weird mood.”

Evan gestured at the screen. “I really wanted a hippogriff when I was growing up.”

“I wanted a...” Connor jabbed a finger in his direction. “Don’t laugh.”

“I’m not laughing,” Evan grinned.

“I wanted a Pygmy Puff.”

“Aww,” Evan cooed.

He smirked when Connor turned to glare at him. “What? You said no laughing. I’m not laughing!”

He couldn’t help laughing when Connor narrowed his eyes at the tv.

Geoff Heffelfinger really was a nice guy.

And he clearly adored his girlfriend.

But it was still weird for Evan to see his mother hold hands with someone.

It wasn’t that he thought his parents should get back together. He definitely didn’t think that.

It wasn’t that he thought his mother should stay single forever or that he was afraid of being replaced.

Not replaced. Demoted.

It wasn’t that he thought Geoff was going to knock him into second place. If anything, they’d end up being tied for first.

It was just weird to see the two of them together. 

He tried to act like it wasn’t, but it was and his mother could tell.

He thought it was safe to say they were both relieved when it was time for him to go back to school.

Evan stepped back to survey the room. “Okay, so, how are we going to make this work?”

The door flew open before Connor could answer.

“That’s it,” Jared hissed. He threw his duffle on the floor. “We’re switching rooms.”

He pointed at Connor when no one responded. “You heard me.”

Connor shook his head and leaned against the windowsill. “I’m not-”

“You survived a year with him. You know how to-”

“I’m not rooming with Cole again.”

Jared spun around to face Evan. His jaw clenched when Evan shook his head too.

He grabbed his bag and started muttering under his breath as he stomped back out of the room.

Evan snorted and looked around again. “We should loft our beds and put our desks under them. That’ll help with the space issue.”

The room was tiny. It was half the size of the room he’d shared with Ryan. He supposed whoever had designed the suite thought its inhabitants would be spending the majority of their time in the common area. 

He blinked when he saw the way Connor was staring out the window. “What?”

“I don’t want to room with Cole again.”

“I know,” Evan said. He nodded when he got what Connor was thinking. “That’s good because I really don’t feel like rooming with Jared.”

Connor smiled at that. “Do you have any idea how to loft the beds?”

Evan poked at the frame. “No, but I bet Ryan does.”

Evan nearly dropped his drink when he heard someone calling his name.

He knew that voice. He didn’t have to turn around to know it was Mia.

Zoe squinted at him and waved a hand in front of his face. “Are you listening?”

Mia wrapped an arm around his shoulders before he could respond. “I thought that was you! How was your summer?”

Evan swallowed dryly and tried to find a way to hold his coffee that would prevent him from dropping it. Or crushing it. He felt like he was in danger of crushing the cup.

Mia’s eyes widened when she noticed Zoe. “Sorry. Am I interrupting?”

Zoe smiled slightly. “I’ll go get us a table.”

“Oh my God,” Mia groaned as she watched Zoe go outside. “I’m crashing your date, aren’t I?”

“It’s not a date,” Evan said quickly. “That’s Zoe, Connor’s sister.”

Mia perked up at that. “Oh. Well, in that case...”

She tossed her hair and gave him a flirtatious smile. 

And then she laughed. “I don’t know what that was. I don’t know how to act around you now.”

He nodded because she wasn’t the only one who felt that way.

His eyes drifted towards the table Zoe had found under the awning. “I should go. Zoe’s been trying to get me to meet her for coffee all week.”

Mia put a hand on her hip. “Are you sure this isn’t a date?”

“Positive.”

Mia shrugged. “If you say so.”

Evan took a step forward and stopped. “So, I guess I’ll...”

“See you around,” Mia finished. She gave him another smile, a slightly less flirtatious one that time, and stepped up to give her order.

Evan hurried outside and sat down across from Zoe. “Sorry. That was my friend Mia. I haven’t seen her since May.”

“Mia?” Zoe grinned.

Evan’s mouth dropped open. “Connor? Is there anyone he didn’t tell?”

Zoe chuckled and took a sip of her drink. “So.”

“So?”

“I asked you here for a reason.”

Evan nodded slowly. “I kind of figured that.”

He hadn’t been exaggerating when he’d said she’d been trying to get him to meet her all week.

“Connor’s birthday is coming up in a couple weeks.”

“The 22nd,” Evan nodded.

“I think we should plan something.”

“Plan something like...”

“A surprise party,” Zoe suggested.

Evan raised his eyebrows at her. “You think Connor would want a surprise party?”

“A small one. Just a few people.”

Evan resisted the urge to point out that the guest list would only consist of a few people even if they didn’t plan to make it small. “I don’t know.”

“We can have it at your place, so that would be seven guests right there, right? There are eight of you in the suite?”

Evan wrinkled his nose. “Yeah, but-”

“And he has to have friends in some of his classes, doesn’t he? Do you know any of them?”

“Not really.”

“Do you think you can get their names and numbers?”

“How? By hacking into his phone?”

“I can try asking Alana. She’s the only intern he actually liked. Her school’s four hours away, so I doubt she’d come, but-”

“Zoe-”

“You can ask Mia. That would be another person.”

Evan shook his head. “I don’t think-”

Zoe sighed and put her cup down. “This is a terrible idea, isn’t it?”

“I don’t know if I’d call it terrible, but...” He folded his arms across his chest and leaned back to study her. “Did your parents put you up to this?”

“What?” Zoe gasped.

“Your parents. Did they-”

“No,” Zoe hissed. She closed her eyes and took a breath. “It’s just...”

“Just what?”

“I don’t know. This whole thing started out as a...” Zoe smiled into her hand. “Okay, honestly, it started as an excuse to make you talk to me.”

Evan’s chair screeched as he pushed it away from the table. He didn’t get up though. He sat there and blinked at her. 

“Okay,” Zoe sighed. She squared her shoulders like she’d made a decision. “I’m just going to go ahead and address the elephant in the room, okay?”

Evan nodded numbly.

“I know you know Connor told me about your crush.” 

Evan didn’t know what to say.

“I’m only going to ask you this once and you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. Do you still have a crush on me?”

“No.”

Evan slapped a hand across his mouth when he realized how quickly he’d answered. “I mean-”

Zoe laughed as she put up a hand to stop him. “It’s fine. My feelings aren’t hurt.”

She folded her hands in front of her. “You’re Connor’s best friend, but I feel like you’re my friend too. And I could really use one of those here.”

Evan's eyes widened at that. “Is something wrong?”

Zoe shook her head. “I just haven’t really made any friends here yet. You and Connor are basically the only people I know.”

“What about your roommate?”

“She’s kind of the worst.”

“Worse than Connor’s? You’ve heard about Cole, haven’t you?”

“Gillian’s terrible in her own special way.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault.” Zoe absentmindedly twirled her hair. “So, yeah. I don’t know. We should do something for Connor’s birthday though.”

“Not a surprise party.”

“Not a surprise party,” Zoe agreed. “But something. I love that he’s actually putting himself out there and trying things.”

“Are you talking about Lauren?”

Zoe snorted. “I wasn’t, but now I am. What-”

She grinned when she saw how Evan was squirming. “What’s the deal there?”

“There is no deal.”

“You expect me to believe that? My brother...” She wrinkled her nose distastefully. “He kind of explained it to me. He said it was an experiment gone wrong.”

Evan kept his face blank and his mouth closed.

“Which makes sense because he never really had the chance to try things when he was in high school. He was such a...” She stared at her hands. “You know what he was like.”

Evan gave a slight nod.

“He never expressed interest in anyone. Not to me anyway.” Zoe pressed her fingers together. “Not that he would have. We weren’t close, but I guess you know that.”

“He may have mentioned it,” Evan said weakly.

“We’ve had our ups and downs and...” Zoe shrugged. “Has there been anyone else? Anyone besides Lauren?”

She gave him a shrewd look. “I’m not asking for my parents. I don’t know what Connor’s told you, but I’m not their spy. I’m just curious.”

“Not that I know of.”

“No guys? I know he’s... He said he’s not sure exactly where he falls on the spectrum now.”

“He told me he’s a 4 or 5,” Evan blurted out. He lowered his eyes when Zoe tried to keep herself from reacting. He kept them down when he realized she was studying him.

“Are you sure you two aren’t...”

Evan glanced up quickly. “Aren’t?”

“Nothing,” Zoe breathed. She straightened herself back up. “So. Connor’s birthday. Any ideas?”

Evan pressed a hand against his forehead and tried to make himself think.

In the end, they decided not to do anything because Connor’s birthday fell on a Tuesday that year and school kept them busy during the week.

Zoe stopped by with cupcakes after dinner. She told Connor her present was that she wasn’t going to make everyone sing to him.

Her appearance surprised the rest of their roommates because they hadn’t realized it was Connor’s birthday.

“Are you 20 or 21?” Seth demanded. 

Chris coughed when Seth accidently sprayed cupcake crumbs all over him.

“Sorry,” Seth mumbled. He swallowed and cleared his throat. “It’s just if he’s 21, he can-”

“He’s a sophomore like us,” Kai reminded him. “That means he’s 20.”

“He could’ve taken a gap year. Or repeated a year. Or-”

“He’s 20,” Zoe said.

Kai waved his arms around triumphantly.

Seth’s shoulders sagged. He reached for another cupcake, only to have his hand smacked away by Chris.

“We’re saving one for Ryan,” Chris hissed.

“He doesn’t know there are cupcakes and what he doesn’t know-”

Chris shoved him away from the counter. He caught Kai’s eye and nodded. “Thanks for the cake.”

The other two mumbled their thanks before following him out the door.

“So,” Jared drawled. He smirked at Evan before turning his attention towards Zoe. 

Evan closed his eyes. He knew where this was going. He decided to nip it in the bud. “She already knows.”

Jared spun back around. “Que?”

“The thing you’re planning to make me think you’re going to tell her. She knows.”

Jared drummed his fingers on the counter. “I don’t know what you’re-”

“I know,” Zoe chirped. She gave him a smile that somehow managed to convey the fact that she was fully aware of what was going on, didn’t care about it in the least, and thought he was a scum bag for trying to torment his friend. 

Jared startled when he saw her expression. “Oh. Um... Yeah. Okay. I’ll just be...”

He kept his head down until he was safely inside his room.

Zoe grinned and popped the rest of her cupcake in her mouth. She frowned when she saw the way Connor was staring at her. “What?”

“That was so much like Mom it’s-”

“Don’t,” Zoe groaned.

“-scary,” Connor finished. 

Zoe sighed and watched her hands dance around in front of her. “It’s your birthday, so I’m going to take that as a compliment and not compare you to...”

She looked up and smiled serenely. “I’m not even going to finish that sentence.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” She licked a bit of frosting off her finger. “So, speaking of, I actually kind of got you something else.”

Connor glanced around dramatically. “Is it invisible?”

Zoe rolled her eyes. “I talked our parents out of coming up here and surprising you tonight.” She held up a hand. “Don’t get too excited though. They’re still coming to Family Weekend next month.”

“And for your birthday?”

“I was hoping you could return the favor and...” Zoe shrugged.

Connor made a face. “Maybe we can talk them into celebrating it while they’re here for the weekend.”

Zoe hummed in agreement. She checked the time. “I should go. I have some reading to finish.”

She gave Connor something that was somewhere between a hug and a shoulder squeeze. “Happy birthday.”

Evan caught Connor’s eye when she was gone. “So, uh, I got you something too. It’s not a tree or anything, but...”

He hurried into their room and dug the package out of his desk drawer before Connor got there.

Connor snorted when he tore it open. “Just what I always wanted.”

Evan grinned as he watched Connor attach the Pygmy Puff keychain to his desk lamp.


	13. Sophomore Year - October

Living with seven roommates was significantly more complicated than living with one.

Complicated was one word for it. Confusing was another. So was exhausting.

It was definitely a learning experience.

It was enough to make him reevaluate the way he’d always looked at the cliques he’d seen around school. He’d always thought the groups he saw were cohesive entities. He’d never stopped to wonder how the individual pieces fit together.

Being part of what he knew must look like a solid eight-person group changed that. The group dynamics changed all the time. So did the individuals.

It didn’t take Evan long to learn things about his roommates that he really didn’t think he needed to know. Bathroom habits, for one. Bedroom habits, for another.

The walls were paper thin and Cole’s pleas for rules concerning/limiting overnight guests always went ignored.

Luckily for Evan, the room shared by Seth and Chris was on the other side of the suite. He was glad he didn’t have to share a wall with them. It was bad enough when he unexpectedly ran into their guests in the morning. That happened often enough that there was a part of him that wondered exactly what was going on over there. He wasn’t curious enough to ask. Or brave enough. He really wasn’t brave enough to ask if they were having orgies over there.

He didn’t think that was what was happening. He was pretty sure Ryan and Kai would be firmly on Cole’s side if they were hearing orgies every night.

He tried to keep in mind there had been a time when he’d thought Ryan was a player. He’d come to understand that really wasn’t the case. Seeing Ryan in a different context had confirmed two things for him that he’d started to suspect the year before. One was that Ryan was a serial monogamist with an emphasis on the monogamist part. Two was that Ryan was a closet introvert.

It had taken him over a year to understand that Ryan wasn’t always with Layla when he disappeared. He just needed a lot of alone time to recharge. That was a weird thing to realize. It changed how he’d always seen Ryan. It also changed the way he’d always seen introverted people because Ryan wasn’t shy or awkward or anxious. He didn’t have trouble speaking his mind. He just needed to go off on his own for a little while every day.

Evan tried to keep his evolving views about Ryan in mind when he found himself mentally judging Seth and Chris. And Cole. He tried to tell himself there could be more to Cole than he realized. He really tried to tell himself that when Jared and Cole somehow managed to work through their issues and join forces. That was quite possibly the most terrifying development Evan had ever witnessed. No good could possibly come from that.

Except possibly the small amount of peace that came with it. Things had definitely quieted down next door since the two of them had reached an understanding. 

Evan just hoped that wasn’t a sign they were cooking up some sort of sinister scheme.

Evan woke up to the sound of his door slamming shut. He rolled over so quickly he had to grab onto the safety bar for support. His heart leapt into his throat as he tried to blink the sleepiness away. One of these days, he really was going to go tumbling onto the floor.

The thought of that made him sick.

He twisted around so he could face Connor. “What-”

“There are people out there.”

Evan nodded sleepily. “There usually are.”

“There are parents out there.”

Evan’s face scrunched up when he saw the time. “Already?”

“Cole’s parents are here.”

And suddenly it all made sense. “Does Cole look like them?”

Connor’s mouth twisted to the side. “I met them last year. Cole’s the open-minded one in that family.”

Evan shuddered at the thought. “Okay, so what’s the plan then? We stay in here until they leave?”

“That might be a while. They’re talking to Jared’s parents.”

Evan groaned and leaned back against the wall. “That’s my cue then.”

“To what?”

“To make an appearance. Jared’s parents won’t leave until they see me.”

Connor clearly wasn’t following that thought. “Why-”

“Because they’ve known me since I was in diapers. They-” Evan closed his eyes and gestured at the door when someone knocked on it.

Part of him was glad he’d been interrupted before he could explain that Jared’s family thought he was Jared’s best friend.

Connor reluctantly opened the door. 

Evan climbed down from his bunk and smoothed out his t-shirt when he heard Jared’s mother apologizing for the disruption.

“I’m looking for-” Mrs. Kleinman’s face lit up when she spotted Evan. “There you are! I was just asking Jared if your mother was here yet.” She smiled as she eyed his pajamas. “I’m guessing that’s a no.”

“She said she’d be here around eleven,” Evan said.

“Eleven,” Mrs. Kleinman repeated with a nod. “Are you going somewhere for lunch then?”

Evan’s stomach did a flip. He should’ve seen this coming. 

Part of him wanted to roll into it. The part that was convinced his mother was going to show up with Geoff in tow really did. 

Deep down, he didn’t really feel like going out to lunch with the Kleinmans though.

He opened his mouth to make what was sure to be a lame excuse, but Connor beat him to it.

“My parents made a reservation for the six of us to go to Flora.”

“Oh, well...” Mrs. Kleinman smiled tightly. “If I don’t see her, please tell your mother I said hello. Tell her we must do lunch sometime soon.”

Evan promised that he’d pass on the message. He felt like laughing when she let herself out. “That was quick thinking.”

His grin wavered when he saw Connor’s expression. “What?”

“We really are going to lunch.”

He frowned because no one had bothered to tell him that.

And then he did the math. Six of them. Four Murphys and Two Hansens.

No Geoff.

He could live with that.

“I’ll have a small chef’s salad, please,” Heidi murmured when the waiter came around.

He nodded and jotted that down. “Is that all?”

Heidi lowered her eyes and nodded.

Evan swallowed dryly. He cleared his throat and quickly studied the menu again. That changed things. “Um...”

His heart sped up as he looked for something in the same price range as his mother’s salad. “I’ll have...”

He coughed into his arm to give himself a second. He didn’t know what to pick. He knew what he wanted, but his mother’s order had reminded him how high the prices were. 

And the Murphys weren’t treating this time.

Or maybe they were.

He resisted the urge to slide down in his chair when he caught them watching him.

“Anything you want,” Larry said. “It’s our treat.”

Heidi bristled at that. “Oh, no, we-”

“We insist,” Larry interrupted. “We invited you here. It’s only fair we pay.”

Evan could feel his mother watching him. “I’ll, uh... I’ll have a grilled cheese.”

The waiter’s pen hovered above his notepad. “What kind-”

“Cheddar,” Evan said quickly. “With fries. And... and tomato. On the sandwich.”

The waiter gave him a brisk nod and went to take Zoe’s order.

Evan cleared his throat and reached for his water.

“You were right,” Heidi laughed as they walked through the quad. “Their food really is overpriced.”

Evan smiled weakly. “The Murphys like it there.”

His mother gave him a look that screamed ‘they would.’ 

“I didn’t know we were going out with them,” Evan said.

“I didn’t know until yesterday. Larry asked me and-”

Evan’s brow furrowed. “He asked you?”

“He said it was Connor’s idea and, well...” Heidi shrugged. “I said yes because I figured that meant Connor thought they could use a couple buffers to help them get through the meal.”

Evan didn’t know why he was surprised to hear her say that. Of course, she knew about Connor’s family. He loved telling her things after all.

“So, what now?” Heidi asked. She glanced at him expectantly.

“I don’t know. I hadn’t really...” Evan looked around the quad.

“They said Zoe’s in a concert this afternoon? Do you want to-”

Evan shook his head. “That’s just for the musicians and their families. There are other things we can... My roommate Kai’s doing a demonstration now. He’s on the track team.”

Heidi did a double take. “You’re into sports now?”

Evan snorted. “No. I just... I don’t know. I can show you-”

He froze when he spotted Lauren leaving the library with a couple that had to be her parents.

His mother squeezed his arm. “Is that Mia?”

Evan shook his head quickly. Too quickly, judging by her expression. “No.”

His mother tilted her head. “But you know her?”

“Yeah, kind of,” Evan mumbled. “She...”

He took a breath. “Do you want to see my room? You haven’t seen that yet.”

Heidi watched Lauren and her parents until they disappeared around the corner. “Sure, sweetie, we can go there next.”

Evan decided to ignore her disappointment and focus on a more pressing concern instead.

He really hoped the suite was empty.

Or, at the very least, that everyone was wearing pants.

Evan spun around and removed his earbuds when he heard the door open behind him. “Hey, so, guess who my mom and I almost ran into this afternoon?”

Connor sighed as he flopped onto his desk chair. “Who?”

“Lauren.”

Connor raised his eyebrows. 

“Yeah, so now my mom thinks Lauren’s Mia or that I’m, like, in love with her or something because I clammed up when I saw her.”

“My dad tried to set me up with his boss’s nephew.”

Evan blinked. “Okay. You win.”

He waved a hand in Connor’s face when he didn’t go on. “Did you say yes?”

Connor rolled his eyes.

“Is that a no?”

Connor nodded in the direction of Jared and Cole’s room. “Are they in?”

Evan shook his head. 

Connor seemed relieved to hear that.

Probably because the walls were thin and Jared had a tendency to press his ear up against them.

“Zoe changed the subject before I could answer.”

“You were going to say no though, weren’t you?”

“Was I going to say no to being set up with the nephew of my father’s boss?” Connor nodded slowly. “That’s a hard pass.”

“At least he’s trying-”

“If you say at least he’s trying-”

They both snorted when their eyes met.

“My mom loves your mom, by the way,” Connor said. “She wants to invite her to her next jewelry party.”

Evan’s eyes widened at that. “Yeah... I’m not giving her that message.”

Connor wrinkled his nose. “I know I wouldn’t.”

Evan nearly jumped out of his skin when the door to his room creaked open and the sounds coming from the living room slipped in.

Connor closed the door when he saw that. “You really don’t like horror movies.”

“No, I...” Evan started. And then he laughed and shook his head because there was no point in denying it. “I really don’t.”

“Why didn’t you say something? They can have their marathon in Jared’s room.”

“Jared knows I hate them.”

Connor glared at the door.

Evan shook his head. “Don’t. It’s Halloween. Let him have his fun.”

Connor gestured at him. “This isn’t fun. You look like you...”

Connor decided not to finish that sentence.

It didn’t matter. Evan didn’t need a mirror to know what he looked like.

“You don’t like blood?” Connor guessed.

“It’s not that,” Evan said. “The blood I can handle. It’s the jump scares and the...”

He stared at his hands. “It’s stupid, but those movies depress me and I try not to watch things that depress me. My brain does that enough on its own without letting the things I decide to watch make it worse.”

His head popped up when he heard himself. “I mean...”

Connor clearly knew what he meant.

He shrugged. “Those movies are depressing when you think about it. We’re supposed to cheer when the killers kill people in really terrible ways. I started thinking about it one day and then I couldn’t stop. It’s like...”

He puffed out his cheeks. “It’s like you live your whole life, you have all these... all these things. All these memories and hopes and dreams and all anyone remembers about you is that some lunatic ripped out all your organs or stabbed you in the chest or...”

“Decapitated you?” Connor finished.

Evan nodded. “It’s like your life doesn’t matter. Only your death matters. Even the other characters don’t care when someone dies because they’re too busy trying to keep their guts from being ripped out too.”

Connor clearly had never thought about it that way.

Evan wasn’t surprised. He would’ve been embarrassed, but he’d stopped trying to hold the crazy in around Connor a long time ago.

“Do you want to go watch _Doctor Who_ in Seth and Chris’s room?” Connor suggested. “We can turn the volume up and try to drive Jared out of the living room.”

Evan squinted at the door. “Is that what they’re doing? They’re watching _Doctor Who_?”

Connor looked at him strangely. “Yeah...”

“Oh,” Evan muttered.

“They do that almost every night.”

Evan could feel his face turning red. “Oh. I, uh, I didn’t realize that’s what they...”

“What did you think they were doing?”

Evan’s face felt even hotter when he saw how amused Connor looked.

“There are girls in there all the time,” 

“Girls who also like to watch _Doctor Who_.”

“They spend the night!”

Connor’s shoulders shook as he tried not to laugh. “They fall asleep on the floor while watching the show.”

Evan didn’t know what to say, except, “How come you know about this and I don’t?”

“I walked in on them last week when I was looking for my phone,” Connor admitted.

Evan studied him for a moment. “And before that, what did you-”

Connor's mouth formed a thin line. “It didn't make sense though. I mean, they’d be tired all the time if they were-”

Evan chuckled into his hand.


	14. Sophomore Year - November and December

Evan couldn’t stop staring at the stage. No matter how much he wanted to look away it was like he was watching a train wreck unfold in slow motion. He was transfixed. 

He turned to Connor and whispered, “Is this why you don’t want to join a writing group?”

Connor’s eyes widened as the poet started yelling at God. “I know that guy. He sits in front of me in World Lit.”

“Your poems are better than that.”

Connor glanced at him quickly. “You haven’t read any of my poems.”

“Doesn’t matter. Anything’s better than-”

“Connor writes poems?” Jared looked like a kid in a candy store when he spun around to face them. He nodded in the direction of the stage. “Are you going to go up there too?”

Connor narrowed his eyes.

“What? It was your idea to come here. For all I know, you were planning to get up there and wow us with your mad rhyming skills.” Jared hummed to himself. “Do your poems rhyme? Please tell me they rhyme.”

Jared let out an excited gasp. “You can be our generation’s Dr. Seuss!”

Evan closed his eyes for a moment. He tried to push the guilt away. It wasn’t his fault that Jared had decided to tag along with them.

It was his fault that Jared knew about Connor’s poems. He tried not to dwell on that. “That’s not why we-”

“We’re-” Connor gestured at Evan and himself. “-here to support Zoe. You’re here because...”

He shook his head at Jared.

“I was bored.” Jared shrugged. “And following you two to open mic night sounded better than the alternative.”

“Which was?”

Jared had nothing.

That was easy to see.

Evan felt a flash of... Not guilt. Something that resembled guilt.

He knew what it was like to be on the outside of something you wanted to be included in.

The microphone crackled as the poet finished his recitation. He sighed deeply and soaked in every second of the applause he received.

The extremely lukewarm applause.

The emcee jumped back up and gave the audience a look that conveyed exactly what he’d thought of that act. “All righty then... Next up, we have Matt Douglas and Zoe Murphy.”

The table to the left of the stage erupted with cheers.

Evan smiled to himself. He should’ve known it wouldn’t take Zoe long to make new friends.

Zoe waved at them as she took the stage. She sat down on a stool next to a guy Evan assumed was Matt Douglas. 

They strummed their guitars for a moment before nodding at each other. The melody quickly segued into a beautifully sparse version of the song ‘Falling Slowly.’

Evan couldn’t stop watching them. He wasn’t the only one. No one in the club could look away. 

Evan wasn’t sure if that was because Zoe and Matt really were that good or because they were all so relieved that the poetry portion of the evening was finally (hopefully) over.

“Okay,” Jared murmured when they were done. “Now I get it.”

Evan tilted his head as he leapt to his feet.

Zoe and Matt had earned the first standing ovation of the night.

“Get what?”

Jared pointed at the stage between claps. “Zoe. I mean, I got it, but now I _get_ it.”

Jared chanced a glance in Connor’s direction. He did a double take when he saw the way Connor was staring at the stage.

Evan did too.

“Dude,” Jared laughed. “That’s your sister.”

Evan opened his mouth to correct Jared, to point out that Zoe wasn’t the one Connor was staring at.

The emcee returned before he could.

He sat back down as the noise level dropped.

He didn’t look at Connor. He didn’t look at Jared. He only half-listened as the emcee introduced the next act.

He watched Zoe as she bounded down the stairs and hurried over to her friends. He watched as one of them hugged her and another gave her a high five. He watched as her eyes flickered around the room until she spotted the three of them.

And then her whole face lit up.

She dropped her guitar on the chair and wove through the crowd while the next singer belted out an a cappella version of ‘Imagine.’

She turned to applaud the singer, whose performance had been mercifully brief, before facing her brother. “You’re here! I can’t believe you’re here.”

Connor scratched his neck. “You invited me?”

Zoe smiled at how uncertain he sounded. “And you came.”

She gestured at her table. “A bunch of us are going out after if you guys want-”

“Is Matt coming?” Evan blurted the words out without thinking. He stared at his shoes to avoid the look Connor was giving him. 

“Matt?” Zoe repeated. Her eyes widened when she saw Connor’s expression. “He is, actually. He-”

“Are you two...” Jared wiggled his eyebrows at her.

Zoe burst out laughing. “No... no.”

Her eyes darted towards Connor for a moment. “We’re just friends. He...” She cleared her throat. “He’s gay.”

Jared raised his eyebrows. “Gay?”

Zoe put a hand on her hip. “Don’t tell me you have a problem with that.”

Jared recoiled at the suggestion. “No! I just... That was some acting up there. You guys looked like you were about to tear each other’s clothes off.”

“Matt’s an actor. He’s really into musical theater.”

Jared smiled smugly. “He is gay then.”

Evan smirked in Jared’s direction. “Aren’t you the one who has a collection of signed Playbills?” 

Jared’s mouth dropped open. “Aren’t you the one who...”

He caught Zoe’s eye and sighed. “It’s an investment. Those things will be worth a fortune someday.”

“Matt keeps telling me I should join the theater department,” Zoe said. “They’re doing _Legally Blonde_ in the spring.”

“Are you going to try out?” Evan asked.

“I don’t know.” Zoe shrugged. “I’ve never really acted in anything or... But college is the time to try new things, isn’t it? So maybe? I don’t know. It might be fun.”

She nodded at her table. “Speaking of...”

Her friends were gathering up their things. One of them grabbed Zoe’s guitar and waved it at her.

“It looks like we’re moving on. Are you guys coming?”

Jared rubbed his hands together. “I am.”

Evan glanced at Connor when he didn’t respond. “Do you...”

Connor didn’t want to go. That was obvious.

Zoe realized that too.

She patted his arm. “Thanks for coming.”

Jared hurried after her like he was afraid he’d be left behind if she was more than two steps ahead of him.

Evan kept his mouth shut until they were safely outside the club. He waited until there weren’t any other people around. 

And then he nudged Connor and grinned. “So.”

Connor gave him a look that screamed the word ‘don’t.’

It was a look that would have terrified him if they’d still been in high school. 

Evan’s grin grew wider. “You like him.”

Connor stared straight ahead. “Who?”

Evan rolled his eyes. “Matt Douglas. You like him.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Back there. You-”

“I don’t even know him!”

Evan laughed when he saw how confused Connor looked. “Okay, that back there. That was the textbook definition of an instacrush.” 

Connor froze in his tracks. “I don’t...”

It took Evan a second to get what he wasn’t saying. “You don’t get crushes?”

Connor shrugged.

Evan chewed his lip. “There’s a first time for everything.”

Connor was silent for a moment. “It was a good song.”

“It was,” Evan agreed. He glanced over his shoulder. “If we hurry, we can still catch up with them.”

Connor looked at him strangely. 

“You don’t want to meet him?”

“I want to go home.”

He said it so firmly Evan knew there was no point in arguing. 

And he couldn’t blame him, really. He remembered how he’d felt the first time he’d watched Zoe perform. If someone had tried to make him talk to her after that show, he would have...

He didn’t even want to think about that.

It wouldn’t have been pretty.

He snorted as a thought crossed his mind.

Connor narrowed his eyes. “What?”

“Nothing,” Evan laughed. And then he stopped because Connor clearly thought he was laughing at him. Which he was, but not for the reason Connor thought. “It’s just... Zoe. She knows you like him too.”

Connor tilted his head as if to say ‘and whose fault is that.’

Evan threw his hands up in surrender. “It’s just, well, you know she’s going to be talking you up all night, right?”

“Is that supposed to convince me to...” Connor nodded in the direction of the club.

“I’m just saying...” Evan shoved his hands in his pockets. “Let’s just hope Jared doesn’t hear her.”

He looked away when Connor glared at him that time. 

He knew Connor wouldn’t actually do anything to hurt him, but it was terrifying nonetheless. 

Evan coughed when the smell of garlic smacked him in the face. He waved a hand in front of his nose as he walked over to the kitchenette. “What’s with all the food?”

Seth stopped stirring long enough to glance up at him. “It’s Friendsgiving.” 

Evan blinked as he took in all the dishes that were scattered around the suite. “You were serious about that?”

“Where’s the pie? I told you to get a pie.” Seth snapped his fingers when Evan continued to blink. “Chop chop. They’re going to be here any minute now.”

Evan stared at his room. “I have a paper due in the morning.”

Seth gave him a look that very plainly said ‘not my problem.’

Evan turned on his heel and strode back out of the suite. 

He didn’t know where Seth expected him to get a pie on such short notice. He wondered if he could get away with bringing back a bunch of sweets from the vending machine in the lobby.

The elevator doors opened before he pushed the button. He took a step back to let the people out. He smiled when he saw it was Zoe... and Matt Douglas. 

He raised his eyebrows at her when she started to laugh. 

She shook the bag she was carrying. “We come bearing food.”

“I’m on a quest for pie.”

“Now?”

He put his hand out to stop the elevator doors before they could close. “Wish me luck.”

“Try the dining hall,” Zoe called before the doors snapped shut.

That sounded much better than hitting the vending machine. He was glad one of them could think under pressure.

He nearly ran into Connor as he hurried up the stairs to their building. “Sorry. I...”

He tried to hide his amusement when he saw how pale Connor looked. 

“I was coming to see if you needed help,” Connor muttered.

Evan waved his to go box. “I’m all set. I got an assortment of cookies. It’s no pie, but...”

He didn’t think that mattered. Most of the dishes he’d seen made it look like they were having a Charlie Brown Thanksgiving. 

“So,” Evan grinned. “I saw Zoe brought a friend.”

“She invited him to our house for Thanksgiving.”

Evan let out a startled laugh. “Wow. Okay. That’s-”

“He can’t afford to fly home for the weekend, so he’s coming with us.”

Evan considered that for a moment. “I’d have more sympathy for you if-”

“You can pretend to be sick if you don’t want to go to Geoff’s house. What am I supposed to do? Hide in my room all weekend?”

“You could try talking to him. Or are you afraid your crush bubble will burst the second he opens his mouth?”

Connor glared at his feet. “See, this is why I fucking hate Thanksgiving.”

“Has your sister done this kind of thing before?”

“No, but...” Connor’s head suddenly popped up. “You can come too.”

“What?” Evan whispered.

“If Zoe gets to invite a friend, I should be able to invite a friend.”

“To your house? For Thanksgiving?”

Connor nodded.

“Don’t you... Shouldn’t you run that by your mom first?”

“Why? There’s going to be plenty of food.”

“But-”

“Seriously. We always have, like, forty people over for Thanksgiving. What’s one more?”

Evan’s mouth twisted to the side. That just made the whole thing sound even worse. “Okay, but-”

“And it would give you an out. This way you wouldn’t be stuck going to Geoff’s.”

He had him there. Evan looked away when Connor realized that.

“Okay, fine. I’ll think about it.”

He thought about it until Thanksgiving morning.

He thought about it until his mother called up the stairs that it was time to go.

He thought about it again when he saw her expression after he said he wasn’t going.

He didn’t change his mind though. 

Because he didn’t owe her anything. It wasn’t like they always spent Thanksgiving together. She’d had to work for the majority of them since his father had left.

And it was better this way. He tried to tell her that. 

It was better if Geoff’s family didn’t meet him until they’d realized how amazing she was. 

He didn’t say that part out loud because saying that would make her ask if he needed to go see Dr. Sherman.

She gave up when she realized he wasn’t going to budge.

And because she knew that arguing with him would make her late and that was not the impression she wanted to make on Geoff’s family.

Evan jumped when Zoe grabbed the plate off his lap.

She nodded to her left. “Come help me in the kitchen.”

He waited a moment before standing up. 

He waited for Connor to protest or give him some kind of ‘don’t leave me’ look.

Nothing happened.

Connor didn’t even seem to notice they were about to leave him alone with Matt.

Zoe grinned as soon as the door swung shut behind them. “I think that’s going well.”

“What?” Evan demanded. “Your attempt at playing matchmaker for your brother?”

“I’m glad you decided to come. I don’t think Connor would’ve spoken to him at all this weekend if you hadn’t shown up.”

Evan rinsed his plate and put it in the dishwasher. “Do you think they’re a good match?”

“I don’t know,” Zoe admitted. “They’re really different.”

“In a good way?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. They’re just different. Matt’s really outgoing. He talks to everyone. He wants to know everyone’s story.”

“That’s going to drive Connor crazy.”

“Maybe or maybe...” Zoe’s mouth snapped shut when the door to the kitchen swung open. 

She let out an excited shriek when she saw who it was. “Kelsey!”

Evan watched as she practically tackled the girl standing in the doorway. The two of them squealed at each other for a minute before staggering out of the kitchen together.

Evan gripped the edge of the counter as he stared blankly out the window.

He didn’t know where to go. He didn’t know what to do with himself.

He wondered if he’d made a mistake. Maybe he would’ve been better off going to Geoff’s after all. 

Zoe was wrong about Matt wanting to know everyone’s story.

Or maybe it was personal. Maybe he just didn’t want to know Evan’s.

Or maybe that was on Connor. Maybe Connor was the one keeping them apart.

Evan wasn’t sure.

And he wasn’t going to ask because that felt like a weird thing to bring up.

He didn’t need to get to know the guy his best friend was seeing. Dating? He wasn’t really sure what the story was there either. He figured Connor would tell him when he was ready.

Whatever it was, it meant that Evan suddenly had a lot of free time on his hands.

Which wound up being a good thing because the weeks between Thanksgiving break and the end of the semester flew by in the blink of an eye. 

Evan groaned and tried to shield his eyes when the overhead light flicked on. He propped himself up on his elbows so that he could see what Connor was doing. “What time is it?”

Connor didn’t answer. 

He turned the light back off and opened his closet without even looking in Evan’s direction.

Evan shifted around so that his legs were dangling over the side of his bed. “Are you just getting in?”

Nothing.

No reaction whatsoever.

He yawned and rubbed his eyes. He didn’t realize he was watching Connor change until Connor demanded to know why he was staring at him.

His face felt hot as he looked away. He didn’t know why. It wasn’t like he’d been watching Connor on purpose. 

And it was so dark in there that he wouldn’t have been able to see anything if he had.

Evan rubbed his eyes again. He checked his phone. “It’s 4 am.”

Still nothing.

Evan sighed. “Were you with Matt?”

The question came out so quietly he wasn’t sure if Connor had heard him.

And then he saw how Connor’s back had stiffened.

He flopped back onto his pillow without waiting for an answer he knew wasn’t coming.

“Oh my God. Would you stop kicking your desk?”

Those words in that tone would’ve made Evan jump even if they hadn’t been the first ones Connor had said all day.

He glanced over his shoulder and muttered a quick apology.

“I’m trying to study over here.”

Evan spun around to face him. “And I’m not?”

“Judging from the sounds you’re making, I’d say you’re trying to beat your desk into submission.”

“I said I’m sorry.”

“Yeah. We’ll see how long that lasts.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means you are incapable of staying still while you study. It doesn’t matter if you stop kicking the desk because that just means you’ll start tapping your pen or cracking your knuckles or-”

“What’s your problem?”

“My problem is that I’m trying to study and my roommate won’t stop making noise.”

Evan forced himself not to recoil at the word ‘roommate.’ “You could go somewhere else, you know.”

“ _You_ could go somewhere else.”

Evan drummed his fingers on his desk. He snorted and drummed them even harder when he realized what he was doing. “Where?”

Connor didn’t answer him because there wasn’t an easy answer.

The living room was full. So was the library. There was only one lounge in their building and that was sure to be full too.

Evan shoved his feet into his shoes and stood up. “I’m going for a walk.”

Connor stretched his arms out and tilted his head back. “Oh, thank God!”

Evan turned around when he reached the door. “I don’t know what’s going on with you, but you don’t have to take it out on me.”

“Nothing’s going on with me.”

“Really?” Evan drawled. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to center himself. “Do you want to talk about it?”

He made the offer as calmly as he could.

It didn’t matter. Connor looked like he wanted to shove him to the floor again. 

Evan shook his head. “Correction, you don’t get to take it out on me. You don’t get to be an ass to me just because you’re upset about whatever happened with Matt last night.”

He gave Connor a look that showed he knew that was what this was really about.

And then he left before Connor could make what was sure to be a snarky response.

He didn’t make it very far.

It was freezing outside and, in his hurry to leave, he’d forgotten to grab his coat.

He hugged himself as he hurried into the nearest building. 

He didn’t know what to do when he got there. He’d forgotten to grab his phone too.

At least he’d remembered his keys. Not that that meant much to him at that moment. He wasn’t in a hurry to head back.

He jumped when he felt someone sneak up behind him.

For one brief moment, he thought it was Connor. He braced himself for round two of their fight.

Or for an apology. He hoped he was about to get an apology.

And then he saw it was Mia.

She smiled when their eyes met. “Aren’t you cold?”

“Freezing.”

“You want to go back to my room and...” She covered her mouth as she started to laugh. “Sorry. I’m in a weird mood.”

She closed her eyes for a moment. “I just had my psych final and I’m not sure how I did.”

“I’m sure you-”

Mia shook her head to stop him. “I’m really not sure. I feel like I either aced it or failed. Like really failed. Like there’s a fifty percent chance I spelled my name wrong.”

“That would be bad.”

Mia nodded solemnly. “So, how about you? How are your finals going?”

“I only have one left. My Spanish one’s tomorrow afternoon.”

“You ready?”

“To get a C? Absolutely.”

“Give yourself some credit. I’m sure you can get a B if you try.”

“Half of it’s an oral.”

Mia made a face. “Okay, so, you’ll wind up working in a lab that only speaks English. Big deal.”

“How many exams do you have left?”

“Just one. I have my statistics final in the morning.”

“Are you ready?”

“It’s open note, so...” Mia crossed her fingers. “I’ll really feel stupid if I fail that one.”

“I can help you study if you want. I’m pretty good at math.”

Mia gave him a quick wink. “Right. Because that worked out so well the last time we studied together.”

Evan chuckled at the memory. “Yeah... but no, I actually meant-”

“We could if you want.” Mia brushed her hand against his shoulder. “My roommate left this afternoon. Her last final was this morning.”

He didn’t know what to say.

“It’s like I said,” Mia whispered. “I’m in a weird mood. And stressed. And...”

She shrugged.

He got that. He was in a weird mood too.

And stressed. He was definitely stressed.

Spending the night at Mia’s solved one pressing problem for Evan.

It delayed round two of his fight with Connor.

Because he was sure that was coming.

He was also sure that round two was going to be worse than round one since they’d both had time to stew things over.

So, he was really glad when Mia didn’t kick him out that time.

He didn’t sleep well. It was like he couldn’t make himself relax.

Mia picked up on that and laughed as she tried to help him out.

He had to admit she was right. What they were doing was fun. And he was starting to think it was something he’d get better at with practice.

He got a lot of practice that night.

Which meant he really wasn’t at his best when he finally made it back to the suite. He felt like he could barely stand. He wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and pass out for an hour or two before his exam.

He knew that wasn’t going to be an option when he saw that all seven of his roommates were in the living room.

Kai let out a low whistle and clapped when he spotted him. “All right. Walk of shame. I never thought I’d see the day.”

Jared’s face scrunched up as he looked from Evan to Kai and back again. “What? No. No way. That’s not...”

He stared at Evan like he was waiting for him to deny it. “Really? Oh my God.”

Jared laughed so hard he almost fell off the couch. “What’s her name? I feel like I should send her a fruit basket.”

Evan chewed his lip. He glanced at Connor quickly before saying, “Mia.”

“Mia?” Ryan grinned. “That’s back on?”

“Back on?” Jared gasped. “Wait, what? It was on before?”

He stared at Evan like he no longer knew who he was.

Evan tugged at his shirt. “I’m just going to... I need to shower. And change. And-”

“Yeah, you do,” Kai called.

“Wait,” Cole hissed before Evan could step into the bathroom. “We were having a quick roommate meeting before you got here.”

Evan closed his eyes. “Okay. What-”

“Some of us are leaving today,” Cole reminded them. “Check the fridge before you go. Toss whatever you have in there. And whoever gets back first in January-”

“Make sure the heat’s working,” Chris and Seth said together. They snorted and gave each other a high five.

“And-”

“Don’t eat your beef jerky,” Jared added.

Cole shook his head. “I’ll put together a list. I’ll leave it on the mini-fridge.”

Cole ignored everyone’s stares as he started scribbling away on the notebook in his lap.

Evan took the opportunity to duck into the bathroom before Cole could come up with something else they needed to discuss.

Evan rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. 

He was really starting to regret his decision not to leave after his Spanish exam. If he’d done that, he would’ve been home lying in his bed, staring at his ceiling. He would’ve been alone. He wouldn’t have been painfully aware of the fact that Connor was doing the same thing a few feet away from him.

He tried to look on the bright side.

There had been no round two.

Part of him felt like this was worse though. 

They were trapped in some kind of cold war. Neither of them had said a word to each other all day.

On the bright side, they hadn’t been around each other much that day. 

He’d already been in bed when Connor had come home. That had been a surprise because he’d thought Connor had left without saying goodbye.

He could’ve lived with that. This was worse. Much worse.

It wasn’t like they always said good night to each other. He tried to tell himself that. It wasn’t unusual for one or both of them to fall asleep without telling the other one first.

He rolled onto his side. He blinked when he saw Connor was staring in his direction.

Their eyes met.

At least, he thought they did. It was hard to tell in the dark.

They both rolled back over.

Neither of them said a word.

Christmas came and went.

It was a blur of a day. That was a relief because he spent it with Geoff’s family.

With Geoff’s large, extended family.

Geoff had a lot of nieces and nephews.

No children though. Evan was grateful for that. The thought of having a stepfather was terrifying enough without bringing stepsiblings into it.

Because that was where this was heading. He could tell.

He tried to make the best of the day because his gut told him it wasn’t going to be a one-time thing. 

Something crashed above Evan’s head when the doorbell rang. He jumped off the couch and ran to the stairs. 

He craned his neck to try to see what was happening. “Are you okay?” 

“Shit,” his mother muttered as she ran from the bathroom to her room. “This button just broke. If that’s Geoff, tell him he’s early and I won’t be ready until eight.”

It wasn’t Geoff.

It was Zoe and Jared.

Evan blinked when he saw that. “What are you-”

“We’re here to kidnap you,” Zoe announced. 

Jared cracked his knuckles and smirked. “What she said.”

Evan glanced over his shoulder when he heard his mother on the stairs.

“Have you seen my...” Heidi came to a skidding stop. She yanked her dress up to cover herself as much as possible.

“Hi, Mrs. Hansen,” Jared said brightly. “Can Evan come out and play?”

Zoe rolled her eyes. “We’re here to take Evan to my family’s New Year’s party.”

Heidi nodded absentmindedly. She pointed at Evan. “My earrings. The ones Geoff gave me for Christmas. Have you-”

“Next to the microwave,” Evan said.

Heidi smiled gratefully. She patted his arm as she went by. “I’m glad you’re home. Otherwise, I would’ve torn the house apart before I thought to look there.”

Evan squeezed his eyes shut as soon as she was gone. “I’m not-”

“Oh, you’re going,” Zoe laughed. “This thing with you and Connor. It’s ending tonight. I can’t put up with another day of _that_.”

She put a hand on her hip. “Okay, look, I don’t know what he did. And, yes, I’m assuming he did something because I know Connor. Whatever he did was probably terrible.”

“It wasn’t that bad,” Evan muttered.

Zoe did a double take. “It wasn’t?”

Evan refused to meet her stare.

“Okay, well... Can’t you just... New year, new start?”

She clasped her hands under chin and gazed at him hopefully.

“Does he even want me there?”

“Yes!” Zoe and Jared cried together. 

They looked at each other and laughed.

“And even if he didn’t, you’re my friend,” Zoe reminded him. “I want you there.”

“But he does?”

Zoe nodded slowly. “He won’t admit it, but... You’re his best friend. He’s freaking out about whatever...” Her hand flopped around aimlessly. “He thinks he blew it, so he’s been acting out since we got home.”

Evan sucked in a breath. “I need to get my shoes.”

“And your coat. It’s cold out there.” Zoe chewed her lip. “You might want to pack a bag because you’ll probably end up spending the night. I’m not bringing you back here tonight.”

“I can drive myself.”

Zoe didn’t look like she trusted him to do that. 

He threw his hands up in surrender. “Fine, whatever.”

He stomped up the stairs until he realized that doing that made him look like a petulant child.

The door to Connor’s room was ajar. Evan could see him sitting on his bed when he reached it.

He lifted his fist three times before he finally worked up the nerve to knock.

Connor jumped like he’d been shocked. Something on the screen exploded when he dropped the controller in his hand.

He turned the game off and stared at Evan until he came in.

“Zoe invited me,” Evan blurted out. “And kidnapped me. That’s why I’m here.”

“She kidnapped you?”

Evan nodded. “I’m thinking about pressing charges.”

Connor snorted. “Do you need a ride to the police station?”

Evan sighed and scratched the back of his head. “So.”

He perched on the edge of Connor’s bed. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Connor’s eyes widened like he had no idea what Evan was saying. “About?”

“The reason you were such a dick before break.”

“You thought that was bad? You should talk to Zoe. And my parents. They’ll set you straight.”

“What happened with Matt?”

“We had sex.”

Evan nodded. He’d gathered that. “And?”

“And...” Connor puffed his cheeks out. “I fell asleep. When I woke up, he was taking a picture of the two of us.”

Evan’s brow furrowed. “And you didn’t want your picture taken?”

“He started cursing when he saw I was awake. He said I wasn’t supposed to see that.”

“That you weren’t supposed to see him taking a picture of you?”

Connor shrugged. “I guess. I don’t know. I was tired and my head felt heavy. I started freaking out about what it meant.”

“What did you think it meant?”

Connor lifted a hand so he could tick off the possible explanations. “That he was using me to make someone jealous. That it was like a digital notch on his bedpost. That he was sending it to Zoe to prove he’d done what she’d asked.”

Evan blinked at that. “You think Zoe asked him to sleep with you?”

“In that moment, I thought she’d paid him to sleep with me.”

Evan let out a startled laugh. “Wow. Okay. Your relationship with your sister is way more messed up than I thought it was.”

“It’s really not,” Connor admitted. “It only took me a second to realize how crazy that theory was.”

“Good,” Evan breathed. “Because...”

He shuddered at the thought.

“Matt told me he had taken it for his Instagram because his followers like to know about every aspect of his life.”

“Including...” Evan wrinkled his nose.

Connor wrinkled his too. “So, yeah. The whole thing kind of freaked me out.”

“And then you left his room and came back to ours and-”

“I was a dick to you.” Connor nodded. “Pretty much, yeah.”

Evan’s hands twisted around in his lap. “I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

“You liked him.” He tilted his head. “Do you still like him?”

“I don’t know.”

“Have you talked to him at all?”

“We’ve texted a few times.”

“So, there’s a chance you two might...”

“Might be like you and Mia?” Connor smirked. “What’s up with that?”

“Nothing. I mean, not nothing, but we’re not together.”

“You’re not?”

Evan shook his head. “We didn’t really discuss it, but all signs point to no.”

He cleared his throat before Connor could ask another question. He jabbed his foot in the direction of the controller Connor had dropped. “Hey, didn’t you say you were going to teach me how to play that game?”

Evan yawned and stretched his arms above his head. “It’s almost midnight.”

“So?”

“So, shouldn’t we head downstairs before your mom comes looking for us?”

Connor made a face and stood up. “Probably.”

Evan beamed as they stumbled out into the hallway. “I think I’m getting better at that.”

“Your aim’s getting better,” Connor agreed.

“And I didn’t...” He frowned when he almost walked into Connor. “What’s wrong?”

“Did you hear that?”

“Hear what?”

“It’s coming from Zoe’s room.”

Evan’s eyes widened when he heard it too. “Um...”

Connor reached for the handle before Evan could stop him. “It’s locked.”

Evan breathed a sigh of relief. “Come on. The countdown’s starting.”

“Why is her door locked now?”

Evan really didn’t feel like answering that. “We should-”

Connor banged on the door. “Hey! It’s midnight. You’re missing the fireworks.”

He froze with his fist in the air. “Did you hear that? It sounds like someone’s laughing.”

Evan’s mouth twitched as he tried not to laugh too. “Okay, let’s look at this logically.”

“Okay,” Connor nodded.

“Zoe told me none of her high school friends could make it this year.”

Connor nodded again. “Most of them are away.”

“Jared was with her when she came to kidnap me.”

“He was here earlier.”

Evan felt like sighing when Connor still didn’t get it. “There’s at least one person in Zoe’s room right now.”

He sighed when it became clear that Connor couldn’t or wouldn’t let himself connect the dots. “So, the question is where is Jared?”

Evan’s eyes bulged when Connor started to charge at the door. He jumped in front of him and put his hands on Connor’s shoulders. “Don’t.”

“They’re...”

Evan closed his eyes and nodded. “I know.”

“Our parents are right downstairs.”

“They’re a little busy at the moment. With their guests. Who are also downstairs.”

Connor eyed the stairs. “I have to go bleach my ears.”

“At least you didn’t see anything.”

Connor shook his head. “Let’s go.”

Evan resisted the urge to tell Jared he owed him before he followed Connor down.

Everyone in the living room was still hugging and kissing and wishing each other a happy new year. 

Evan nudged Connor’s arm. “Hey.”

Connor laughed when he saw the way Evan’s hand was sticking up. He slapped it and shook the top. “Happy New Year.”

Evan grinned as they turned to watch the fireworks exploding on the tv. “Happy New Year.”


	15. Sophomore Year - New Year's Day

“Okay, so good news, bad news, and weird news.”

Evan rubbed his eyes as he sat up. “Okay?”

“Bad news is that the air mattress has already been spoken for. There’s actually a battle taking place for it right now.”

“Your parents’ friends are too drunk to drive?”

Connor grinned and nodded. “Good news is that I was able to snag this.”

He swung his arm out to show the bottle of champagne he’d been hiding.

“And the weird news?”

“My father winked when he saw me take it.”

“He winked?”

“I thought he had something in his eye, but then he did it again and made this big show of looking the other way.” Connor’s eyes glazed over as he stared at the bottle. “So, now I’m kind of worried that someone slipped something in their drinks.”

“You don’t actually...” Evan nodded to himself when he saw Connor’s expression. “Right. Well, at least they’re all in a good mood?”

Connor tugged at his hair. “It’s kind of funny actually. This is the kind of crap that always happens around here.”

“Do your parents have people over a lot?”

Connor shook his head and waved the bottle. “It’s like this is okay. They think this is okay for them and for me, because you’re here. Because I’m not alone. Because I’m not being moody and antisocial. And because alcohol is an acceptable vice, unlike weed.”

Evan jumped when Connor popped the bottle open. “Are you going to drink the whole thing?”

Connor snorted and took a swig. “Like, there was this one time Zoe got drunk at a party and called them to come get her. They put her on dish duty for a few days and took away her iPad for a week, but they kept telling her how glad they were that she’d had the sense to call them instead of getting in a car with her friends. If I’d done that...”

Evan stared at his hands. This was obviously a touchy subject for Connor.

“I guess it’s different when your kid calls you from the hospital. Or, you know, when a nurse calls to say your kid’s in the hospital.”

“Yeah...” Evan chuckled awkwardly. “That’s probably a little, uh...”

He took a breath. It felt like someone was squeezing his head. “At least your parents showed up.”

“What?”

“Your parents. They showed up, didn’t they? They came when you called? When the nurse called?”

Connor shrugged. “Well, yeah...”

Evan nodded stiffly. “Mine didn’t.”

Connor found that statement far more amusing than it really was. “Did you go on a bender and...”

He tilted his head when he realized he’d said the wrong thing.

Or, more likely, when he realized how ridiculous that question was. 

“My mom was at work when I broke my arm, so, uh...” Evan shrugged. “I couldn’t get through to her. My boss had to stay with me and it... it really sucked because he missed dinner. He didn’t say anything, but I could tell. I could tell he was annoyed that he was missing dinner, even though he kept saying it was fine and he wasn’t going to leave me there alone.”

“You broke your arm at work?”

Evan nodded. “I fell out of a tree.”

“You climbed a tree while you were at work?”

“I was an apprentice park ranger the summer before twelfth grade.”

“And you broke your arm by-“

“Falling out of a tree,” Evan said quickly. “Yeah, it’s, uh, it sounds funny when you say it like that, but it’s probably the least funny story I have.”

He didn’t feel like getting into it.

Getting into that was pretty much the last thing he wanted to do.

Connor seemed to pick up on that. He stared at him for a beat before silently offering him the bottle.

Evan wrinkled his nose. “No thanks.”

“What? You don’t want-”

“Your backwash? Yeah, I think I’ll pass on that.”

“You’re scared of getting my germs?”

“I don’t know where you’ve been!”

Connor took another swig and grinned. “You do actually.”

He smirked as he dangled the bottle in front of Evan.

Evan eyed it warily. “Isn’t this how Brett Unger got mono?”

“Who?”

“Brett Unger. He got mono when we were in eighth grade and everyone said it was because he shared a drink with his cousin.”

“I heard it was because he made out with a tenth grader.”

“Is that supposed to encourage me? I really don’t know where Matt’s been.”

Evan sucked in a breath when he realized he’d said the wrong thing that time. He grabbed the bottle from Connor and took a sip. A big sip. It was fizzy and went straight to his head.

He wiped his mouth when he was done. “I better not get mono.”

Connor leaned forward to start the movie. “It’s Matt’s fault if you do.”

Evan could see the exact moment Connor realized why he’d decided they should watch _Half-Blood Prince_. 

“You’re never going to let that go, are you?”

“The fact that you love Pygmy Puffs?” Evan laughed. “Never. It’s adorable. Like really-”

“You think it’s adorable?”

Evan’s laughter quickly subsided. “In a funny way. Like a... That’s information I would’ve loved to have two years ago.”

“So you could make my life a living hell?”

“So I wouldn’t have been... you know.”

Connor stared blankly at the screen. “Scared of me?”

“Well... yeah. Kind of. I don’t know.”

Connor snapped his fingers and pointed at the tv. “Ooh, I think he just mentioned his father. Drink. Chip.”

Evan grabbed the bottle first. He smirked when Connor had to settle for a chip.

Evan gestured at the screen before inhaling another handful of popcorn. “How was your Christmas?”

“Boring.”

“Boring?”

“Family.”

Evan nodded knowingly. “We went to Geoff’s.”

Connor rolled over to face him. “You what?”

“He gave my mother a pair of earrings.”

“Were they expensive?”

Evan shrugged. “How should I know?”

“I think it’s a bad sign if they’re expensive.”

“I thought it was a good thing if they-”

“Because it’s like bribery. It’s like you’re buying the person’s love.”

“I don’t think Geoff needs to worry about that.” Evan shuddered as he pictured the way his mother and Geoff looked at each other.

“My father loves to brag about the expensive pieces he buys for my mother.”

Evan propped himself up on his elbows and blinked. “And that’s-”

“Their relationship’s crap.”

“They seem...” 

Not happy. That wasn’t the word Evan was looking for. Content? Secure? Together? Present?

He shrugged.

“Some days it’s like they can’t even stand to look at each other.”

Something twisted in the pit of Evan’s stomach. “My parents were like that at the end.”

“At least they had the sense to get divorced.”

Connor chugged down some of the champagne.

Evan didn’t bother asking what he’d missed. He had a feeling that sip hadn’t been part of their drinking game.

“Does it bother you?”

Evan tore his eyes away from the screen long enough to blink at Connor. “Huh?”

He turned back to the movie when Connor didn’t respond right away. He tried to figure out what had triggered that question.

“Ron and Lavender?”

“Zoe and Jared.”

Evan yawned and leaned back against Connor’s bed. “Not really, no.”

“Not really or no?”

Evan shifted around and patted the carpet. “This isn’t bad, actually. I can totally sleep on this. It’s very... what’s the word? Plush.”

He sighed when Connor continued to stare. “It doesn’t bother me.”

“It was a surprise though, right?”

Evan smiled because it had clearly been a shock to Connor’s system. “Not really.”

“You saw that coming?”

Evan straightened himself back up. “Okay, so I’ve realized something about Jared.”

Connor made a face and turned back towards the tv. “Do I want to know?”

“He hides his insecurities by taking them out on other people. On me, especially.”

Connor tapped his chin. “That’s some major therapy talk there.”

Evan nodded. “Yeah, I, uh, I actually realized that two years ago. Dr. Sherman used to make me write these letters to, uh, to myself and one day I was writing one about something Jared had said and...”

He mimed a bomb exploding. “It was like, boom, epiphany.” 

“You mean...”

“I mean he used to make fun of me for not having any friends because he didn’t have any either. And he made fun of my clothes because-”

“He looks like a...” Connor wrinkled his nose.

“Yeah,” Evan nodded. “And he teased me about my crush on Zoe because-”

“He had one too.”

“Exactly.”

“So, this is pretty much a dream come true for him then, huh?”

Evan shrugged. “I don’t know. Jared has had a lot of crushes on a lot of people. I feel like his only criteria is that the person has a pulse and they don’t look completely disgusting and, even then, there’s probably some wiggle room.”

“Sounds like Zoe’s found a keeper.”

Evan nodded absentmindedly. He reached for his phone when he saw what was happening on the screen. “Wait, was that one?”

It didn’t matter. Connor had decided to take a swig either way.

“So, I just finished reading this novella one of my professors wrote.”

“The same one who wrote the play last year?”

Connor shook his head. “Different one. Just as messed up though.

“Messed up how?”

“Like...” Connor puffed out his cheeks. He pulled his laptop off his bed and clicked around for a minute before handing it to Evan. “Those are my notes.”

“You’re writing a paper on it?”

Connor shook his head again. “They’re for you. They’re the observations I would’ve told you if we had been... you know. Talking.”

Evan snorted when he saw the first one. “I do that too.”

“I know, right?” Connor laughed. “It’s like as soon as the flashbacks start, I start picturing Charles Dickens and-”

“I don’t go that far. The ‘70s, maybe.”

“This was published in 2019. The flashbacks take place five years before the primary narrative. I was reading about things that took place in fucking 2014 and I was picturing-”

“Charles Dickens?”

Connor nodded and opened another bag of chips.

“I can’t believe you’re a Snape apologist!”

“I can’t believe you think he doesn’t have any redeeming qualities!”

“He doesn’t! He was a bully. He was a fucking bully and a coward and-”

“Don’t call him a coward!” Evan jabbed a finger at Connor’s face. He wasn’t sure when he’d stood up. He wasn’t sure when his conversation with Connor had turned into a full-fledged battle about Severus Snape.

He supposed this was what happened when it was late and they were tired and tipsy and hyper from consuming massive amounts of junk food. 

“We really shouldn’t have started playing a drinking game at one o’clock in the morning...”

He laughed when he realized he’d said that out loud.

And then Connor laughed.

And then they both started laughing so hard they couldn’t breathe.

Evan laughed so hard he had no choice but to sit back down. It only took Connor a second to join him.

He took a breath and tried to calm himself down. “I’m just saying Snape’s a gray character. He-”

Connor scoffed at that.

“If the situation had been different, he may not have done all the things he did.”

“He may have been worse. He may have-”

“If Lily had lived-”

“If Lily had lived, there would have been nothing keeping him from-”

They both blinked when the door to Connor’s room creaked open.

Evan glanced over his shoulder to watch as Connor’s mother stumbled in.

“Boys?” Cynthia croaked. “Do you have any idea what time it is?”

They looked at each other and shrugged.

“It’s late.” Cynthia grabbed onto Connor’s desk for support. “It’s late and you’re being loud.”

Connor’s shoulders shook as he stared at his hands. It took Evan a second to realize he was trying not to laugh.

“Are you saying it’s past our bedtime?”

Evan snorted.

And then they both started laughing again.

Cynthia closed her eyes and pressed a hand against her forehead. Her face had softened when she looked up again. “I’m glad you’re having fun, but it’s late and some of us are trying to sleep. Try to keep it down.”

Connor shook his head when she was gone. “See, this is what I was talking about.”

“What?”

“Zoe fucked Jared Kleinman while our parents were hosting a party downstairs and there were zero consequences. While I, on the other hand... what?”

Evan nodded in the direction of the door.

Which was still cracked open.

They kept their mouths closed until it clicked shut.

“Zoe’s going to kill you.”

Connor rolled his eyes. “It doesn’t matter. If my mom remembers anything from this, it’ll be...”

“It’ll be what?”

Connor slid down against the side of his bed until he was lying on his back. “It’ll be this.”

He gestured between them.

“That we were having a screaming match about Severus Snape?”

Connor blinked at the ceiling. “That I have a friend.”

Evan’s mouth felt dry when he woke up.

Dry and sticky and like it was covered in hair.

That was probably because of the Cheetos he’d inhaled right before he passed out.

He groaned and rolled over and gasped when he smacked into something solid.

Solid and soft and warm.

Connor.

They’d both fallen asleep on the floor.

His eyes flew open when he heard someone laughing above him.

Make that two someones.

Zoe and Jared were sitting on Connor’s bed with their phones out.

Evan frantically elbowed Connor when he saw that.

“What?” Connor moaned into his arm.

“We have company.”

That got Connor’s attention. He cracked one eye open and then the other. He sat up and glared at his sister when he realized they were being recorded.

“That was so adorable I think I’ll put it online,” Zoe said. She tapped her chin and looked at Jared. “YouTube?”

“Too impersonal. How about...” He lowered his phone when Connor looked him in the eye. “I think my phone’s about to die.”

Zoe sighed and lowered hers as well. “Thanks for telling Mom.”

“I didn’t tell her.”

“She said you did.”

“I...” He looked to Evan for support.

Evan pressed a hand to his neck and cleared his throat. “You don’t think she would’ve suspected something was up when Jared came out of your room this morning?”

Connor jerked a thumb in his direction. “What he said.”

Zoe pouted for a moment before sliding off the bed. “We’re going to Louie’s for breakfast.”

Connor gave her two thumbs up. “Good for you.”

“It would be in your best interest to come with us.”

Connor paled at that. “What is it this year?”

“I don’t know. She keeps saying something about going on a cleanse and-”

Connor groaned into his hands.

“-and she’s cleaning out the freezer.”

“Do we still have any guests down there?”

Zoe shook her head. “The last one left ten minutes ago. Without any breakfast.”

“Has she gotten to the cereals yet?”

“She fed them to the birds.”

Connor struggled to his feet. “Louie’s?”

Zoe nodded solemnly. “Louie’s.”

Louie’s Diner was packed when they got there. It was a strange mixture of families and people who looked even more hungover than Evan felt.

There was only one table left, the one squished between the bathroom and the kitchen.

It was noisy and chaotic in a way that meant none of them could hear the others speak.

Which was kind of perfect because Evan didn’t really feel like talking. He just wanted coffee and pancakes and maybe a side of toast in case the pancakes didn’t go down the way they should.

He felt like cursing as soon as the waitress left them alone. Her movements had forced his eyes to land on a group of men sitting across the diner from them. He slumped down in his seat in hope that that would make him invisible.

Connor noticed that right away. “What?”

Evan flicked his hand in the direction of the window and mouthed the name ‘Geoff.’

Geoff smiled and waved when their eyes met. Evan forced himself to do the same.

And then Geoff stood up and gestured at the door and motioned for Evan to meet him there.

Evan got up without telling the others why.

Because saying where he was going would make him decide not to go.

“Hi,” Geoff said brightly. He sounded so chipper that Evan wanted to pull his hood up and curl into the fetal position. “I’m glad we ran into each other. I was hoping to catch you before you went back to school.”

Evan decided it was in his best interest not to point out that was several weeks away.

“I was hoping you could set aside some time to...” Geoff scratched the back of his head. He exhaled deeply. “This is awkward, isn’t it?”

“Are you going to marry my mother?” 

The words tumbled out of Evan so quickly it felt like he had floated out of his body and was watching himself from up above.

Geoff smiled tightly.

Not tightly. It was a genuine smile. A laugh, even. He was definitely amused.

“We’ve only been going out for six months.”

“There are people who get married after knowing each other for six days.”

“I’m not one of them and I don’t think your mother is either.”

Evan nodded. “She’s not.”

Geoff considered that for a moment. “She wants us to get along.”

“We get along.” 

Again with the out of body experience. Evan squeezed his eyes shut.

“I’m glad you see it that way.” Geoff’s eyes widened when he heard himself. “I do too, of course. I just...”

He shook his head. “I don’t know what I was thinking. You can go back to your friends.”

Evan didn’t need to be told twice.

Part of him felt like he should have stayed and talked things out though. 

He wanted his mother to be happy. He knew Geoff made her happy. He also knew what Geoff had been trying to get at.

He knew he would eventually have to get to know Geoff. He knew...

He didn’t know anything.

He sat back down and ignored the look Connor kept giving him.

He listened while Zoe and Jared bickered about something he couldn’t understand. Literally. Their words were muffled because of all the noise.

It was a relief when the food came and not just because he was hungry. It gave him something else to focus on. And he needed something else to focus on.

Connor suddenly pointed his fork in Jared’s direction. “What do you think about Severus Snape?”

Jared’s face scrunched up. He glanced at Zoe, who shrugged. “What do I think about Snape?”

“Is he good or bad or what?”

“He’s the hero of the whole freaking story, isn’t he?”

Evan snorted when a piece of French toast suddenly hit Jared’s cheek.

Jared narrowed his eyes at Connor as he wiped it off.

“Oops,” Connor grinned. “My fork slipped.”


	16. Sophomore Year - January and February

The campus looked like a ghost town. Evan wasn’t sure if that was because of the snow or the fact that the dorms weren’t supposed to open until ten.

The drive back to school hadn’t been nearly as bad as Evan had expected. He’d been expecting to creep along on a sheet of ice. He hadn’t been expecting to get there so quickly that he had to wait in his car until it was time to go in.

He wasn’t the only one sitting in the parking lot. There were two other cars there. He felt a vague sense of comradery with the other guys who had braved the elements to get back to school early. He wondered what their stories were. He wondered what they were running away from. 

The thought of that made him sigh.

He grabbed his phone so he could tell his mother that he’d made it there safely. He blinked when he saw she’d already texted him.

_You forgot your night guard. Connor’s going to pick it up tomorrow._

He dropped his phone in his lap and gripped the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles turned white. A million curse words went off in his head.

His hands shook as he typed out a quick response. _Ok. Thanks. I made it._

And then he dropped his phone again. 

He pushed his head back against the seat.

Why had he lied to her? Why had he lied when it had been this easy for him to be caught?

He grabbed his phone again. He opened the thread to text Connor, shook his head, and called instead.

Connor picked up on the third ring. “Hey.”

“Hey, uh, so my mom... Did she...” He breathed into the phone.

“She just called to ask if I’d left yet. She said you forgot something.”

“My night guard.”

“I told her I’d stop by on my way out tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Zoe doesn’t want to leave until tomorrow.”

“You’re waiting for Zoe?”

“Her car’s being weird. My parents want me to follow her in case it breaks down somewhere.”

Evan pressed a hand against his forehead. “You told my mom that?”

“That Zoe’s car is a piece of crap?”

“That you’re not coming back until tomorrow?”

He didn’t know why he’d asked a question he already knew the answer to.

He sighed heavily and slid down in his seat.

“You can always get your night guard yourself,” Connor reminded him. “It’s only what? A forty-minute drive?”

“It’s not that.”

“Then what-”

“I told her I was coming back early because I had to help you with a project. And now she knows you’re not here, so...”

Connor was silent for a moment. “And that’s my fault because...?”

“I didn’t say it was your fault.”

“Okay, well, maybe you should give me a little heads up next time you decide to include me in-”

“I didn’t think she’d call you. Why does she even have your number?

“Because I-”

“The internship.” Evan nodded numbly. “You know, I really would’ve thought you’d be better at this.”

“At what?”

“At-”

“Lying to your mother?”

Evan bit his lip. 

A car door slammed somewhere behind him. It was ten o’clock.

Connor let out a short laugh. “At lying in general?”

“At picking up signals and-”

“How was I supposed to know you’d-”

“She must’ve said something like... I don’t know. Like... Like about how she knew you were coming back today to work on a project and... That really didn’t make you think there was something you should be going along with?”

He pulled his phone back to check the screen when Connor didn’t respond.

The call hadn’t been dropped. 

Connor hadn’t hung up on him.

He squeezed his eyes shut. “I’m just saying...”

“I know what you’re saying.”

Evan flinched at Connor’s tone. His stomach dropped when he realized Connor didn’t sound angry.

He sounded hurt.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

The phone beeped after Connor ended the call.

Evan opened his eyes and looked around.

The parking lot was starting to fill up. There were over a dozen cars out there now.

He opened Connor’s text thread again and stared at the keyboard. His fingers hovered above it while he debated the best way to apologize.

He shook his head and pocketed the phone instead.

Evan was the first one back in the suite.

He took Cole’s checklist off the fridge and carefully, meticulously, did everything on it.

Not so much for Cole’s sake, though he did think it was in his best interest to do things that kept Cole from killing him in his sleep.

Because he needed the distraction. Because he needed order in his life.

He checked off everything on the list before going to unpack.

It took him a minute to realize he had an extra bag. He’d been so determined to transport all his belongings in one trip that he hadn’t stopped to count how many things he was carrying.

The extra bag was from obviously from his mother. It contained three boxes of granola bars, an assortment of snacks, and an envelope stuffed with cash.

He felt a pang of guilt when he saw that.

He reached for his phone and sent her a quick thank you text.

He didn’t expect a response.

He didn’t deserve a response.

Seth and Chris showed up around two.

Evan heard them before he saw them.

They poked their heads in to say hi before going to unpack. He managed to say hi back before the feeling of dread completely overwhelmed him.

Connor wasn’t there. Connor wouldn’t be there until the next day.

Jared wasn’t there either. He was on vacation with his family. Evan wasn’t sure where they’d gone. He just knew that Jared wouldn’t be back until the day classes resumed.

He had no idea when Ryan was getting back.

Not that that really mattered. He was sure Ryan was going to attach himself to Layla’s side the second they were reunited.

Which meant...

It meant that Evan was alone with the roommates he didn’t really know.

It was a good thing he didn’t mind hanging out in his room by himself.

He finally ventured out when his stomach started to growl. He was tempted to eat a granola bar, but he knew the food his mother had sent wasn’t meant to replace his actual meals.

Chris and Seth were also on their way out. They smiled when they spotted him.

“You going to dinner?” Chris asked.

Evan nodded.

They motioned for him to join them.

It was a relief and a stressor all rolled into one. A relief because he didn’t have to walk into the dining hall alone. A stressor because he suspected his roommates weren’t planning to get their food to go.

“It’s so good to be back,” Seth sighed. “My sister was starting to drive me crazy.”

“I thought you missed her,” Chris teased.

“I did?”

“Last semester, you said-”

Seth wrinkled his nose. “Yeah, that lasted about a day.”

Chris nodded knowingly. “I know my brothers weren’t sad to see me go.”

Seth tilted his head at Evan. “What about you? Did you have any siblings counting down the days until you left?”

“I have two half-siblings in Colorado.” Evan cleared his throat. “So, uh... My mom though. She was definitely ready for me to leave.”

“Your mom wanted you to leave?”

Evan swallowed dryly. He blinked at the snow and then...

Word vomit. So much word vomit.

He didn’t know why it spilled out of him.

He told them everything. He told them about Geoff. He told them about his mom and Geoff. He told them about how Geoff had gotten snowed in at their house and how awkward it had been. He told them about how the house had stopped feeling like his home because Geoff was there. He told them about how sharing a bathroom with Geoff had somehow been worse than sharing a bathroom with seven other guys.

That got a big laugh out of them.

He told them about how he’d lied to his mother and said that he had to go back early because he couldn’t stand being there anymore. He told them about Connor. Not in detail. He didn’t feel like going into detail. He just told them that Connor was upset because he’d gotten annoyed about having his cover blown.

He sighed when he was done.

They stared at him in amazement.

“I think that’s the most I’ve ever heard you say,” Chris laughed.

“Just get him a...” Seth’s face scrunched up. “What’s Connor’s favorite snack?”

“What?” Evan blinked.

“Whatever it is, just get it for him and leave it on his desk. A peace offering.”

“That’s what we do,” Chris nodded.

Seth snapped his fingers. “You’re the science one, right?”

Evan blinked at that. “Um... what?”

“I always forget, are you the science one or the English one?”

“The science one.”

“That’s what I thought.”

Something twisted around in Evan’s stomach.

He hated to admit it, but he’d always seen the two of them as a pair. Chris and Seth, Seth and Chris. He’d never stopped to think they saw him the same way.

Evan and Connor, Connor and Evan. The science major and the English major.

It suddenly occurred to him that he had no idea what Chris and Seth were studying.

He knew Jared was doing something with computers. He didn’t know what exactly. He just knew it sounded kind of terrifying when Jared talked about it, like there was a good chance Jared was learning how to take over the world.

He knew Ryan was still undecided, that he kept bouncing from major to major and had yet to find one he really liked.

Kai was kind of an all-around mystery to him. He knew Kai was a star on their school’s track team. He also knew that had nothing to do with Kai’s studies.

He wasn’t sure about Cole either. His gut told him it had something to do with religion, but he wasn’t curious enough to ask.

He cleared his throat. “Hey, uh, I forget, what did you say you two are majoring in?”

He stared at his shoes when they exchanged a knowing look.

“Business, with a focus on Management and Communication,” Seth said. “My family owns a restaurant. I’m planning to take over and franchise it when I graduate.”

“He’s also taking a lot of culinary classes,” Chris added. 

Seth nodded firmly. “I’m obsessed with Iron Chef.”

“I’m an International Studies and Relations major.”

“It’s all the _Doctor Who_ ,” Seth teased. “He wants to travel for a living.”

“What’s wrong with that?” Chris hissed.

Seth shook his head. “We both signed up for one of the basic science classes this semester.”

“It’s called, like, The World Around You or something.”

“We think it’s for the jocks and the frat guys who need to earn a couple easy science credits.”

“We’re going to be coming to you for help if they expect us to know anything more complicated than, uh...” Chris pointed at the sky. “Than that’s the sky.”

Seth slapped his forehead. “And all these years, I thought that was the ocean.”

Chris grinned as they stepped into the dining hall. “You learn something new every day.”

Evan froze in his tracks when he spotted her.

His mother was sitting on a bench outside his dorm, hugging herself and shivering from the cold.

He checked his phone. No missed calls. No texts. There was no way she could blame him if she ended up getting pneumonia. 

He told Chris and Seth to go ahead.

They didn’t need to be told twice. 

He felt a twinge of jealousy as he watched them hurry into the building. And not just because it was freezing outside.

He jumped when he felt how cold the bench was. “What are you...”

She wordlessly handed him his night guard.

He turned it over in his hand. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

He sighed and stared at his hands.

That was enough to pull her out of her stupor. She turned to look him in the eye. “Do you not like Geoff?”

“What?”

“Was he... Has he been mean to you?”

Evan shook his head.

“Rude?”

He shook his head again.

“Has he said or done anything that-”

“It’s not him.”

“Is it because he isn’t your father? Because I have to tell you, Evan, if there’s even a small part of you hoping to Parent Trap us, well...”

“I know that’s not happening.”

“There’s a difference between knowing something and accepting it.”

“I know you and Dad... He’s happy with Lisa and the kids. And you’re happier without him.”

“I am,” Heidi nodded. “That doesn’t change the fact that...”

Evan glanced at her quickly. “That?”

“You’ve always wished he was around more, haven’t you?”

Evan shrugged. “I mean, I guess...”

“Geoff isn’t going to take his place. No matter what happens with the two of us, he’s not going to try to be your father.”

Evan nodded because he understood that. He understood it the same way he’d always instinctively known that Lisa had no interest in mothering him.

He watched his hands as they flexed in front of him. “It was just weird, okay?”

“Weird?”

“Having Geoff there like that.”

Heidi closed her eyes for a moment. “He offered to sleep on the couch.”

“And you told him not to be ridiculous.” Evan squeezed his knees. “It wasn’t just that. It was... He left the toilet seat up.”

Heidi smiled into her hand. “He’s a lifelong bachelor. I’m trying to-”

“You always told me not to leave the seat up!”

“I know. He hasn’t mastered a skill my eight-year-old son had down pat.”

“You’re going to fall in one of these days. Did you tell him about the time you fell in?”

Heidi’s smile grew wider. “Why don’t you tell him?”

“You want me to call your boyfriend and tell him about the time you fell in the toilet?”

“Or text him. You’d be more comfortable with that.”

Evan hugged himself and shivered. “I wasn’t expecting him to stay over like that.”

He closed his eyes when he heard himself. He kept them closed until she squeezed his arm.

She didn’t look surprised by his reaction. But, then, he knew she knew he didn’t handle change well.

“It wasn’t planned. That storm came out of nowhere.”

“It didn’t, actually. If you’d been paying attention to the forecast, you would’ve known-”

“He won’t stay over again while you’re home. Not until you’re ready.”

Evan chewed his lip. “Are you going to marry him?”

Heidi shrugged. “Someday, maybe. Not for a while. I promise you’ll be the first to know.”

“Before Geoff?”

“How about this? You’ll be the first to know if I decide to propose. Second if he does. A close second. We’re talking milliseconds here.”

Evan knew she was exaggerating. He also knew she didn’t think she was.

He nodded slightly. He could live with that.

Evan spun around when he sensed someone standing behind him. 

Connor was back.

He was back and had already started eating the bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos Evan had left on his desk.

The note Evan had left was nowhere to be seen.

The note that had read _I’m sorry. I suck._

Evan shook his head when Connor tried to offer him a Cheeto. “They’re yours.”

They both laughed at how loudly that had come out. Evan gestured at his earbuds and shrugged.

Connor dumped a few Cheetos on Evan’s desk before he started unpacking.

The second major snowstorm of 2021 struck during the first week of February. It happened overnight. Evan woke up to the sounds of Kai and Seth cheering in the living room.

The door to his room flew open and Chris informed them that classes had been cancelled.

Evan yawned and muttered his thanks. He shielded his eyes when the overhead light suddenly flicked on.

“The fuck?” Connor groaned. He sat up and glared down at Chris. “It’s 6 am.”

Chris rubbed his hands together excitedly. “It’s a snow day.”

“Yeah, but it’s still 6 am.”

Chris barely had time to jump out of the way before Kai came bursting into the room.

“We’ve been challenged,” Kai said breathlessly. “The guys in suite 3301 just challenged us to a snowball fight.”

Connor covered his eyes and moaned. “What part of it’s 6 am do you people not understand?”

Kai flicked the lights on and off until Evan and Connor were both sitting up. “All hands on deck. The battle begins at eight.” 

With that said, he elbowed Chris and charged back out of the room. Evan could hear Jared and Cole whining a few seconds later.

Evan yawned and gazed at his pillow longingly. “I’m going back to sleep. Wake me up at 7:30.”

He moaned when Connor’s pillow landed on his back. “What?”

“It’s 7:45.”

“But you just said-”

“I was embellishing for dramatic effect.”

Evan sighed as he pulled himself back up. “Okay, fair warning, I’m planning to use you as a human shield.”

“I say we both use Cole. Or Jared. Or both.”

“You’re taller than them.”

Connor made a face. “What do you think the rules are? Do you think we can leave if we let ourselves get hit right away?”

Evan was so tired he almost tripped as he climbed down from his bed. “Let’s hope.”

As far as Evan could tell, there were no rules in a collegiate snowball fight. 

Even the teams weren’t clearly defined.

What started out as a battle between two eight-person suites quickly dissolved into chaos as other people joined in and alliances formed and fell apart in the blink of an eye.

He stuck with Connor because Connor was his friend and had surprisingly good aim. Probably from all the years of playing video games.

He did his best to avoid Jared because Jared seemed determined to dump snow down his shirt. 

Luckily, Connor picked up on that right away and sent a snowball flying at Jared every time he tried to come near them.

Cole was the biggest surprise of all.

He was the Rambo of snowball fights. 

Evan watched in amazement as Cole took out an entire line of would-be attackers.

“He’s studying to be a gym teacher, you know,” Connor said.

Evan shook his head. “I did not know that.”

His eyes widened as Cole somehow took down two guys with one snowball.

“He used to play baseball in high school. He was the starting pitcher.” Connor yanked Evan to the ground before they could get hit by a sudden onslaught. “He told my dad all about it last year.”

Jared dropped down next to them before Evan could respond. “I’m bored. You guys want to go tray sledding?”

Evan glanced at Connor and shrugged. “Yeah, okay.”

Connor put a hand on Evan’s arm to stop him. “Let’s let Jared go first.”

“Human shield?”

“Human shield.”

Jared threw his head back and moaned at the ceiling. “Is this seriously what we’re doing tonight?”

Chris looked at him strangely. “We took a vote. The four of us want to watch _Scrubs_.”

“None of you want to go to the anti-Valentine’s mixer in Garrett Hall?” Jared took the time to stare each of them down. “None of you?”

Evan shook his head when Jared looked him in the eye.

“It’s not really an anti-Valentine’s mixer, is it?” Seth pointed out. “The whole point of it is to meet other people who-” He lifted his hands to form air quotes. “-hate Valentine’s Day.”

Jared folded his arms across his chest and slid down. “I was in a fraternity at my old school!”

“We have a Jewish fraternity here,” Evan reminded him. “You can always join that.”

Jared made a face. “No, thank you.”

“You could always go to Cole’s prayer group. He said there will be cookies and punch tonight.”

“Yeah, right. Let me go consult my rabbi on that one...” Jared sulked as he glared around the room. “Where’s Kai? I bet he’s doing something fun tonight.”

Evan wasn’t the only one who snorted at that.

He didn’t know where Kai was. He had a feeling none of them did. 

He was pretty sure he knew what Kai was doing though. Kai had the kind of calm confidence that Evan thought came from getting laid on a regular basis.

Jared tapped his chin. “Maybe Layla has a friend she can set me up with. Remind me to ask Ryan when he gets back.”

“Aren’t all of Layla’s friends lesbians?” Seth wondered.

Chris shook his head. “Just Mel and Aimee, as far as I know.”

That was clearly news to Seth. Evan could practically see the wheels turning in his head.

He had a feeling Layla would be getting bombarded with requests to set up her boyfriend’s roommates with her friends before the weekend was over.

None of the requests would be coming from Evan though. There was no way he was going to try that. 

He yelped when Jared kicked his ankle. “Hey!”

“What about the famous Mia? Who, may I remind you, I have yet to meet. Does she have any friends?”

Evan’s eyes flickered towards Connor. “I haven’t seen her since December.”

“Really?” Jared cackled. “You’re the love ‘em and leave ‘em type? Who knew?”

Evan puffed his cheeks out. “Mia and I... We’re not serious. It’s just...”

He shrugged.

Jared nodded knowingly. “Like me and Zoe.”

Jared grabbed his leg when Connor’s foot flew into it. “Motherfucker...”

“Oops,” Connor smirked. “My foot slipped.”

Jared narrowed his eyes as he continued to rub his leg. “We’re not! I haven’t even seen her since we got back to school. What does that say to you?”

“That my sister’s smarter than I thought she was?”

“Dude,” Chris huffed. “Am I hearing this right? Did you hook up with his sister?”

“Major bro code violation,” Seth tutted.

“He’s not my bro,” Jared mumbled.

Chris and Seth exchanged a look.

“He’s not!” Jared insisted. He rubbed his leg one more time for good measure before straightening back up. “And we didn’t... We got to, like, third base. That’s all.”

Jared’s hands flew into a defensive position. He eyed Connor warily.

“Third base?” Chris laughed. “I haven’t heard that in a while.”

“You haven’t been there in a while,” Seth retorted.

Chris flipped him off. “Shut up.”

Jared stared at his hands. “I’m just saying, I’m not cheating on Zoe or anything.”

“No,” Connor agreed. “Because cheating would mean you were actually doing something.”

“Right...” Jared’s face scrunched up. “Hey...”

He closed his eyes. “Zoe and I had a bit of fun on New Year’s and that was that. End of story. Thank u, next.”

“Dude,” Chris snorted. “You really need to shut up about his sister.”

Jared seemed to have come to that conclusion too. He nodded to himself when he opened his eyes. “I’m going to the mixer.”

He looked at Evan hopefully. “You sure you don’t want to come?”

Evan nodded slowly.

“Your loss,” Jared shrugged. His face lit up when the front door opened and Kai came stumbling in. “Hey, uh...”

Kai shuddered and shook his shoulders. “That’s it. It’s a madhouse out there. I’m in for the night.”

And just like that, Jared was out the door. 

It took Evan a second to realize what Connor was doing.

He felt stupid when he did. He, of all people, should have recognized the signs.

Connor was nervous about going into the auditorium. He was purposely hanging back so that Evan could go first and scope things out.

Evan decided to do just that. He carefully cracked the door open and looked around.

He scratched his neck as he returned to Connor. “They’re taking a break.”

“Oh,” Connor nodded. He stared at Evan expectantly.

“I didn’t see him. That, uh, that doesn’t mean he isn’t in there though. There were a lot of people and I felt kind of weird, so... you know. I only did a quick search.”

“Did you see Zoe?”

Evan nodded. “Do you want me to take her bag to her?”

Connor started to hand the bag over, only to freeze when the doors to the auditorium flew open.

And Matt stepped out.

Because, of course, he did. 

Evan automatically moved closer to Connor.

Matt wasn’t alone. It took him a second to spot them because he was deep in conversation with one of his castmates.

With one of his female castmates, Evan was relieved to note. 

It could’ve been worse.

Matt beamed when he saw them. He stretched his arms out and charged at Connor like they were long lost friends. He kissed both of Connor’s cheeks and asked how he’d been.

His eyes never left Connor’s face. 

Evan didn’t think he’d ever felt that invisible in his life.

“Fine,” Connor muttered. “I’m, uh...”

He looked at Evan helplessly.

Evan pointed at the bag in Connor’s hand. “We’re looking for Zoe.”

Matt’s eyes landed on him for the briefest of seconds. “She’s by the stage with the other ensemble members. They’re going over the number we just rehearsed.”

Evan nodded. “Okay, well, we should...”

Matt put a hand on Connor’s arm. “I’m glad I ran into you. I’ve been meaning to get in touch. I’d love to grab a coffee with you sometime if you’re up for it.”

“I thought you were too busy,” Connor spat.

Evan raised his eyebrows. He had a feeling there was something he was missing.

Matt tilted his head. “What makes you-”

“Your Instagram post. The one about-”

Matt nodded slightly. “I’m not saying we should form a coffee club.”

He looked Connor up and down. “I do have time for the occasional cup of coffee though.”

He smiled smugly. “Unless you’ve decided you prefer tea after all.”

The girl Matt was with let out an awkward chuckle as she turned to face Evan. “Are you following this at all?”

Evan chewed his lip. He was following it. Not completely, but more than he wanted to admit.

The girl tapped Matt’s arm. “We better go. We’re doing Callahan’s number next.”

Evan put out a hand to stop her. He grabbed the bag from Connor and handed it over. “Can you get that to Zoe Murphy?”

The girl smiled and nodded. 

Matt lingered for a moment before following her back into the auditorium.

Evan snorted as soon as they were gone. “Well, that’s fitting, isn’t it? Matt’s playing Callahan? Maybe the actress playing Elle will kick him in the balls.”

Connor smiled in spite of himself.

Evan studied him for a moment. “What did his Instagram post say?”

Connor took a breath and shook his head.

He didn’t say a word until they were back outside.

“It said that he really had to buckle down this semester because he’s getting ready to graduate.”

“You mean-”

“It said something about buckling down, but still having fun, but with no distractions.”

Evan considered that for a moment. “And you think it was directed at you?” 

“And all the other guys he gets coffee with.”

“I’m sorry.”

Connor shrugged. “It’s not like I wanted to form a coffee club with him. And it’s not like he led me on. Not really anyway.”

“But still... He could’ve handled it better.” Evan glanced at him quickly. “He should have handled it better. Did he know you... that that was the first time you...”

Connor gave a slight nod.

Evan reached for his phone. “I’m going to tell Zoe she should stomp on his foot if she gets the chance. Like if she has to spin by him in a number, she should just...”

Evan stomped his foot as hard as he could.

Connor snorted, but he didn’t tell him not to bother.


	17. Sophomore Year - March

Evan shoved his hands in his pockets to keep himself from covering his ears. The sounds coming from the stage were excruciating. And sound really was the best word for it. He didn’t think anyone would call that music. It was just noise of the ear bleeding variety.

Connor looked like he was thinking the same thing. “Okay, it’s official. That guy isn’t just murdering ‘Bohemian Rhapsody.’ It’s worse than that because murdering could imply that it was a swift and painless death.”

“Or that it was really good. Like if we said he was slaying it.”

“He’s mutilating it. I wouldn’t know what it was if I didn’t already know what it was.” Connor’s face scrunched up. “Does that make sense?”

Evan nodded. “It looks like Zoe’s next.”

That was wishful thinking on Evan’s part. Zoe was not next. He realized that when only one of the girls she was standing with went over to the stage.

The girl gave a good luck kiss to the guy who was about to perform before returning to her friends.

The guy struck a pose and froze until the karaoke machine started playing ‘Stayin’ Alive.’

Connor did a double take. “What the fuck is this? I thought Zoe said they were supposed to do songs from the year they were born. Did she trick us into coming to ‘70s night?”

“I thought she said they’re doing songs from the year they wish they were born.” Evan chewed his lip to keep from laughing. “This is better, isn’t it? Otherwise we’d be hearing a lot of early 2000s-”

“Oh my God,” Connor groaned. “There’d be so much Destiny’s Child. And Nickleback. And-”

“American Idol. I was just thinking about all the girls who would’ve attempted ‘A Moment Like This.’”

Connor sighed as he watched his sister giggle with her friends. “That explains their outfits.”

“They’re doing the Spice Girls?”

“Zoe went through a very serious ‘Wannabe’ phase.”

“I can see that.”

Connor made a face. “It was bad. It was like-”

Evan jumped when three beers were suddenly slammed down in front of them.

Jared held out his hand impatiently. “All right, pay up.”

Evan shook his head. “I didn’t ask for that.”

“You didn’t ask for that?” Jared raised his eyebrows. “After all the trouble I went through to... Do you know how many people I had to ask before I found someone who would get those for us? They actually card in this place.”

“I have to finish my lab report tonight.”

“Sucks to be you,” Jared smirked. He slid two of the beers towards himself. His grin widened when Connor grabbed the third one and handed over a couple dollars.

Evan checked the time. He really needed to leave. He had to submit the report by midnight.

Jared was right. It really did suck to be him.

It was his own fault though. He’d done this to himself. Or his body had, rather.

He would’ve finished the report earlier if he hadn’t been dealing with a cold all week.

He sighed when it became clear that Zoe’s group still wasn’t going on next. He shook his head. “I have to go. Tell Zoe I’m...”

He shrugged. He didn’t know what to say. He also didn’t think it would make a big difference to Zoe that he wasn’t sticking around to see her Spice Girls imitation. 

He pushed away from the table, only to freeze when he saw that Matt was heading their way. He turned to watch as Connor chugged his drink.

“Hey, man,” Jared greeted. He slapped Matt’s hand. “Thanks for helping us out.”

“Anytime,” Matt grinned.

Evan’s stomach twisted itself into a knot. 

Matt had gotten their drinks. Jared had asked Matt to get their drinks because he thought Matt was friends with Zoe.

That was all Jared knew about Matt. That he was one of Zoe’s musical friends. 

Evan’s phone chimed. The last of the seven alarms he’d set for himself was going off.

He really needed to go.

Connor finished his drink and slammed the bottle onto the table.

“Dude,” Jared laughed. 

Evan’s eyes landed on Zoe. 

She was watching them like a hawk. 

Something about her stare made Evan feel better. It made him feel like she had her brother’s back.

He muttered that he was leaving and started to do just that.

He only made it a few feet before he decided to send Jared a text. _Don’t leave them alone._

He glanced over his shoulder to confirm that Jared had read it.

Jared’s face scrunched up. He caught Evan’s eye and mouthed something that Evan didn’t catch. Connor and Ryan picked up on that. They looked from Jared to Evan and back again.

Evan sighed and sent another text. _I’m serious. Don’t leave unless Zoe’s with them._

Jared looked at him and shrugged.

Evan didn’t know what that meant.

He didn’t have time to figure it out.

He had a report to finish.

Evan rubbed his forehead and blinked at the screen. He lifted his hands off the keyboard before he could let himself erase everything he’d written.

He didn’t have time for that. He didn’t have time to second guess his word choices. He had to focus on the data. As long as the data was right, he’d be okay. 

He kept telling himself that.

He leaned back in his chair and stretched. He nearly fell over when the door opened.

He turned to tell Connor he wasn’t done, only to see it wasn’t Connor.

It was Jared and he was extremely drunk.

Jared stumbled across the room and leaned against Evan’s desk. “I like her.”

“Her who?”

“Zoe!” Jared cried like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Did you see her tonight?”

“I left before-”

Jared slapped a hand across Evan’s mouth. “I mean, did you _see_ her? You saw her, didn’t you? You saw that dress she was wearing?”

Evan nodded slightly.

Jared seemed satisfied by that response. He let go of Evan and slid down onto the floor. “It looked like it was made for her.”

“It was very shiny.”

“Shiny? That’s what you noticed about it?”

Evan rolled his eyes. “Get out, Jared.”

“I can’t get out.”

Evan eyed him warily. “Can’t or won’t? Do I need me to help you get back to your room?”

Jared pointed at Evan’s laptop. “You’re still writing?”

“It’s due in less than an hour.”

Jared hummed at that. “I need to know you’re okay.”

“In general or...”

“With me and Zoe.”

“If she’s okay with it, then who I am to-”

“You’re not going to, like, have Connor beat me up or something, are you?”

“If Connor beats you up, then you probably did something to deserve it.”

“Because I...” Jared’s eyes widened suddenly. “Zoe’s his sister.”

Evan sighed and tried to focus on his report. “I really need to...”

He spun around to face Jared so quickly that his movements almost made Jared fall over. “Where’s Connor?”

Jared shrugged. “How should I know?”

“Did you-”

“I did what you said! I stayed with them until Zoe came over.”

“Okay, so-”

“And then Zoe and I started talking and he left with that guy. What’s his name? The beer guy.”

Evan jumped to his feet. “He left with Matt?” 

“Is that his name?”

Evan closed his eyes. “Did Zoe see them leave?”

Jared shook his head. “She panicked too though. When she noticed, she... She kept calling him and... Is that guy dangerous or something? Like-”

They both jumped when Evan’s phone started ringing.

Zoe. It was Zoe.

“Hey,” Evan breathed.

“Is he with you?”

Evan swallowed dryly. “He isn’t back yet.”

Zoe cursed under her breath. “I’m going to keep looking. Let me know if he-”

The phone beeped and then the call was dropped.

Or maybe Zoe had hung up by mistake.

Evan wasn’t sure.

He hung his head for a moment before letting it snap back up. 

Jared’s expression was strangely serious when their eyes met. “What’s going on?”

“That guy-”

“Matt!” Jared said the name like he thought he deserved a reward for remembering it.

Evan nodded. “He and Connor... Something happened with them last semester and...”

Evan tugged at his hair. “It’s just... Okay, so Connor makes terrible decisions sometimes. Like some of his decisions are just... They’re crap. He does things because he wants to. Because he wants to while it’s happening and he doesn’t think about the consequences or how he’ll feel later. He just... He’s impulsive and reckless and-”

“He needs other people to tell him what to do?”

Evan’s blood went cold when he realized those words hadn’t come from Jared.

“Is that what you think?”

Evan couldn’t make himself look at Connor. “I-”

“That’s what you think? You think I-”

Jared started laughing hysterically as he pulled himself back up. He staggered across the room and clapped Connor on the arm as he went by. “Hey, uh, since this just took a turn for the awkward, I’m planning to ask your sister out.”

Jared nodded to himself. “Okay, bye...”

Evan closed his eyes. “I have to...”

He gestured at the computer. His mouth felt impossibly dry.

Connor snatched a pillow off his bed. “I’m going to sleep on the couch tonight.”

Evan didn’t let himself watch him go. He kept his eyes on the screen and tried to focus.

Forty-five minutes to go...

Connor was gone by the time Evan got up the next morning. 

That wasn’t a surprise because he knew Connor had an 8 am class that day.

Seeing Connor’s empty bed, his empty bed that obviously hadn’t been slept in, made Evan’s stomach twist though. 

He stared at Connor’s desk. His gut told him this was not something he could fix with a bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.

Evan’s whole body felt tight when he found Ryan in his room that night.

“Connor asked me to switch with him for the rest of the week,” Ryan said brightly. “He said he has a big presentation on Friday and you’ve been grinding your teeth so much he can’t sleep.”

Evan forced himself to laugh. “Yeah, I, uh... I do that.”

Ryan gave him a quick smile. “I’m going to Layla’s, so...”

“I may or may not see you later,” Evan finished.

Ryan’s smile grew bigger. “You remember!”

Evan nodded numbly. “I remember.”

He barely saw Connor for the rest of the week and even when their paths did cross it was in passing.

Evan started dozens of apology texts, but he didn’t send any of them. He didn’t finish any of them.

He knew why Connor was upset. He got it, even though he knew he’d heard Connor say everything he’d said on more than one occasion.

He knew there was a difference between saying something about yourself and hearing someone else say it.

Especially when the person saying it was supposed to be your best friend.

Jared stuck his tongue out as he flopped onto the couch next to Evan. “This is our lamest birthday party yet.”

Evan was inclined to agree. It was by far the smallest one they’d ever had. And that included the year half their class had had strep throat.

At least Connor was there. 

Evan had decided to take that as a good sign, even though there was a part of him that thought Connor would jump at any chance he got to leave his parents’ house.

He decided not to think about that. “Have you asked Zoe out yet?”

Jared looked around frantically. “Could you say that any louder?”

“Sure,” Evan grinned. “Have you-”

He cackled when Jared flicked the side of his head. “I’ll take that as a no.”

“She’s just so...”

Evan tilted his head. “You really like her?”

“I really do. I think I like everything about her.”

“You should talk to Connor. I bet he could give you a list of things he-”

“That would only make me like her more,” Jared sighed. He raised an eyebrow. “And speaking of, is it just me or are you and Connor avoiding each other these days?”

Evan’s mouth formed a thin line. “It’s not just you.”

Jared looked like Hanukkah had come early. “Trouble in paradise?”

Evan didn’t feel like answering that.

He excused himself and started wandering around the house. 

He avoided the kitchen because his mother and Geoff were in there with Jared’s parents. There was no way he was getting in the middle of that.

He avoided the stairs because Jared’s brother, Henry, was sitting there. Evan really didn’t feel like hearing why Henry kept cooing the word ‘cantaloupe’ into his phone.

He went into the backyard when he spotted Connor and Zoe.

They were deep in conversation, but Evan didn’t let that stop him because Connor clearly needed rescuing. Evan recognized the signs.

They were talking about Matt. 

Evan realized that right away.

And, judging by Connor’s body language, it was a conversation they’d had several times since spring break had begun.

Zoe was apologizing for introducing Connor to Matt. Evan heard her say she should’ve known something was off about him because he was a senior and he hadn’t had anywhere else to go for Thanksgiving.

“There’s nothing wrong with him,” Connor hissed.

“Really?” Zoe drawled.

“Stop making him sound like he’s some... some moustache-twirling villain, going around deflowering virgins.”

Zoe’s eyes widened. “You were a-”

Her mouth snapped shut when Connor recoiled.

“No. Just no.” He shook his head. “He was kind of a jerk, but-”

“He’s an arrogant, self-centered jerk. The more time I spend with him, the more I-”

“It’s fine. It’s done. I’m not pining for him or whatever.” Connor spun around to face Evan. “And I didn’t sleep with him after karaoke night.”

Evan swallowed sharply. 

“We talked,” Connor shrugged. “And I realized whatever interest I had in him is long gone.”

Zoe put a hand on her hip and studied him for a moment. “If that’s the case, then why won’t you let me try-”

Connor rolled his eyes. “Seriously? You’re still going on about that? Because it worked out so well the last time you tried to play matchmaker.”

“But you just said...” Zoe closed her eyes. “I feel like I need to do something to make up for... you know. I know a lot of people who-”

“I’m not looking for anyone right now.” He continued on quickly before Zoe could protest. “Because there are two months left in the school year and I’m busy and I’m just not. I’m not interested right now.”

Connor tapped his chin and looked at Evan again. “And Evan and I have been talking about setting each other up on dates. I’d trust him with that before I’d trust you.”

Zoe’s mouth twisted to the side. “Really?”

Evan nodded rapidly when she looked at him. “Yeah. We're doing it this weekend.”

“This weekend? You’re setting each other up on dates this weekend?”

A voice somewhere in the back of Evan’s head told him to slow down and think this through. He ignored it. “Yeah.”

“We’re still going to be on spring break this weekend.”

“Yeah, I know. That’s why it’s the perfect time to...” He stopped speaking when he saw the way Connor was shaking his head. 

“That’s funny because I would’ve thought it would be easier to find people to go out with at school.”

“Well...” Evan scratched the back of his neck. “Yeah, I guess. Maybe we should try that too.”

He could tell it was taking all of Connor’s willpower not to slap his forehead. Or Evan’s forehead. Or both.

Zoe beamed as she turned to go. “I look forward to hearing about your dates.”

Connor turned on him the second she was gone. “What did you-”

Evan hung his head. “I know.”

Connor closed his eyes. “If it wasn’t your birthday...”

“Technically, it’s Jared’s birthday. My birthday isn’t until tomorrow, so feel free to, uh...”

Connor snorted. And then he laughed. A full laugh. A long laugh.

Evan laughed too.

He knew their fight wasn’t over, but it was a start.

Connor tried to get them out of it, but it didn’t work.

Evan wasn’t sure if that was because Connor hadn’t tried very hard or because Zoe was more stubborn than he’d realized.

They decided to make it a double date. Get it over with. Kill two birds with one stone.

Connor said he actually knew someone he could set Evan up with.

Which made Evan feel bad. And embarrassed. Mostly embarrassed.

He didn’t have anyone. 

He went through his phone over and over again, hoping he’d find someone he’d forgotten about. 

There was no one to be found.

He was screwed.

He tried to ignore his dilemma for as long as he could. Which really wasn’t that long at all.

Before he knew it, it was Saturday afternoon and he had two hours to figure something out.

In a moment of desperation, he volunteered to go to the grocery store for his mother.

Because that was a cliché, wasn’t it? Didn’t people always meet other people at the grocery store?

As luck would have it, he spotted a girl his age in the produce section. 

She spotted him too. She kept looking at him and he kept looking at her until finally she dropped her oranges in her basket and came over to him.

“Hey,” the girl said. “I know you, don’t I?”

That was the last thing Evan had been expecting her to say. “Uh...”

The girl nodded. “We went to high school together. You’re Ethan, right?”

“Evan,” Evan corrected.

“Right.” The girl smiled tightly. “You don’t remember me, do you?”

“Um...” Evan chuckled awkwardly.

“That’s okay. I wouldn’t remember me either.”

Evan felt that on so many levels it made him shiver.

His head popped up when she turned to go. “Hey!”

The girl turned to look at him again. “What?”

She looked around like she thought she must’ve dropped something.

“What are you doing tonight?”

The girl looked like she was trying to laugh. “Are you asking me out?”

“Not for me,” Evan said quickly. He ran a hand through his hair. “It’s just, well...”

He took a breath. “My friend and I are doing this thing where we-where we set each other up and it’s tonight and-”

“You don’t have anyone to go out with your friend?”

Evan nodded. “Exactly.”

“I feel so flattered.”

“I’m supposed to meet them in, like, an hour.”

“Them?”

“My friend and the person he’s setting me up with.”

The girl smiled into her hand. “I go to school in Georgia.”

“That’s okay. He’s not looking for a girlfriend.”

“This is getting even better.”

“His sister’s hassling him because she blames herself for the way his last relationship ended.” 

The girl thought about it for a moment. “Tonight?”

“In an hour at Louie’s Diner. It’s on-”

“I know where it is,” the girl laughed. She shook her head. “You know what? Sure. It’s not like I have anything better to do tonight.”

Evan felt like he could kiss her. He turned to go. 

He stopped when he realized he’d forgotten to get one crucial detail. “Hey, uh, what’s your name, by the way?”

“Tracy,” the girl said. “Tracy Jacobs.”

“This year has been so busy for me. You wouldn’t believe how busy I’ve been. I’m taking six classes this semester and a lab. And I’m working in the campus bookstore.”

“Do you ever sleep?” Evan wondered.

Alana smiled patiently. “A solid seven hours every night.”

She cleared her throat and took a sip of her iced tea. “It’s easy when you have a system.”

“And you have a system?”

Alana nodded. “You don’t?”

Evan glanced at Connor. “Uh...”

“I can help you put one together if you want. I keep both of my roommates organized.”

“I’m sure you do.” Evan stared at his hands when he heard his tone. “I mean...”

Alana turned to look at Connor. “Didn’t you say there would be four of us?”

Connor looked Evan in the eye and nodded slowly.

Alana tapped her fingers on the table and stood up. “I’m going to the bathroom.”

Evan turned on Connor the second she was gone. “Alana Beck? Seriously?”

“At least I brought someone. Where’s my date?”

“I told her to meet us here at seven.” Evan chewed his lip as he scanned the street again. He shook his head. “Maybe she changed her mind.”

“So, my date’s a she then?”

“Is that a problem?”

“No,” Connor shook his head. “I just thought you’d try to find a guy.”

“It was hard enough finding her. It’s not like I have a little black book filled with numbers.”

Connor nodded slightly. “I know what you mean.”

Evan’s eyes flickered towards the bathroom. “Okay, is it just me or does Alana not know this is supposed to be a date?”

Connor stared at his hands.

Evan jabbed a finger in his direction. “She doesn’t, does she?”

“Does that matter?” Connor’s face shifted into an expression that Evan knew was an imitation of his. “Alana Beck? Seriously? Isn’t that what you just said?”

“Well, yeah, but-”

“She wouldn’t have come if I’d told her it was a date.”

“Why not?”

“Because...” Connor puffed out his cheeks. “She’s always texting me about how busy she is and how so many people our age waste their time on meaningless relationships and sex when they should be focusing on their goals.”

“She has a point,” Evan nodded.

Connor buried his face in his arms for a moment. “And there’s also the fact that she’s gay.”

Evan burst out laughing. 

“Still,” Connor said sharply. “At least mine showed up.”

Evan glanced over his shoulder when the door to the diner opened. He waved at Tracy as she stepped inside.

She started to wave back and then she froze.

She stood there and stared as Alana came out of the bathroom.

Alana froze when she spotted her too.

The two of them kept staring at each other and blinking until someone came in behind Tracy and made her move.

Tracy blushed and scurried over to the counter. 

Alana flew across the diner to meet her there.

They both sat down and...

It was like they couldn’t stop talking.

Evan could see that from across the room.

It was awkward at first. That was obvious.

But not for long. 

Evan jerked a thumb in Tracy’s direction. “That’s your date.”

Connor pushed back against his seat. “The better person won.”

Zoe couldn’t stop laughing when they told her what had happened. “Wait... you two. Oh my God. Do you have any idea what you did?”

They exchanged a look and shrugged.

“Alana and Tracy were best friends when they were in high school.”

Evan grinned at Connor. “They did seem like they’re close.”

“I heard they had a major falling out when they were in twelfth grade, but before that they were like...” Zoe crossed two of her fingers together. “They were one of those pairs that just went together.”

Evan nodded because that made sense. The two of them had obviously had a lot to catch up on.

Tracy had managed to pull herself away at one point to apologize to Evan and shake Connor’s hand. She’d looked relieved when Evan told her not to worry about it.

Zoe rubbed her hands together. “Okay, so when’s the next date?”

Connor narrowed his eyes at her. “What makes you think there’s going to be a next one?”

“Because...” Zoe sighed. “I guess that experiment was a failure, wasn’t it?”

She twirled her hair as she stood back up. “I worry. That’s the only reason I...”

She shrugged and turned to go.

Connor was silent for a moment. “She’s worried that the thing with Matt is a sign I’m going to start making crappy decisions again.”

Evan cringed at that. “Have I said I’m sorry? Because I am. I’m sorry I... I shouldn’t have said...”

“No,” Connor agreed. “You shouldn’t have. Especially not to Jared.”

Evan nodded numbly.

“How would you feel if you heard me say you-”

“Don’t,” Evan said sharply. “I... Whatever you’re going to say, I know. Trust me. I know.”

Connor drummed his fingers on the table. He didn’t say a word.

“I was worried.”

Connor scoffed at that. “There seems to be a lot of that going around.”

“Can you blame us?” Evan blurted out. “I mean-”

He closed his eyes. “Go ahead.”

“What?”

“Whatever you were going to say before, say it. Then we’ll be even.”

“That won’t make us even. This isn’t something that can be made even.”

“Then what-”

“Just...” Connor shook his head. “If you have a problem with something I’m doing, if it’s causing you to worry, come to me about it first.”

“What if you’re not around? You weren’t around that night.”

“Did you try calling me? Texting? Sending up a smoke signal?”

Evan stared at his hands.

“That’s what I thought.”

“I was freaking out about my lab report. That’s not an excuse, but...” Evan closed his eyes. “I promise I’ll yell at you directly the next time you do something that has me on edge.”

“That’s all I ask.” Connor snorted when something crossed his mind. “We should start a matchmaking service.”

“A what?” Evan laughed.

“We already have our gimmick. Go out with the two of us and you’ll be so repulsed you’ll fall for someone else right away.”

“Speak for yourself. My date didn’t know she was on a date.”

Connor stared at him in amazement. “She was also very, very gay.”

“Another point in my favor,” Evan nodded. “Do you think they’re actually... I mean, do you think they-”

“Did you see the way they were looking at each other?”

Evan smiled slightly. “Maybe we did a good thing after all.”

“Maybe we did,” Connor agreed.


	18. Sophomore Year - April and May

Evan licked his ice cream quickly before it could melt all over him. “It should not be this hot in April.”

Connor nodded as a girl in a bikini top and shorts jogged by them. “We’re all going to fry in August.”

“You won’t. Isn’t it cooler up north?”

“Not according to Jamie. She came to visit us last summer because her A/C broke and she couldn’t get anyone to look at it for a week.”

“Is she still trying to get you to follow in her footsteps?”

“That’s the only reason she invited me to stay with her this summer. She’s convinced I’ll realize I’m destined to become a librarian if I shadow her for two months.”

“Are you considering it? I mean, you must be if you’re going up there, right?”

Connor wrinkled his nose. “It beats the alternative.”

“Working for your dad again?”

“Bingo.” Connor sighed. “And I don’t know. It’s something to think about.”

“I could see you becoming a librarian.”

“I wanted to be one when I was little because of Jamie.”

“See, you could totally-”

Connor shook his head. “I don’t know. It’s scary though because I have, like, two years to figure it out.”

“You could always go right into grad school and-”

“Delay the inevitable? Trust me, that’s at the top of my list.”

“Did you hear Ryan finally picked a major?” 

Connor froze in his tracks. “He did?”

“Liberal arts. He’s decided to be a liberal arts major.”

“You can get a liberal arts degree? Like an actual... You don’t have to pick one subject?”

Evan shrugged. “Apparently. Which is good for Ryan because it means he can graduate on time now.”

“Why didn’t I think of that?”

“Because you’re a book nerd.”

Connor narrowed his eyes.

“Worm,” Evan laughed. “I meant to say bookworm.”

“You did not.”

Evan snorted. “I really didn’t.”

Connor rolled his eyes. “You’re doing something about this, aren’t you?”

He gestured at all the students who were lounging on the lawn like they were lying on the beach.

Evan tilted his head. “About the amount of skin our fellow students are comfortable showing?”

“About the heat. You science geeks are doing something about it, aren’t you?”

“Um... I mean, not me specifically, but...” He dabbed at the side of his mouth when he saw the smear on Connor’s face. “You have ice cream right there.”

Connor lifted his hand and rubbed it in even more. “Where?”

“Right...” Evan laughed because it looked like Connor’s face had been painted. His hand flew up of its own accord. His eyes widened when he realized how close it was to Connor’s cheek. It immediately snapped back to his side. “There. Like... A little to the left.”

Connor tried again. “Did I get it?”

It was worse. So much worse. 

Connor really needed to wash his face.

Evan nodded swiftly. “Yeah. You got it.”

Connor started chuckling as soon as they stepped outside. “I can’t believe I’m going to live with Cole again next year. I’m going to end up living with him all four years, aren’t I?”

“You know you love him,” Evan grinned. His grin faltered when he saw Connor’s expression. “Okay, love may be too strong of a word.”

“You think?”

“Like?” Evan tried again. “You know you like him.”

Connor shrugged. “He’s starting to loosen up some.”

“I know! Did you see his jeans today? They looked like they hadn’t been pressed.”

“You pay attention to Cole’s pants?”

Evan’s face felt hot as he tugged on his sleeves. “I, uh...”

He made a face when he saw Connor was struggling not to laugh. “Shut up.”

“Did I tell you he apologized for calling me a witch last year?”

“He did?”

Connor nodded. “And then he tried to guilt me into joining his prayer group.”

“Baby steps.”

“Baby steps,” Connor agreed.

“You don’t mind rooming with all of them again next year, do you?” Evan asked. “I would’ve checked first, but you were in class and the deadline... We forgot about the deadline.”

“It’s fine,” Connor shrugged. “At least we know what we’re getting into now.”

“Yeah,” Evan nodded.

He was pretty sure that was the reason they’d all decided to stick together for another year. It was easier that way. 

Especially since he was starting to think none of them really had the time or energy or social skills to expand their social circle. Including Kai, who, as it had turned out, vanished all the time because he was an overwhelmed pre-med student who only occasionally blew off steam by hooking up with someone.

It was only an occasional thing according to Kai anyway. Evan still thought it happened a bit more often than that.

“Are we keeping the same suite?” Connor asked.

Evan shook his head. “Jared said our suite’s going to be bigger next year. It has an actual kitchen with an actual stove.”

“Seth must be excited.”

“And the bathroom has three of everything, instead of two.”

“That’s an improvement.”

“Yeah,” Evan laughed. “And the rooms are bigger. Jared’s all excited because he doesn’t think we’ll have to loft our beds.”

“Why-”

“Because he’s convinced that’s the reason none of us brought any girls home this year. Because he thinks climbing a ladder to get in bed is a real mood killer.”

“Not if you do it right.”

Evan’s mouth dropped open. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“No idea,” Connor grinned. “It just seemed like the right thing to say.”

The lobby was buzzing with excitement after the show.

Evan swallowed and absentmindedly wiped his hands on his pants. He jumped when he almost dropped the rose he was holding.

“You only got her one?” Jared smirked. He waved the bouquet he’d bought.

“I’m not trying to get in her pants.”

Jared looked like he wanted nothing more than to whack Evan over the head with his flowers. He jerked his head in the direction of the Murphys. “Her parents are standing right there.”

“That didn’t bother you on New Year’s.”

“Oh my God,” Jared groaned. “Have you always been this...”

“This what?”

“This...” Jared looked him up and down. “I don’t know.”

“Do you think we should go over there?”

Jared did a double take. “Why?”

“To save Connor. He looks trapped.”

“They’re his parents.”

“I know,” Evan nodded.

“Trapping your kids is part of the job description.”

“I know, but...”

The noise level in the lobby tripled as the cast members started trickling in. The actress who’d played Paulette got the first big scream of the night.

Evan craned his neck to see if Zoe was part of the first wave. He sighed when she was not.

“Did Connor say if they’re going somewhere after this?” Jared wondered. “I mean, are we...”

Evan shook his head. “He didn’t say.”

“But their parents came all the way up for this. They must be planning to take Zoe out to celebrate, right?”

“I think we would’ve heard by now if we were invited.”

Jared made a face. “Maybe...”

They both turned to watch the next group come out.

Matt was the first one to break free from the pack. He took a bow as several people playfully booed him.

Evan rolled his eyes. He glanced over his shoulder at Connor. He was relieved to see that Connor didn’t look at all bothered by Matt’s presence.

The third group appeared in the doorway before the second had a chance to scatter.

Evan elbowed Jared when he saw that Zoe was part of that group.

He dropped his arm when he saw that she was holding hands with the guy who’d played Warner. 

It took Jared a second to notice and then...

Jared thrust his flowers at Evan. “Um, I have to...”

“Jared,” Evan started. 

“It’s cool. It’s not like we...”

He shrugged.

Evan chewed his lip. “I’m sorry.”

“Just...” Jared shook his head. “Forget it. Forget the whole thing, okay?”

Evan nodded. “I’m going to give these to Zoe and then we can-”

Jared shook his head again. “I’ll see you later.”

And then he was gone. It only took him a second to be swallowed up by the crowd.

Evan took a breath and carefully made his way over to the Murphys. He grinned at Zoe and handed her the flowers. “Those are from Jared and me.”

Zoe smiled as she accepted them. She glanced around expectantly. “Is he here too?”

“He was. He, uh, he had to leave.”

Connor caught Evan’s eye and raised his eyebrows.

Evan nodded slightly.

“We’re going out to eat,” Cynthia informed him. “You’re welcome to join us.”

Evan scratched his neck. “Oh, uh...”

Zoe put a hand on his arm. “Please come.”

Her tone left him wondering if she was asking for her sake or for Connor’s. Or for both. 

Probably for both.

He nodded stiffly. “Sure, okay.”

“Wonderful,” Cynthia beamed. 

Evan didn’t know what to think when he came back from the lab and found Jared rifling through his closet.

He dropped his bag on the floor to let Jared know he was there. “What are you doing?”

“Do you own anything...” Jared poked his head out and wrinkled his nose distastefully.

“Anything what?”

“Anything...” Jared sighed as he headed for the dresser. “Which drawers are yours?”

“Do you need to borrow something?”

“Do I need to borrow something?” Jared mimicked. “Like I’d be caught dead wearing any of your clothes.”

“Then what-”

“We’re going out tonight.”

“We are?” Evan blinked.

“With two of Layla’s friends. We’re meeting them in...” Jared checked his watch. “Fifteen minutes.”

Evan collapsed on his chair. He stared at his laptop like he was in a trance. Which he kind of was. “Uh...”

“We’re doing this,” Jared hissed. “You owe me.”

That snapped Evan out of his stupor. “For what?”

“For,” Jared huffed. “You know.”

“I don’t know! That’s why I asked.”

“Just do this for me, okay?”

“Do what?” Evan closed his eyes. “Is this because of Zoe?”

Jared turned on his heel to go. “If you’re going to go like that, at least do something about your hair. It looks like you stuck your finger in a socket.”

Evan waited until Jared was gone before patting his head.

Evan swallowed sharply as he followed Jared up to the restaurant. “Which one’s my date again?”

“Does it matter?”

“Yeah,” Evan huffed. “I kind of think it does.”

“Layla said their names are Summer and Autumn. How funny is that?”

“Hilarious,” Evan deadpanned. “Okay, which-”

“Do you want to flip a coin?”

A tidal wave of panic hit Evan when Jared reached for the door. “This is a mistake.”

“No shit, Sherlock,” Jared laughed. “You know I’m desperate when I decide you’re my best option for a wingman.” 

“It’s not too late to-”

“Yeah, it is.” Jared grinned and waved at two girls standing by the bar. “They’re already here.”

He tilted his head to study them for a moment. “I’m taking the one on the left.”

Evan closed his eyes because Jared was right. It didn’t matter. It was going to be a disaster either way. 

Autumn was bored with him already.

Evan stared at his hands when he realized that.

He couldn’t blame her. He knew his conversational skills weren’t the greatest, especially with new people.

It wasn’t that Autumn was an intimidating person. She seemed very laidback and nice. It could’ve been worse. Summer was definitely the sarcastic one. Even Jared was having trouble keeping up with her. 

She was just new and Evan really hadn’t been prepared to spend the evening with a new person. He needed time to mentally prepare himself for that. 

He excused himself and went to the bathroom after they’d finished their appetizers. 

He felt like doing a happy dance when he saw the bathroom was empty. He leaned against the sink and closed his eyes and made himself breathe.

And then he called Connor.

Connor answered on the first ring. “Hey, where are you?”

Evan blinked at how anxious Connor sounded. And then he remembered they’d been planning to catch up on their soap that night. They’d stocked up on popcorn and everything. “I’m at Flora.”

Connor was silent for a moment. “Are my parents in town?”

Evan shook his head. “Jared dragged me along on a date.”

“You’re on a date with Jared?”

Evan laughed at how scandalized Connor sounded. “I’m on a double date with Jared. We’re with two of Layla’s friends.”

“Oh,” Connor muttered. 

“It was a last-minute thing,” Evan said quickly. “It happened so quickly I-”

“Forgot we had plans?”

“Yeah,” Evan sighed. “We can watch the show tomorrow. That’s better, isn’t it? We’ll have the whole day.”

“Sure.”

Evan’s stomach dropped when he heard how disappointed Connor sounded.

“I said I’m...” Evan closed his eyes. “I called you for a reason.”

“Which was?”

Evan eyed the door when he heard someone in the hallway. He chuckled when he heard the door to the ladies’ room open instead. 

“I’m freaking out here.”

“Because of your date?”

“How do people do this? This is torture.”

“You went out with Mia last year,” Connor reminded him. “You were nervous before we went to the art show, but that turned out okay, didn’t it?”

“I don’t know. I guess... At least we had things to talk about at the art show. We bonded over a statue that looked like a potato.”

“I remember that thing,” Connor laughed. “I thought it looked like someone’s dick. Why don’t you bond with what’s-her-name over-”

“Autumn. Her name’s Autumn.”

“Why don’t you bond with Autumn over...” Connor breathed into the phone. “Do they still have that mural in the back?”

“The one with the sheep?”

“Ask her what she thinks about that.”

“Okay,” Evan nodded. “I can do that.”

“And... I don’t know. Ask her what she’s studying. That’ll take a minute.” Connor let out an excited breath. “Ask her what’s she’s watching on Netflix. That’ll kill at least ten minutes if you can make yourself talk too.”

Evan sighed as he stared at his reflection. “I should get back out there. They probably think the quesadilla didn’t agree with me.”

“They definitely think the quesadilla didn’t agree with you.”

Evan snorted. “Gee, thanks.”

“Okay, look, I’ll text you in ten minutes. If you need an out, you can say I’m having some kind of an emergency and leave.”

“Jared will-”

“Who gives a fuck what Jared thinks?”

Evan closed his eyes. “Can you text me every ten minutes just in case?”

“I’m not going to sit here staring at the clock all night.”

“Can you set a timer?”

Connor was silent for a moment. “One text in ten minutes and then a few other random texts if I remember.”

“Thank you.”

“If all else fails, you can always talk about the weather.”

“And trees.”

“And trees,” Connor agreed. He let out a small laugh. “Good luck.”

Evan pocketed his phone and stared at his reflection again.

And then he squared his shoulders and strode out of the bathroom like he was someone who definitely hadn’t been having explosive diarrhea.

Connor sat up the second Evan opened the door. “How’d it go?”

“It went,” Evan shrugged.

“Meaning...”

“Meaning I survived. I doubt I’ll see her again.”

“That bad?”

“Neither of us were feeling it.”

“Did it get better after we talked?”

“It got easier. It stopped being a totally one-sided conversation.”

Connor swung his feet over the side of his bed. “What about Jared? Was his date a success?”

“He really liked Summer and I actually think it was mutual.”

Connor let out a barking laugh. “Autumn and Summer? You guys went out with two girls named Autumn and Summer?”

“Jared thought it was funny too.”

Connor immediately stopped laughing. “Have you talked to Mia recently?”

Evan’s face scrunched up at that. “Mia? No. Why?”

“Finals are coming up. Don’t you two usually meet up during finals week?”

Evan shook his head. “I ran into her a couple weeks ago. She was with her boyfriend.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. It’s fine though. We were never...” Evan shrugged.

Connor hopped down from his bunk. “What time is it? Do you want to watch one episode before we go to sleep?”

“One episode?”

“Or five.”

“Where’d we leave off? Do you remember?”

Connor tapped his chin. “Madeline had just tricked the aliens into bringing Jeffrey back to life.”

Evan choked on his spit. “Wait, what? When did that happen?”

Connor squeezed his eyes shut. “I didn’t watch that episode with you?”

“No!” Evan gasped. “You’ve been watching without me?”

“I watched a couple episodes with my mom over spring break.” Connor’s hands flew up defensively. “We weren’t speaking to each other! I was mad at you because you said I-”

Evan sighed heavily. “The last thing I remember is that the twins fell into the well.” 

“That was right before Jeffrey came back. I’m not that far ahead then.” An evil grin spread across Connor’s face. “You’ll never guess what’s going on with Yvette.”

Evan covered his ears and hummed. “Don’t say another word.”

Evan’s fourth finals week was significantly less stressful than his first three had been. 

He didn’t know if that was because his classes had been easier that semester or because he finally knew what to expect.

He even had time to help Chris and Seth with their science exam. He drew the line at taking it for them, even though it was a take home test that was going to be graded by an overworked TA.

He felt kind of proud of himself when he saw how impressed they were by his knowledge base. 

He didn’t let it go to his head though because he knew there was a good chance they were just being nice. 

It was obvious they really needed his help after all.

Evan dropped the last box on the ground and stretched. “I think that’s everything.”

He glanced around quickly and tried to count. “It is everything, isn’t it? Did you check the trunk?”

Connor nodded. “That was the last of it.”

Evan chuckled as he looked around the room. “All of this is mine.”

“Your kingdom for the summer,” Connor grinned.

“Everything as far as my arms can reach.” Evan stretched his arms out to prove that was only a slight exaggeration.

It was okay though. He could cope with living in a single that was basically a closet for a couple months. He could even live with sharing a communal bathroom all summer. 

He was just excited to have a reason to stay on campus. He knew it was a big deal that he’d been asked to help Dr. Whitney with her research that summer. He knew he was one of only three sophomores that had been chosen. 

“You know Kai’s downstairs, don’t you?” 

Evan nodded. “Yeah. He told me he’s taking a couple classes this summer and working at the sports camp in July. He wants to go into sports medicine.”

“He’s bi-curious, just so you know.”

Evan stubbed his toe on the side of his desk. “What?”

“He told me when I bunked with him a couple months ago.”

Evan shook his head dazedly. “Why are you telling me this?”

Connor shrugged. “In case you get bored.”

“Yeah, okay, because hooking up with one of my roommates-”

“He’s not your roommate this summer.”

“He will be again in the fall.” Evan folded his arms across his chest. “Because hooking up with my bi-curious roommate is a really super idea.”

“He’s hot.”

“Well, yeah. He runs all the time. He’s gotta be all muscle.”

“That could be fun.”

“I’m not hooking up with Kai!” Evan wished the floor would swallow him whole when he glanced over his shoulder and saw Kai standing in the doorway. “How long have you-”

“Long enough,” Kai laughed. “It’s cool. I just wanted to tell you a group of us are going to Copper City tonight if you want to come.”

“The bar?”

“It’s more like a club.”

Evan stared at the floor. “Uh, maybe, I’ll-”

“He’ll be there,” Connor interrupted. “What time?”

“Nine o’clock. We’re all meeting out front.”

Evan held his breath until Kai was gone. “I’m going to kill you.”

“Why? Because I’m trying to make sure you don’t spend all your free time in this closet of a room?”

“Because,” Evan sputtered. “Kai and... that. I don’t-”

“Copper City’s strict, so you don’t have to worry about getting sloppy drunk.”

“It’s not like I’m going to have a lot of free time this summer. Dr. Whitney made that perfectly clear the other day.”

“All the more reason you should go out while you can.”

“You sound like my mom. She said the same thing when she called earlier.”

Connor’s mouth twisted to the side for a second and then he grinned. “Great minds...”

Evan sighed and nodded at the door. “Come on. I’ll walk you out.”

“Are you trying to get rid of me?”

“Don’t you have to get on the road?”

“I’m not in a hurry to get home.”

“When do you leave for Jamie’s?”

“She’s expecting me the day after tomorrow.”

Evan blinked at that. “So, I guess I won’t see you for a couple months then.”

Connor shook his head. “This won’t be like last summer. Aunt Jamie only lives three hours away.”

“So, you’re going to come visit me?”

“I was thinking you could come visit me.”

“Why should I-”

“Zoe’s planning to come up for a few days in July. You can ride with her.”

Evan chewed his lip. “Maybe. If my schedule allows it.”

He grinned as a thought popped into his head. “Are you going to have access to a computer while you’re at the library?”

“Probably. Why?”

“I’m just wondering if I should expect a repeat of last summer.”

“Please,” Connor scoffed. “I’m not going to get bored working in a library. If anything, you’ll be the one sending me tons of emails while you’re staring blankly at a petri dish.”

“You want to bet?”

Connor considered that for a second. “This isn’t going to end well for either of us, is it?”

“Probably not.”

“At least we can text all summer this time.”

“And talk,” Evan added. 

And then he stared at his shoes.

“And talk,” Connor agreed. 

“And...” Evan lifted his head. “And email. I like the emails. It’s easier to email stories than text them.”

“And they’ll give me something to do when Aunt Jamie drives me crazy.” Connor rolled his eyes. “Yeah, okay, I’m probably going to get bored at the library too.”

Evan eyed the door.

They both did.

They were both reluctant to budge. Connor didn’t want to go home and Evan didn’t feel like being alone.

Evan cleared his throat. “You want to get some ice cream before you leave?”

His question made Connor grin. “Sure. I could go for a cone.”


	19. Summer After Sophomore Year

**Monday, June 7, 2021 11:30 AM**   
**To: Evan**   
**From: Connor**   
**Subject: (no subject)**

I’m starting to think that working in this library makes you lose your mind.

Aunt Jamie just spent like 20 minutes trying to convince me that “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” is a good song.

**Monday, June 7, 2021 11:45 PM**   
**To: Connor**   
**From: Evan**   
**Subject: Re: (no subject)**

Allow me a moment to gloat because you realize this means I won, don’t you? You got bored first. Bragging rights are officially mine.

Ok... Moment over...

Isn’t that a movie?

**Monday, June 7, 2021 2:05 PM**   
**To: Evan**   
**From: Connor**   
**Subject: Re: (no subject)**

Ok, two things:  
1\. I’ve been here for two weeks now and this is the first email I’ve sent. You, on the other hand, have been texting me around the clock. I’d tally up who’s sent more texts during working hours, but I’m not that bored.  
2\. The fact that you replied 15 minutes after I wrote to you strongly suggests that you are equally bored. 

“Breakfast at Tiffany’s” is a movie, but I’m talking about the ‘90s song about the movie. It’s ok in a cheesy, mid-90s kind of way. Jamie loved it when she was a kid though, so she got all excited when it came on and won’t stop playing it now.

**Monday, June 7, 2021 3:30 PM**   
**To: Connor**   
**From: Evan**   
**Subject: Re: (no subject)**

I’m not bored. I’m waiting. There’s a difference between being bored and waiting.

I’ll admit there is a lot of downtime in the lab this week though. I think it’ll get better when Dr. Whitney finishes her article.

That song’s going to be stuck in my head now, so thanks for that.

Diana loved it. She won’t stop singing the chorus.

And singing is not one of her specialties. 

**Monday, June 7, 2021 3:40 PM**   
**To: Evan**   
**From: Connor**   
**Subject: Re: (no subject)**

I’m starting to feel like there’s a rom com brewing in your lab.

There’s you, the awkward yet lovable hero.

And then there’s Diana, the chatty, awkward, possibly British heroine. 

She is still only possibly British, isn’t she?

Explain that to me again.

You’re with her all day, every day. Does she have an accent or not?

**Monday, June 7, 2021 3:45 PM**   
**To: Connor**   
**From: Evan**   
**Subject: Re: (no subject)**

You think I’m lovable?

**Monday, June 7, 2021 3:50 PM**   
**To: Evan**   
**From: Connor**   
**Subject: Re: (no subject)**

Nice try.

Answer the question.

**Monday, June 7, 2021 3:55 PM**   
**To: Connor**   
**From: Evan**   
**Subject: Re: (no subject)**

Diana’s accent comes and goes. 

At first, I thought she sounded just like Emma Watson. Probably because she kind of looks like Emma Watson.

It isn’t consistent though.

I kind of think it might be a nervous tic of hers or something she does to make people like her.

**Monday, June 7, 2021 4:00 PM**   
**To: Evan**   
**From: Connor**   
**Subject: Re: (no subject)**

Ok, so, probably not British then.

Have you talked to her about something other than fungi today?

**Monday, June 7, 2021 4:05 PM**   
**To: Connor**   
**From: Evan**   
**Subject: Re: (no subject)**

We talked about the stain on Dr. Whitney’s lab coat. She thinks it’s wine. I think it’s blood. 

And speaking of...

Gotta go. Dr. W’s back.

\-----

Evan’s phone rang as he fumbled with the door. He shook his head and muttered under his breath, even though he knew Connor couldn’t hear him.

And he knew it was Connor.

No one else would be calling him at 10 pm on a Wednesday night. Not even his mother. 

He answered the phone at the last second and practically fell onto his bed. “Is it up?”

“Not yet. I keep refreshing the page and-”

“Nothing?”

“They promised a new episode every Wednesday at nine.”

Evan grabbed his laptop and opened the page. “I don’t have anything either. It’s the first week. Maybe they’re still working out all the kinks.”

“Is it weird that I’m really excited about this? I’ve been thinking about it all day. I was so upset when the show got cancelled, but it’s going to be so much better now that it’s strictly online.”

“It’s definitely going to get crazier.”

“Crazier than alien space pirates?”

Evan gasped at that. “They’re space pirates? Did you watch ahead again?” 

“How could I? They haven’t released the new episode yet.”

“Oh... yeah.” Evan leaned back against his headboard and tried to smother a yawn.

“It was just a guess.” Connor breathed into the phone. “Are you just getting in?”

“What?”

“You sound like you’re out of breath. Did you go somewhere tonight?”

“I was at the library. Dr. Whitney has me researching-”

“Were you alone?”

“Huh?”

“Was your research partner with you?”

Evan closed his eyes.

Connor chuckled when he didn’t respond. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

“There’s nothing going on with-”

“You’re with her, like, twelve hours a day.”

“If that was all it took to make me fall for someone, I would’ve fallen for you years ago.”

Connor was silent for a moment. “You talk about her all the time.”

“Because I’m with her twelve hours a day. My world has become very small.”

“Do you still think she’s annoying?”

“She spent an hour singing the Fraggle Rock theme song today.”

“Are you sure she’s a scientist and not a...”

“A mental patient?”

“I was going to say a child trapped in a twenty-year-old’s body.”

Evan snorted. “She’s annoyingly smart. Dr. Whitney definitely likes her best.”

“Maybe it’s the accent. Maybe you should start using a French one or something.”

“Right. Because that would make me sound more intelligent when I’m rambling.”

“Maybe we should try Toastmasters again next year.”

“Only if we-”

“We’re not joining a poetry club!”

Evan’s hands flew up in surrender even though Connor couldn’t see them. He refreshed the page again. “It’s up!”

There was a rustling sound and then Connor said, “Okay, on the count of three...”

\-----

**Wednesday, June 16, 2021 9:35 AM**  
 **To: Evan**  
 **From: Connor**  
 **Subject: Rain Check**

Rain check on the viewing party tonight.

Gabe just asked if I want to go to a concert with him and his friends.

**Wednesday, June 16, 2021 4:30 PM**   
**To: Connor**   
**From: Evan**   
**Subject: Re: Rain Check**

Ok. Have fun.

\-----

Evan reached for his phone as soon as he closed his laptop. He scrolled through Connor’s texts. He searched for the name Gabe.

He didn’t see it anywhere.

He tried to remember everything Connor had told him about his job at the library. He tried to remember all the names Connor had mentioned.

There was Jamie, of course. He knew she was Connor’s aunt and, from the sound of it, Connor’s favorite relative.

There was Martha, the head librarian who constantly talked about her babies. He knew Connor hadn’t figured out whether Martha’s babies were humans or cats yet.

There was Clover, the grad student who acted like they were always high, but Connor was almost certain it was all natural.

There was Porter, the germophobe. Renee, the conspiracy theorist. Sylvia, the whisperer. 

No Gabe.

Evan couldn’t remember hearing anything about a Gabe.

He closed his eyes and drummed his fingers on the desk. 

He almost fell off his stool when Diana cleared her throat.

“She’s coming back.”

Evan blinked at her. “What?”

“Dr. Whitney’s coming back. I can hear her in the hall.”

Bat-like hearing. Evan mentally added that to his list of Diana’s talents.

The door creaked open and Dr. Whitney poked her head in. “I think we can call it a day.”

Her eyes landed on Diana. “I’ll see you at home?”

Diana nodded weakly.

Evan turned on her the second the door clicked shut. “At home? You live with Dr. Whitney?”

Diana stared at her hands. “She’s my stepmom.”

Evan did a double take. “Oh.”

Diana tugged her bag onto her shoulder. “It’s new. She just married my mom last month.”

“Oh,” Evan said again.

Diana’s eyes widened. “Blah... I shouldn’t have said that, should I? Do professors try to keep their personal lives private here?”

“My communications professor had us form teams and debate whether she should encourage her husband to shave his beard.”

Diana snorted. “Somehow I can’t picture my stepmother trying that.”

“Maybe if she framed it by asking us to look at it from an evolutionary standpoint and... Does your mom have a beard?”

Diana shook her head. “Her eyebrows are in desperate need of a tweezing though.” She took a breath. “Okay, well, maybe you could just, uh, not... you know.”

“I won’t say anything to anyone.”

Diana smiled gratefully. “Thanks.”

Evan fidgeted with his bag. 

“I didn’t get the job because I’m her stepdaughter,” Diana blurted out.

“I didn’t say you-”

“Well, I mean I did. Kind of.” Diana closed her eyes. “You were thinking it and... Someone else was supposed to take the job, but they backed out at the last second and she asked me if I’d be interested.”

“Okay,” Evan nodded. “Um...”

“I don’t even go here.” Diana tugged at her hair. “I mean, I do now. Sort of. I’m going here for a semester.”

Evan tilted his head. “Okay?”

“I go to Oxford.” She smiled when she saw his expression. “The accent?”

“Huh?”

“You were wondering about my accent?”

Evan scratched his neck. “No, uh... What accent?”

Diana let out a small laugh. “My mom’s American, my dad’s British. I’ve always split my time between the two of them. I went to school here, but I spent my summers there. And most holidays.”

“Oh.”

“They got divorced when I was three.”

“Because your mom’s...” Evan’s mouth snapped shut.

Diana shook her head. “She didn’t realize that until later. Until she met Candace... Dr. Whitney.”

“Oh, uh... You said you’re, uh, you’re only going here for a semester?” 

That was a relief. Evan knew things started getting pretty competitive junior year and he hated to think he’d be competing with Diana. He was pretty sure she’d crush him every time.

“I came over for the wedding and Mom... She insisted I stay for a few months. I’ve been living with Dad since I finished high school.” Diana puffed out her cheeks. “I always planned to go here, actually, but then Mom met Candace and it got weird fast, so...”

“You left the country?”

Diana put a hand on her hip when he started to laugh. “It’s not funny.”

“It is from where I’m standing. I’m definitely using that the next time my mom...” Evan rocked back on his heels. “My mom has a new boyfriend.” He wrinkled his nose. “Newish. He’s the first serious one she’s had since my dad left. Next time she complains that I don’t come home anymore, I’m going to tell her at least I didn’t skip the country like this girl I know.”

Diana rolled her eyes. “Glad to be of service.”

Evan blinked at the door. “Hey, uh, what’re you doing tonight?”

Diana raised her eyebrows. “Why?”

Evan shrugged. “I don’t know. Do you want to do something?”

“With you?”

“Well...”

“I didn’t think you liked me.”

Evan recoiled at that. “Oh. Well. I mean, I wouldn’t say...”

“You looked like you wanted to rip my head off this morning.”

“You wouldn’t stop singing the Fraggle Rock theme song!”

“It was in my head!”

“It must get stuck in your head a lot!”

“It does,” Diana said solemnly. “My dad’s obsessed with all things Muppets.”

Evan nodded at the door. “Well? Do you...”

Diana chewed her lip. “That depends.”

“On what?”

“It wouldn’t be a date, would it?”

Evan took a step backwards. “No. I mean, not unless-”

“Because the answer’s no if you’re asking me out.”

Evan closed his eyes. Her tone was so matter-of-fact that it actually softened the blow.

Not that it was much of a blow.

He hadn’t been thinking of it as a date. He’d just been thinking of it as something to do.

Because Connor was with Gabe and Evan’s night was suddenly free.

He didn’t explain that.

He didn’t think he needed to explain that.

Just like he didn’t think she needed to explain why she didn’t want to go out with him if it was a date.

“My friend Kai said they’re showing _The Princess Bride_ in the student center tonight.”

Diana’s whole face lit up. “Okay, I’m in. Let’s go.”

\-----

**Monday, June 21, 2021 8:05 AM**  
 **To: Evan**  
 **From: Connor**  
 **Subject: The Fly Season**

Here’s the link to their site. They’re called The Fly Season, not The Lie Season. 

I’m an idiot.

\-----

Evan closed his laptop when he sensed Diana standing behind him. “We’re not on the clock yet!”

That didn’t stop Diana from looking smug. “I didn’t say we were.”

“That’s the band Connor saw last week.”

“The band he saw with Gabe?”

Diana’s eyes twinkled when she said Gabe’s name.

It was official. They had officially reached the teasing point in their relationship.

At least she had. Evan was fairly certain she’d punch his arm if he looked at her like that.

“With Gabe and his friends,” Evan corrected.

“Did you ever find out-”

“Gabe’s Clover’s younger brother. He’s going to be a junior at Caltech.” 

“And he and Connor are...”

“No idea.”

“But Connor’s your best friend!”

“He’s also three hours away and kind of hard to track down these days.”

“And by these days you mean-”

“This week.”

“You know what I think,” Diana smirked.

“Yes,” Evan sighed. “You’ve made that clear.”

“And you know what I think about the other part, don’t you?”

“I’m not jealous!” Evan buried his head in his arms when Dr. Whitney chose that moment to enter the lab.

Diana’s shoulders shook as she tried not to laugh. She beamed at her stepmother. “Good morning.”

Dr. Whitney narrowed her eyes at Diana while she sipped her coffee. “Where were you this morning? Your mother-”

Diana pointed at the clock. “It’s after nine. No personal stuff after nine. Isn’t that your rule?”

Dr. Whitney pursed her lips.

“But if you must know, I stayed at Evan’s last night.”

Evan was glad he hadn’t been drinking anything because he knew he would have choked spectacularly. 

Diana gave them both an angelic smile.

Dr. Whitney sighed and put down her drink. “I’m going to be out of the lab this morning. I’m leaving a set of questions up here for you to-”

Diana stretched her arms out like Superman. “To the library!”

Evan could barely keep up with her as she charged out of the room.

He waited until they reached the stairs before nudging her shoulder. “What was that?”

“What was what?”

“That! Dr. Whitney thinks you-”

Diana rolled her eyes. “Heaven forbid one of your teachers think you’ve had sex!”

“With her stepdaughter. Sex with her stepdaughter. Who I am working with this summer.”

Diana had the decency to look slightly ashamed. “I’ll tell them the truth tonight. I’ll make sure Dr. Whitney knows you’ve been nothing but professional to me this whole time.”

Evan was silent for a moment. “Why did you-”

“Because my mom and I got in this huge fight last night and I stormed out and spent the night at my friend Kayla’s house.”

“And-”

“And I knew it would confuse them to hear I stayed with you. And quite possibly piss them off.”

Evan froze in his tracks. “Um...”

Diana rolled her eyes. “Relax. It’s not you. It’s your genitalia.” 

“Because they don’t want you to-”

“Because you’re a guy and...” Diana closed her eyes and leaned against the wall. Her voice was much softer when she spoke again. “I’m going to tell you something because... Because I want to and... and you don’t seem like a total asshole, so you better not prove me wrong and try to use this against me.”

“You’re gay,” Evan blurted out. He slapped a hand over his mouth.

“I wish,” Diana laughed. “I’m asexual.”

“Oh.”

“And aromantic.” Diana chewed her lip. “My mom thinks I’m in denial. When I said I wish, I should’ve said she wishes.”

“Okay, so-”

“We weren’t even fighting about that last night!” Diana snorted. “We got into this huge fight about laundry and then...”

Diana shrugged. “Our fights always seem to end up there somehow.”

“How long have you-”

“Since I was sixteen.” Diana snapped her fingers. “You want to do this? Let’s do this. Next question.”

She smiled tightly when he just stared. “Let’s see... Because I knew I wasn’t like my friends. I didn’t get crushes. I didn’t find people attractive. I didn’t feel any need to go out with them or hold their hands or...” She wrinkled her nose. “Do more than that. The thought of doing more that was just...”

She made a face. “Because the thought of dying alone doesn’t scare me at all. Because-”

“You were sixteen?”

Diana nodded.

“And your mom... How long has she been with, uh... Do you think maybe your mom is-”

“Is projecting? Yeah. I’ve thought of that. Like maybe she denied who she was for so long that she started seeing it in me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Me too.” Diana gazed at him quickly. “You’re not disappointed, are you?”

“Disappointed?”

“I tried to be upfront with you from the start. I tried not to lead you on. People always tell me I lead them on by not coming clean right away and... It’s none of their business though. And it’s not my fault if they think I...” She bit her lip. “I didn’t this time, did I?”

“You didn’t. I’m not disappointed. I’d already put you in the friend category in my head.”

“Okay, good,” Diana laughed. “Because I could use a friend here.”

“Me too.”

Diana cracked her knuckles. “Show me those pictures again.”

“What pictures?”

“The ones Connor sent you from the concert. The ones that didn’t make you feel jealous.”

“I’m not jealous!”

Diana smiled slightly. “I get jealous too sometimes. Not because I want to be with the friend who’s ditching me. Because I miss the friend. Because I-”

Evan reluctantly handed over his phone. “Only for a minute though. We really need to go to the library.”

“Please,” Diana scoffed. “It’ll take me five minutes to do that sheet. This is so much more interesting.”

Evan didn’t need to look at the questions to know he was inclined to agree.

\-----

**Sunday, June 27, 2021 11:30 PM**  
 **To: Connor**  
 **From: Evan**  
 **Subject: FWD: You’re Invited...**

I just got an invitation to your family’s 4th of July cookout. 

Are you coming home for this?

< attachment >

**Monday, June 28, 2021 10:30 AM**   
**To: Evan**   
**From: Connor**   
**Subject: Re: FWD: You’re Invited...**

Jamie and I are driving down for the weekend. 

Are you coming?

**Monday, June 28, 2021 2:15 PM**   
**To: Connor**   
**From: Evan**   
**Subject: Re: FWD: You’re Invited...**

I am now.

\-----

Evan circled the block twice before he realized he wasn’t going to find a parking spot. He gave up and left his car at the end of a side street that would’ve been terrifying if it had been dark outside.

He made a mental note to leave before the sun set.

He automatically went around to the back of the house because that was obviously where the party was. 

He scanned the crowd for Connor and then he gave up and started looking for anyone he recognized. He spotted Zoe sitting on the stairs with Nicole. She waved, but didn’t motion him over.

He tried not to let himself deflate too much.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when someone bumped his shoulder.

Connor.

He grinned. They both did.

They stared at each other for a moment and then Connor held out his hand.

Evan laughed as he slapped it and shook the top. 

And then they stared again.

Connor clapped him on the arm. “Come on. There’s someone I want you to meet.”

“Gabe?” Evan guessed.

Connor looked at him strangely. “Gabe’s not here.”

“Oh. I just thought...”

“You thought what?”

“That you two... Is there a you two?”

“Kind of. I don’t know. We haven’t really...” Connor suddenly jumped backwards.

Evan did too when he saw why.

There was a woman hurtling past them with a cooler and a bag of ice.

Connor chuckled as he watched her go. “That’s my aunt Jamie.”

“Oh.”

“That’s who I wanted you to meet.”

“Oh. Because-”

“Because she’s dying to meet you.”

“To meet me?”

“Well, yeah...” Connor shrugged.

“Why?” Evan blinked. His eyes widened with understanding. “You talk about-”

“My best friend? Your name comes up from time to time.”

“Yours too,” Evan said softly.

“With Diana?” Connor grinned.

“There’s nothing going on there!”

“Sure, there isn’t.”

“There isn’t! We’re just friends!”

“Really?”

Evan nodded firmly. “Trust me. Diana and I are just going to be friends.”

“If you say so...” Connor chuckled to himself. “What about Kai? Have you seen him lately?”

“He’s busy with track and camp and...” Evan shrugged. “I saw him for a minute the other day.”

“And nothing’s-”

“I didn’t tell you about the time Kai and I made out in his car?”

“What? Really?”

“No!” Evan snorted. He tilted his head when Connor suddenly looked away. “What?”

“Don’t look.”

“What?”

“Don’t...” Connor shook his head. “Let’s go inside.”

“Why?”

“Because my cousin Josh just spotted me and I don’t feel like dealing with that.”

“Okay, uh...”

“We can watch the show. We’re a couple episodes behind now, aren’t we?”

“I’m not,” Evan grinned. “I got Diana hooked on it and-”

“You’ve been watching without me?”

“You keep going to concerts!”

“They have them at The Rocking Horse every Wednesday! It’s not my fault they chose that night.”

“Yeah, well...” Evan took a breath. “I’ll try not to spoil anything for you while we’re watching.”

“Spoil anything like...”

“You were right.”

Connor froze on the stairs. “About what?”

“That’s for me to know and you to find out in episode three.”

Connor pretended to pout for a moment. “Okay, fine. Be that way.”

\-----

**Monday, July 12, 2021 9:55 AM**  
 **To: Evan**  
 **From: Connor**  
 **Subject: The Babies**

Martha’s babies aren’t human or feline.

They’re mice.

She’s obsessed with her fucking mice.

**Monday, July 12, 2021 12:30 PM**   
**To: Connor**   
**From: Evan**   
**Subject: Re: The Babies**

Aww. Mice are cute.

Does she dress them up?

Please tell me she dresses them up.

**Monday, July 12, 2021 3:30 PM**   
**To: Evan**   
**From: Connor**   
**Subject: Re: The Babies**

I’ll send you some pictures tonight.

**Monday, July 12, 2021 5:45 PM**   
**To: Connor**   
**From: Evan**   
**Subject: Re: The Babies**

Look on the bright side.

At least they’re not birds.

\-----

Evan jumped when he heard the front door slam shut above him.

He ran up the stairs and braced himself against the wall when he heard his mother creeping around the kitchen.

She dropped her pepper spray and grabbed her chest. “Evan! Oh my God. Don’t do that! I didn’t... Where’s your car?”

“On the street.”

“On the...” Heidi peered out the window and sighed. “So it is.”

Evan felt a flash of guilt. “I should’ve called first. I should’ve asked.”

“You...” Heidi’s face softened. “You never have to ask permission to come home. A little heads up would’ve been nice, but...”

“The washers are still broken in my building.”

“You’re here to do laundry?”

Evan nodded. “There’s some major plumbing problem down there and-”

“It’s fine. You’re welcome to use my machines whenever you want.” Heidi suddenly perked up a bit. “I’m glad you’re here. I was thinking about ordering Chinese and now I won’t feel like they’re judging me if I order two of everything.”

“Of everything?”

“Of our favorites.”

“Right,” Evan muttered. “Where’s Geoff?”

Heidi closed her eyes. “Evan-”

“Shouldn’t you ask him what he wants? This is his home too now.”

Heidi stared at him for a beat. “He’s playing poker with his friends.”

“He’s a gambler?”

Heidi smiled tightly. “It’s his friend Bill’s birthday. They’re playing for jelly beans.”

Evan resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “That sounds fun.”

“Have you been up to your room?”

“Why?” Evan snapped. “Did he turn it into a gym?”

“I told you we’re not changing your room. Geoff finally built those shelves you’ve been wanting.”

“That sounds like a change to me.”

“Evan-”

Evan straightened himself up and nodded at the basement. “I think I heard the dryer.”

\-----

**Sunday, July 18, 2021 9:30 PM**  
 **To: Connor**  
 **From: Evan**  
 **Subject: (no subject)**

My mom just wrote on Facebook that she thinks “I’ll Be” by Edwin McCain is the best wedding song of all time. 

**Sunday, July 18, 2021 9:40 PM**   
**To: Evan**   
**From: Connor**   
**Subject: Re: (no subject)**

I was hoping you hadn’t seen that.

**Sunday, July 18, 2021 9:45 PM**   
**To: Connor**   
**From: Evan**   
**Subject: Re: (no subject)**

I’m kind of freaking out here.

What do you mean you hoped I hadn’t seen that? Are you Facebook friends with my mom?

**Sunday, July 18, 2021 9:50 PM**   
**To: Connor**   
**From: Evan**   
**Subject: Re: (no subject)**

You are!

You’re Facebook friends with my mom!

I’d add your mom if the thought of sending her a friend request didn’t fill me with fear.

**Sunday, July 18, 2021 9:55 PM**  
 **To: Evan**   
**From: Connor**  
 **Subject: Re: (no subject)**

You’re actual friends with my sister. That’s way worse.

Speaking of...

She’s coming up here next weekend. Do you want me to ask her to pick you up?

**Sunday, July 18, 2021 10:00 PM**   
**To: Connor**   
**From: Evan**   
**Subject: Re: (no subject)**

Can’t. I have plans.

\-----

Diana stepped around him so that she was blocking his path. “What is this? Please don’t tell me you brought me to a make out party.”

“Do people still have those?”

Diana wagged a finger at him. “Don’t screw with me, Hansen.”

“Hansen? We’re on a last name basis now?”

“If you brought me to a make out party, yes. Yes, we are.”

“It’s not a...” Evan scratched the back of his head. “I mean, okay, some people are probably going to be... you know.”

Diana snorted. 

“I just thought you’d like to go out and see some of the wonderful things we’re studying. Look over there. That’s a lake with algae and-”

“You do realize I’ve lived here my whole life, don’t you?”

Evan blinked. “Oh. Right.”

“I’ve been gone a few years, but I’m very familiar with all the lakes and ponds in this county.”

“All of them?”

Diana nodded slowly. “This here. This was my playground. From here to Hartley Lane.”

She pushed past him before he could respond.

“Maria!” Diana squealed. She stretched her arms out as she ran at a girl standing by the dock. The two of them jumped up and down and squealed at each other.

And then Evan was alone.

He glanced around uncertainly. Diana and Kai were the only people he really knew there.

He hadn’t thought Diana would abandon him like that. He’d been counting on it. It had been kind of reassuring to think that she wouldn’t go off to hook up with someone and leave him stranded.

His eyes landed on Kai. He was sitting by the fire with several of his teammates. 

Evan wasn’t sure if it was his imagination but he felt like Kai’s eyes were boring into him.

He looked away.

He glanced up when he heard Diana return.

“This is my friend Maria,” Diana giggled. “We were lab partners in high school.”

“Girl!” Maria laughed. She shoved Diana’s arm. “I can’t believe you’ve been back for two months and you haven’t-”

“I said I’m sorry!”

“Sorry isn’t going to cut it. I’ve been seriously deprived of my Diana time.”

Diana grinned. “Evan and I were going to go for a hike. You want to come with us?”

Maria eyed the trail warily. “Isn’t it a little dark for that?”

“We have flashlights and our phones. We’re not going to go far. We just thought we’d try to get some samples from the trees around the first bend.”

“Once a science geek, always a science geek,” Maria smiled affectionately. “I’ll leave you to it, but we’re catching up when you get back.”

“Definitely,” Diana promised. She elbowed Evan. “You ready?”

Evan glanced over his shoulder.

Kai was nowhere to be seen. 

He nodded. “Ready.”

\-----

**Saturday, July 31, 2021 2:30 AM**  
 **To: Evan**  
 **From: Connor**  
 **Subject: (no subject)**

Call me when you get this. 

It’s important.

**Saturday, July 31, 2021 2:35 AM**   
**To: Evan**   
**From: Connor**   
**Subject: Re: (no subject)**

I’m an idiot. 

You can’t call me. My phone’s dead.

That’s the reason I’m on my laptop.

Call Zoe. She’s with me.

**Saturday, July 31, 2021 2:40 AM**   
**To: Evan**   
**From: Connor**   
**Subject: Re: (no subject)**

Actually, call me.

My phone will be charged by the time you wake up.

**Saturday, July 31, 2021 2:45 AM**   
**To: Evan**   
**From: Connor**   
**Subject: Re: (no subject)**

I feel like my head’s spinning.

It’s too early for this shit.

I’m at the hospital with my parents and Zoe. Did I mention that?

Jamie’s here too even though he’s not her father. She drove me because she’s nice like that.

I should’ve asked her to pick you up on the way.

My mom won’t stop crying. You’d think he was her father, not her father-in-law. My father just keeps asking the doctors all these questions.

All these fucking stupid questions.

I won’t blame them if they decide to hit him over the head with a chart.

**Saturday, July 31, 2021 4:05 AM**   
**To: Evan**   
**From: Connor**   
**Subject: Re: (no subject)**

The funeral’s going to be Friday.

\-----

Evan nearly fell out of bed when someone started banging on his door.

He flicked on the light and staggered across the room. “Who is it?”

“Kai!”

Evan took a step back. “Kai?”

What was Kai’s last name? His mind felt totally blank.

“We won!”

“You won?”

Evan checked the time. It was four o’clock in the morning. He shook his head. 

“Are you going to let me in?”

Evan reluctantly opened the door. “Hey, uh-”

He gasped into the kiss.

If it could even be called a kiss.

It was more like a tequila-flavored tongue war.

Evan chuckled as he pushed Kai away from him. “You’re drunk.”

“Little bit,” Kai winked. He stroked Evan’s chest.

Evan closed his eyes and tried not to think about how that actually felt good. “So, maybe-”

“You don’t want to make out with me? Connor said you did.”

Evan closed his eyes again. He was going to kill Connor. “I’m good, thanks.”

“Really?” Kai tilted his head skeptically. “Because...”

“Do you remember where your room is?”

“Downstairs!”

Evan smiled because Kai had somehow managed to slur every sound in that word. “Right. Do you remember how to get there?”

“The stairs!”

“Maybe take the elevator this time.”

“Good idea,” Kai nodded. “Stairs are bad.”

“Stairs are bad,” Evan agreed. 

He sighed when Kai didn’t move. “You can sleep on my floor.”

Kai didn’t need to hear that twice.

Evan woke up with hair in his mouth. He coughed and gagged and screamed when he realized it was attached to a head.

To Kai’s head.

He pushed himself up and tentatively tapped Kai’s shoulder.

And then he shook him when he didn’t stir.

“Huh?” Kai grumbled. He gasped when he realized where he was. “What the...”

“My thoughts exactly.”

“How did I...”

“You came here last night and...” Evan stared at his hands.

“We won our meet. The guys and I were out celebrating and...”

“You didn’t want me to feel left out?”

“Shit. I’m sorry. This will never happen again.”

“It’s cool,” Evan grinned. 

Kai chuckled into his hands. “This is unbelievable.”

“What?”

“This...” He gestured between them. “I’ve actually been curious what it would be like to kiss you and... Did we?”

“It was more of a-”

Kai groaned at the ceiling. “Okay. I’m going.”

He tried to make himself sit up. “As soon as my body decides to cooperate.”

It took a minute for him to pull himself up. He blinked when he did. He twisted himself around to face Evan. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Evan echoed.

His eyes widened when Kai closed the distance between them.

It was better than the night before. It was something that actually felt like a kiss. 

It was also wet and quick and tasted terrible.

Kai hummed when he pulled back. “Okay then.”

“Okay?”

“That was different.”

Evan wrinkled his nose. “We both need to brush our teeth.”

“Especially me,” Kai agreed. “It wasn’t terrible. As far as drunk kisses go, I’ve had worse.”

“Yeah,” Evan agreed. 

“Not something I’m dying to do again. No offense.”

“None taken.” 

It wasn’t something Evan was dying to try again either.

Kai swung his feet over the side of the bed. “I’m really going this time.”

“Okay,” Evan nodded.

He reached for his phone.

He nearly dropped it when he opened his email.

He jumped off the bed so quickly he had to apologize to Kai for nearly knocking him over.

And then he put on his shoes and grabbed his keys and tapped his foot impatiently while he waited for Kai to finish staggering towards the door.

Evan had never been to a funeral like this one. 

He’d actually only been to one other funeral that he could really remember. 

This was nothing like it.

His grandmother’s funeral had been small and intimate.

This was huge and crowded and overwhelming.

Evan could see why Connor had thought he’d need someone there for moral support.

Of course, it was kind of hard for Evan to provide that when he couldn’t even get near Connor.

There were too many people and all of the Murphys were being ambushed.

At least Connor had Zoe with him. The two of them had actually linked arms so they couldn’t be separated.

“Oh, thank God.”

Evan jumped when Nicole snuck up behind him. “Hi.”

“Hey,” Nicole smiled. “I’m glad you’re here. I was starting to get dizzy.”

“Dizzy?”

“There are so many people here and-”

“You don’t know anyone either?”

“Nope,” Nicole said. “But Zoe asked me to come, so I came.”

“That was nice of you.”

“Yeah, well...” Nicole smirked. “It was nice of you too.”

“Did you know their grandfather?”

“I think I met him once years ago.”

“I never met him.”

“He was quiet, I think. He didn’t say much if I-” Nicole’s eyes lit up excitedly. “Oh, thank God! Maya and Jenny are here too!”

And then she was gone.

Evan shoved his hands in his pockets as he looked around again.

He did a double take when he saw Alana weaving through the crowd towards him.

“Evan,” Alana breathed. She hugged him like they were long lost friends.

He quickly returned the hug. “Hi. What are...”

He stopped himself when he realized it was rude to ask Alana what she was doing there.

“The whole firm’s coming to show our support,” Alana murmured. “I’m interning there again this summer.”

The whole firm? Did that mean his mother was there too?

And Geoff?

Evan glanced around anxiously.

“We’re coming in shifts,” Alana explained. “They can’t close the office, you know.”

“Right,” Evan nodded. 

“How’s Connor doing?”

“He’s...”

Evan truly didn’t know how to answer that question. He hadn’t seen Connor since it happened.

He hadn’t gone to the hospital after he’d read the emails. He’d made it halfway to his car before he’d realized how crazy he was being. He’d called and left a voicemail instead. He’d only been able to exchange a few texts with Connor since then.

“I know how he feels,” Alana sighed. “I was devastated when my grandmother died. We were so close.”

Evan didn’t think Connor had been particularly close to his grandfather.

He didn’t say that out loud.

Alana seemed to think his silence meant he wanted to be alone.

Evan didn’t correct her. 

He slipped outside before someone else could sneak up on him.

He sat on a bench and looked down the hill at the cemetery.

He wasn’t surprised when Connor joined him.

“Hey,” Evan muttered.

“Hey,” Connor parroted.

“I’m sorry about your...”

“Yeah...”

“How are you holding up?”

Connor snorted. “Okay.”

“Okay like...”

“I only saw my grandfather, like, three times a year.” He ticked them off on his fingers. “Thanksgiving, Christmas, and sometimes Easter.”

“Oh.”

“The last time I saw him, he spent twenty minutes telling me to get a haircut.”

“How’s everyone else?”

“Zoe’s sad. She has a bigger heart than I do. My mom keeps crying. Mainly because she thinks someone should be crying. My dad’s my dad.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning he’s treating this like something he just has to get through.” Connor made a face. “I think he’s using it as a networking event, to be honest.”

“He’s using his father’s funeral to network?”

“Can you think of a better time to do that? He has a captive audience here.”

“I’m sure he’s...” Evan shrugged.

“He’s sad,” Connor agreed. “I think I heard him crying in the shower last night. It hasn’t really sunk in yet though. I’m kind of scared of what’s going to happen when it does.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean...” Connor puffed out his cheeks. “I couldn’t sleep last night and neither could he. We both ended up in the kitchen and... He started going on about all the things he wished he’d said to his father and how he hopes I won’t have any regrets when he’s gone.”

“Yikes.”

“Yeah,” Connor laughed. “So, that’s coming.”

Connor nodded at the cemetery. “Did you see our plot?”

Evan nodded.

“My mom first took me there when I was twelve. She freaked me out by showing me where I’m going to be buried and then I freaked her out by lying down and pretending to be dead.”

Evan burst out laughing.

Connor grinned when he saw that. “It took her over ten minutes to make me leave.”

“It is pretty around here.”

“And peaceful. And the grass is really soft.”

“I bet.” Evan glanced at him quickly. “So, where’s Gabe? Is he here?”

“He left for California yesterday.”

“Oh. Are you going to, uh, to try the long-distance thing?”

“It wasn’t that kind of a relationship.”

“It wasn’t?”

“It was more of a summer fling, I guess you’d say.”

Evan nodded slowly. “Okay.”

“What about-”

“Nothing happened with Diana!”

Connor threw his hands up in surrender.

Evan knew he could easily clear things up for him by saying Diana was an aromantic asexual.

He didn’t feel like doing that for some reason though.

He started laughing when a thought popped into his head. “I did make out with Kai though.”

Connor startled so dramatically he almost fell off the bench. “What?”

“Well, I don’t know if you’d call it making out exactly, but...”

Connor twisted around to look him in the eye. “Okay. Start from the beginning. Tell me everything.”

Evan grinned and did just that.


	20. Junior Year - August and September

Evan sighed as he switched his phone from hand to hand. “Would you pick one already?”

“Let me see the ones in the back again.”

“No!”

“No?”

“You’ve already seen them twenty times.”

“I’ve seen them twice.”

“Zoe, will you please back me up on this?”

Zoe tapped her chin thoughtfully. “I think you’ve shown him all the rooms, like, four times. Maybe five.”

“Thank you,” Evan said. He frowned when he realized Connor had said the same thing. He narrowed his eyes at the phone. “Kai will be here any second.”

“So?” Connor shrugged.

“So, I doubt Kai is going to have any trouble picking a room. He probably won’t even think to check with Ryan.”

“So, you’re saying you’re more considerate than your-”

Evan cleared his throat before Connor could finish that sentence. He tilted his head to remind Connor that his sister was sitting next to him.

Zoe snorted. “He already told me about you and Kai.”

Evan closed his eyes. “That’s it. I’m picking our room and my side and you’re just going to have to deal with it or room with Cole this year.”

“Or Jared,” Zoe chirped. She grinned as she elbowed Connor. “Wouldn’t that be fun?”

Connor wrinkled his nose. “Show me the one on the left again.”

“Uh-uh,” Evan shook his head. “This conversation is officially over.”

He ended the call and scanned the suite again. 

He jumped when the front door flew open.

Kai glanced around quickly before pointing to the room to their left. “Dibs.”

Evan squeezed his eyes shut. 

He tried to look on the bright side.

Now he only had three options to choose from.

“People are scared of you. Did you know that?”

Evan wasn’t sure which was a bigger surprise – Diana’s question or her sudden appearance. He glanced over his shoulder like that would tell him where she’d come from.

“I’ve been following you since you left Harris Hall. You walk fast.”

“Thank you?”

Diana smiled serenely. “For what?”

“What?”

“Which part are you thanking me for? The scared part or the fast part?”

“I don’t know,” Evan muttered. His face scrunched up as he studied her. “What do you mean they’re scared of me? I’m the least scary person I know.”

“Well, yeah,” Diana agreed. “They don’t know that though, do they? You’re quiet in class.”

“I talk.”

“When?” Diana demanded. “We have three classes together and I’ve yet to hear you say a word to anyone.”

“I...” Evan shrugged.

“It’s a good thing class participation isn’t a major part of your final grade.”

“Why does that scare them though? I-”

“I was just talking to Meg, the girl with the braids, and-”

“I know,” Evan interrupted. He knew the names of all the other Environmental Science majors in his year.

“And...” Diana took a breath. “She’s convinced you’re some sort of evil genius.”

“Who wants to save the trees?”

Diana shrugged. “I’m just saying...”

She came to a stop when they reached a fork in the road. She pointed to the right. “That’s me.”

And then she was gone.

Evan shook his head.

Diana’s observation stayed with him because observations like that always did. 

He knew he’d come a long way. He knew he didn’t stutter nearly as much as he used to. He knew he didn’t fidget and twitch and babble like he had when he was younger.

He had an easier time talking to people. He wouldn’t say it was easy, but it was definitely easier than it used to be. 

He didn’t always automatically assume that his very existence annoyed everyone he was with. 

He had friends. He had a best friend. He...

He hadn’t really had what could be considered a serious relationship, but he wasn’t totally hopeless in that area. He felt like he was more or less on par with his roommates when it came to all that.

Except for Kai, of course. And Ryan, who was basically married to Layla.

And Connor. 

He knew Connor had more experience with all that. He didn’t like to think about that though.

He felt like he was on the same level as Seth and Chris. And Jared, even though Jared would never admit it. 

He suspected they were all more experienced than Cole, unless Cole’s prayer group was actually a front for something else.

Not that any of that really bothered him though. Dating, sex, relationships... They were low priorities as far as he was concerned.

He was more concerned about the fact that his classmates thought he was an evil genius. A quiet evil genius they didn’t really know.

He was an upperclassman now. He remembered watching the upperclassmen when he’d been a freshman and thinking they were so much more grown-up than he was. He remembered thinking they knew what they were doing. 

He wondered if any of the freshmen he saw thought that about him. 

He doubted it.

“All yours,” Evan said as he closed the dryer.

“What?” Connor frowned.

“I’m done with the washer, so you can put your load in.”

Connor’s frown deepened. “You’re done? You’re only doing one load today?”

“Yeah,” Evan shrugged. He tilted his head as Connor started to squirm. “What’s wrong?”

“I thought you were doing another load.”

“You’re upset that you get to use the washer sooner than you thought you would?” Evan’s eyes widened with sudden realization. “You don’t know how to do laundry, do you?”

Connor scoffed at that. “Of course, I do.”

Evan stepped to the side and gestured at the machines. “All yours then.”

“I’m going to be 21 next week.”

“Yeah,” Evan nodded.

“I know how to do laundry.”

Evan gestured at the washer again. 

Connor chewed his lip. “It’s just...”

He shook his head. “I’m stupid.”

“You’re not stupid. You’re spoiled.”

“That’s worse.”

“You’re lucky. My mom made me start washing my things when I started high school.”

“You’ve been doing your own laundry for six years?”

“Yeah,” Evan shrugged. “She actually tried to get me to do it when I was eleven, but I put in too much detergent and... It was bad. So bad that she decided to give it three years before trying again.”

“We always had a cleaning lady and...” Connor puffed out his cheeks. “My parents liked to check my clothes before they were washed.”

“Check them for what?”

“They’d check the pockets and smell them and look for stains.”

“Oh,” Evan mumbled. “Well... And now they-”

“They stopped doing that when I started college because they decided that was a sign I wasn’t throwing my entire life away. Then it was about the machines. My mom was repulsed by the idea of me using communal machines.”

“And now that we have one in our suite...”

Connor nodded. “Now that we have one in here and I’m turning 21, they’ve decided I should be doing my own laundry.”

“Except no one showed you how.”

Connor nodded again.

Evan stared at the washer for a second. That explained why Connor had stood right next to him while he’d thrown in his clothes.

He reached for the detergent. “Okay, first of all, this is a Tide Pod.”

Connor snapped his fingers. “Don’t eat it.”

“Right,” Evan grinned. “You should always lick it to make sure it hasn’t gone bad though.”

Connor stared at him for a beat. “You’re messing with me.”

Evan struggled to keep his face blank. “No, I’m not.”

Connor continued to stare as he lifted the pod to his mouth. “How do you know if it’s gone bad? Does it taste sour?”

Evan couldn’t hold it in any longer. “Don’t!”

“I knew you were messing with me!”

Evan sighed and drummed his fingers on the lid. “Okay, fine, I’ll be good. It’s not your fault you’re spoiled.”

Connor made a face. “What next?”

“Now we need to separate your clothes.”

“I thought that was, like, an urban legend or something.”

Evan shook his head. “It isn’t always necessary, unless you’re washing something new, but I do it because my mom told me to and it evens out the loads.”

He chewed his lip while he waited. “I’m guessing you don’t have your own things yet.”

“Things?”

“Detergent, fabric softener, stain remover...” Evan ticked them off on his fingers. “You can use mine for now.”

Connor’s eyes widened at that.

Evan rolled his eyes. “It won’t make your clothes smell like a forest!”

“I know,” Connor muttered. “I’m just thinking about what Jared’s going to say when we both smell like lavender.”

“Right. Because his generic flower-scented detergent is so much more manly.”

Connor stood up when he finished forming his piles. “Okay, what now?”

Evan pointed at the machine. “Okay, see these knobs? They make it go.”

Connor’s parents came up for his birthday. They came up even though it was a Wednesday and Connor had tried his hardest to convince them he couldn’t go out.

The dinner was awkward and stiff and quiet. 

Connor ordered a soda and then his father laughed and told the waiter to bring him a glass of wine. Connor didn’t touch the drink at all. 

His father ended up drinking it in the end because he couldn’t stand to see it go to waste.

There were more people in the quad than Evan had expected. He swallowed sharply when he saw that. He lost count after the first dozen. 

Connor looked at him quickly. “You sure you want to do this?”

Evan wasn’t sure. He hadn’t been sure when Diana had talked him into it. He’d only agreed because he was halfway through his college career and he had almost nothing to show for it. No stories. No good stories. Nothing that he could look back at and laugh about when he was older. 

Nothing that made him feel like he’d really been a part of something.

He forced himself to nod. “It’s too late to back out, isn’t it? They already have our pictures.”

The meeting was short. It was shorter than Evan would have liked. He would have liked for someone explain the rules a bit more. 

Apparently, most of the people there were not first timers.

He frowned as he unfolded the card he’d picked. He didn’t recognize the girl in the picture. He had no idea who Lila Burton was or how he was going to “assassinate” her.

He tried to look over Connor’s shoulder. “Who’d you get?”

Connor’s brow furrowed as he pocketed his card. “Isn’t that cheating?”

“Cheating?” Evan frowned. “They didn’t say we can’t tell people who we got, did they?”

Connor kept his eyes on the ground until Diana bounced over to them. 

“Do you know Timothy Lambert?” Diana asked hopefully.

Evan shook his head.

Diana pointed two finger guns at the sky. “He’s toast.”

The guy with the clipboard blew his whistle. “The game starts in ten minutes and ends when we’re down to one player.”

Evan scanned the crowd for someone who looked like the picture in his hand. His eyes landed on a girl standing by the steps.

Bingo.

Diana grinned when she saw his expression. “Found your target?”

Evan nodded. 

Diana elbowed him. “We should go. We’re sitting ducks if we stay here.”

Evan turned to see if Connor was following them, but he was already gone.

Lila Burton was surprisingly easy to take down.

So was Craig Powell.

And Scott Bryant.

And...

Evan was really good at Gotcha.

Surprisingly good.

But also not so surprisingly.

He was good at blending in. People didn’t notice him. They didn’t notice him until it was too late.

The game was scary at first. It was scary because it was more personal than Evan had expected. They weren’t using fake guns or anything that could in any way be seen as a weapon. 

They were playing a version where you had to tap both of your target’s shoulders and show them that you had their card for it to count as a kill. You then handed them their card so they could take a selfie with it and upload it to the game’s Facebook page with your name as the caption. Your target then gave you their target’s card and you started the hunt again.

It was fun in a dizzying kind of way.

It also took more time than Evan had thought it would. He’d thought the game would be over in a couple hours.

He should’ve known there was a reason there were so many safe zones and rules.

They couldn’t assassinate anyone while they were sleeping or in the bathroom.

The library was a safe zone. So were all of the classrooms while classes were in session. 

They weren’t allowed to go after anyone who was talking to a professor. 

They weren’t allowed to tackle people or do anything that caused any kind of bodily harm. 

They were expected to have enough common sense not to do anything that would put anyone in any kind of physical or academic jeopardy.

Evan was fine with that.

He really was good at quietly sneaking up on people and softly tapping their shoulders before dropping their card in their face. 

He was fine with the fact that he was developing a reputation for being the silent assassin. He was fine with the way his name kept going up on the leaderboard as he racked up his kills.

He wasn’t fine with the fact that no one seemed to be targeting him. It was enough to make every nervous tic he had come back in full force.

It was enough to make him spend the majority of his time looking over his shoulder.

By the third day, he was a paranoid mess.

Jared thought it was hilarious. Ryan thought he should throw in the towel. Kai wanted to know when the next game began because he really wanted to play.

Connor was strangely quiet on the subject.

It was enough to make Evan’s heart race.

He was very aware of the fact that Connor was still in the game, even though the leaderboard said his kill count was at zero.

Evan tried not to think about that.

He killed Diana before their marine biology class on the fourth day.

She didn’t look surprised. 

She grinned as she handed him her card. “Have fun...”

He buried his head in his arms when he saw it.

Evan nearly fell off his chair when the door opened. He yanked his earbuds out and stared at Connor.

Connor raised his eyebrows. “So, I take it you’ve checked the leaderboard?”

Evan shook his head. “Not recently. Why?”

“We’re down to two players.”

Evan sucked in a breath. He’d figured it was something like that. He knew who he had and he thought he knew who Connor had. 

He eyed Connor warily. “Have you had me this whole time?”

He scooted his chair backwards when Connor walked into the room.

Connor chuckled as he dropped his bag on his desk. “Yeah.”

“Then why haven’t you-”

Connor glanced over his shoulder. “You were having fun.”

Jared poked his head in before Evan could respond. His whole face lit up when he saw them. “Guys! It’s happening! It’s finally happening!”

He clapped his hands as he looked between them. “Kill him!”

Seth tilted his head as he ran up behind Jared. “Who are you talking to?”

Jared looked like a kid in a candy shop. “Does it matter?”

“My money’s on Evan,” Ryan said. “He’s the silent assassin after all.”

“You don’t know Connor like I do,” Jared hissed. “He-”

“Why didn’t you take me out?” Evan demanded. “You’ve had plenty of opportunities.”

Jared rubbed his hands together as he rocked back on his heels. “Okay, Ryan’s on Team Evan. I’m Team Connor because he’s a psycho and there’s no telling what he’ll do.”

Ryan whipped around to frown at Jared. “Hey... That’s not-”

Jared shook his head. “What about the rest of you? Should this be a thing? We can make this a thing.”

“A thing?” Kai repeated as he strolled over. “What kind of thing?”

“Like...” Jared stared up at the ceiling. “Like we divide into teams of bodyguards and split them up for ten minutes and-”

“Are there any guns in this game?” Cole wondered. “Toy ones, even. I’ve gotten a lot of target practice in over the years.”

Connor lifted his arms above his head and looked Evan in the eye. “What was the prize again?”

“Two gift certificates to the crepe place on Maple.”

“You want to split it?” Connor laughed at Evan’s expression. “You still want to win!”

“I...” Evan scuffed his shoe along the rug. “I don’t want to kill you.”

“Good to know.”

“Kill him!” Jared cried.

Evan sighed. He lifted his head as he thought about the past few days, about how alert Connor had been every time they’d gone somewhere. “You’ve been playing defensively.”

Connor lowered his eyes.

“You were staying in it so no one else could get my card.”

“Aww,” Ryan grinned.

Chris shook his head. “I wouldn’t have done that.”

“I would’ve killed you the first chance I got,” Seth agreed.

“You were, weren’t you?” Evan whispered.

Connor shrugged.

Jared shook his head and started mumbling under his breath.

Kai reached for his phone. “I’ll take your picture.”

Evan braced himself when Connor stepped forward. He laughed when Connor held out his hand.

He slapped it and then he shook the top of it.

Kai snapped a picture of them holding their cards.


	21. Junior Year - October

Evan woke up to the sound of Connor slamming his closet door shut.

He knew it hadn’t been an accident because it wasn’t immediately followed by the words “shit, sorry.”

He rolled over and blinked at the ceiling before reaching for his phone. He only had two minutes until his alarm was supposed to go off.

Definitely not an accident then.

He turned off the alarm and sat up. “What...”

His stopped himself when he saw Connor’s face.

So it was going to be that kind of a morning. The kind where something was obviously bothering Connor, but it was going to take a while to get it out of him.

Evan nodded to himself. 

“I had that dream again last night.”

Connor turned around to face him. “Which one? The falling one or the test one?”

“The test one. My heart’s racing. Part of me feels like they’re coming to get me.”

“Who?”

“Every teacher I’ve ever had. Because I didn’t pass the high school test and-”

“The high school test?”

“In this dream, there was a test I had to take to prove I really deserved to graduate from high school.”

“Okay,” Connor nodded. “And you failed?”

“Big time.”

“And every teacher you’ve ever had came to... To what? Mock you?”

“To make me retake their class.”

“Even the nice ones?”

“The nice ones?”

“Like...” Connor considered that for a moment. “I don’t know.”

“Ms. Thomas told me I was a disappointment. She was my favorite teacher in high school.”

“What about Mrs. Redman?”

Evan tilted his head.

“Our fourth grade teacher?” Connor scratched his neck. “We both had her.”

“Yeah,” Evan muttered.

“She was nice.”

“She hated me!”

“Mrs. Redman hated you?”

“She...” Evan glared at the ceiling. “She was always sending these notes home to my mom, telling her I needed to talk more.”

“Well, you did.”

Evan redirected his glare. “I...”

It occurred to him that that was a weird thing for Connor to say. Not because it wasn’t true. Because it meant that it was something Connor had noticed back then.

Connor seemed to have realized that too. He leaned over and fidgeted with his bag. “At least it wasn’t the falling one. You always look pale when you wake up from that.”

Evan stared at his hands. He didn’t like talking about the falling one. He didn’t like thinking about the falling one.

It wasn’t the falling part that got to him. It was the landing. It was the way his body always jolted up before he hit the ground. 

Evan closed his eyes. “Are you going to tell me why you woke me up?”

“I didn’t-”

“I have to get ready for class. I don’t have time to try and pry it out of you.”

Connor stared at him for a beat. “Why didn’t you tell me your father’s coming to town?”

His father was coming to town for a friend’s wedding. 

Evan had actually been looking forward to it because he was coming alone. No Lisa. No kids. They’d been planning to spend an entire day together before his father had to fly back to Colorado. 

He should’ve known there was no way that was actually going to happen.

He didn’t see how he could’ve seen this coming though.

How could he possibly have predicted that his mother would go and tell Connor’s father about her ex’s visit? How could he have known Connor’s father would decide the four of them should do something together?

Connor was convinced he could’ve nipped that in the bud if he’d known Evan’s dad was coming from the start. 

He was convinced his father was doing this to make himself feel better. He was doing it to feel like he was bonding with his son. To feel like he was a better father than the one he’d lost.

Evan didn’t help matters by pointing out that being around his father would make Larry feel superior simply because of the hours he’d put in over the years.

Connor had scowled at that. “Quality over quantity though.”

“Yeah,” Evan sighed. “Except it’s not like there’s been a lot of quality time either.”

After much discussion, they ended up at the zoo. 

Discussion wasn’t the right word. Argument was closer. 

They ended up at the zoo after Connor shot down every suggestion his father made. He said no to lunch, no to the movies, a big, fat no to golfing. He laughed when Evan’s father suggested mini golf. 

And so it went until Larry finally sighed and told them all to get in the car because he had an idea.

And that was how they ended up at the zoo.

Evan didn’t mind. He liked the zoo. 

Connor chose to take it as an insult, as a sign that his father didn’t know him at all. They had a very long, very passive aggressive discussion about that.

It got to the point where Evan felt he had no choice but to tell his father he wanted to check out the aviary. 

He felt a brief flash of guilt when he saw Connor’s face.

He shrugged it off and promised to meet the Murphys for lunch.

“Let me guess,” Dan grinned as a sparrow swooped down in front of them. “Connor doesn’t like birds?”

Evan stared at his hands. “He’s scared of them.”

“I’m glad. Not that he’s scared. That it gave us an excuse to...” Dan gestured around the room. “I was hoping we’d get a chance to talk.”

Evan’s skin prickled at that. He wondered if he’d made the wrong choice. “About what?”

“I was hoping we could catch up. I haven’t seen you in... what? A year?”

“Over a year. Since last summer.”

“Right,” Dan nodded. “How’s the car working out for you? Did I tell you about the glove compartment? You have to jiggle the handle while you pull or it’ll get stuck.”

“Yeah, I figured that out on my own.”

“Did you ever get the peanut butter smell out of it? Lisa and I aired it out for days before you took it, but...”

“I know. I was there.”

“We were convinced one of the kids hid an entire sandwich somewhere. Neither of them cracked when we interrogated them though.”

“I didn’t find a sandwich, but there was a piece of gum under the driver’s seat.”

Dan cringed at that. “That’s my fault. I thought I got it all.”

Evan shook his head. “It was okay though. I like the car.”

“I’m glad.” Dan patted his sides. “What about gas? Do you have money for gas?”

“Mom gives me-”

“I can give you money for gas. I should get you a gas card. That would be easier, wouldn’t it? And oil. Have you had the oil changed? You know you need to do that every six months, right?”

“I know. Mom and I have that covered.”

Evan stared at the ground when he heard how sharp his tone had gotten. 

“You’re relying on your mother for that?” Dan laughed. “I had to remind her all the time when we were married. She was always running out of gas. I don’t know if you remember this, but there was this one time when you were about three. I had to wake you up and take you out in the middle of a snowstorm to go get her because I couldn’t leave you home alone.”

Dan shook his head and chuckled at the memory.

Evan forced himself to smile. “I don’t remember that.”

“We used to come here a lot when you were little. Do you remember the time we got our faces painted?”

Evan nodded slightly. “Kind of.”

“It was my birthday and your mother sent us away because she was planning a surprise party for me. We came home looking like tigers and everyone I knew jumped out of the bushes to yell surprise.” Dan grinned at the ceiling. “Including my boss.”

“At least he wasn’t your boss for much longer,” Evan blurted out.

Dan cleared his throat. “I still see him though. He was at Jim’s wedding last night.”

Evan couldn’t think of anything to say about that. He leaned forward to watch as one of the herons dove into the water.

Dan leaned against the railing and tried to catch his eye. “You’re a junior now, right?”

Evan nodded.

Dan let out a low whistle. “Unbelievable. How’s school? You still like it?”

Evan nodded again.

“And what about... Are you seeing anyone?”

He asked the question in the same light tone he’d been using since he learned that Evan was bisexual. 

Evan shook his head. “Not at the moment.”

Dan’s face lit up. “But you were? You...”

He stopped himself when he saw the way Evan’s face had clouded over.

“What about Connor?”

Evan glanced at him quickly. “What about him?”

“You seem close.”

“He’s my friend.”

“You mention him in all your emails.”

“He’s my best friend.”

“You live together.”

“He’s my roommate.”

“Your mother likes him.”

He said that like it meant a lot.

Evan shook his head. “She likes everyone.”

He snorted when he heard himself.

“I’m just...” Dan closed his eyes for a moment. “If you look at it from my perspective, well... I got a call that there was a change in plans. I wasn’t going to get to spend the day with my son. I was going to spend it with my son and his friend and his friend’s father.”

He raised his eyebrows at Evan while he waited for that to sink in.

Evan hated to admit it, but he could see where his father was coming from. He did talk about Connor a lot. 

He talked about him so much that he was almost certain he’d mentioned Gabe at some point. And possibly even Matt.

“That’s not what this is,” Evan blurted out. “It’s just, uh... You know how Connor and his father don’t exactly get along well?”

Dan nodded grimly.

“This was just, uh... It was an excuse for them to... you know.”

Dan considered that for a moment. “Okay.”

“Okay,” Evan sighed. He eyed the exit. “You want to go see the giraffes?”

“Sure,” Dan said. “But we’re not getting our faces painted. I have to get through airport security tonight.”

Evan threw himself onto his bed and laughed. “Oh my God...”

“I know,” Connor chuckled.

“That was...”

“At least yours lives in another state.”

“At least you...” Evan propped himself up on his elbow. “You’re drunk.”

“I’m not drunk.”

Evan pointed at him. “We found you in the beer garden.”

“We were watching the camel rides.”

“And having a beer.”

Connor nodded. “Okay, so, the best part of being 21 thus far?”

Evan raised his eyebrows. “Thus?”

“Told you I’m not drunk.”

“The best part?”

“Alcohol is an acceptable part of father-son bonding time.”

“I thought you weren’t going to drink around your parents.”

“Yeah... I’ve decided I’m not sticking to that. I’m just not going to let myself get wasted in front of them. Too many bad memories there.” Connor jabbed a finger in Evan’s direction. “This is your fault anyway. You abandoned me.”

“I wanted to see the birds!”

“Uh huh... Sure. I’m sure our argument had nothing to do with your sudden desire to go look at the feathered hell beasts.”

Evan smiled innocently. “I like birds!”

Connor rolled his eyes. “It took my dad all of two minutes to suggest we go get a drink after you left. Because, you know, the idea of spending more than two minutes with me without a drink in his hand was unacceptable.”

“Well, it worked, didn’t it?”

“What?”

“You two weren’t at each other’s throats when we caught up with you.”

“I think the camels hypnotized us.”

Evan snorted. “But still.”

“He said he thinks it’s a good idea for me to become a librarian.”

“That’s...” Evan’s excitement faded when he saw Connor’s face. “So, it’s back to the drawing board then?”

“No. His opinion doesn’t get to determine my future.”

Evan’s smile turned into a laugh when he thought about the aviary. “So, uh... My dad thought we were going out.”

Connor did a double take. “With each other?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“Because apparently I’ve mentioned you in every email I’ve sent him for the last two years.”

“What did you say?” Connor grinned.

“Oh, you know, that I...” Evan laughed before he could finish the joke, before he could even think of a way to finish it. “He knows I’m bi and I may have mentioned that you...”

“Have similar inclinations?”

Evan nodded. “The rest is on him.”

“Was he relieved?”

“What?”

“When you told him the truth. Was he relieved that we’re not going out?”

“He didn’t seem to care either way.” Evan stared blankly at his hands as he pressed his fingertips together. “He always does this.”

“He always thinks you’re going out with people?”

“He always reads into things. It was always like a wishful thinking thing, I think. Like he’d assume every classmate I mentioned was my friend. My mom does it too. It’s one of the few things they have in common.”

Connor nodded. “That’s why I stopped telling my mom things. If I gave her a name, she’d try to run with it. I’d spend weeks telling her I did not want to invite someone over just because they shared their fruit roll-up with me.”

“See, my mom wouldn’t listen when I did that. If she had time and she knew the other kid’s mother, she’d invite them over for the most awkward playdate ever.”

“Jared?”

“It was usually Jared.”

Connor was silent for a moment. And then he rolled over and smirked at Evan. “So, what did you tell your dad about me?”

“That you’re terrified of birds.”

Connor narrowed his eyes. “What else?”

“That you’re a poet and you don’t even know it. That you let me win Gotcha. That you-”

“I didn’t let you win. It was a team effort.”

Evan scoffed at that. “Yeah, except I didn’t know it was. I spent days freaking out and looking over my shoulder while you-”

Connor snorted and bit his lip to keep from laughing.

“It’s not funny!”

“It’s a little bit funny.”

Evan glared at the ceiling. “So, why birds?”

“It’s a long story,” Connor sighed.

Evan rolled over to face him. “We have time.”

Evan wasn’t the only one who stifled a groan when they heard the dreaded words.

Group project.

He closed his eyes and leaned back in his seat.

Conversations broke out all around him.

It didn’t take him long to find a group. Even if Diana hadn’t been there, he would’ve found one easily. That was one of the biggest differences between high school and college. People were willing to work with classmates they weren’t friends with.

He ended up in a group with Diana and two of their classmates he only knew by sight. Meg, the girl with the braids who thought he was an evil genius, and George, the guy who chewed his pens so hard that he always had an ink stain around his mouth.

None of them put up a fight when Diana decided she was the group leader. She divided up the work and started a group chat and coordinated their schedules so efficiently it was kind of scary.

It was also kind of a relief. Evan couldn’t imagine any of them flaking on the others with her around.

“I’m going to miss you when you’re gone,” Evan said as they gathered up their things.

That statement made Diana giggle. “Really? I never would’ve guessed.”

Evan simply blinked.

“I’m your only science friend,” Diana reminded him.

“That’s...”

Evan made a face. There was no point in denying it.

“We need to change that,” Diana decided. “We can start with them.”

Evan watched them leave the room. “I’m not lending George any pens.”

“Well, no,” Diana agreed. “Not unless you want them to suffer a slow and painful death.”

His mother brought Geoff to Family Weekend. They only came up for the afternoon.

It wasn’t as uncomfortable as Evan thought it would be. 

Geoff was nothing if not polite. He excused himself when they finished lunch. He claimed he wanted to check out the astronomy department for one of his nephews, but Evan could tell he was trying to give them some space.

His mother turned on him the second Geoff was gone. She lifted her left hand and waved it in front of Evan. “There. Is that better?”

“Better?” Evan blinked.

“You’ve been trying to look at it since we got here.”

Evan scratched his neck and looked down. She had him there. “No ring?”

“No ring,” Heidi confirmed. “It’s like I told you. You’ll be the first-”

“Or second,” Evan interrupted.

“You’ll know as soon as there’s something to know.” Heidi cleared her throat. “If there ever is something to know. I’m fine with things the way they are.”

“You’re happy living in sin?”

“Living in sin?” Heidi laughed. “Where did you... Have you been spending a lot of time with that roommate? The religious one? What’s his name?”

“Cole.” Evan shook his head. “Not really. I just...”

He shrugged.

“Where’s Connor today?”

Evan’s eyes bulged because really? Both of his parents? What were the odds? He thought about asking if they’d been talking to each other, but he knew that wasn’t the case.

Especially when he saw the way his mother was watching him.

“Is his family here?”

Evan felt like laughing. 

They’d had lunch with the Murphys the year before. That was all she was thinking about. She was remembering the way their presence had helped Connor’s family ignore their problems for a bit.

“He, uh...” Evan shoved his hands in his pockets. “His parents couldn’t make it this year. They have a fundraiser to go to tonight, I think he said.”

Heidi nodded. “At the Elmwood House. Geoff and I are going too.”

“Oh,” Evan muttered. “Do you have to... Connor said it was going to take his mother the whole day to get ready.”

“It won’t take me more than an hour,” Heidi assured him. 

Evan didn’t check the time because he knew that would be rude. 

It wasn’t that he wanted his mother to leave.

Except he kind of did. 

He had things to do and people to see and...

He looked away when he spotted George leaving the library. He glanced up long enough to confirm that George had noticed him and was very determinedly walking in the opposite direction.

His mother tilted her head but didn’t say a word.

“That’s George,” Evan explained. “We’re working on a project together for our marine biology class.”

“Oh,” Heidi nodded.

“I don’t think he likes me.”

Heidi stared at him for a beat. “Why do you think he doesn’t like you?”

“Well, I killed him for one.”

“You killed him?”

“He was my fifth victim.” Evan smiled when he saw his mother’s confusion. “When I played Gotcha last month. I told you about that, didn’t I?”

Heidi nodded even though it was clear she wasn’t following him.

“It was this game and...” Evan shrugged. “Apparently, he really wanted to get some free crepes.”

Evan thought that was all it was.

He hoped that was all it was. He couldn’t imagine what else he’d done to make George hate him.

He grabbed his phone to check the time. He played it off by telling his mother that Dr. Whitney was having an open house in her lab.

“You probably don’t have time for that though,” Evan said.

“I have time,” Heidi insisted. “I’ll tell Geoff to meet us there.”

Evan raised his eyebrows and resisted the urge to sigh.

He really hadn’t seen that coming.

Evan jumped back when a child dressed as a skeleton ran in front of him.

They were everywhere. Skeletons, ghosts, superheroes. And not all of them were children.

He shook his head when he realized Jared had changed into a clown costume. “Really?”

“Free candy’s free candy,” Jared sniffed. He pressed his nose against the glass and squinted at the water. “Is there anything in there?”

“Yes,” Evan said. He pointed at the signs above the tank.

“Where?” Jared demanded.

“I haven’t figured that out yet.”

“I’m bored.”

“Go join the others then. They’re watching the show in the lobby.”

“Zoe’s there.”

Evan lowered his notebook and met Jared’s stare. “And that’s a problem for you?”

“She’s with what’s-his-name. Warner Huntington III.”

“Wyatt,” Evan corrected.

“Same difference.”

Evan decided he didn’t feel like arguing about that, even though he actually liked Wyatt. He was a nice guy. Much nicer than the role he’d played. 

He decided to focus on Jared instead. “Where’s Summer? I thought she was coming with Mel and Aimee.”

“That’s over,” Jared sneered.

Evan chewed his lip and tilted his head at the tank. He really didn’t have time for this. The aquarium was closing in an hour. “Autumn’s here. Why don’t you-”

“I’m not taking your sloppy seconds!”

“We barely even... We went out one time, like, six months ago.”

“Still.” Jared pouted for a moment. “What does he have that I don’t?”

“Who?”

“Warner!” Jared cried.

Evan closed his eyes and pressed a hand against his forehead. “You mean Wyatt?”

“Whatever. You know who I mean. What does he have that I don’t?”

“A brain,” Connor said as he sidled up to them. “Good looks. A decent personality.”

“Who asked you?” Jared snapped.

Connor shrugged and nodded at the tank. “Still nothing?”

Evan shook his head. “I don’t think I’m ever going to get to observe the spotted unicornfish in person.”

His head popped up when he spotted George at the next display. “Did you find the puffer?”

George’s mouth opened and closed several times. He shook his head and...

And then he was gone.

Just like that.

Evan shook his head. “That guy must really hate me.”

He frowned when Jared and Connor exchanged a look. “What?”

“He doesn’t hate you,” Jared smirked.

“Yeah, he does.”

“He is you,” Jared laughed.

“He... what?”

“That guy is textbook Evan.”

“He really is,” Connor agreed.

Evan stared in the direction George had gone. “No...”

“And,” Jared grinned. “I’d say he has a crush.”

It took a second for that to sink in. “On me?”

“No,” Jared rolled his eyes. “On the spotted unicornfish.”

“He’s never even talked to me.”

“He blushes every time he sees you. And twitches. And rubs his hands on his pants like they’re soaked with sweat.”

“That doesn’t mean-”

“Zoe,” Jared reminded him. “I was there for all of that.”

“I saw him talking to Diana earlier,” Connor said. “He shut up the second you came in the room.”

“He’s probably devastated that you only post nature pictures on your Instagram.”

“Or not,” Connor teased. “He’s into that stuff too.”

“Oh my God,” Jared snorted. “There are two of them.”

“I think I like it better when you two aren’t on the same side,” Evan muttered.

It gave him a quick jolt of satisfaction to see the way their faces fell.

Connor gently tapped the glass. “Isn’t that your fish?”

Evan grabbed his notebook and nodded.

At long last, there it was.

Connor lowered his phone and rolled onto his side. “There’s a new game of Gotcha starting next week.”

Evan shook his head. “No, thank you.”

“You don’t want to defend your crown?”

Evan shook his head again. And then he propped himself up. “You mean our crown?”

“You did all the dirty work. I just had to jump into a lot of bathrooms.” 

“That’s a kind of dirty work, if you ask me.”

Connor tapped his phone against his chin. “Is George playing?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

“Jared signed up this time.”

“So did Kai.”

“I think Zoe did too. I hope she gets to kill Jared.”

“He’ll say he let her win if she does.”

“I didn’t let you win!” Connor chuckled to himself. “Maybe you should’ve let George win.”

Evan let his breath out in a huff. “I don’t think I could handle the stress this time.”

“You think everyone would be gunning for you from the start?”

Evan nodded. “And what would be the odds of my best friend drawing my name again?”

“I wouldn’t let you win this...” Connor’s mouth snapped shut when he caught himself.

Evan jabbed a finger in his direction. “Ha!”

Connor glanced at him quickly. “What are you going to do about George?”

Evan decided to play dumb. “What do you mean?”

“I mean-”

“Why do I have to do something about it? He might not even-”

“He does.”

“But he might not and I don’t know if I...”

“He’s cute.”

“He reminds me of a puppy.”

“Puppies are cute.”

Evan wrinkled his nose. “But would you want to date one?”

“Well, no. That would be wrong. Luckily, George isn’t actually a puppy though.”

Evan flopped onto his pillow and stared blankly at the ceiling. “How’d it work with Gabe?”

Connor didn’t say anything for a moment. His voice was raspy when he did. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, did you ask him out or...” Evan shrugged.

“We didn’t really... We just kind of hung out, you know.”

“I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking.” Evan turned onto his side. “You never told me what happened there.”

“It was casual.”

“Because you knew it was temporary?”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

There were other things Evan wanted to ask. He wanted to ask if being with Gabe had been better than being with Lauren. He wanted to make sure Gabe hadn’t been another Matt.

He felt like he knew the answers to both of those questions though.

He also knew it wasn’t something Connor wanted to discuss.

“It wouldn’t be casual with George.”

Connor snorted. “Because you think he’s your true love?” 

“Because I...” Evan looked at him like he’d lost his mind. “I don’t even know if I like him, let alone-”

“It was a joke.”

“Okay.”

“Because, you know, most people here aren’t exactly looking for that kind of a relationship.”

“Except Ryan and Layla.”

“And Mel and Aimee,” Connor nodded. “They’re the exceptions though.”

“I have two classes with George this semester and we’re working on that project together.”

“And that means you shouldn’t...”

“We’ll be competing with each other for internships and jobs and...”

Connor sat up and frowned at him. “Are things really that competitive for you?”

“They can be. They’re about to be.”

Connor didn’t say a word.

He didn’t have to. His silence said a lot.

“You don’t think I can handle it?”

Connor picked at his sweatshirt. “I didn’t say that.”

“You don’t think I can handle it,” Evan laughed. 

“Are you going to have to talk to people?”

“As opposed to what? We haven’t figured out how to telepathically communicate our ideas yet.”

“But you’re going to have to give speeches and stuff?”

“I’ll have to present my findings. That kind of goes with the territory.”

“And you’re okay with that?”

Evan chewed his lip. “I’m as okay with it as I can be.”

Connor tapped the side of his phone. “Did you know our school has a Quidditch club?”

Evan shook his head.

“They have a match every month. I just saw they’re playing next weekend.”

“You think I should ask George?”

“George?” Connor blinked.

“To go with me. You think I should ask George to go with me?”

Connor scratched his neck. “Does he like Harry Potter?”

“Doesn’t everyone?”

“Not necessarily.”

“Well, that would be a deal breaker right there.”

“Really?” Connor laughed. “That would be a deal breaker for you?”

Evan thought about it for a second. “Maybe. I don’t know. I guess I could ask him.”

“To the game or if he likes Harry Potter?”

“Both,” Evan shrugged. “I don’t know. This is weird.”

Connor cleared his throat. “I was thinking we could go.”

“To the game?”

“I mean, you can bring George too if you want.”

“No,” Evan shook his head. “Going with you would be better.”

“Because I’m not going to try to steal your job?”

“Because I know you’ll like it.”

Connor glanced at his phone. “There’s a dance-a-thon in Garrett Hall next Friday.”

“Okay, I’m definitely asking George to that.”

“Really?”

“No.”


	22. Junior Year - November

George really was a lot like Evan. Once he saw that, he couldn’t unsee it.

They both had a tendency to fidget and scratch and pull at their clothes. They were both just as likely to go mute as they were to spew word vomit all over the place. They both cared about the environment and liked trees and...

George was a Hufflepuff. He actually had a Hufflepuff keychain attached to his backpack. Evan couldn’t believe he’d never noticed it before.

Of course, it wasn’t like he’d paid a lot of attention to George before. George’s pen chewing habit was really the only thing he’d ever noticed about him.

Which was kind of embarrassing when Evan stopped and thought about it because it meant that George probably thought he’d spent a lot of time staring at his mouth.

Which was enough to make Evan’s stomach sink. If he’d thought that Zoe was staring at his mouth all the time when he was in high school, he would have...

He really didn’t like to think about that.

He really wasn’t sure what, if anything, he wanted to do about George’s crush.

And it was a crush. The more he watched, the more he recognized the signs. The more flattered he became.

George was cute and not just in a puppyish way.

There was a part of him that really wanted to wipe the ink stains off George’s face and not just because they were giving him secondhand embarrassment. 

George was nice and smart and clueless. On paper, he was a perfect match for Evan. Evan got that even before Jared pointed it out.

Evan still didn’t know what he wanted to do about it though.

He also knew he didn’t know what to do about it.

Mia had made the first move. She’d made all the moves. 

Evan felt like he could make a move if he really wanted to. It was just that he’d never been in a position where he did.

Part of him wanted to try something with George because why not? He was curious and George liked him and there were worse things he could do than start something with a cute Hufflepuff who had a crush on him.

But, deep down, he knew it wasn’t a question of why. It was a question of when and how and if.

He started with the keychain. He pointed at it as they were leaving the library one day. “You’re a Hufflepuff?”

George’s eyes widened and Evan knew that look. He couldn’t believe Evan was talking to him. He barely managed to nod.

Diana and Meg were in front of them. They paused and looked over their shoulders and...

They knew. 

Evan refused to meet Diana’s stare. “I’m a Hufflepuff-Ravenclaw-Slytherin hybrid.”

George poked at the keychain. “Not Gryffindor?”

“Definitely not.”

Evan couldn’t think of anything else to say. He shoved his hands in his pockets and puffed out his cheeks and finally looked Diana in the eye.

“I’m a Gryffinclaw,” Diana announced. She looked at Meg expectantly.

Meg shrugged. “We’re talking about Harry Potter?”

She rolled her eyes when everyone gawked at her. “I read the first book when I was nine. I wasn’t impressed.”

“You Muggle,” Diana breathed.

Evan smiled at that.

George did too. Evan had to admit it was kind of adorable.

Chris and Seth had finally moved on from _Doctor Who_.

Sort of. Moved on wasn’t right. Expanded their interests was better. They had finally started weaving other shows into their bingeathons. 

They still had viewing parties on a regular basis, but they weren’t as often and they usually didn’t last all night. Junior year really was kicking all of their asses.

Or maybe they were starting to grow up and feel the need to get enough sleep every night.

Probably not.

Evan was almost certain it was the workload and their impending futures. They were all feeling that.

They randomly decided to watch every episode of _Freaks and Geeks_ one weekend.

It quickly became a suite thing. All eight of them camped out in the living room and watched the show.

Just the eight of them.

It was fun and funny and kind of exhausting. They played round after round of “hey, that’s the guy from...” 

Cole won every time.

Around 3 AM, Evan was overwhelmed with thoughts about how this was it. He had a place. He had friends. He belonged.

The thoughts were gone when he woke up, but the feeling remained.

Evan put his phone down and blinked at the ceiling and picked it up again.

He stared at the text and sighed and closed his eyes like doing that would fill him with inspiration.

“George again?” Connor asked.

Evan rolled onto his side. “He wants to meet up tomorrow to study for our geology test.”

“To study...” Connor smirked as he made air quotes. “Or to study?”

He lowered his hands.

“To study,” Evan said sharply. He kept his hands at his sides. “It’s worth a third of our grade.”

“So, no studying then.” 

Again with the air quotes.

Evan shook his head.

“Will Diana be there?” 

Evan shrugged. “I can ask her.”

Connor looked at him like he’d lost his mind. “You need to step it up.”

"Step it up?"

"Make a move."

“What?" Evan blinked. "Why?”

“Because I bet Jared twenty bucks you’d make the first move and George is about to make me lose.”

Evan pressed back against his pillows. “I don’t know which part of that sentence I find the most disturbing.”

“I’m not losing to Jared.”

“Well, I’m not asking George out just to save you twenty bucks.”

“You don’t have to ask him out. You could do something else.”

“Like what?”

“Like kiss him or-”

“Kiss him? You want me to kiss him so you can get money from Jared?”

“Only if you want to, otherwise it’d be weird.” Connor sighed when their eyes met. “This whole thing is weird, isn’t it?”

“Little bit.”

“I shouldn’t have told you.”

“You shouldn’t have made a bet with Jared in the first place!”

“He tricked me into it.”

“He tricked you?”

Connor sighed heavily. “He was being such a little shit about beating Kai at Gotcha that I felt like taking him down a notch or two.”

“And this was the best way for you to do that?” Evan shrieked.

He laughed when he heard himself.

They both did.

Evan shook his head. “You should’ve reminded him that Zoe killed him.”

“I did.”

“It didn’t work?”

“I think it only made him love her more.”

His hand accidentally brushed against George’s while they were studying.

It was fast and electric and made his mouth go dry.

Neither of them said a word.

Because of course they didn’t.

They were the same after all.

Evan cleared his throat and flipped to the next page before asking George a question.

He didn’t think he imagined the shakiness in George’s voice when he replied.

Aimee always celebrated her birthday a month early because it was too close to Christmas for her liking. She liked to make a big deal out of it, so she wanted a day all for herself.

Mel decided to throw her a surprise party for her 21st.

Except, of course, it wasn’t really a surprise because Aimee subtly and not so subtly dictated everything that went into it.

She knew when and where it was happening and who was invited and what was being served.

The balloons were the surprise. She didn’t know what shade of purple Mel was buying. 

The party was at the house Aimee and Mel were renting with four of their friends. It was bigger than Evan had expected.

Probably because Mel had told everyone on the guest list they could bring whoever they wanted. 

Evan invited Diana and Diana invited George and that...

Evan wasn’t sure what he thought of that.

He stared at his shoes when Connor and Jared exchanged a look. “I didn’t invite him!”

He narrowed his eyes when they smirked at each other. “I didn’t! I didn’t ask him to come!”

That came out louder than he’d anticipated and he was ninety percent sure George had heard.

He tugged his sleeves over his hands and looked down again.

Jared clapped him on the arm. “I’m getting a drink.”

George and Diana were gone when he looked up.

He glanced at Connor and sighed. “What happens if it’s a draw?”

Connor squinted at him for a moment before he got that. “The bet?”

“What happens if neither of us...” Evan didn’t feel like finishing that thought.

“I don’t know. We keep our money, I guess.”

Evan nodded absentmindedly. He scanned the room. 

Ryan and Layla were cuddling on the porch. Cole was talking to a girl who actually looked like she was interested in what he was saying. Seth and Chris were loudly arguing about who the best Doctors and Companions were with a group of Aimee’s friends. Kai was chatting up a guy by the stairs.

Evan grinned when he saw that. He wondered if it was weird that he felt strangely proud of the fact that he’d helped Kai realize he was definitely open to the idea of being with a guy.

He didn’t say that out loud, even when Connor let out a huff that meant he’d spotted them too.

He rocked back on his heels and breathed in something that made him cough. “Is that...”

“Yeah,” Connor laughed.

“I’ve never been high.”

“Well, this should be fun then.”

“I’m going outside.”

“George is out there.”

Evan tilted his head to look out the window. He closed his eyes and took a breath and coughed up a lung. “I’m still going.”

“Okay,” Connor nodded.

Evan took a step forward and breathed and coughed and glanced over his shoulder.

Connor was gone.

He shook his head and stumbled out onto the porch.

Ryan lifted his head off Layla’s shoulder long enough to blink at him. “Everything okay?”

He cringed when the smell drifted outside. “Already?”

Layla jumped off the porch swing. “They better not do that in my room! I’ll kill them if it gets on my stuff.”

Ryan gave Evan a weak smile before following her in.

Evan squared his shoulders and took a breath and crossed the lawn to catch up with George and Diana.

His stomach twisted when he realized they were whispering to each other. It twisted even tighter when they stopped.

George stared at his shoes and Diana gave Evan a look that said everything and nothing at the same time.

Her mouth formed a thin line as she walked past him. “Be nice...”

He did a double take because he hadn’t expected that. He hadn’t expected someone he knew, who knew him, to think he needed to be reminded to be nice.

He scratched his neck and let out the most awkward chuckle in the history of awkward chuckles. “Hey, so, uh... I didn’t know you knew Aimee.”

“I don’t,” George muttered.

“Oh,” Evan nodded. “So, uh...”

“I’m going to go.”

“Go?”

“Go,” George snapped. He turned on his heel to leave.

Evan’s eyes darted around uncontrollably. “Wait!”

“Wait?”

Evan closed his eyes. He really had not thought this through at all. He didn’t know what to say or do or think.

So he didn’t.

Think, that was.

He acted without thinking.

He kissed George.

And George kissed him back.

It took him a second to kiss Evan back.

For one brief, horrifying moment, Evan thought he’d made a mistake. A huge mistake that would require him to switch groups and majors and maybe even schools.

He wondered if he could blame it on the weed, if he could say it had gone straight to his head and made him lose his senses.

And then George kissed him back.

It was awkward and clumsy and kind of perfect. 

They were both smiling when they pulled back.

“You want to get out of here?” George breathed.

Evan’s smile grew wider as he nodded.

The suite was quiet that night.

Ryan didn’t come home, but that wasn’t unusual. He only stayed there half the time anyway.

Kai didn’t come home, but that was to be expected after a party.

Cole didn’t come home. That threw Evan through a loop and scared Jared so much that he woke Evan up to ask if they should start calling hospitals.

Connor didn’t come home either.

Evan didn’t realize that until Jared woke him up.

He didn’t bring it to Jared’s attention because he couldn’t deal with Jared’s commentary on the subject.

And because he didn’t want to know. There was a part of him that didn’t want to know.

And he was sure Jared knew where Connor had gone. They'd both stayed at the party longer than he had after all.

Which was why he didn’t bring it up while Jared was in his room. He calmed Jared down and told him not to worry, even though there was a part of him that wondered if Cole was lying in a ditch somewhere.

He decided not to worry about that unless Cole wasn’t home by noon.

He decided not to worry about Connor either.

Because worrying about Connor made his stomach twist in a way that made his chest feel tight.

Connor was back when he woke up.

Evan rubbed his eyes and yawned when he saw that. “Morning.”

“Morning,” Connor parroted. He stretched his arms above his head and spun around in his chair. “I’m starving. You want to go eat?”

Evan nodded and rolled out of bed. “You want to change first?”

He chewed his lip when he saw that Connor had already changed. And showered, from the looks of it.

“Do you want to change?” Connor grinned.

Evan made a face and stumbled towards his closet. He threw a hoodie on over his t-shirt and pulled on a pair of jeans. 

He kept his eyes on his feet while he shoved them into his shoes. “So, you can tell Jared he owes you twenty bucks.”

His head popped up when Connor started to laugh.

“Well, in that case, we’re going somewhere other than the dining hall.”

Evan frowned at that. “I didn’t do it for you.”

“Do what?”

“I didn’t kiss George so you could win your bet.”

“You kissed him?”

Evan put a hand on his hip when he heard how surprised Connor sounded. “So, you don’t have to treat me. I didn’t do it so you could win.”

“You like him?”

“Yeah,” Evan shrugged. “I think I do.”

Connor was silent for a moment. “Oh. I didn’t think you actually...”

“I didn’t either,” Evan said quickly. “But he is nice and smart and cute.”

“Like a puppy.”

“Cuter than a puppy.”

“You think he’s cuter than a puppy?”

Evan’s head flopped from side to side. “They’re cute in different ways.”

“So, you’re what? Going out now?”

Evan shrugged. “I don’t know. We went for a walk and... We held hands.”

“You held hands?” Connor laughed. “That was your night?”

“As opposed to your...” Evan gestured at him. “Where were you?”

“Out.”

“Very specific.”

“Mel introduced me to this guy in her photography class.”

“And you what? Modeled for him?”

“Is that what they’re calling it these days?”

Evan rolled his eyes. “Okay, well... Are you going out with him now?”

“No,” Connor snorted. “It wasn’t that kind of thing.”

“It wasn’t?”

Connor shook his head slowly. “It was just...”

“An experiment?”

“You could say that.”

“So, you’re doing the casual thing now?”

Connor didn’t say anything for a minute.

“I’m not sure,” he finally admitted.

“What was his name?”

“John or Ron or...” Connor laughed when he saw Evan’s face. “Something like that.”

“Were you safe at least?”

“Was I...” Connor laughed even harder.

“I don’t know!” Evan yelped. “I don’t know what to ask when my best friend has his first one-night stand.”

He cleared his throat when it went dry. “It was your first one, wasn’t it?”

Connor nodded. “And possibly my last. I don’t think that’s for me.”

“Another failed experiment?”

Connor nodded again. “I mean, it was fun and I liked what he did with his-”

Evan didn’t realize he’d covered his ears until Connor shook his head at him.

“Breakfast?”

Evan lowered his hands. “Yes, please.”


	23. Junior Year - December

“Oh my God...” Evan’s mouth dropped open as he stared at the screen. “She’s alive?”

“Who?” Jared gasped. “What the hell just happened?”

Evan chewed his lip to keep from laughing.

Apparently, Jared had finally decided to stop pretending he wasn’t watching the show.

And loving it.

Jared was definitely loving it, even though he obviously had no idea what he had seen.

Evan remembered those days. They were fun. Almost as much as fun as actually understanding the soap’s twists and turns.

“The alien on the left,” Evan said. 

“Yeah,” Jared nodded.

“She used to be Charlton’s maid. He killed her years ago.”

Jared blinked at the screen. “But she’s alive.”

“And an alien. I wonder if she was an alien the whole time.”

“Can someone become an alien?” Jared wondered. “Isn’t that something you have to be from birth?”

“You would know,” Evan grinned.

Jared pulled back to study him. “Are you implying there’s something alien about me?”

“I wasn’t implying anything. I was saying it outright.”

Jared flipped him off and pushed back against the couch. “Okay, It’s official. You have officially been spending too much time with Connor.”

He kicked Connor’s ankle for good measure.

Evan raised his eyebrows when Connor didn’t move. 

Jared’s face lit up like he couldn’t believe his luck. Evan elbowed him before he could try again.

Jared leaned over to look at Connor’s phone. “What’s happening on there that’s more interesting than zombie alien maids?”

“She’s not a zombie,” Evan corrected. “There’s nothing zombie-ish about her.”

Connor lowered his phone and blinked at Evan’s laptop. “His name’s Conor.”

“Your name’s Connor,” Jared reminded him. He glanced at Evan and grinned.

“The guy from the other night. His name’s Conor.”

“The other...” Evan’s mouth dropped open. “You said you thought his name was John or Ron or something like that.”

Connor nodded dazedly. “It’s in the same sound family, isn’t it?”

Evan hugged himself as the laughter spilled out of him. “Seriously? How drunk were you that you forgot the guy you hooked up with has the same name?”

“He spells it with one N!” Connor hissed.

“Well, that’s okay then...”

Jared’s brow furrowed as he looked between them. “Am I hearing this right?”

“The guy he went home with is named Conor!”

“With one N,” Jared cackled. “Okay, to keep this from getting too confusing, I say we call them One and Two. Our Connor’s Two, obviously, because he has two N’s and he’s poop.”

Evan’s smile faltered when he saw the way Connor was blinking at his phone. “Did he text you or something?”

Connor closed his eyes. “He wants to take me out to dinner.”

“And that’s a bad thing?”

“It was supposed to be a...” Connor’s mouth snapped shut when he saw that Jared was practically salivating.

“He must’ve liked you,” Evan shrugged. “Maybe you should-”

“He said his friends are hassling him because he always does this. He always...” Connor shrugged. “He wants to go out with me to get them off his back, to prove that not everything he does is meaningless.”

“Well...” Evan considered that for a moment. “You must like him, right?”

“I like his tongue,” Connor conceded.

Evan wrinkled his nose. “I mean, you wouldn’t have given him your number if you didn’t-”

“I didn’t give him my number. He must’ve gotten it from Mel.”

“Are you sure?”

“Am I sure I didn’t give him my number?”

Evan nodded. “I mean, you forgot that you have the same-”

“The same fucking name,” Jared laughed. “Oh my God. This is even better than the zombie alien maid.”

Connor rolled his eyes and scowled at his phone. “He said he got it from Mel.”

“You asked him?” Evan breathed.

“Yeah.”

“You don’t think that... How did you ask him?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I’d think someone was mad at me if they demanded to know how I got their number.”

Connor was silent for a moment. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Because you don’t...” Evan folded his arms across his chest and slumped down in his seat.

“I think you should go out with him,” Jared announced. “I mean, that’s the dream, isn’t it?”

Evan tilted his head at him. “The dream?”

“To be able to shout your own name when you’re...”

Jared let out a series of groans that Evan really wished he’d never heard.

“What kind of fucked up fantasies do you have?” Connor snapped.

“You don’t want to know,” Jared smirked. “Most of them are about your sister.”

Evan couldn’t blame Connor at all when he smacked Jared upside the head.

“Ow!” Diana yelped. Her knee hit the edge of the table as she scooted backwards. “Okay, this isn’t working.”

Evan glanced around quickly before lowering his eyes to avoid all the glares that were being aimed at them. “What isn’t working?”

“This...” Diana gestured at Evan and George. “Whoever’s attempting to play footsie keeps kicking me instead.”

Evan chuckled when George’s ears went red.

Meg shook her head at the two of them. “Really? Our final’s in two hours.”

Diana shook her head too. “You want to go somewhere else?”

“Please,” Meg sniffed.

Evan closed his eyes until they were gone. “We really need to focus.”

“You want to go back to my room?” The rest of George’s face went red when he saw Evan’s expression. “I mean...”

“I know what you mean,” Evan teased.

And then his face went red too.

He really couldn’t pull that tone off at all.

“I mean, my roommate’s at work and...” George buried his head in his arms for a moment before snapping back up. “I’m just saying it would be a quiet place for us to finish going over our notes.”

Evan breathed in shakily. 

They really needed to finish going over their notes because he really needed to ace his marine biology exam. His scholarship depended on it.

He chewed his lip and nodded. “Okay, but only if we actually study.”

George’s face went even redder. “That’s all I’m...”

He scratched the back of his neck. “I mean, maybe afterwards we could... I don’t know. Tom won’t be back until eight.”

Evan swallowed dryly. He put a hand to his neck as he cleared his throat. “Oh, uh...”

“I mean, only if you want to or...” George shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Okay, uh... maybe.”

“Okay...” George nodded frantically. “Maybe.”

Evan blinked at the ceiling while he waited for his heartrate to return to normal. 

He didn’t know what to say.

He didn’t know what to do.

At least his clothes were still on. 

Rumpled and disheveled, but still on.

This would have been so much more uncomfortable if they’d been naked.

He laughed because part of him felt like after all that they should be naked. 

He stopped laughing when he saw the look on George’s face.

George was panicking. He thought Evan was laughing at him.

Evan squeezed his eyes shut.

He really had no idea what to say. Or do. Or think.

Or feel.

He didn’t even know what he was feeling.

He only knew that he wanted to get out of there.

He didn’t say that out loud. He knew better than to do that. He knew it would pretty much kill George if he did.

Because he understood George. He understood how his mind worked.

It was a good thing and it was bad.

It was annoying.

Being with George could be really annoying sometimes. It was like...

It was like being with himself sometimes. And not in a good way. Not in a ‘I like you so much you don’t count as a person’ way. 

Not like...

It didn’t exhaust him to be around his mom.

It didn’t exhaust him to be around Connor.

Being around George could be exhausting though. 

And not in a good way.

It was like George always expected something from him. Like he expected everything. Like he expected Evan to take the lead and instinctively know what he did and did not like and feel and want.

Evan squeezed his eyes shut again.

He checked the time. “It’s almost eight.”

George nodded numbly.

“I should probably...”

George nodded again. He rolled onto his side so that he was facing the wall.

Evan took that as his cue to leave.

The problem was that he actually liked George. Part of him thought it would be easier if he didn’t. Part of him thought it would be better if he didn’t feel any kind of connection to George. 

Part of him thought they should’ve been friends, that they could’ve been really good friends if the circumstances had been different.

Part of him thought Connor had the right idea. It was better to keep things casual.

Except that wasn’t really working out for Connor, was it?

Evan started chuckling when he thought about that. He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling and thought about how Connor’s one-night stand had backfired on him.

He knew Connor saw it that way anyway. That he couldn’t believe he’d failed to do that right.

He couldn’t stop laughing once he started. It was like everything he was feeling bubbled out of him in the form of laughter.

All his uncertainties, regrets, confusion...

And those were just the negative ones. 

He was relieved that the thing with George had gone reasonably well. It hadn’t been as awkward as he’d expected.

And he was bi. He was definitely, definitely bi. No doubt about that.

He laughed even harder when he heard Connor roll over to face him.

“What’re you laughing at?”

Evan could only shake his head.

Diana’s farewell party didn’t stay a farewell party for long. It quickly changed and expanded to celebrate other guests as well. Luckily, Diana didn’t seem to mind sharing the spotlight.

It turned into a bon voyage party for Wyatt when he announced that he was going to be spending the spring semester in Paris. Evan’s eyes automatically flickered from Zoe, who was smiling sadly, to Jared, who looked overjoyed, when he heard that.

It turned into a rowdy celebration for the track team when Kai and his friends showed up and shouted that they’d broken a record of some kind. 

It turned into an engagement party for Cole and Cara when they said they were getting married in May. Cole beamed as he told his roommates that he wanted all of them to be his groomsmen.

Evan turned on Jared the second Cole was out of sight. “Did you know about that?”

Jared shook his head dazedly. “I didn’t even know he was seeing someone. Who the hell is this Cara girl and where did she come from?”

“She’s the girl from Aimee’s party, isn’t she?”

“Maybe.” Jared squinted at Cara like he’d never seen her before in his life. Which was fair. Evan didn’t really recognize her either. “I don’t know.”

“So, he’s only known her for...” Evan tried and failed to do the math. The combination of body heat and booze was making him dizzy.

Jared snorted as he watched Cole talk to Ryan and Layla. “I guess that explains why he played ‘All I Want for Christmas Is You’ for two hours straight the other day.”

They shuddered at the memory.

And lastly, it turned into a celebration for Evan when Diana let it slip that her stepmother had decided to officially add him to her research team.

Evan’s eyes widened when he heard that. 

Diana clapped him on the arm and offered her congratulations.

So did Meg, even if it was clear she did so grudgingly.

George didn’t say a word for an entire minute. 

For at least an entire minute.

He could barely look Evan in the eye when he finally did.

Evan lowered his eyes too. He took a sip of his drink and tried not to let that bother him.

He knew though. He knew the thing with George, whatever it was, was over.

Except it wasn’t really over. Not officially.

They’d already made plans to go out with Connor and Conor the next night.

Evan would have cancelled them if Connor hadn’t reminded him about it a dozen times that day.

He knew Connor didn’t want to be alone with Conor. He also knew that Conor was relentless in his quest to prove that he was capable of something other than one-night stands.

And that was how the four of them ended up at a bistro Conor’s friend swore was the best in town.

“Eli loves this place,” Conor said as they studied their menus. “He made me promise to order the shrimp gumbo, but I don’t know. It all looks good.”

“I’m allergic to shrimp,” George muttered.

Evan squeezed his eyes shut.

Of course, he was.

Of course, George was allergic to shrimp.

Because...

Evan felt like smacking his head. What was wrong with him? Was he seriously annoyed because George had a food allergy?

He smiled tightly when he caught Connor studying him. 

And then he excused himself and went to the bathroom.

He jumped when he realized Connor had followed him in.

Connor rubbed his hands together and glanced at him expectantly. “Okay. What’s the plan?”

“Plan?” Evan blinked.

“Are we slipping out the back or pretending there’s an emergency or...”

“You want to leave?”

Connor did a double take. “You don’t?”

“I do, but...”

“But what? Let’s go.”

“We can’t just ditch them!”

“Why not?” Connor shrugged.

“Because...” Evan exhaled heavily. “George and I are...”

“Are what?”

“He’s... you know.”

“He’s your boyfriend?”

“He is not my boyfriend.” 

Evan snorted when he heard how sharp his tone had gotten.

“Okay, so...”

“So.” Evan cringed when he realized he was leaning against the wall because it was a bathroom wall and was therefore disgusting. “George and I are both Environmental Science majors.”

“Is there some kind of scientific code of honor that says you can’t-”

“We...” Evan stared at his feet. “The other night, we...”

“Oh.”

“I mean, we didn’t...”

“Okay.”

Connor nodded like he got what Evan was saying. Or like he didn’t want to hear any more.

Evan wasn’t sure which.

He sucked in a breath. “He’s mad that Dr. Whitney picked me for her team.”

“But wasn’t that a given? That she’d pick you, I mean.”

“It wasn’t a given, but she usually adds her summer interns when they’re second semester juniors.”

“And you said she only adds one person at a time?”

Evan nodded.

“So, what’s the problem then?”

“George didn’t get offered an internship last summer and no one picked him for their team this year and-”

“That’s his problem, not yours.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s just...”

“Conor said he wants me to meet his dad.”

Evan burst out laughing. “Okay, how weird is that?”

“That he wants me to meet his dad?”

“The Connor and Conor thing. I’m starting to think Jared had the right idea.”

“You want to start calling me Two?”

“Or... I don’t know. How about The Original Recipe?”

Connor rolled his eyes. “He wants me to meet his dad. What the fuck am I supposed to make of that?”

“He really likes you?”

“He barely knows me.”

“I don’t know. Maybe he-”

“We fucked once and met for coffee a few days later and now...” Connor gestured at the door. “That’s it.”

“Did he give you a reason?”

“For what?”

“For why he wants you to meet his dad? Is his dad, like, a poet or something?”

“You mean a librarian?”

“His dad’s a librarian?”

Connor shook his head. “No. I don’t know. I just mean it would make more sense if he were a librarian.”

“Right, because you’re studying to-”

“Yeah.”

“Maybe he is then,” Evan shrugged.

“I must be really good in bed.”

Evan laughed into his hand. “If you say so...”

“I mean, really good.”

“Sure, uh huh...” Evan nodded slowly. He eyed the door. “We need to do something.”

“There’s a door to the alley at the end of the hall.”

“I thought we decided that wasn’t an option.”

“You decided it wasn’t an option. I’m still considering it.”

“You’re going to leave me here with both of our dates?”

Connor made a face. “So, what kind of emergency are we faking? We could say something happened to Zoe or Jared, even. We could... what?”

Evan shook his head. “I can’t do that to George.”

“You looked like you wanted to tear his head off back there.”

“I did?” Evan gasped.

“Correction, you looked like you wanted to feed him a bowl of shrimp gumbo.”

“I...” Evan closed his eyes. “Was it that obvious?”

“To me, yeah. I don’t know about the others.”

“I... I don’t want to hurt him. It’s just...”

“I thought you liked him.”

“I did.” Evan winced when he heard himself. “I do. I just...”

“You’re not feeling it?”

“I... It’s exhausting being around him. He freaks out about everything and he doesn’t talk. If something’s upsetting him, he just sits there and sulks. Like this whole thing with Dr. Whitney. He hasn’t said a word about it. I can just tell.” 

“Okay,” Connor said slowly. “I can see how-”

“And he’s just like me. Isn’t that what you said? You and Jared? I keep looking at him and thinking, ‘Oh my God, am I that annoying?’ You deserve a medal if I am.” Evan swallowed sharply. “Forget the medal. Sainthood. You deserve to become a freaking saint.”

“You’re not annoying.”

“I'm not?”

“You’re really not. Do you think I’d be best friends with someone I found annoying?”

“Oh. Well... Okay. Good.”

“You two clearly aren’t compatible though.”

“Well, yeah,” Evan huffed. “Not like that. The sad thing is that I think we could’ve been friends. It’s like, okay, take Cole for example. There are a lot of things about him that I find annoying, but we’re friends. I actually consider him a friend.”

“Me too,” Connor nodded.

“But would I want to date him?”

“It’s different.”

“Really different,” Evan agreed. “And I just... I don’t know. He doesn’t talk and I don’t ask. I hate asking him questions all the time because he just sits there and stares at me and-”

They both jumped when the door to the bathroom flew open.

A middle-aged man in a suit cleared his throat as he walked past them.

They took that as their cue to go.

Evan closed his eyes and took a breath before they went back into the café. “Okay, so what’s the plan then? We tell them Zoe fell down a well?”

Connor snorted. “That’s won’t be necessary.”

Evan tilted his head as he followed Connor’s gaze.

Their table was empty. George and Conor were nowhere to be seen.

A startled laugh escaped from his mouth. “Do you think it was something we said?”

The first few days at home always felt weird to Evan. It was weird to be back in his old room. It was weird to share a bathroom with his mother. It was weird to have a kitchen and a dining room and a couch that didn’t smell like feet.

He’d been expecting it to be weirder this time because of Geoff. He’d hardly spent any time at home since Geoff had moved in, so he wasn’t sure what to expect.

He hadn’t expected to come home and find his mother and Maggie sitting in the kitchen with a bottle of wine.

It wasn’t that that was an unusual thing for him to walk in on. Maggie had been best friends with his mother since they were in high school. She was basically the closest thing Evan had to an aunt/godmother. 

She was fun and funny and always spoke her mind. And she definitely saw herself as his Vodka Aunt.

“Screw him. Screw all of them. Screw every man on this planet.” Maggie waved her glass and grinned when she spotted Evan. “Except Evan, of course. He turned out all right.”

Evan blinked as his mother stumbled away from the table and wrapped her arms around him.

“Hi, sweetie. Welcome home.”

He awkwardly returned the hug. It was hard to hug her when she was basically using him to keep herself upright. “Thanks, uh, I’m going to go throw some laundry in and-”

“We ordered dinner from Louie’s. I’m going to go pick it up in a minute.”

“I’ll get it,” Evan said quickly. There was no way he was letting either of them get behind the wheel.

Maggie beamed at him and lifted her glass. “See. He’s a good one.”

“I ordered you a chicken quesadilla,” Heidi said.

Evan nodded gratefully. He tugged at his hair and chewed his lip and debated whether he should address the elephant in the room. He sighed when he decided it really was necessary for him to ask. “Is it just going to be the three of us?”

Maggie let out a barking laugh and poured herself another glass.

“Geoff moved out last night,” Heidi whispered.

“He moved out?”

Heidi breathed in shakily. “He said he’ll be back for his things.”

Evan’s stomach sank when he heard that. He reached out to touch his mother’s arm. “Mom...”

“It’s okay,” Heidi said brightly. “These things happen.”

“What happened?”

“We got in a fight and he left.”

“That’s it?”

“You expected more?”

Evan took a breath. “Are you going to... Is it something you can-”

“If he wanted to work it out, he would’ve stayed. He didn’t, so obviously he doesn’t think what we have is worth saving.”

“Mom-”

Heidi staggered towards the table and felt around for her keys. “Our food should be ready now.”

Evan’s hands flew up in surrender. “I’m going.”

Louie’s was packed when he got there. 

That wasn’t a surprise because it was a Friday night and the diner was one of the most popular spots in town. 

Evan made his way to the counter and waited for someone to bring him their food.

He jumped when he heard someone laughing behind him. He didn’t think he was imagining the fact that they were laughing at him.

Tracy Jacobs was standing there grinning at him when he turned around. “Hi, Evan-not-Ethan.”

Evan blinked before returning the smile. “Hi. Sorry. Am I in your way?”

Tracy shook her head. “I’m just waiting for my girlfriend. She’s covering for her sister tonight.”

“Oh,” Evan nodded. He blinked again when Alana came strolling out of the back.

“You ready?” Alana called as she hung up her apron. She smiled when she spotted Evan. “Evan...”

“Alana?” Evan said uncertainly.

Alana sighed and patted his arm. “I’m so sorry about last spring.”

“Last spring? What?”

“Tracy told me what you and Connor were doing when you invited us here. I hope you weren’t disappointed.”

“Oh...” Evan bit his lip to keep from laughing. “Yeah, no. It’s fine. I, um...”

“I thought Connor knew I was gay.”

“He did. Does.”

Alana tilted her head at him. “He does?”

“Yeah, it was just...”

“He wanted a girl he knew was gay to go out with his best friend?”

Evan closed his eyes when the girls exchanged an amused look. “It was just a thing. A dare, basically. Or not a dare. It was just...”

Evan shrugged. “I wasn’t disappointed.”

“Okay,” Alana nodded. “Good.”

“Yeah,” Evan breathed. “Good.”

His heart sped up when he spotted Geoff sitting in the back of the diner. 

He was sitting alone and very clearly drowning his sorrows in a sundae that was meant for two.

Evan squeezed his eyes shut and made a choice. “I have to go.”

“Oh,” Alana blinked.

Evan clapped his hands excitedly to show there were no hard feelings. “Yay lesbians!”

He felt like kicking himself as he walked away from them.

Yay lesbians? Had he seriously just said yay lesbians? What was wrong with him?

He kept his head down as he slid into the booth across from Geoff. “Hi.”

Geoff startled so violently he knocked the ketchup bottle over. “Evan. Hi. Hello.”

He looked around anxiously. “Is your mother...”

Evan shook his head. “She’s not here.”

He didn’t know what to say next.

Neither of them did. That was obvious.

Evan pointed at the bowl in front of Geoff. “Your ice cream’s melting.”

“I like it better that way.”

“Me too.,” Evan muttered.

Geoff smiled and handed him a spoon.

Evan took a bite and leaned back against the cushion. “So, uh...”

“How is she?” Geoff whispered.

“Not good.”

Geoff’s head popped up at that. “Not good?”

“She’s sad. She’s drinking with Maggie. They only get that drunk when something really bad has happened.” Evan wrinkled his nose. “Or if we’re having a Marvel night and they decide to play a drinking game.”

“Oh...”

“You can send me a list,” Evan suggested.

“A list?”

“Of your things. I can box them up and put them on the porch when you’re ready. That way you don’t have to... you know.”

“She doesn’t want to see me?”

Evan blinked at that. “She-”

Geoff’s head fell into his hands. “I can’t believe I messed this up.”

He looked so defeated that Evan’s stomach felt like it was in knots.

“You can still fix it,” Evan whispered.

Geoff lifted his head a fraction of an inch. “How?”

Evan shrugged. “I don’t know. Talk to her. Talk it out. Whatever it is just...”

Evan bit his lip. “If you think it’s worth fighting for, then fight.”

He shook his head. “For it. Not with her. Fight for your relationship. Don’t fight with my mom.”

Geoff smiled slightly. “You’re a good son.”

Evan simply shrugged.

“No, you are. I know you... I know this hasn’t been easy for you. I really do love your mother though.”

Evan closed his eyes for a moment. “I know. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”

Geoff decided to stay at his brother’s house until Evan returned to school.

Evan wasn’t sure if that was for his sake or his mother’s. He appreciated it nonetheless.

He didn’t tell his mother that he ran into Geoff while he was picking up their food.

Geoff must have though because she kissed him on the forehead one night and said thank you.

She was gone before Evan could respond.

Connor’s parents decided to go away for New Year’s. Just the two of them. Connor said it was yet another attempt for them to save their marriage. He said he expected them to be disgustingly affectionate for a few days when they returned before they started icing each other out again.

He sounded cheerful when he said it though. Probably because the timing of their trip meant that they wouldn’t be hosting their annual New Year’s Eve party that year.

Evan went to their house anyway. So did Jared. Evan was surprised when he ran into him on the street.

“Zoe invited me,” Jared said breathlessly.

“Okay,” Evan nodded.

“She invited me,” Jared smirked. “And her boyfriend’s gone. What do you think that means?”

Evan didn’t bother answering. Jared really didn’t need any help in the confidence department.

The house was quiet when they stepped inside. Evan glanced around uncertainly. “Where is everyone?”

“Everyone?” Zoe frowned. “What do you mean?”

“He was expecting a rager,” Jared said. “I, on the other hand, knew this was something more intimate.”

Zoe rolled her eyes. “Connor’s downstairs. We thought we’d watch a movie and make popcorn.”

“Very intimate,” Evan grinned.

Zoe returned his grin. “Very.”

Jared stuck his tongue out at Evan the second Zoe’s back was turned.

They watched two movies before Jared decided to challenge Connor to Call of Duty.

It was even more disastrous than Evan had expected.

Jared sulked and pouted and swore that Connor was cheating somehow.

Evan did his best to ignore them. He kept his eyes on his phone while he scrolled through all the holiday pictures people had posted.

He looked at the ones of Diana with her father. She was obviously ecstatic about being back in London.

He looked at the ones of Cole and Cara in their matching Christmas sweaters.

He looked at the ones of Ryan and Layla under the mistletoe, of Mel and Aimee with their new kitten, of Seth with his new pots and pans.

There weren’t any pictures of George, but that wasn’t a surprise. George was basically a ghost online. And there was a part of Evan that thought George may have blocked him.

Evan thought about sending him a quick ‘happy new year’ text, but he couldn’t make himself hit send. He erased the words and put down his phone and shook his head as Jared jumped to his feet.

“What kind of voodoo is this?” Jared cried. “How can you be this good at that game?”

“Years of practice,” Connor shrugged.

“I’ve had years of practice! This is some otherworldly...” Jared put a hand on his hip when his eyes landed on Zoe. “Is he really this good or is he cheating somehow?”

Zoe absentmindedly flipped a page in her magazine. “I don’t know. He’s good at those games.”

“Have you ever played against him?”

Zoe flipped another page. “A long time ago.”

“She beat me the last time we played,” Connor said.

Jared knelt down next to Zoe. “You beat him?”

Zoe shrugged slightly. She kept her eyes glued to the article she’d landed on.

“You have to play then,” Jared decided. “He has to lose. I don’t care who does it. Someone has to defeat him so the balance can be restored.”

“I’m not playing,” Zoe snapped. She shook her shoulders and tightened her hold on the magazine.

“But-”

“I’m not! I’m not in the mood to play!” Zoe closed her eyes and shook the popcorn bowl. “We need more popcorn.”

Connor smiled when their eyes met. “I’ll go easy on you, if that’s what’s-”

“You don’t remember, do you?” Zoe whispered.

“Remember what?”

“The last time we played...” Zoe shook her head and stood up. “I’m going to make some more popcorn.”

“You won,” Connor said. “The last time we played, you won.”

“And you threw your controller at my head.” Zoe’s mouth snapped shut like she hadn’t meant to say that out loud. She grabbed the bowl off the floor and ran up the stairs.

Connor jumped up too. 

Evan kept his eyes closed until he heard the laundry room door click shut.

Jared stared at him in shock. “Okay, uh... What was that?”

Evan shrugged because he wasn’t exactly sure. And he didn’t think it was his place to explain the things he did know.

Jared nodded at the stairs. “Go.”

“What?”

“Go talk to her.”

“You want me to-”

Jared nodded. “I’ll screw it up. I’m just going to... I’ll go sit in the living room or I don’t know. Something.”

The laundry room door creaked open before they could get up. Connor kept his head down as he breezed past him. He took the stairs two at a time and then...

Evan jumped when the basement door slammed shut.

Jared did too. He looked at Evan in alarm. “He didn’t lock us in, did he?”

Evan simply shrugged.

They waited fifteen minutes before going upstairs.

It was almost midnight, so that was their excuse. If anyone asked, they’d come up because they wanted to watch the ball drop.

Connor and Zoe were already in the living room with the tv on. They were both staring blankly at it.

Zoe glanced up when they came in. “There you are.”

Evan exchanged a look with Jared before plopping down on the couch. “Has the countdown started?”

Zoe shook her head. “Not yet.”

Evan cleared his throat and tried to catch Connor’s eye. 

He was not successful.

The countdown started.

The ball dropped. 

None of them said a word.

Zoe yawned as she reached for the remote. “I think I’m going to call it a night.”

She glanced over her shoulder at Jared. “You coming?”

It was to Jared’s credit that he only looked cautiously optimistic as he followed her out.

Evan stared at his hands as his fingers tapped together in front of him. He didn’t know what to say.

He felt like he should say something. He knew Connor was awake too. The silence was deafening. 

“It didn’t hit her.”

Evan rolled onto his side. He cleared his throat to get rid of the dryness. “The controller?”

Connor rolled over so that he was practically hanging off his bed. “I was really high when I threw it. It didn’t even come close to hitting her head.”

“Do you remember throwing it?”

Connor nodded. “I thought it was... I thought it was one of those things though. One of those funny things. I thought she thought it was funny that my aim was so bad that...”

“You couldn’t hit her head?”

Connor nodded again. “And that she was able to destroy me when we played the game.”

“She isn’t good at it usually?”

“Oh, no, she is. I’m better though.”

“Right.”

Connor chewed his lip. “I was a jerk to her for most of our lives.”

“I know,” Evan whispered. “You’ve said.”

“Sometimes I don’t even know why she still talks to me. I know I wouldn’t.”

“You’re her brother.”

“I guess,” Connor shrugged. He tapped his fingers together. “She was the one who really tried to make me snap out of it.”

“Out of what?”

“Senior year, when I... When things were bad, Zoe was the one who got through to me.” Connor glanced at him quickly. “Because of you.”

“Me?”

“She saw me push you and something in her snapped. She decided I really needed help if I could-”

“Push me?”

Connor grinned. “Because, you know, she thought you were this poor, helpless-”

Evan rolled his eyes. “Gee, thanks.”

“I thought things were okay with us. That we were getting along. This always seems to happen though.”

“You were a jerk to her for most of your lives,” Evan reminded him.

“Yeah,” Connor muttered. He tilted his head back to stare at the ceiling. “So, any word from George?”

Evan couldn’t help feeling a bit of whiplash from the sudden shift in subjects. He didn’t fight it though. He knew better than to fight it.

“Nothing,” Evan sighed. “I’m not sure if I’m happy or sad.”

“Or relieved? You’re secretly relieved, aren’t you?”

“Secretly?” Evan snorted. “Little bit.”

“Conor texted me the other day.”

“What did he say?”

“He wanted to know if I have George’s number.”

Evan bolted up at that. “George? My George?”

“Your George?” Connor laughed. 

“You know what I mean...”

“Are you going to get mad at me for sending it to him?”

“I mean, I’m not going to throw my shoe at you or anything, but...” Evan blinked at his hands. “Conor and George? That’s so weird.”

“We really should start a service.”

“A service?”

“We should start charging people to go out with us because they end up being so repulsed they fall for someone else right away.”

Evan shook his head. “Weird, weird, weird.”

“Weirder than the fact that I slept with a guy named Conor?”

“This whole thing was weird.”

“Makes a good story though.”

Evan thought about that for a second before nodding. “It really does.”


	24. Junior Year - January

The air mattress wheezed when Evan rolled over again. His eyes flew open as he waited for it to deflate. 

For a second, he thought it really was deflating. He was sure that he felt himself being pulled onto the ground. Then he realized it was just his body pushing it down because apparently he was determined to make this a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

He sighed and sat up.

He didn’t know what time it was.

Late. He knew it was late. Well past midnight.

Connor was asleep. Sound asleep, judging from the sounds he was making.

He wondered if it was weird that he’d mentally categorized all of the sounds Connor made in bed.

He snorted when he asked himself that. And then he felt the need to clarify that he was talking about the sounds Connor made while he was asleep. Or trying to sleep. Or pretending to sleep. 

Evan knew the difference. 

Which was why he was certain that Connor was in a really sound sleep.

He envied him.

And he didn’t know what to do with himself.

He was having one of those nights where his mind wouldn’t stop churning out stupid, meaningless thoughts long enough to let him rest.

He decided to go for a walk.

He was suddenly very glad that Connor’s parents were away. He wouldn’t have dared to venture out into the house if they’d been there. Knowing his luck, he would’ve ended up being interrogated by one of them while he was at his sleepiest.

He would’ve wound up telling them about the time Connor wore the same outfit four days in a row to make up for the fact that his mother had bought a new wardrobe. He’d done it to prove that clothes were meant to be reworn and that no one actually gave a crap about what anyone else was wearing. He would’ve kept wearing it if Evan hadn’t begged him to change. Because of the smell. Evan could still smell the smell and it had been over a year. 

And there was more. He would’ve told them about the time Connor consumed so much caffeine he stayed up for two days. Or the week he only ate ice cream for dinner. Or the time he...

It would’ve been bad. 

Evan shook his head as he crept down the stairs.

He froze when he reached the bottom.

The tv was on in the living room.

He wasn’t the only one up.

For one, brief terrifying moment, he thought Connor’s parents had come home early and he had to swallow the urge to tell them about the time Connor painted Cole’s nails black while he was sleeping. 

And then he saw it was just Zoe.

She was curled up on the couch, eating a tub of cookie dough and watching _Gilmore Girls_. She jumped when she spotted him in the doorway and then she patted the spot next to her.

Evan shook his head when she offered him a piece. “You know you’re not supposed to eat that stuff raw, don’t you?” 

“It’s the edible kind,” Zoe told him. “It’s supposed to be eaten raw. It’s a rich people thing.”

“Oh,” Evan muttered.

“My mom gets it from this tiny organic store on Darby.”

“The place with the overpriced-”

“Everything?” Zoe finished. “That’s the one.”

Evan took a piece when she held the tub out again.

“You can’t sleep either?” Zoe sighed. She popped a piece in her mouth and blinked at the screen.

Evan nodded. 

“Is Connor-”

“He’s asleep.”

“So’s Jared.” Zoe yawned and stretched her legs out on the coffee table. She smiled as she wiggled her feet. “Don’t tell my mom I did that. She has a thing about feet on the furniture.”

Evan snatched another piece and stared blankly at the show. He glanced at Zoe when he sensed her watching him.

She was chewing her lip in a way that made his stomach sink.

“Is Connor...”

Evan stared at his hands when she didn’t go on. “He’s okay.”

Zoe nodded swiftly. “Good. That’s good.”

She tapped her fingers along the side of the tub. “I didn’t mean to... Before, I didn’t mean to say he... you know.”

“It’s okay that you’re upset.”

“It was years ago though.”

“He knows he was a jerk to you.”

Zoe scoffed at that. “Is that what he said? That he was a jerk to me?”

Evan nodded uncertainly.

“It was...” She shrugged.

“Worse than that?” Evan guessed.

“Sometimes,” Zoe shrugged. “I was scared of him sometimes.”

“Me too,” Evan admitted.

Zoe bit her lip and pointed at the tv. “I really like this show.”

“Me too,” Evan smiled. “You know who got me into it?”

“Your mom?”

“Jared.”

Zoe whipped around to look him in the eye. “Jared?”

“Yeah,” Evan laughed.

“Ironically or...”

“Oh, no, he likes it. Jared Kleinman is a closet _Gilmore Girls_ fan.”

“Oh, I am so bringing that up tomorrow.”

“He also likes musicals. Do with that what you will.”

Zoe nodded slightly. “I know he likes _Hamilton_.”

“And _Wicked_ ,” Evan grinned. “He knows the words to every song from _Wicked_. And a lot of the old school ones too actually. He was obsessed with _Fiddler on the Roof_ when we were kids.”

Zoe smiled at the tv.

It was a soft smile. Affectionate, even.

Evan cleared his throat. “Do you like him?”

Zoe tore her eyes away from the screen. “Jared?”

Evan nodded. 

“We’re friends.”

“Friends who...” Evan glanced at the ceiling.

Zoe shrugged. “I don’t know. We just talked tonight.”

“Talked?”

“You know...” She gestured between them. “Talked.”

“Like what we’re doing?”

“You’re smart. What’d you get on the SATs?”

“I just mean-”

“I know what you mean.”

“Last year, you...”

Zoe raised an eyebrow at him. 

“He likes you,” Evan blurted out.

“I know,” Zoe whispered.

“He’s my friend and he likes you.”

“Are you giving me a ‘don’t hurt my friend’ speech?”

“Do I need to?”

Zoe shook her head. “I just broke up with Wyatt.”

“You broke up?”

Zoe nodded slightly. “Kind of. I don’t know. He’s going to Paris next week. We said we’d see where we are when he gets back, but...”

“You’re not going to try the long-distance thing?”

“No. Not with him.” She sighed when Evan didn’t respond. “I mean, I like him.”

“Yeah,” Evan nodded.

“He’s nice. Really nice.”

“Super nice.”

“And sweet and...” Zoe pursed her lips. “Calm. He’s so calm about everything.”

“And that’s a bad thing?”

“I never know what he’s thinking.”

“You won’t have that problem with Jared.”

“I know,” Zoe laughed. “That’s one of the things I like about him. He always says he what he’s thinking. I’ve never met anyone like that.”

“He’s definitely lacking a filter.”

“I kind of like that though. It’s different than...” Zoe puffed out her cheeks. “We don’t talk in this house. My parents don’t talk about anything. About their problems, about Connor’s problems, about anything, really. That’s the Murphy way. Internalize everything until it makes you physically ill.”

Evan was silent for a second. “Connor talks.”

“To you, maybe. Not to us.”

“He talks to you, doesn’t he?”

Zoe wrinkled her nose. “Sort of. Sometimes.”

She yawned and stretched her arms above her head. “So, yeah. You don’t have to worry about Jared. I promise I won’t break his heart.”

“That’s all I ask.”

“I am going to give him crap about liking _Gilmore Girls_ though.”

Evan nodded. “As you should.”

Evan ignored the first SOS text. And the second. And the third. And...

He rolled his eyes when the eighth text popped up.

His mother tilted her head at him. “Do you need to get that?”

He shook his head. “It’s Connor. His mom’s probably trying to make him go to Pilates with her again.”

Heidi beamed as she held a shirt up to herself. “See, at least I know better than to make you do that.”

“Yeah,” Evan scoffed. “Like you’d be caught dead at a Pilates class.”

Heidi narrowed her eyes playfully before checking her reflection. “What do you think?”

“That you should’ve brought Maggie with you?”

Heidi ruffled his hair. “And miss out on my last chance to spend some quality time with you before you go back to school?”

“I don’t leave until next weekend.”

“I know, but the Fulton case starts on Monday and I’ll be-”

“Working late all week,” Evan finished. “I know the drill.”

He sighed when his phone started to ring.

A wave of panic spread through his body when he saw Zoe was calling him. 

Maybe there really was some kind of Murphy-related emergency going on.

He answered on the second ring. “Zoe, hi. Sorry. I’m at the mall with my mom. Is everything okay?”

“Our parents are having a dinner party,” Zoe hissed into the phone. “The Harrises are here.”

Evan gave his mother a thumbs up when she showed him another top. “The Harrises?”

His eyes widened when that clicked into place. “Oh. Right. They’re your parents-”

“You need to get over here. Connor needs you.”

“He-“

“Josh is here too.”

“Josh?”

“Our cousin Josh. I can handle him. Kelsey and I can keep him away from Connor. The Harrises though... They won’t stop staring at my chest.”

“Okay, um...”

“Connor told our parents that you were coming over to work on a project for that philosophy class you two signed up for.”

“It hasn’t even started yet!”

“They don’t know that!” Zoe breathed into the phone. “Sorry. I just... Can you please come over?”

Evan closed his eyes. “I’ll be right there.”

His mother offered to come in with him. Evan wasn’t sure if that was because she could tell he was nervous or because she wanted to see the Murphys’ house.

He was tempted to take her up on it, but he decided not to. He decided it would make things worse if she came with him.

He regretted that decision when he saw that everyone had already sat down to eat. He scratched his neck and glanced around uncomfortably. 

There weren’t any seats left at the table and he wasn’t about to go look for one somewhere else. 

Connor jumped up before he could change his mind and flee.

“We’ll be upstairs,” Connor announced.

“You haven’t finished your dinner,” Cynthia said softly.

“We have to work on-”

“Your project,” Larry interrupted. “It’s funny, I didn’t know you were taking a class between semesters. I’ll have to check the invoice they sent me.”

Evan resisted the urge to glare at Zoe. He breathed in shakily. “He-We... We’re not. It’s uh, it’s for the philosophy class we’re about to start. We have to submit an essay by mid-“

“By ten,” Connor corrected.

Evan nodded swiftly. “We have to submit an essay by ten o’clock tonight.”

“An essay?” Larry repeated slowly.

“Well,” Evan huffed. “It’s not so much an essay as it is a paper about what we hope to get out of the class. We’re allowed to work in teams. Which is what we’re doing. Working as a team.”

“I had to do that for the comparative religion class I took last semester,” Zoe chimed in.

Evan closed his eyes when she started going on about how fascinating that class had been. 

He opened them when Connor elbowed him and nodded at the stairs.

He didn’t think it was his imagination that Zoe winked at him before they left.

He laughed when Connor opened his laptop and started typing right away. “You know we don’t really have to write an essay, don’t you?”

“I need something to show my dad.”

“You think he’ll-”

“He’ll definitely ask. You can count on that.”

“Oh,” Evan muttered. He sat on the floor and twiddled his thumbs while Connor continued to type. “What are you writing?”

“That I really want to learn about ethics. That I’m looking forward to discussing the difference between immoral actions and illegal ones. He’ll love that.”

“Are you really?”

Connor shrugged. “It sounds like an interesting class. You know class discussions are a big part of it, don’t you?”

“I can talk!”

Connor snorted. He sighed and closed his laptop. “One paragraph should do it, shouldn’t it?”

“I guess...”

Connor tapped his fingers together. “So.”

“So?”

“Did you see them?”

“The Harrises?”

“Anthony and Brad were-”

“The guys sitting at the end of the table? The ones who looked like they-”

“Have sticks up their asses? Yeah.”

“I was going to say like they swallowed something sour, but yeah...”

Connor closed his eyes. “Brad’s in medical school and Anthony’s about to graduate from Yale.”

Evan made a face. “So what?”

“So, my parents think that should be me.”

“You told Cole to take a shot of tequila when he had a fever last month.”

“So?”

“So, it’s not like you have the best instincts when it comes to-”

“I still say that would’ve worked!”

“It would’ve made him easier to be around,” Evan conceded.

“For us. It would’ve worked for us. And his fever would’ve gone away eventually.” Connor waved his phone triumphantly. “Whiskey! I should’ve said whiskey. People drink that when they have a cold.”

Evan rolled his eyes. “Maybe you should be a doctor...”

Connor threw his phone on the bed. “My mom guilted Anthony into inviting me out with them tonight.”

Evan nodded knowingly. “That explains the SOS texts.”

“Which you ignored. It took Zoe calling you to-”

“I was with my mom! It’s not like I spend all my time sitting around, waiting for you to have a crisis!”

Connor opened his mouth and then he closed it. He eyed the door warily.

Evan leaned forward and listened. “Is someone out there?”

His question was answered with a knock.

He blinked when Connor dropped down next to him.

Right next to him.

He gave Connor a sideways stare before shrugging and watching the door.

The knock sounded again.

And then he could hear a pair of muffled voices.

“He isn’t answering.”

“Should we go?”

“Mom said we have to take him with us.”

“Maybe he’s...”

“Maybe he’s what?”

“He brought a guy up here.”

“A guy?”

“To study...”

Evan closed his eyes when they started laughing. He opened them when he heard the handle jiggle.

His eyes widened when the door slowly creaked open.

They practically bulged out of his head when Connor climbed into his lap.

Connor glanced over his shoulder and snarled, “Do you mind?”

The door slammed shut.

Connor started laughing so hard that his head fell onto Evan’s shoulder.

Evan laughed too until his brain caught up with him and he remembered how they were sitting. He shoved Connor off him and let out a series of sounds that may or may not have resembled words.

Connor gave him a smile that wasn’t even a little bit apologetic. “I panicked...”

“You panicked?” Evan hissed.

“I saw a way out of that and I took it.”

“You know they’re going to tell your parents.”

Connor’s smile faltered. “What?”

“Right now. They’re down there telling your parents right now.”

“Shit,” Connor muttered. He grabbed at his hair and leaned back against his bed. “I didn’t think about that.”

“You didn’t think at all...” Evan shook his head as he staggered to his feet. “I’m leaving.”

And then he remembered he didn’t have his car.

“You need a ride?” Connor offered softly.

Evan closed his eyes and nodded. 

Connor nodded too. “Let’s give it a minute. Give them a chance to leave. Otherwise, this was for nothing.”

Evan sighed and eyed the door. “You don’t think your parents will...”

“Will what? Come bursting in here and demand we keep three feet on the floor at all times?”

Evan nodded dazedly.

“Honestly?” Connor smirked. “They’ll probably be thrilled.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s you. They love you. They think you’re amazing.”

Evan buried his head in his arms. “You’re going to tell them the truth though, right?”

“Yeah,” Connor promised. He eyed the door again. “I just want to give the Harrises a head start before I do.”

Evan decided not to spend any more time at the Murphys’ house that week. 

He stayed home and soaked up the alone time while he could. He hadn’t realized how much he’d needed it until he had an almost unlimited amount. 

It wasn’t that he was avoiding the Murphys.

Connor made it clear that wasn’t necessary. He told his parents the truth. Or a version of it anyway. A version where the Harris boys had misinterpreted what they’d walked in on.

Connor said his parents thought it was funny. 

Evan believed him.

He still didn’t feel like going back over there though.

Evan woke up to the smell of waffles on the day he went back to school. 

It wasn’t a surprise because he knew his mother always tried to do something special before he left.

It was a surprise when he realized Geoff was the one making breakfast.

That part was definitely a surprise, but not an unpleasant one. Not entirely anyway. There were definitely worse things in the world than waking up to the smell of waffles. 

And it wasn’t terrible finding Geoff there either.

His mother was obviously happy about it.

And he was happy she was happy.

He made sure she knew that before he left.


	25. Junior Year - February

It had been three years since Evan had taken a class with Connor. They hadn’t had any classes together since high school.

Which was one of the reasons they decided to sign up for two of the same classes that semester. The other being that they both needed the gen ed credits. 

In addition to their philosophy course, they were both taking an art class that had originally been designed for early childhood educators but became so popular that the school decided to create a section for anyone who wanted to take it.

Basically, it meant they got to finger paint and cut things out of magazines twice a week. It was a stress reliever and an easy A all rolled into one.

The philosophy class was much harder. It was also kind of fascinating. 

Connor loved it. Like really loved it. 

It was kind of weird to see him that engaged in something.

Evan felt guilty whenever that thought crossed his mind. It was just that he hadn’t taken a class with Connor since they were in twelfth grade and he very clearly remembered what Connor had been like in high school.

He remembered the way Connor always sat in the back with his head down, the way he stared blankly at the board like he wasn’t paying the least bit of attention to anything that was happening around him.

And that was when he bothered showing up to class. Because that was another thing Evan remembered. He knew Connor hadn’t skipped as many classes as people claimed he did. He knew that because he had a tendency to notice things and that was one of the things he’d noticed.

He knew it had been more than a rumor though. He knew it hadn’t been unusual for Connor to just not show up to their third period English class.

He knew that had changed when they got to college though. He knew Connor almost always attended his classes and paid attention and worked hard. 

He knew part of the problem in high school was that Connor had been bored. 

Another part was that the problem kid label had been slapped on him when he was in elementary school and he’d never been able to shake it.

He’d never really wanted to shake it.

And so, he’d coasted through and passed all his classes by putting in a minimal amount of effort.

Or so he said. Evan suspected that his grades had been better than he claimed they were.

He never said that out loud though. He didn’t like arguing with Connor and the past was in the past. He knew it wasn’t something either of them particularly enjoyed revisiting.

Evan grabbed his head as they stepped out of Woodbury Hall. “My brain hurts.”

“Really?” Connor grinned. “See, I thought that was fascinating.”

“You would,” Evan muttered.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say half the class lit up before they went in there.”

“Only half?”

Evan shook his head. “We got sidetracked again.”

Connor tapped his chin and gazed at the sun. “Time. What is time? Does it exist or is it just a social construct?”

“That class is so weird. I’m simultaneously dreading and looking forward to the final exam.”

“Me too,” Connor beamed.

“I mean, what’s going to be on it? We haven’t covered anything on the syllabus.”

“I’m thinking it’s going to be one of those tests that just asks the question why.”

Evan closed his eyes. “Why am I taking this class again?”

“To be with me?”

Evan rolled his eyes. “Right. Because we never get to spend any time together.”

“Because you need the credits?”

“I should’ve taken sociology with Zoe. At least that would’ve had clear answers.”

“See, this is good for you. It’s going to make your scientific brain step out of its comfort zone.”

Evan sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Do you think you can maybe try not to egg Dr. Wheaton on next time?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you were pretty much the ringleader in that little detour we took today.”

Connor raised his eyebrows. “You think I-”

Evan nodded swiftly. “You have this, like, magnetic presence when you start talking and-”

Connor stopped in his tracks. “Magnetic presence?”

Evan could feel his cheeks going red. He patted them like they were cold. “You know what I mean.”

“You think I have a magnetic presence?”

Evan squeezed his eyes shut. “I just mean... People listen to you. They want to talk to you, so they start-”

“How magnetic are we talking here?”

Evan opened his eyes and shook his head. “I’m just saying... Lauren. You remember Lauren?”

Connor’s mouth twisted to the side. “I remember Lauren.”

“I always kind of wondered about that. About how she got this huge crush on you when she didn’t even know your name. I mean, it’s not like you ever asked her for a pencil or anything, right?”

Connor shook his head slowly.

“I figured you must just be, like, her type, I guess.” He gestured vaguely in Connor’s direction. “The, uh, the type of, uh, body or look or... you know.”

Connor gestured at himself. “You thought she was turned on by all this?”

“I don’t know. I guess...” Evan muttered. “But now-”

“Now you think it was because of my magnetic presence?” 

Evan lowered his eyes when he saw the way Connor was smirking. And then he moved forward to show he wasn’t going to dignify that with a response.

It only took Connor a second to catch up with him. “I mean, seriously, how magnetic are we talking here? Should I be worried? Or is this something I should be using to my advantage?”

Evan exhaled heavily. “Can we just forget I said anything?”

“Oh, no, we’re talking about this. How magnetic are we talking here?”

“Magnetic enough that I bet you could get Wheaton to stick to the syllabus and discuss Plato next time.”

Connor considered that for a moment. His shoulders drooped like he was making a huge, personal sacrifice. “Okay, fine. For the sake of your scientific brain, I’ll do my best.”

Evan jumped when he heard the sound of glass breaking somewhere in the lab. He flicked the light on and muttered a string of apologies until his eyes landed on the culprit.

George.

George had broken a test tube because he’d been doing an experiment in the dark.

And because the very sight of Evan must have scared the bejesus out of him. 

Evan apologized again.

George didn’t accept his apology or acknowledge it any way. He grabbed his backpack and scurried out of the room with his head down.

Evan sighed and decided not to let that get to him. 

He’d managed to find an empty lab after all. He’d be stupid not to take advantage of that.

But first, he decided to be a Good Samaritan and clean up the mess he’d inadvertently made.

In addition to working for Dr. Whitney, Evan was assigned to help a senior named Lisbeth Nelson with her final project.

Both of those jobs were volunteer ones. He wasn’t getting paid to do them or receiving any kind of credit. They were both meant to help him gain lab experience and make connections. 

The job with Dr. Whitney was a major stepping stone for him. He learned a lot just from observing her and her grad students. He knew that as long as he didn’t totally screw it up, he’d be walking away with a solid recommendation letter.

The job with Lisbeth wasn’t so much a job as it was a tradition.

All science majors were required to complete a senior project in order to graduate and tradition dictated that they recruit a junior to help them finish it.

Lisbeth had asked Evan because Dr. Whitney thought they would work well together. She told him that the first time they met.

She also told him that she was fine on her own and the best thing he could do for her was to stay out of her way.

Evan was happy to do just that because Lisbeth was kind of scary. Make that really scary. Meg seemed like a kitten by comparison. 

So, really, he had one lab job. He assisted Dr. Whitney a few times a week and asked Lisbeth if she needed anything (water, coffee, the blood of a slaughtered calf... he was only sort of kidding about that last one) whenever Dr. Whitney checked in to see how things were going.

Evan’s knee wouldn’t stop bouncing as he blinked at the tv. He really shouldn’t have had that last cupcake. He hadn’t had this strong of a sugar rush since his eighth birthday party.

That was the year his mother was too preoccupied to pay even the slightest bit of attention to him and he managed to eat almost an entire sheet cake.

It would’ve been amazing if he hadn’t spent the whole night throwing up purplish goo.

At least he hadn’t consumed that much sugar this time. His stomach just felt vaguely heavy and unsettled, like a rock. 

His main problem was that he couldn’t stop twitching.

Twitching and talking.

It was like he couldn’t shut up.

“And don’t even think about calling her Elizabeth,” Evan said. “Or Lizzie. Or Liz. Or Beth. Or anything other than her name. Lisbeth.”

He touched his tongue to the roof of his mouth and laughed. “Lisbeth. Lisbeth... What kind of name is that?”

“The girl with the dragon tattoo?” Connor shrugged.

Evan nodded slowly. “That makes sense actually. Because she is a dragon. She’s a scary dragon lady who-”

“Oh my God,” Jared groaned. “No more, okay? We get it. She’s evil.”

Evan snapped his fingers. “That’s it! I should tell Meg that. Lisbeth’s the mad scientist, not me!”

Jared shook his head at him before twisting around to face Connor. “I’ll bet you ten bucks they end up boning before the semester’s over.”

Connor cleared his throat and looked away when Evan leaned forward to glare at him.

Evan wrinkled his nose at both of them. “You two really need to stop making bets about my love life.”

“What love life?” Jared snorted. “It’s Valentine’s Day and you’re sitting here with...”

He whipped around to glare at Connor. “You told him?”

Connor very pointedly refused to look away from the tv.

Jared waved a hand in his face. “Uh, hello? You told him? You told him about our bet, didn’t you?”

Jared closed his eyes and leaned back against the couch. “I want my twenty dollars back.”

That got Connor’s attention. “Why? I won that fair and square.”

Jared chuckled disbelievingly. “You expect me to believe that? This is low, even for you.”

“What’s low?”

“You made your best friend hook up with a guy just so you could win a bet?”

“I didn’t make him do anything!”

Jared looked between the two of them. “You swear?”

“He didn’t make me do anything,” Evan said. “The thing with George... It was completely consensual and in no way an attempt to help Connor win twenty bucks.”

Jared sighed and made a face at the tv. “Where is everyone tonight?”

“It’s Valentine’s Day,” Evan reminded him.

“Right, so that explains where Ryan is. And Cole, actually.”

They all wrinkled their noses at that.

“But what about the rest of them?” Jared drummed his fingers on the armrest. 

“Seth has his cooking class tonight, doesn’t he?” Evan asked.

“I think so,” Connor nodded. “And Chris broke up with Hilary because she thinks Eleven’s the best Doctor, so he’s probably off sulking somewhere.”

“They broke up again?” Evan laughed. “Isn’t that the fourth time this month?”

“Something like that.”

“And they’ve only known each other since December, right?” Evan shook his head when the others shrugged. “That’s who you should be taking bets on. Chris and Hilary. Is their relationship currently on or off?”

“And Kai-”

Jared looked around wildly. “Where is Kai?”

Evan chuckled at Jared’s expression. “Why are you so fascinated with Kai?”

“I’m not fascinated!” Jared hissed. “I just think he’s interesting, is all.”

He closed his eyes when the others laughed. “I thought he’d stay in tonight. It’s dangerous out there for guys like us. Girls want to tie us down and make us commit.”

Connor stared at Jared for a beat. “Wait. Are you seriously comparing yourself to Kai?”

“Kai and I...” Jared folded his arms across his chest and slid down when he picked up on how amused Connor and Evan were. “I thought we were the only people in this suite who have the sense not to get sucked in by Valentine’s Day. The only two with options, that is.”

“What options?” Evan scoffed.

Connor jabbed a finger in Jared’s direction. “Is that why you told Zoe no? You don’t want to be tied down?”

“You told Zoe no?” Evan gasped.

“She wanted to go out to dinner!” Jared hissed. “What was I supposed to say?”

“To the girl you’ve been pining for?”

“I haven’t been pining!”

“To the girl you...” Evan squeezed his eyes shut. “The girl you like? You say yes when the girl you like wants to go out.”

“Even if it’s on Valentine’s Day?”

Connor smirked at the tv. “She thinks you’re too cheap to spring for flowers.”

Jared’s face fell. “She thinks I’m cheap?”

“Among other things.”

Jared breathed in sharply. “I said no because we’re barely even... We’re barely even going out and it’s Valentine’s Day and there’s all this pressure to... you know. I didn’t feel like dealing with that, so I said I’d see her tomorrow.” 

“It might be too late tomorrow.”

Jared’s mouth opened and closed several times. “Do you think I should send her flowers?”

“From the 24-hour florist that we have here on campus?” Connor snorted. “They’re showing _Clueless_ in the student center tonight. You can probably find her there.”

Jared didn’t need to hear that twice. He hopped off the couch and ran out the door in a matter of seconds.

Connor grinned when the door clicked shut behind him. 

Evan glanced at him suspiciously. “Zoe doesn’t really think he’s cheap, does she?”

Connor shook his head. “She was actually relieved when he said no. She thought it meant they were on the same page and that he understood she was joking when she said they should go to Flora.”

“So, you’re trying to sabotage them then?”

“I’m not trying to sabotage anyone,” Connor insisted. “That was for suggesting I’d be willing to whore out my best friend.”

“Aww...”

“For twenty bucks,” Connor added. “I’d need at least fifty to consider doing that.”

Evan rolled his eyes and turned back to the tv. 

The suite was completely silent when Evan got home.

Normally, that wouldn’t have been a surprise because it was the middle of the day and most of his roommates were in class.

Or taking a nap. He knew it was Jared’s naptime.

He’d expected there to be some kind of commotion when he got in though. 

Apparently, Zoe had finally managed to convince Connor he’d be more comfortable lying in bed than on the couch.

He carefully opened the door to their room and peered in. 

Zoe smiled when she spotted him and slid off Connor’s bed.

“Sorry,” Evan murmured when she reached the door. “My lab ran late this morning.”

“It’s okay,” Zoe shrugged. “My next class doesn’t start for a half hour.”

“How is he?”

“Sleepy,” Zoe grinned. 

“Is he in pain?”

Zoe waved her hand to say so-so. “I gave him a pill an hour ago, so he’ll need the next one in three hours. He should probably change his gauze again in about twenty minutes. You may have to help him with that. I don’t think he can feel anything in his mouth at all.”

Zoe glanced over her shoulder and nodded when she saw that Connor was still staring blankly at his laptop. She motioned for Evan to follow her out.

Evan jumped when she closed the door behind them.

“Okay,” Zoe said. “So, a couple things you should know.”

Evan blinked and nodded for her to go on.

“He told you why he decided to get his wisdom teeth out today, didn’t he?”

“Because it’s Friday and he can rest all weekend?”

Zoe’s head flopped from side to side. “Sort of. That was probably a factor. Mainly he picked this week because our mother’s on a retreat with her garden club and he didn’t want her to come up here and fuss over him.”

“Okay...”

“Because...” Zoe giggled to herself. “Okay, here’s the thing. You know what Connor’s like. And you know what he used to be like.”

Evan nodded.

“For a while there, the only time he’d let Mom do anything for him was when he was pretty much dying. We’re talking high fever, projectile vomiting, the works.”

“Okay,” Evan nodded.

“And she loved it. She loved every second of it because it was the only time she could actually get close to him.” Zoe glanced over her shoulder. “And he liked it too. While it was happening. Only while it was happening.”

“So, he picked today because he knew she’d be gone?”

“He waited until she’d purchased a non-refundable train ticket to tell her he was having it done.”

“That’s cold.”

“That’s Connor,” Zoe shrugged. “Mom almost cancelled anyway, but Dad and I talked her out of it. She made me promise to look after him. That’s the only way she’d agree to go.”

“Okay,” Evan sighed. “Well-”

“She knows we’re taking turns,” Zoe grinned. “She was happy to hear that. That doesn’t mean she isn’t going to check up on you though. She’s texted me, like, ten times and called twice.”

Evan stared at the door. “Is there anything else I should know?”

“He likes to watch cartoons when he’s sick. We’ve been watching _Futurama_ all morning.”

“Okay. I can handle that.”

“And...” Zoe chuckled and glanced over her shoulder again. “He likes to cuddle.”

Her smile widened when she met Evan’s stare. “I always thought that was just something he did with Mom, but it’s really not.”

“Okay, um...”

“And he acts like you’re abandoning him if you try to leave the room, even to use the bathroom.”

Evan was starting to wonder exactly what he’d signed up for.

Zoe patted his arm when she saw that. “It’s fine, really. Just watch cartoons with him and try to make him eat some broth. Or maybe some yogurt. He’ll probably doze off again soon, so you can get some work done when he does. I actually had a very productive morning.”

“That’s good,” Evan muttered.

“I should go. I have two classes this afternoon and my sociology group’s meeting in the library at five. I can swing by before dinner though if you need a break.”

It took Evan a second to realize she was leaving him. He opened his mouth to say he’d let her know, but she was already gone.

He squared his shoulders and took a breath before he opened the door. And then he came dangerously close to stepping on Connor’s hand.

“Why are you on the floor?” Evan demanded.

He closed his eyes when Connor didn’t respond.

“Right. Gauze.” Evan sighed and leaned over to help him up. “Were you feeling abandoned? Is that why you decided to get up?”

Connor blinked at him and managed to produce a stream full of muffled gibberish. 

Evan shook his head like he understood what Connor was trying to say.

Which he actually kind of did.

He shook his head again when he realized that. “Zoe didn’t abandon you. I’m not going to abandon you. You are not to get up until you stop looking like you’re completely drugged.”

He nodded along as Connor tried to say something else.

“I’ll help you to the bathroom and that’s it. If you need more help than that then...” Evan shook his head. He probably should’ve asked Zoe how she’d managed that part.

“We can probably take your gauze out now. It’s been a few hours, hasn’t it? Was there blood the last time you changed it?”

Connor shrugged and leaned back against his pillows.

Evan raised his eyebrows at Connor until he attempted to feel around his mouth. 

Evan sighed and perched on the edge of the bed so he could help. “Okay, no blood. You still shouldn’t talk much though.”

Connor’s voice was hoarse when he attempted to talk again. Evan understood him anyway.

“Because that can cause complications and-”

Connor glanced at him quizzically.

“I know because I had my wisdom teeth out a few years ago.” Evan put a hand up to stop Connor before he could ask. “The summer after we graduated from high school. I didn’t think it was that bad. I pretty much slept the whole day. My mom set a couple alarms on my phone to remind me to take my medicine before she went to work.”

Evan put his hand back up when Connor started mumbling again. “It was fine. I’m used to taking care of myself.”

Connor patted Evan’s head and nodded at his pillow.

Evan smiled slightly. He had a feeling Zoe hadn’t been kidding about the cuddling.

He swung his legs onto the bed and leaned back. “Do you want to keep watching _Futurama_ or are you ready for something else?”

Evan sighed when he saw the flash.

He closed his textbook and leaned over as far as he could without falling off the bed. It took all of his willpower not to yell Jared’s name. He hissed it to keep from waking Connor up.

He received a chuckle in return.

The door clicked shut.

He shook his head and silently vowed to take a blackmail photo of Jared sometime that weekend.

“Come in,” Evan called. He closed his eyes when he heard himself. And then he opened them to see if he’d been too loud.

He sighed when he saw he hadn’t.

Connor was still sound asleep and slobbering on his shoulder.

Evan was glad he hadn’t worn one of his favorite shirts that day.

He nearly fell off the bed when Connor’s father stepped into the room.

Their eyes met and, for one horrifying moment, time went still.

Evan’s whole head felt hot when Connor started nuzzling him again.

He resisted to urge to say it wasn’t what it looked like because he wasn’t sure what it looked like.

And because he was frozen with fear.

He comforted himself with the knowledge that it could’ve been worse. They were both full clothed and only Connor was under the covers. 

And it wasn’t like they were spooning or something. They were barely even touching.

Except for the nuzzling.

Connor really liked to nuzzle necks.

Evan wondered if Zoe had received the same treatment.

Larry smiled and waved a bag at him. “I come bearing food.”

Evan nodded frantically. “Oh.”

“Is he okay?”

“Ish. Okay-ish.” Evan glanced down when Connor started to stir.

Thankfully, he chose that moment to roll the opposite way and drool on his pillow instead.

Evan sat up as soon as he was free. “He doesn’t seem to be in a lot of pain. I gave him a pill a little while ago.”

“Has he eaten?”

“He had some soup earlier. Cold soup. I made sure it was cold.”

“His mother asked me to bring him some broth from the organic store she likes. She can’t stand the idea of him eating processed foods.”

“Oh,” Evan muttered. He was pretty sure Connor only ate processed food while he was away from home.

“I also got some ice cream. Don’t tell her that though.”

“I won’t,” Evan promised.

Larry eyed the door. “I’ll guess I’ll put everything away since you’re...”

Evan swallowed dryly.

It was clear to him that neither of them knew how to finish that thought.

“He’ll probably be up soon,” Evan said. “He sleeps in spurts.”

Larry shook his head. “I should be going. I’m meeting a client at Flora tonight.”

He hesitated with his hand on the doorknob. “I got cookies and cream. That was his favorite when he was growing up. Does he still...”

Evan nodded. “He still likes it.”

“Good,” Larry said. His eyes widened when Connor stirred again. “I’ll just...”

And then he was gone.

Connor rolled over and pressed his forehead against the wet spot on Evan’s sleeve.

Evan blinked at the ceiling when he woke up. He rubbed his eyes and tried to figure out why everything felt backwards.

And then he remembered where he was.

He was in Connor’s bed.

On Connor’s bed.

There was a big difference between being in a bed and on it.

And he was definitely on it.

He propped himself up and blinked again when he saw that Connor was already awake and scrolling through his phone.

“Morning,” Connor said without looking up.

Evan swung his legs around so that they were dangling off the side of the bed. “Morning.”

He rubbed his eyes again. “How are you feeling?”

“Better.” Connor glanced up quickly. “How’d you sleep?”

Evan snorted and sat up all the way. “I feel like someone dunked my shoulder in the pool.”

Connor frowned and picked at the sleeve in question. “It’s not that bad.”

“You drooled on me all night!”

“You could’ve moved!”

Evan simply raised his eyebrows.

“I wouldn’t let you move?” Connor guessed.

“Let’s just say I now understand what Zoe was getting at when she mentioned your abandonment issues.”

Connor poked at his cheek. “I think I’m hungry.”

“That’s a good sign. It was like pulling teeth getting you to eat yesterday.”

Connor winced at that. “Too soon.”

Evan smiled and nodded at the door. “Your dad brought you ice cream.”

“My dad was here?”

“He came by with a bag of food.”

“He drove all this way to bring me food?”

Connor sounded so surprised that Evan decided not to mention anything about Larry’s meeting. Or about the fact that Cynthia had ordered her husband to bring their son groceries.

Evan nodded and stood up. “He brought you cookies and cream. He said it’s your favorite.”

Connor looked like a feather could’ve knocked him over.

Of course, there was a chance he was still reeling from all the pain medicine.

Evan realized that when he visibly swayed.

He put a hand out to stop Connor before he could try to stand up. “What do you want? I’ll get it.”

“Ice cream,” Connor decided.

Evan gave him a quick nod. “Coming right up.”

He whipped around when Connor started to laugh. “What?”

“Did you sleep on your stomach at some point last night?”

“Probably,” Evan shrugged. “Why?”

He felt his back when Connor continued to laugh. There were wet spots all over it.

He closed his eyes and sighed. “Okay, seriously, were you a dog in a previous life?”

Connor grinned as he leaned back against the wall. “You may want to change your shirt before Jared sees you.”


	26. Junior Year - March

Evan hadn’t been planning to play Gotcha again. He’d been kind of scared to play it again. He knew from Kai, who had been playing in every game since October, that he was famous among the players.

Infamous, really. People knew his name. They checked for it every time the roster was released. They didn’t know him though. Most of them didn’t even know what he looked like.

He’d decided he liked it that way. He liked being a legend. A ghost. The Silent Assassin. 

He hadn’t planned to sign up again until his roommates guilted him into it.

Because that was a thing they had all started doing a lot. Guilting each other into doing things as a group.

Because it was the end of an era.

It was almost the end of an era.

They only had a little over two months until they parted ways.

That made it sound more dramatic than it really was.

It was just that the eight of them weren’t going to be living together anymore. 

Cole was getting married. Ryan had decided to bite the bullet and officially move in with Layla. Kai was going to rent a house with a group of his teammates. Jared was getting an apartment with his brother because his parents had agreed to pay their rent for a year just to get Henry out of the house.

The rest of them had decided to stick together for another year. Evan was planning to get a suite with Connor, Chris, and Seth. They were hoping their status as rising seniors would allow them to get one with four singles. The bedrooms in those suites were basically closets, but at least they’d all get a bit of privacy for a change.

Evan had been hoping to fly under the radar for as long as he could manage. He should’ve known that would be impossible with Jared in the game too.

It obviously amused Jared to say his name loud enough for everyone in the quad to hear.

“Did you see that, _Evan_?”

“What time is it, _Evan_?”

“Who’d you get, _Evan_?”

Evan clenched his teeth when he heard that last one. He’d picked a guy named Brent Orson.

And there was a guy who looked just like the photo in his hand standing right in front of them.

A guy who kept looking over his shoulder and tilting his head at Evan like he couldn’t believe the jittery-looking guy behind him was the Silent Assassin.

Or maybe that was just Evan’s paranoia getting the best of him.

Maybe no one was checking him out.

Maybe the ones who were were looking at him in awe, not in disbelief.

He lowered his eyes when Brent snorted.

He shook his shoulders and decided to focus on Connor instead. “Who’d you get?”

Connor smirked as he held up his card. He’d picked a girl named Taylor McCarthy. “Are you disappointed or relieved?”

“Honestly?” Evan sighed. “A bit of both.”

The good news was that Evan really was good at Gotcha.

He’d expected to be killed almost immediately. He’d had visions of people teaming up and surrounding him to ensure that he didn’t make it past the first round.

That really wasn’t the case though.

He didn’t have any trouble killing Brent. And it really was satisfying to see how surprised Brent looked when he realized what had happened.

The bad news was that his anxiety and paranoia were working overtime to keep him in a constant state of panic.

It only got worse as the list of players grew smaller. 

Even his room didn’t feel safe because Connor, Seth, and Chris were still in the game.

He tried to comfort himself with the knowledge that he’d outlived Jared. 

He planned to bring that up every chance he got for the next twenty years.

At least.

By the third day, he felt like he couldn’t stop shaking.

That was not a good way to be when you worked in a lab.

Because, of course, that was the day Lisbeth decided she could actually use his help.

He tried to keep it together as he handled test tubes and looked through microscopes. He tried not to break any of the expensive, fragile equipment he was using.

He kept one eye on the door at all times.

Because he wasn’t technically in class and Lisbeth wasn’t a professor.

He could be killed if his assassin managed to track him down.

He practically jumped out of his skin when his phone buzzed.

Connor’s class had let out early and he wanted to know if Evan wanted to grab lunch.

Evan typed out a text saying where he was and then he erased it and simply said no.

Connor was still in the game after all.

He was well-aware of that.

He was killed as soon as he stepped out of the bathroom.

He didn’t recognize his assassin.

She told him her name was Molly Kline. 

He took a selfie with his card and tagged her in it.

And then she skipped off, presumably to kill Nick Smith.

Evan was so relieved he felt kind of dazed.

He started laughing as he made his way back to the lab.

And then he couldn’t stop laughing. He actually had to bend over to catch his breath.

A fact that was not lost on Lisbeth.

She cleared her throat and looked at him like he’d lost his mind.

Which he kind of had, so that was fair.

He straightened himself up and shook his head and mumbled an apology. 

She didn’t say a word as she handed him the next slide.

Seth won the game.

It came as a surprise to everyone, including him.

Chris was one of his last targets.

He didn’t hesitate before taking him out.

Evan didn’t have any plans for his 21st birthday.

Which was kind of pathetic because it was the middle of spring break. He knew a lot of people his age would’ve loved to celebrate their 21st birthday during spring break.

That was the problem though.

He wasn’t at school and all of his friends, including Connor, were away.

He’d figured he’d have a quiet day, a quiet night. That idea hadn’t changed when his mother decided they were going out to dinner with Maggie. 

He should’ve known better the second he heard Maggie was involved.

Evan had to put a hand on the wall to steady himself as he stepped out of the restaurant.

Everything around him felt bright and blurry and loud.

He didn’t think he’d ever been that drunk before.

Or, rather, he would’ve thought that if he’d been capable of forming coherent thoughts.

As it was, he just found everything sort of funny. 

Funny in the sense that he couldn’t stop laughing.

He tripped over his feet and told himself to watch out, except he didn’t realize he was talking to himself. His brain had somehow decided that his feet were a separate entity.

He froze when his phone started to ring. It took him a second to figure out what the sound was and where it was coming from.

He nearly dropped his phone in his hurry to answer it. “Heeeyyy...”

There was a pause before Connor started laughing. “Okay, so you’re drunk.”

“Little bit,” Evan laughed.

The movement made his phone fall again.

Connor was in the middle of saying something when he managed to get it back to his ear. “-like it here.”

Evan nodded slowly. “How’s the beach?”

Another pause. “Okay, so you have the attention span of a goldfish when you’re drunk.”

“Do not!” Evan put a hand to his chest like he’d been seriously insulted.

“What did I just say then?”

Evan squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to work that one out. “That you like it there?”

“I said you’d like it here. I hate it.”

Evan considered that for a moment. “Because your family’s there?”

He smiled proudly when he heard himself.

That had been a thoughtful question. The kind that showed he was capable of...

He lost track of that thought when a moth flew at him. He blinked and jumped backwards and nearly twisted his ankle on the curb.

He landed with a thud.

“Ow. Curb.”

“Curb?” Connor repeated. 

“Evil curb.”

“Curb like a sidewalk curb?”

“Is there another kind?”

“Wait. Where are you? Are you out somewhere?”

Evan nodded even though Connor couldn’t see him.

“Where is this evil curb?”

It took Evan a second to grasp the question. “The Spanish Queen.”

“The Spanish Queen? Isn’t that that dive bar on Elm?”

Evan nodded again. “Yes.”

“What are you doing there?”

“It’s my birthday!”

“I know it’s your birthday. That’s why I was calling.” 

“I went out for my birthday!”

“You went out?” Connor repeated slowly. Evan could imagine the way his brow was furrowing. “By yourself?”

“With my mom and Maggie,” Evan said quickly. And then he heard himself. “And-and other people too. Cool people. People who aren’t my mother and her friend.”

He nodded to himself.

That had been a close one.

Connor chuckled at that. “Where is your mom right now?”

“Inside with Maggie. They were ordering another round of margaritas. I needed air first though.”

“Hence the evil curb.”

Evan kicked the curb and instantly regretted it. “Ow...”

“Did you just kick the curb?”

Evan made a face. “Maybe.”

“Why don’t you go find your mom and Maggie?”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why should I do that?”

“Because they’ll stop you from attacking the evil curb.”

He had a point there. Evan put a hand on the curb to steady himself as he staggered to his feet. “The curb helped me up. Maybe it isn’t evil after all.”

“Maybe it’s a misunderstood curb.”

Evan nodded solemnly. “Maybe...”

“Are you walking?”

“What?”

“Do I need to tell your mom to come find you?”

Evan patted his head. “I lost my sombrero!”

“Your what?” Connor laughed.

“My tiny sombrero! They gave me a tiny sombrero because it’s my birthday and I lost it!”

“When did you see it last?”

“When they gave it to me. It was on my head. I couldn’t see it.”

“Right...” Connor sighed. “When did you feel it last?”

Evan thought about that for a second. “I don’t know.”

“I bet it’s on the table.”

“The table!” Evan yelped.

“Go check the table.”

“I should. I should check the table.”

“And find your mom,” Connor reminded him.

“I bet she’s at the table too.”

“I think that’s a safe bet.” Connor breathed into the phone. “Send me a picture.”

“Of what?”

“The tiny sombrero.”

“You want to see the tiny sombrero?”

“When it’s on your head. Send me a picture when it’s back on your head.”

“Okay,” Evan agreed. “Happy Birthday!”

“It’s not my birthday. It’s your birthday.”

“I know, but I figured someone should say it.”

“I didn’t...” Connor sighed heavily. “Happy Birthday.”

“Thanks,” Evan chirped.

And then he ended the call.

He had a tiny sombrero to find.

His mother was still home when he got up.

Evan blinked when he saw that. He checked the time and blinked again.

“Mom?”

She hummed as she stared blankly at her coffee.

“It’s Friday.”

She hummed again.

He tilted his head when he noticed how glassy her eyes looked. “Do you have off today?”

“I called out sick.”

That made Evan laugh. Which made his stomach hurt. He grabbed it and leaned over the sink.

Nothing came up.

His mother was right behind him when he pulled himself back up. She smiled sympathetically. “Is this your first hangover?”

“Is that what this is?”

“Do you feel like you’ve been hit by a truck?”

Evan nodded.

The movement made him wince, which made his mother wince too.

“We should’ve stayed in like you wanted.”

Evan’s eyes flashed at that. “It was your idea to go out!”

“I know,” Heidi said. “I just said...” 

She shook her head. “It’s your father’s fault, really.”

“Dad’s? Why?”

“Because he called me the other day to say he was sending you a gift.” She rolled her eyes. “Which won’t be here until you’re back at school, naturally.”

“It’s okay. I can get it the next time I visit.”

Heidi took a breath. “And then he said he wished he was here to take you out for your first beer.”

“He said that?”

Heidi’s mouth formed a thin line. “I reminded him you’re in college and it wouldn’t be your first drink.”

She glanced at him quickly. “Was I right?”

Evan stared at his feet and shrugged. “I mean...”

Heidi smiled triumphantly. “And then I started thinking about how he didn’t deserve to be the first parent to take you out. If anyone had earned that right, it was me.”

“Oh, yeah,” Evan nodded. “Definitely.”

Heidi’s smile widened. “And then Maggie heard and our quiet dinner at Antonio’s turned into a night at The Spanish Queen.”

“It’s okay. That was better. They gave me a tiny sombrero.”

Heidi squeezed his shoulder and nodded at the fridge. “Let’s see if we can figure out what your first hangover food’s going to be.”

Evan couldn’t believe it was snowing on St. Patrick’s Day.

He drummed his fingers along the window as he watched the flurries blow by. He checked the time and tried not to sigh when he saw how late it was getting.

He jumped when Lisbeth cleared her throat.

“You can go if you want,” Lisbeth said in a tone that obviously meant the opposite.

Evan shook his head. “No. If you’re staying, I’m staying.”

“Clearly you have somewhere else you want to be.”

“Don’t you?” Evan asked. He cringed when she narrowed her eyes. “I mean-”

“I know what you mean. Unlike so many of our peers though, I don’t feel the need to get drunk every time there’s a holiday.” She pulled her goggles on top of her head and leaned back against the counter. “And, besides, it’s Thursday. I have an 8 am class tomorrow.”

“Me too,” Evan nodded. “Well, a 9 am one, actually, but you know. Same thing.”

“So, where are you planning to go then?”

“They’re having a poetry slam in Gregson Hall.”

“The dirty limerick thing?” Lisbeth scoffed. “You’re planning to go to that?”

“My friend Connor’s competing in it.”

Lisbeth hummed at that. She tapped the paper in front of her. “I’m going to call it a night as soon as I work out this equation.”

“May I...?” Evan asked. 

She threw her hands up and took a step back so he could see.

Evan studied it for a minute before he saw her mistake. “You forgot to carry the one there.”

He chewed his lip while he waited for her response.

She took the paper from him and stared at it so intently he was surprised it didn’t burst into flames.

She closed her eyes and put it down. “So I did.”

Evan nodded swiftly. “So, uh...”

Lisbeth waved him off. “Go. I’ll close up.”

Part of him felt like he should stay and help her.

The other part, the part that resented the way she’d made him sit there for hours with nothing to do, just wanted to go.

That was the part that won.

Connor was strangely upset about the fact that he’d come in second.

Evan laughed when he realized that. He grinned as he poked at Connor’s medal. “You’re mad.”

“I’m not mad,” Connor snapped.

Evan raised his eyebrows and covered his mouth to mask his amusement.

“Her limerick wasn’t even dirty!”

Evan had to agree with him there. “It was good though. Very descriptive. It really painted a picture.”

“But it wasn’t dirty! The whole point was for it to be dirty!”

Evan threw his hands up. “Hey! Take it up with the judges, not me.”

“You would’ve voted for me, wouldn’t you?”

“Of course.” He glanced at Connor quickly. “Yours was the dirtiest by far.”

Connor took a small bow. “Thank you.”

“And it was clever. Too bad there isn’t a market for dirty limericks. You’d make a fortune.”

Connor paused with his hand on the door. “Was Zoe there? She said she was coming.”

Evan stared at his hands as they twisted in front of him. “She was there. We sat together actually.”

“She left before it was over?”

Evan couldn’t help laughing as he scratched his neck. “So, she, uh... She didn’t realize it was a dirty limerick competition. She thought it was a, uh, a regular one.”

Connor’s face scrunched up at that. “And she what? Was she traumatized or something?”

“So, uh... She got there right before you went up and turns out she’d told your parents about it and your mom insisted she FaceTime them while you were on and...”

Connor’s mouth dropped open. “My parents saw that?”

Evan barely managed to nod between laughs.

Connor smacked his arm. “And you didn’t stop her?”

“I didn’t realize what she was doing until it was too late!” Evan yelped. “It’s not like we had some big, in depth conversation about it before she called them.”

Connor closed his eyes. “So, my parents saw that?”

“Yup.”

Connor chuckled softly. “Okay, well, it’s not like they didn’t know I know the word fuck.”

“Yeah,” Evan nodded.

“And it’s a really easy word to rhyme.”

“True.”

“And...” Connor shook his head. “How’d they take it?”

“Your mom said they had to go as soon as you were done, but I could hear your dad laughing in the background. Zoe left so she could try to smooth things over.”

Connor chewed his lip while he processed that. “My dad thought it was funny?”

“I think your mom did too. She sounded like she was trying not to laugh.”

Connor smiled as he opened the door. “Well, okay then.”

They’d never gone out as a group. Not like this. Not on a bar crawl.

Which was what they were doing.

Because they were all 21 now and they had less than two months before everything in their lives changed.

Cole saw the night as a test run for his bachelor party.

Which he wanted to have. Connor burst out laughing when he heard that. And then he tried to cover it up by pretending to have a coughing fit.

Cole did not look amused.

They brought Zoe with them to be the sober friend/drunk wrangler. She didn’t seem to mind, mainly because she had rehearsal in the morning. She was playing Ali in their school’s production of _Mamma Mia_.

Of course, Evan was the only one who seemed to understand that. Connor thought she was coming with them to keep an eye on him. Jared thought she was coming to spend time with him. Evan thought it was probably a bit of all three.

It didn’t take long for Zoe to have to start taking her role as drunk wrangler seriously. They were all pretty out of it by the time they left their first stop. 

By the third stop, she decided to make them pair up and use the buddy system to help her keep track of everyone.

Evan paired up with Connor, naturally. 

Which was how he ended up getting lost somewhere between the fourth stop and the fifth.

At least that’s what he told himself.

He told himself he wouldn’t have gotten lost on his own. Connor was clearly the reason he’d ended up in an alley of some kind.

He’d been following Connor because he assumed Connor knew where he was going.

He didn’t know why he’d assumed that. It wasn’t like Connor had done this kind of thing before either.

It was a very small alley. Miniscule, really.

And possibly not an alley at all.

Evan frowned when he realized that. “Where are we?”

Connor closed his eyes and laughed. “In a closet.”

Evan spun around while he tried to focus on his surroundings. “Nuh-uh.”

He jumped when Connor reached for something above his head.

A string.

There was a string above his head. 

Connor pulled it and the alley was flooded with light.

“We’re in a fucking closet,” Connor laughed.

Evan jumped when he realized Connor was telling the truth. They were in a supply closet of some kind. “How’d we end up in a closet?”

“I don’t know! I was following you!”

“I was following you!” 

Their eyes met and they both started laughing.

And then it was like they couldn’t stop laughing.

Evan wrapped his arms around himself as he slid onto the ground. Connor plopped down next to him.

“I don’t think we’re supposed to be in a closet.”

“Probably not,” Connor agreed. “Unless this is, like, a magic closet. Like _The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe_. Maybe it’s going to transport us to the next bar.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s just a closet. A smelly one at that.”

“A sticky one too.” Connor wrinkled his nose as he lifted his hand off the ground. He waved it in Evan’s face so he could see the goo he’d picked up.

Evan smacked his hand away and scowled at the door.

Because there was a door. He could see it now.

They were definitely not in an alley.

“We should go.”

Connor leaned back against the janitor’s cart. “Go where?”

“There.” Evan gestured at the door. “Out there. To find our people.”

Connor shrugged. “They could be anywhere. We should stay here and let Zoe find us.”

“Do you think she’ll check the closets?”

Connor nodded. “They’ll be the first places she’ll look. She always looked there first when we played hide and seek.”

“Why? Did you hide in a lot of closets as a kid?”

“I liked Harry Potter!”

Evan snorted and tried to lean back too. They both jumped when the cart rolled away.

“Maybe we should call her,” Evan suggested.

“And tell her what? That we’re in a closet, but we don’t know where.”

“I mean, let’s think about this logically. We left that last bar, right? I remember stepping outside.” Evan’s face scrunched up as he stared at the ceiling. “Or was that the place before? I’m so confused.”

“So, what then? We went into some random building and found a closet and...”

“I don’t know! I was following you!”

“I think we’ve established that we were both following each other.”

Evan closed his eyes. “Call Zoe.”

Connor reached for his phone. “It’s dead.”

“Your phone’s dead?” Evan reached for his. He patted himself all over when he didn’t find it in his pocket. “I was charging mine earlier. I must’ve forgotten to grab it.”

“Or you left it somewhere.”

“Or that.”

“I’d say we could call it with my phone, but...”

They both burst out laughing again.

Evan shook his head. “This isn’t funny. We could end up dying in here if Zoe doesn’t find us.”

“Dying in a closet. That would be a sad way to go.”

“Even sadder than falling out of a tree.” Evan hugged himself when he heard what he’d said. He shook his head before Connor could ask, before he could even finish processing it. “I was just thinking about the last time I ended up in a closet with someone.”

“This is a habit of yours?”

Evan shook his head. “It was at Jared’s fourteenth birthday party.”

He wrinkled his nose. “Well, mine too technically. It was technically my party too, but really it was all Jared.”

“He locked you in a closet with someone?”

“We were playing seven minutes in heaven.”

Connor let out a startled laugh. “You played seven minutes in heaven?”

“It was Jared’s idea! Because, you know, he was, like, obsessed with _13 Going On 30_ when we were thirteen.”

Connor laughed even harder.

“He was! And he thought we should all play and I wasn’t even really playing. I was just sitting there because I didn’t know anyone besides Jared. They were all his cousins and his friends from camp and... I don’t know. And then he shoved me in the closet with his cousin Rachel and it was horrible.”

“She was a bad kisser?”

“We didn’t kiss! We didn’t even really talk. She stood there chewing her gum and texting her friend who wasn’t even there and I just...” Evan shrugged. “So, what I’m trying to say is if that closet experience didn’t kill me, then this one won’t either.”

Connor squinted at the door. “Did you want her to kiss you?”

Evan scratched his neck. “I don’t know. I mean... I was thirteen and I’d never kissed a girl before and she was cute, even if she did have the Kleinman everything.” 

“Poor thing,” Connor tutted. 

“I saw her again at Jared’s graduation party.”

“Did she say anything about your seven minutes in heaven?”

Evan shook his head. “I don’t think she remembered me at all.”

Connor staggered to his feet and stumbled across the floor. “Okay, that’s it. We’re not waiting for Zoe anymore.”

He reached for the handle and gave it a tug.

It promptly came off in his hand.

He stared at it like he couldn’t understand what had just happened.

“You should’ve turned it,” Evan called. He buried his head in his arms. “Not tugged.”

There was a sudden banging noise and...

He jumped when the handle rolled over to him.

Apparently, Connor had dealt with his frustration by throwing the doorknob at the wall.

Evan tried to look on the bright side. At least it hadn’t smacked either of them in the head.

Connor pulled at his hair and paced around as much as the space would allow. “I can’t believe this. We really are going to die in here.”

“We’re not going to die,” Evan laughed. He cringed when he heard how nervous he sounded. “Zoe will find us.”

Connor shook his head. “No, she won’t. She’ll give up. She’ll decide this serves me right. She’ll decide I got myself into this mess, so I can get myself back out.”

Evan used a shelf to pull himself off the ground. “But what about me? She likes me.”

Connor’s eyes darted around as he considered that. “That’s true.”

“And...” He tilted his head when he saw how pale Connor was getting. “Are you okay?”

Connor alternated between shaking his head and nodding. “I don’t like small spaces.”

“I thought you hid in a lot of closets as a kid,” Evan reminded him.

Connor shrugged and tried to pace again. “Because my dad told me the best way to get over my fear was to expose myself to it.”

“Oh.”

“Because my fucking cousin Josh locked me in a fucking closet when I was five and it took my parents three fucking hours to notice. I was crying when they found me and-”

“Your dad told you that when you were five?”

Connor shook his head. “Later. Years later. I don’t know. He told me when he realized the fear was getting worse.”

“Did it work?”

“What?”

“I mean, you kept doing it, so...”

“It worked as long as I knew I had a way out. As long as the fucking doorknob wasn’t on the fucking floor.”

Connor’s face contorted as he pulled on his hair. “I can’t breathe.”

Evan’s eyes widened at that. He put his hands on Connor’s shoulders and tried to catch his eye. “Yes, you can.”

Connor shook his head. “I can’t.”

“Come on. Breathe with me. In, out, in out.”

Evan closed his eyes and tried to remember everything he knew about panic attacks. He knew a lot about them. He’d just never been on the other side of one.

He closed his eyes and willed his brain to cooperate.

It was hard. His head felt fuzzy and heavy and dull. He could barely focus at all. 

He eyed the door and tried to think. “There has to be something we can do. Something we can put in there and jiggle around until it catches and...”

He glanced around the closet. “Or a charger. Maybe there’s a charger in here somewhere and we can plug your phone in and call Zoe.”

Connor shook his head. He closed his eyes and pressed his fingers together like he was meditating. “I just... I just need a second and then I’ll be fine.”

Evan wasn’t sure about that. He knew it took him more than a second to pull himself together when the panic took over.

Connor looked calmer than he imagined he did when he got like that though. 

And Connor was breathing. Shakily, but breaths were coming out of him.

Evan took a step backwards and eyed the ceiling.

“Did Jared kiss anyone?” Connor asked. 

Evan’s face twitched as he tried to follow that thought. “What?”

“When you played seven minutes in heaven. I pity the girl who got sent in there with him.”

“I...” Evan closed his eyes as he tried to remember. “I think he went in with one of his camp friends, but I don’t know.”

Connor nodded vaguely and motioned for him to go on.

“It’s not much of a story,” Evan said. “I’ve kind of tried to block the whole night out, to be honest.”

Connor snorted and opened his eyes. “Can’t say I blame you.”

Their eyes met and...

Evan wasn’t sure who moved first. He wasn’t even sure if either of them actually moved. 

One second, they were standing there staring at each other and the next...

It was a clumsy kiss. A drunken clumsy kiss. It almost felt like Connor was trying to suck the air out of him.

He laughed when he thought about that. He laughed into the kiss and then out of it when Connor pulled away.

Someone was calling Connor’s name.

Zoe.

She was out there somewhere.

Connor pounded on the door and called to her.

A shadow slipped under the door when she reached them. She tried the handle and said she was going for help when she realized it was stuck.

Evan put a hand to his chest and breathed.

They were saved.

Zoe put them all on a leash after that.

Literally.

Almost literally.

She found a piece of rope somewhere and made them all hold onto it while she led them back to their dorm.

Because she’d had enough.

And so had they.

Evan thought it was safe to say they were all ready to call it a night by that point.

The room was empty when Evan woke up, which was kind of a surprise since it was barely after nine and Connor definitely was not a morning person.

He rubbed his eyes and stretched and yawned before he rolled out of bed and narrowly missed landing on the floor. He managed to steady himself just in time.

He stumbled out into the living room and discovered that he was the last one up. He rubbed his eyes when he saw that.

No one commented on it though. They were all too sleepy and hungover to do anything other than float around each other while they tried to eat their cereal.

Evan decided to take his in his room because he didn’t feel like being around people.

He sat at his desk and blinked at his bowl while he tried to decide if his stomach could handle food.

This was by far his worst hangover yet.

Which really wasn’t saying much since it was only his second.

He wondered if there was any macaroni and cheese left in the fridge.

He rested his head on his arms and tried to think, to sort out what was real and what wasn’t.

Because it had been that kind of night. The kind where all his dreams were so vivid that they felt real.

He was pretty sure he hadn’t actually climbed down the tree outside Dr. Whitney’s office.

He was almost certain Lisbeth actually had told him he’d done a good job on the slides he’d categorized for her.

There was a 50/50 chance he’d finished watching the second season of _Merlin_ with Chris and Seth.

And Connor...

He wasn’t sure about Connor.

He wasn’t sure what made his stomach twist more – the thought that he’d drunkenly kissed Connor while they were trapped in a supply closet or the idea that his subconscious mind thought that was something he should start dreaming about.

He dug his hands into his forehead and tried to think. 

He couldn’t think.

He didn’t want to think.

He didn’t want to acknowledge that at all.

Because Connor was his best friend and...

He knew Connor was attractive. He had eyes. He could see that.

He saw that the same way he saw that Kai was attractive. 

Not just attractive. Hot. Kai was undeniably hot. Even Aimee, who said she was a six on the Kinsey scale, had been known to wax poetic about Kai’s body. 

In her case, it was because she was dying to draw it, but still. Kai was so hot he had lesbian admirers.

And it wasn’t just Kai. Evan could understand why people would be attracted to all of his roommates, even Cole.

So, it wasn’t like he went around drooling over Connor. He was just aware of the fact that Connor was attractive.

He liked Connor. Connor was his friend. His best friend. The best friend he’d ever had.

He didn’t want to lose that.

He couldn’t lose that.

And if he had to choose, he’d take a best friend over a boyfriend any day.

That thought made him feel like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

He closed his eyes and breathed.

And then he practically jumped out of his skin when the door opened and Connor stepped inside.

Their eyes met and Evan nearly choked on his cereal as he hurried to look away.

Connor sat down at his desk and spun around for a second before releasing a groan. “I really shouldn’t have done that.”

“Hangover?” Evan grinned.

Connor nodded slowly and grabbed his head. 

“Last night was fun,” Evan said lightly.

“Which part? The part where we got kicked out of Simmer Down or the part where we got stuck in a fucking supply closet?”

Evan cringed because, well, that answered that.

The supply closet had been real.

He wasn’t sure about the rest of it, but...

He took another bite of his cereal and tried not to choke. “I don’t know. It was an experience.”

“How much of it do you remember?”

Evan blinked at that. “I don’t know. My brain’s still kind of fuzzy. What about you?”

Connor shrugged. “It comes to me in pieces.”

“Me too,” Evan nodded. “I just remembered the part where Jared licked Zoe’s neck.”

Connor snorted and spun around again. He looked like he was going to be sick when he came to a stop. “I really need to stop doing that.”

Evan nodded in agreement. “I think I might go back to bed.”

“The supply closet,” Connor said softly. “How much of that do you remember?”

Evan stared at his hands. “I, uh, I don’t know.”

He studied Connor for a moment before making a choice.

He decided to play dumb. “I remember your panic attack, if that’s what you mean.”

“It wasn’t a panic attack,” Connor said sharply.

Evan’s shoulders twitched slightly. “It didn’t make me think less of you, if that’s what’s got you worried.”

Connor was silent for a second. “Do you remember anything else?”

The kiss.

He was talking about the kiss.

The kiss that had actually happened.

Evan was suddenly sure about that.

He kept his eyes on his hands and shrugged. “I don’t know. Not really.”

He chanced a glance in Connor’s direction. “Is there something I should remember?”

Connor shook his head. “Not that I can think of. I was just wondering.”

He looked relieved.

Like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

Evan closed his eyes and returned to his cereal.

That settled it then.

If Connor wasn’t going to say anything, then neither was he.


	27. Junior Year - April and May

Evan took a step back to make sure he had the right room before he stuck his key in the lock.

He tilted his head and looked around and raised his eyebrows when he realized he did. 

He was definitely standing in front of his door.

Which meant that the sounds he’d been hearing since he got off the elevator were coming from his suite.

It wasn’t unusual for people on his floor to blast their music. And their tvs. And their video games.

Noise was pretty much a constant up there.

It was unusual for it to be coming from his suite though. 

Which was why he checked the room number one more time before he stepped inside.

He jumped and startled so violently that he stubbed his toe on the door when he saw what Jared and Zoe were watching.

Because, of course, he walked in right at the moment the blonde was disemboweled. That was the kind of day he was having.

He scratched his neck and kept his head down as he hurried to his room.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Jared called.

Evan squeezed his eyes shut before he spun around. “Do what?”

Jared looked annoyingly smug when their eyes met. “I wouldn’t go in there.”

Evan studied Jared for a second before giving up and looking at Zoe instead.

“Connor’s in there with his friend Gabe,” Zoe explained.

Jared cackled and shook his head at the tv. “Friend...”

“Gabe,” Evan repeated. He pressed a hand against his forehead. “From last summer?”

His eyes landed on the screen just as the blonde’s friend discovered her body.

The screams were terrible. 

Jared shoved another handful of popcorn in his mouth and eyed the door to Evan’s room. “Was that a moan? Should I turn it up again?”

Zoe grabbed the remote before Jared could get it. “Gabe’s in town for... for something. I don’t know. He stopped by to see Connor.”

“His friend...” Jared laughed again.

Evan swallowed dryly as he eyed the door. “I need to go in there.”

“Why?” Jared grinned. “You want to join them?”

Zoe shoved his arm. “Don’t be an ass.”

Jared looked slightly sheepish when she caught his eye.

Evan tugged at his sleeve. “I need to get my notes. They’re-they’re on my desk and I’m... I’m supposed to meet Lisbeth in, like, uh... in ten minutes? I think. I don’t know. What, uh, what time is it?”

Zoe glanced at him with a mixture of understanding and... something else.

Sympathy.

Evan looked away when he realized that.

Her face brightened as she hopped off the couch. “It’s okay. I’ve got this.”

“You’re going in?” Jared yelped. 

Zoe shook her head. “Connor and I have this thing we do. Did. We haven’t done it in...”

She shook her shoulders. “It’s been a while, so he might not remember. It was before he... you know.”

Evan nodded slightly.

Zoe nodded too. “We had this special knock we did to warn each other when our parents were on the move, to give each other a chance to hide anything we, uh, we didn’t want them to see.”

She balled her hand into a fist and tapped the door several times.

And then she stood back and waited.

She lifted her fist to try again, but there was a knock on the other side before she could.

She tapped the door two more times and received a pair of knocks in response.

Zoe smile and gestured at the door. “All clear.”

Evan tentatively turned the knob and cracked the door open. 

He opened it the rest of the way when he didn’t hear any moaning.

Connor and a guy he assumed was Gabe were sitting on Connor’s bed with Connor’s laptop between them.

“We were just starting a movie,” Connor said. 

“You can join us if you want,” Gabe added in an annoyingly chipper tone.

Evan allowed his eyes to land on Gabe for the shortest of seconds.

Gabe wasn’t anything like what he’d pictured.

Not that he’d spent a lot of time picturing Connor’s summer fling.

The few times he’d tried though, he’d pictured someone darker, someone more like Matt.

Gabe looked like he’d just left the beach, like he probably lived on the beach.

Evan wondered if he surfed.

He shook his head to clear it and headed straight for his desk. “Thanks, but I, uh, I’m just grabbing my notes. I have to meet Lisbeth.”

“The dragon lady,” Connor said.

Gabe nodded knowingly and gave Evan a sympathetic smile.

The sight of that made Evan’s stomach sink.

Gabe knew about Lisbeth? Connor had told Gabe about Lisbeth? They had kept in touch to a point where Lisbeth had come up in whatever form of communication they were using?

Evan grabbed his notebook and shoved it in his backpack.

“This is Gabe, by the way.”

Evan kept his eyes down when he spun around. “Yeah, I, uh...”

He shook his head. “I’m Evan.”

“It’s nice to finally meet you,” Gabe said.

Finally? 

What the hell did that mean?

Evan puffed his cheeks out and nodded at the door. “I should go.”

Gabe nodded slowly. “You don’t want to keep the dragon lady waiting.”

Evan practically ran to the door. He paused with his hand on the handle.

“Have fun. Be safe.”

He cringed when he heard himself.

He barely kept it together as he hurried past Jared and Zoe.

He leaned against the door after he closed it. He stared at the ceiling and shook his head.

Have fun? 

Be safe?

What the hell was wrong with him?

Evan couldn’t stop replaying his run-in with Gabe while he waited for Lisbeth to buzz him up.

He couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Any of it.

He couldn’t stop thinking about what Gabe and Connor were...

He shook his head and sighed when the door clicked open.

Just in time.

He really hadn’t felt like going there.

Lisbeth was sitting at her desk when he reached her room.

She was so focused on her work that Evan took a moment to look around.

He’d never been there before. 

He’d never wanted to go there before. He hadn’t even been curious about her living situation until she announced they were going to work in her room that night.

It was neat as a pin and didn’t have any kind of personality. 

Evan didn’t know what else he’d been expecting.

He cleared his throat to let her know he was there. She waved him in, but that didn’t do him a lot of good.

She had a single and the only pieces of furniture were her desk and her bed.

He wasn’t about to sit there. 

He settled for awkwardly hovering by the window while she continued to examine the papers in front of her.

He grabbed his phone and started clicking around in an attempt not to think about Gabe.

He was only semi-successful.

He jumped when Lisbeth finally looked up.

She wanted to practice her speech in front of him because she had to present her final project in two days.

She narrowed her eyes at her bed until Evan perched on the edge.

And then she grabbed her notecards and started to talk.

And talk.

And talk some more.

Lisbeth recited her speech four times. Maybe five. 

It was a blur for Evan.

He tried to listen. He tried to focus. He tried to give her advice on the parts she thought she was struggling with.

It was hard though.

His heart wasn’t in it. And neither was his brain.

He could barely make himself focus.

Lisbeth didn’t seem to notice. She was too busy scratching things out and double checking her facts and asking if he thought they should run certain tests again.

She had a very matter-of-fact way of speaking. It had been discomforting when he’d first met her, but he’d gotten used to it. She usually didn’t talk a lot, but when she did it packed a punch.

And she always, always spoke her mind.

Which was why he probably shouldn’t have been surprised when she finished her fifth (sixth?) run through and looked him in the eye and announced that they should have sex.

It took Evan a second to process that.

He dropped his notebook when he did. “Wait, what?”

“You heard me,” Lisbeth said.

Evan nodded dazedly. “I did, but... Did you hear yourself?”

Lisbeth rolled her eyes. “Of course, I did.”

“No, I mean, did you _hear_ yourself? Do you understand what you’re saying?”

“I know what sex is.”

Evan nodded again.

“Even if I’ve never had it.”

Evan nearly fell off the bed. 

It wasn’t so much what she’d said, but how she’d said it.

Lisbeth sighed and sat back down. “I’m graduating next month.”

“And...” Evan closed his eyes as he tried to follow her logic. “You don’t want to be a virgin when you-”

“Virginity is a social construct and...” Lisbeth pressed her lips together. “But the fact remains that people see it as a rite of passage and-”

“Having sex does not make you a grown-up!”

“Well, I know that,” Lisbeth huffed. “If it did, then my fourteen-year-old cousin would be one.”

She tapped her fingers together. “I’ve decided it’s something I should-”

“Get rid of?” Evan laughed. “You want to get it over with?”

Lisbeth narrowed her eyes until he stopped laughing. “I’m starting a job in July and I’m going to be moving in circles where it’ll be an awkward thing to bring up if I meet someone and things progress to the point where they have the right to know that I’ve never...”

Evan could sort of see her point.

He didn’t agree with it, but he could see how she’d gotten there.

“You don’t have to tell anyone you’ve never-”

“But I would. I would tell them. You know I would.”

Evan stared at his hands. “Why me?”

“Because it’s convenient and you’re decent to look at and I’m assuming you don’t have any STIs.” 

Evan’s mouth dropped open. “Well, when you flatter me like that, how could I possibly say no?”

Lisbeth rolled her eyes. “What do you want me to say? That you’re nice? That you’re smart? That I consider you a friend?”

“You consider me a friend?”

Lisbeth shrugged. “I’m using the term loosely here, but I suppose-”

Evan shook his head. “Weird day. Weird, weird day.”

That came out louder than he would’ve liked. He had meant to mutter it under his breath.

Lisbeth folded her hands in her lap. “Well?”

“I have to decide right now?”

“I’m going to move onto the next candidate if you-”

“Next candidate?” Evan chuckled.

Weird day.

Weird, weird day.

“Privacy isn’t an issue, as you can see.” Lisbeth gestured around the room. 

“Now? You want to do this tonight?”

Lisbeth nodded. “I was thinking now would be good.”

She leaned down and pulled something out of the cabinet next to her desk.

A bottle of wine.

Evan blinked when he saw that.

He accepted a glass from her though.

He didn’t make any promises. He didn’t say anything else.

He didn’t see the harm in it though. Not really.

Because this was college and this was the kind of thing people did in college, wasn’t it?

Casual sex was definitely a thing. 

And it would be casual. He was sure of that. Even if it was her first time. 

He highly doubted that she would try to pin him down and pull him into a relationship after they were done.

This wasn’t like George. Lisbeth didn’t seem like she particularly liked him. And she was about to graduate. There was a good chance he’d never see her again after she did.

Unless maybe she ended up being his boss someday. The thought of that made him pause until he realized this was Lisbeth he was talking about. If she acknowledged their history at all, it would be with a comment about how she’d lost her social construct to him. In front of a whole group. She would definitely say that in front of a whole group of people while he chuckled awkwardly and she was left wondering why everyone was gawking at her.

This wasn’t a big deal. 

People did this sort of thing all the time. They hooked up with each other. They made out with people they’d just met. They slept with people without knowing their names.

They slept with people who had the same name as them.

They kissed people in closets and pretended they hadn’t.

They...

Evan put his glass down.

Lisbeth seemed to take that as a sign to join him on the bed.

Lisbeth didn’t officially kick him out afterwards, but it was obvious she wanted him to go. She made that clear the second she went back to her desk and started mumbling about mold spores.

Evan didn’t let that bother him. He wanted to go and he knew the spore thing had nothing to do with him and everything to do with her project.

He lingered in the doorway before he left; partially against his better judgment, partially because his conscience told him he should. “Are you, uh, okay?”

Lisbeth glanced up from her notes long enough to squint at him. “Yeah. Why?”

Evan shook his head. “No reason.”

And then he left.

She was fine. He was sure about that.

Everyone had gone to bed by the time he returned to the suite. 

The living room was quiet and he couldn’t see light creeping out from under any of the doors, including his.

He scratched his neck and debated what to do about that.

He wondered if Gabe was sleeping over. He didn’t want to get in the middle of that. He didn’t want to know anything about that. 

He decided to play it safe and sleep on the couch.

He felt trapped when he woke up. Smothered, even.

It took him a minute to realize why.

Someone was sitting on his legs.

He didn’t fully grasp that until he heard Zoe tell Jared to stop being a jerk and get up.

He leapt off the couch as soon as the weight was gone. He fixed Jared with the sternest glare he could manage and made a show of rubbing his legs.

Jared rolled his eyes. “Don’t be such a baby.”

“That hurt!”

Jared chuckled and rocked back on his heels. “It was a joke. I was just fooling around.”

“It really hurt. You shouldn’t do that to people. You could’ve broken something.”

Jared raised his eyebrows. “Are you calling me fat?”

Zoe closed her eyes. “Guys...”

Evan felt like there was fire shooting through his veins. He clenched his fists and tried to breathe. “Why did you do that? Why do you think it’s okay to go around doing these things? These stupid things that hurt people and-”

“Woah!” Jared huffed. “It was just a stupid joke. You need to lighten up.”

“Lighten up? You’re seriously telling me to lighten up after you almost paralyzed me?”

“Paralyzed you? I didn’t even-”

“See...” Evan’s hands were shaking. He shoved them in his pockets when he realized that. “You do these things. These stupid things. You think you’re funny, but you’re not. You think people are laughing with you, but they’re not. They’re laughing at you because-”

“Guys,” Zoe begged. “Come on. Let’s just-”

“No,” Jared snapped. “Let him finish. I’m dying to hear why he thinks people are laughing at me.”

Evan deflated because the interruption had made him run out of steam. His blood still felt prickly, but he couldn’t work up the energy to stay mad.

He stared at his feet and exhaled loudly. “I’m going to brush my teeth.”

“That’s it?” Jared sneered. “You’re just going to leave me hanging like that? I want to know what you were going to-”

He stopped speaking when Zoe put a hand on his arm. “Fine. I’ll be the bigger person. Get it. Bigger person? Because you think I’m fat.”

He threw his head back and let out an excessively fake laugh as he strutted to the door.

Zoe hung back for a moment. She chewed her lip as she studied Evan. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Evan muttered.

Zoe refused to look away. “Are you sure? That wasn’t like you.”

She kept her voice low so that Jared couldn’t hear.

Evan forced himself to breathe. “I didn’t sleep well.”

Zoe smiled faintly. “That couch is awful, isn’t it? I found a sock wedged between the cushions yesterday. It smelled like death.”

“It was probably one of Kai’s gym socks. He’s always leaving them everywhere.”

Zoe nodded. “Jared left it on Kai’s bed.”

Jared cleared his throat and gestured at his watch.

“We should go. We’re meeting his family for brunch.”

“You’re meeting the family?” Evan grinned.

“It’s not like that,” Zoe said sheepishly. “And I’ve already met them actually. We’re just... They’re getting together to talk about apartments for next year and Jared wants me there as moral support.”

Evan motioned for her to go.

She bit her lip and looked past him. “Gabe’s train leaves at twelve, so they’ll probably be up any second now.”

Evan wondered if it would be weird if he tried to tag along to the Kleinmans’ brunch. He would’ve tried if he hadn’t just exchanged words with Jared.

He went into the bathroom as soon as they were gone. He brushed his teeth and washed his face and nearly took out an eye when he heard voices.

Seth and Chris.

He was just hearing Seth and Chris. 

His relief was short-lived because he could hear two other voices as well.

Connor’s and a voice that was only vaguely familiar.

Gabe. That one had to belong to Gabe.

The four of them were laughing about something.

The door to the bathroom swung open and Connor stepped inside. He froze when he spotted Evan by the sinks. 

They stared at each other until Evan grabbed his towel and started drying his face. He took his time.

Connor hadn’t budged when he put it down. He tilted his head and frowned at Evan. “Are you just getting in?”

Evan’s mouth dropped open before he caught himself. 

Connor didn’t know he’d spent the night on the couch.

He could work with that.

He shrugged slightly. Casually. It was a totally casual shrug. “Yeah.”

“Where-”

“You didn’t actually make a bet with Jared about Lisbeth and me, did you?” Evan asked. He leaned forward to examine his reflection. “Because you owe him ten dollars if you did.”

He tried not to laugh when Connor’s reflection popped up behind him.

“You slept with Lisbeth?”

Evan eyed his shelf and debated what he should do next. Shave? He wasn’t in the mood. Floss? He knew he should floss, but he didn’t feel like doing it just then. 

He grabbed his towel and started blotting his face again. “Yeah.”

“Lisbeth?” Connor laughed. “The dragon lady?”

Evan nodded slowly.

“Well, you still have your head at least.”

“My head?”

“The way you talk about her, I wouldn’t have been surprised if she bit guys’ heads off while she’s screwing them.”

Evan absentmindedly poked at his neck. “I still have my head.”

“So I see.” Connor stared at him for a beat. “Gabe and I are going to go grab something to eat if you want to come.”

Evan shook his head and hung up his towel. “I have plans.”

“With Lisbeth?”

A million curses went off in Evan’s head. He hadn’t thought there’d be a follow-up.

He considered his options.

Jared was out. So was Zoe. So were Chris and Seth. He didn’t think they’d know to play along if he tried to make it seem like the three of them had plans.

Ryan? He could say he was meeting Ryan somewhere. Or Kai. Or Cole.

He could say he was helping Cole with his wedding plans. Except there was no way he could get away with that without actually tracking Cole down and helping him pick out flowers. 

He shook his head to clear it. “With my mom. I’m getting ready to head over there actually.”

“You’re going home?”

“Just for the day.” Evan’s voice grew stronger as the plan came together in his mind. “She’s been asking me to stop by all week. She keeps saying it’s not an emergency, but she keeps asking anyway.”

“Oh.”

“I think she’s engaged to Geoff and she’s dying to tell me in person.”

He closed his eyes when he heard himself. He hadn’t meant to say that. He hadn’t meant to share anything personal, to say anything that would delay his departure.

Connor was trying to read him when he opened his eyes. “Are you okay with that?”

Evan forced his face to stay blank. “As okay as I can be.”

“Are you sure you don’t have time to-”

“My mom’s waiting for me!”

“Coffee. Do you have time for coffee? Your mom will understand.” He continued on quickly before Evan could argue. “Gabe wants to-”

“To what? To meet me? Officially. To officially meet me?” Evan squeezed the sides of his shirt. “Why?”

His eyes widened with realization. “Because it’s almost summer and he’s your summer boyfriend.”

“He’s not my-”

“Are you staying with your aunt again this summer? Because otherwise what’s the point, right? You’ll be three hours away from each other. I mean, that’s closer than when he’s in California, but still.”

“I’m not staying with Jamie this summer.”

“Then is he coming here?”

Connor shook his head. “We’re just friends now.”

“Friends who...” Evan sucked in a breath. “He didn’t sleep in my bed, did he?”

“What? No.”

“Because you need to wash my sheets if he did.”

“He didn’t sleep in your bed.”

Evan decided not to ask if Gabe had slept on the floor.

He nodded at the door. “I need to go.”

Connor took a step back and waved him on.

It occurred to him when he was halfway to his mother’s house that he may have sounded a bit jealous when he’d talked to Connor.

He very quickly tried to justify that by telling himself that he’d been concerned.

For Connor. Who was his friend. Who had been burned before.

His concern was perfectly reasonable and in no way a sign that...

He pushed that thought out of his head when he nearly rear ended the car in front of him.

His instincts had been right. His mother was engaged to Geoff. 

They were getting married in August.

It was going to be a small wedding. They were planning to get married in Geoff’s brother’s backyard.

She wanted Evan to walk her down the aisle and stand up there next to Maggie.

He said yes, of course.

He stopped at Louie’s on his way out of town. He picked up Jared’s favorite muffin and took it straight to Jared’s room when he got back.

Jared raised his eyebrows as he bit into it. “Is this a peace offering or are you trying to fatten me up?”

He grinned when he spewed crumbs all over Evan’s shirt.

Evan decided to suck it up and not wipe them off. “Peace offering. I know you like the cinnamon muffins from Louie’s.”

Jared considered that for a moment. “Okay. I forgive you, even if you were a dick this morning.”

“I know.”

“Is it your time of the month or something?”

“Or something,” Evan muttered.

Jared had the sense not to ask.

Or maybe he just didn’t care.

He put his earbuds back in and studied his notes like Evan was no longer there.

Evan flopped onto his bed and sighed at the ceiling. 

That got Connor’s attention. He put down his book and rolled over to see what was happening. 

“My mom’s getting married in August,” Evan said.

“Congratulations?”

“She’s happy and I’m happy she’s happy. I hope it works out this time.”

“You didn’t say that to her, did you?”

“Say what? That I hope it works out?”

“This time,” Connor mimicked. “Those words in that tone probably aren’t what someone wants hear right after they get engaged.”

“I guess,” Evan muttered. “It’s just... It crushed her when Dad left and these things have a way of falling apart, don’t they? I mean, even your parents... Even they... You’re always saying their relationship’s crap.”

“Well, it is,” Connor huffed. 

“See. I mean, seriously what are the odds of finding someone you love, who loves you, who can stand to be around you all the time, who you can grow with and-”

“Hold on.” Connor held up a finger as he reached for his phone. “I’ll look up the current divorce rate.”

“That doesn’t matter, does it? Your parents aren’t divorced and they-”

Connor sighed as he put down his phone. “Is that what’s bothering you?”

Evan glanced at him in alarm. “What?”

“Something was bothering you this morning and I thought...”

“You thought what?”

“I thought it was about Gabe, but-”

Evan chuckled harshly. “No, it was definitely about my mom.”

He nodded for emphasis.

Connor nodded too. “Okay.”

Evan pointed at the book Connor had tossed to the side. “Is that the memoir Wheaton recommended last week?”

Connor poked at the spine. “It’s life-changing.”

“In a good way or a bad way?”

“I haven’t decided yet.”

Evan was an expert at keeping things in. 

He was so adept at it that he had never even mentioned his talent when Zoe or Connor started going on about how their family kept things to themselves.

He kept things to himself when he didn’t want other people to know about them.

He kept things to himself when he didn’t want to acknowledge them.

He kept things to himself when he wanted to pretend they didn’t exist.

He’d gotten slightly better about it since he’d started seeing Dr. Sherman.

Which was why he wondered if that was the problem. It had been almost a year since he’d been to see his therapist.

He hadn’t planned to stop seeing Dr. Sherman. It had just sort of happened. He’d been busy and he hadn’t felt the need to go and...

Excuses, excuses. 

He made an appointment for the first week of summer break.

He made it himself. He called and everything. He didn’t use the online portal or ask his mom to do it for him.

He felt like he deserved a pat on the back for that.

He also felt like he could use some perspective on some things and he knew Dr. Sherman was good at that.

It was like Dr. Sherman always said, it was easy for him to ask himself the tough questions, but answering them was another story.

Lisbeth aced her presentation. 

She actually smiled when she told Evan how it had gone.

He asked if she wanted to celebrate because that seemed like the polite thing to do.

She frowned and warned him not to fall in love with her.

And then she flounced off to tell someone else.

About her presentation, he hoped. Not that she thought he was in love with her.

Evan breathed into his hands as he tried to calm down. 

He tried telling himself that he had this, that it was fine.

It was just Dr. Whitney.

Dr. Whitney and four of her colleagues.

He tried not to think about that part.

He needed to eat. He was getting light-headed from not eating.

He banged on the vending machine twice before he remembered that he hadn’t put any money in it yet.

And then he looked around to see if anyone had noticed.

His heart sped up when he realized someone had just gotten off the elevator.

And then he realized it was Connor.

He looked around frantically. “What’re you doing here?”

“Crashing your presentation, of course,” Connor smirked. He rolled his eyes when Evan continued to twitch. “You skipped lunch.”

“I told you I couldn’t make it.”

Connor pulled a sandwich out of his bag. “You need to eat. You’re going to pass out in there if you don’t.”

“I’m not going to pass out!”

“Tenth grade world history.”

Evan sighed and took a bite of the sandwich. “Thank you.”

“This isn’t a big deal, right? You’re not getting graded on it, are you?”

Evan shook his head and swallowed. “It’s my proposal for my senior project.”

“And the proposal isn’t part of the final grade, right?”

Evan jabbed the sandwich in Connor’s direction. “I see what you’re doing here.”

“I’m just saying, even if you go in there and totally blow it, it’s not the end of the world.”

“No,” Evan said slowly. “But they might not approve my project.”

“Dr. Whitney will make them approve it. You said she thinks it’s brilliant.”

“She didn’t use the word ‘brilliant.’”

“You know what I mean.”

The door opened before Evan could respond.

He shoved the rest of his sandwich at Connor.

Dr. Whitney smiled when she spotted him. “Evan, good. Come in. We’re ready for you.”

Dr. Whitney gave him a stealthy thumbs up as he left the room. 

He smiled at his feet and tried not to trip until the door closed behind him.

Connor was still there. He glanced up expectantly. “Well?”

Evan closed his eyes and nodded. “I think I got it.”

“Told you.”

Finals week was doing a number on all of them.

Zoe had been absentmindedly humming ABBA’s entire song catalog under her breath ever since she’d gotten there. She’d stopped for a few minutes after Connor snapped that she didn’t need to keep rehearsing because the musical was over. 

And then she’d started again like she couldn’t help herself. Evan wondered if the song ‘Honey, Honey’ was permanently stuck in her head.

Jared couldn’t get over the fact that Evan’s ecology final had included an essay question about the movie _Zootopia_. He kept going off on rants about how he wanted a do-over because he’d picked the wrong major.

Ryan couldn’t stop checking his phone and groaning when he saw the new things Layla had bought for their apartment.

Seth couldn’t stop eating. Chris couldn’t stop laughing at memes. Kai kept asking if anyone wanted to go for a run.

Only Cole seemed calm.

Probably because he was far more concerned about his upcoming wedding than he was about his finals.

At least his wedding had been pushed back to June. 

Evan didn’t know how they all would’ve dealt with that and finals at the same time.

He rubbed his forehead and stretched and allowed himself to check his phone when he realized that his vision was going blurry from staring at his philosophy notes all morning.

There was a text from his mother saying that Burt, his boss at Ellison State Park, had called their house to ask if Evan was looking for a summer job. 

His mother had said that he was because Dr. Whitney and her wife were going to spend the summer in England with Diana. She’d told Burt that she’d have Evan give him a call when he got home.

Evan felt dizzy when he saw that. 

It had been four years since he’d worked at the park. It felt like it had been a lifetime ago.

He’d liked it there. It had been peaceful for a while. 

It had been peaceful until it had stopped feeling peaceful and started feeling overwhelming.

Evan wasn’t sure if he wanted to go back.

He didn’t tell his mother that.

He ignored her message and decided to switch things up by doing some practice problems for a while instead.

He grinned when he heard Connor cursing across from him. “What did you do?”

Connor had somehow managed to glue a pair of scissors to his hand. “It’s this stupid art project. I thought that class was supposed to be an easy A!”

Evan reached over to help him get the scissors off his hand. “You haven’t finished your book yet? I turned mine in two days ago.”

Connor shook his head. “I’ve been putting it off all week.”

“What’s yours about?”

Connor’s eyes flashed when Zoe came over to see. “Nothing.”

Zoe pointed at the mess he’d made. “What’s that?”

Jared groaned as he tilted his head back to see. “You have got to be kidding me. You’re doing arts and crafts over there? Do you people have any idea how hard this code is I’m working on?”

He grabbed his laptop and ran into his room.

They all jumped when the door slammed behind him.

“He had to start over because he keeps getting error messages,” Zoe explained. She knelt down to look at Connor’s book. “What is this?”

“It’s for that art class we’re taking,” Evan said. “It’s our final project. We all have to create a children’s book based on one of our favorite childhood memories. Mine’s about the time my mom and I went to the fair.”

Zoe tried to catch Connor’s eye. “Is that the orchard?”

Evan looked between them. “What orchard?”

Zoe opened her mouth to explain. She closed it when Connor gave her a look.

Evan decided to give them some privacy because it was clear that Connor didn’t want to answer in front of him.

He tried not to think about that.

He tried not to think about how things with Connor had been kind of weird for over a month. 

They’d been weird since the supply closet.

He tried not to think about that.

He tried to tell himself that he was imagining things, that it was all in his head, that Connor would tell him he was nuts if he brought it up.

He tried to tell himself that there was nothing for them to feel weird about, that people always did stupid things while they were drunk, that the questions his brain kept trying to ask did not need to be answered.

He tried to tell himself to forget about it.

He was not successful.

It was ten of twelve. The dorm was closing at noon.

Evan didn’t think they were going to make it.

He could make it if he left by himself. His things were all packed up and in his car. He only had his backpack left to carry.

Connor was another story.

He chewed his lip as he watched Connor check his phone. “Are you sure I can’t help you with anything?”

“Zoe’s already home.”

Evan blinked at that. “She is?”

“She has her own car,” Connor reminded him. “She’s already home and helping Mom make lunch. They want to know what kind of sandwich I want.”

He glanced up quickly. “She said to ask you too. Mom thinks it’s terrible that you’re going home to an empty house.”

Evan scratched his neck. “It’s fine. I’m kind of looking forward to it actually.”

Connor nodded vaguely. He pocketed his phone and looked around. “Okay. So...”

“We have ten minutes. Nine now.”

Connor nodded again. “Okay, shove everything in a garbage bag. Got it.”

Evan grabbed a bag too and started doing just that. He emptied out Connor’s closet and dumped everything in the bag. “Your mom’s going to have a fit when she sees this.”

“Probably,” Connor shrugged. He glanced around again. “Am I forgetting anything?”

“Did your check your desk drawers?”

Connor nodded but went to check again.

“What about the bathroom? And the living room? And the kitchen?”

Connor shook his head. “Cole took care of that before he left.”

Evan nodded because he knew that was true. Cole had boxed up everyone’s things and left them on their beds.

“I still can’t believe he’s getting married.”

“I still can’t believe I’m going to be one of his groomsmen,” Connor laughed. “He’s going to be in my life forever, isn’t he?”

“Probably.”

Connor’s mouth twisted to the side. “So, did you decide yet? About the job.”

Evan pointed at the door. “Quit stalling. We need to go before they kick us out.”

Connor checked the time. “I’m not stalling. We still have three minutes.”

Evan rolled his eyes. “I think I’m going to take it.”

“You said you worked there before?”

Evan nodded. “Summer before twelfth grade.”

“And you liked it?”

“Yeah, I mean... I don’t know. It was nice until I broke my arm.”

“Do you think they could use two... What did you say you’re doing?”

“I was an assistant park ranger last time. That’s usually what they call the high schoolers though. I don’t know what I’ll be this time.”

“Do you think they could use another one?”

“I don’t know,” Evan shrugged. His face scrunched up when he got what Connor was saying. “You want to work there too?”

“I don’t want to sit around the house all summer.”

“Right,” Evan nodded.

He got that. He didn’t want to sit around the house all summer either. The thought of going home was weird enough as it was. He’d go nuts if he was stuck there all day, every day.

“And I really don’t want to work at my dad’s office again.”

“Did you call the library? Maybe they have something you can do.”

“Maybe,” Connor muttered. “I don’t know. I’m just trying to see what all my options are.”

“I’ll ask Burt when I call him,” Evan promised.

And he meant it.

The park was huge. It wasn’t like they’d see each other every second of every day.

Not that it would be a problem if they did.

Because Connor was his best friend and...

He flicked the side of his head to pull himself out of that spiral.

Connor leaned against the side of his bed. “Are you sure you’re okay living with Geoff?”

“Yeah,” Evan said. “It’s fine. It’ll be fine. I’ll get used to it and...”

He shook a finger at Connor. “Now you’re stalling.”

Connor grinned as he swung a bag over his shoulder. “Yeah, I am.”


	28. Summer After Junior Year

Evan blinked at the screen when the credits began to roll. “Okay, that was, uh...”

“When did this show turn into _Glee_?” Connor asked.

“It’s not _Glee_.”

Connor flicked his hand in the direction of the tv. "That was totally _Glee_."

“They only did one musical episode and it made as much sense as anything on the show ever does.”

“The actor who plays Jeffrey really can’t sing.”

Evan wrinkled his nose. “Or dance.”

“Madeline can. She actually wasn’t that bad.”

“She’s definitely one of the better singers.”

“I don’t know,” Connor sighed. “I think I liked it better before Netflix picked it up.”

Evan nodded slightly. He knew what he meant.

Their soap had had a rough time the past few years. It had spent several decades flying under the radar on an obscure broadcast channel, only to be unceremoniously dropped. It had then rebounded online with the help of its cult following of stoners, college students, and stay-at-home moms. The funds for that had run out pretty quickly though.

Which was when Netflix had swooped in to save the day. In a manner of speaking. 

Evan wasn’t sure if he liked the new version of the show. 

Neither was Connor. That was easy to see. He shook his head as he debated what to put on next.

Evan checked his email while he waited. He only had one message that he actually had to deal with.

It was from Cole and it detailed everything that was going to happen during his wedding weekend.

Evan snapped his laptop shut when he was done reading. His mouth dropped open as he turned to tell Connor what he’d read.

“Cole’s email?” Connor guessed.

“You already saw it?”

“Oh, yeah,” Connor chuckled. “Don’t worry. I already took care of it.”

Evan didn’t need to ask what he’d taken care of. He just wanted to know how. 

Connor smirked as he continued to scan the menu. “I found a date for each of us. A traditional date for Cole’s traditional pictures.”

“For Cole’s parents’ traditional pictures,” Evan corrected. “Cole said he doesn’t care who we go out with, that his parents are the ones who want all his groomsmen to bring female dates to the wedding.”

“And you believe him?”

“I don’t know,” Evan shrugged. “Cole may be a lot of things, but he doesn’t seem to care about all that.”

He glanced at Connor when he didn’t respond. “And you have to admit he’s loosened up a lot since we first met him.”

Connor made a face. “Aren’t you curious who I asked?”

Evan’s stomach sunk when he heard that. “Who?”

“Alana and Tracy.”

Evan snorted. “Of course. Why didn’t I think of that?”

“They were all too happy to oblige.”

“I bet.” 

Connor tilted his head at him. “You didn’t already have a date, did you?”

Evan shook his head. “Like who?”

“Like Lisbeth?”

Evan snorted again. “Yeah, no. I wasn’t planning to bring anyone until I saw that dates are required. So, really, this works out. Dibs on Tracy though. Alana kind of scares me.”

Connor’s grin faded when his phone started to ring. “It’s my dad.”

Evan chewed his lip while he listened to Connor’s side of the conversation.

While he tried to listen. Connor didn’t say much and the few things he did say made no sense out of context.

Evan drummed his fingers on his knees while he waited for Connor to recover from his shock.

Because he understood that much. 

Connor was clearly in shock about whatever his father had just said.

It took him a minute to snap out of it and then he closed his eyes and slid down in his seat. “I’m going to Disney World with my dad.”

Evan let out a startled laugh. That had pretty much been the last thing he’d expected to hear. “Um, what?”

“This weekend. My dad and I are going to Orlando this weekend. Just the two of us.”

“Why? Is he dying?”

“I wish,” Connor snorted. And then he heard himself. His face twitched as the guilt kicked in. “My mom’s having a spa weekend with Zoe and she told my dad he has to do something with me.”

“And he decided this was his best option?”

“It was my idea, but I didn’t think he’d go for it!” Connor hissed. “He wanted to go fishing and, of course, I balked at that. And then my mom got mad at him and started going on about how he doesn’t know me at all if he thinks I’d want to go fishing. She wouldn’t shut up about how I had an ant funeral when I was eight.”

“A what?”

“An ant funeral. A funeral for an ant.”

“You had a funeral for an ant?” Evan laughed.

“I was eight and I’d just seen _Honey, I Shrunk the Kids_!” Connor narrowed his eyes until Evan’s laughter had subsided. “She brings that story out whenever she wants to think that I’m... you know.”

Evan smiled and nodded.

“So, she got mad at my dad for even thinking that I’d want to go fishing. Because, clearly, I’m way too sensitive for that.”

“Did you want to go fishing?”

Connor recoiled at the suggestion. “And spend hours in a boat with my dad?”

“Good point.”

“So, then she started going on about how he never listens to me. About how he doesn’t know me or see me as a person because he doesn’t even try. She didn’t shut up until he finally turned to me and asked if I had any suggestions.”

“And you said Disney World?”

“I didn’t think it’d happen!” Connor hissed. “It’s Memorial Day weekend. It’s going to be mobbed down there and last-minute flights are ridiculous. I figured there was no way it’d happen and then we’d both be off the hook and...”

“He made it happen?”

Connor shook his head. “I don’t even know.”

“Bring me back a hat,” Evan grinned.

“A hat?”

Evan nodded. “A baseball cap. Something to keep my head from getting burned. I’m going to need it this summer.”

Connor stared at him for a beat. “That’s all you have to say?”

“What else do you want me to say?”

“Do you have any ideas how-”

“You can get out of going?” Evan finished. He shook his head slowly. “I think you should go.”

Connor looked like he’d been betrayed. He folded his arms across his chest and slid down even more. “We’re talking about three days alone with my dad. Would you want to spend three days alone with your dad?”

“I like my dad,” Evan reminded him. “And it’s Disney World. I’ve never been to Disney World.”

“You’ve never been?”

Evan shook his head. “I was supposed to go a couple times when I was younger. My grandmother lived down there and we always made plans to go when I visited, but something always happened.”

Connor suddenly popped back up. “You should come.”

“What?”

“We have the miles. I’ll tell my dad to get another ticket. It might not be on our flight, but...” Connor breathed in excitedly. “And we’re staying at my parents’ friend’s condo, so that’s not a problem. You should totally come. My dad would love that. It’s better if there’s someone else around.”

Evan stared at his hands. He willed his face to stay blank. “I can’t.”

“You can’t?” Connor repeated skeptically.

Evan shook his head. “I’m serious about the hat though.”

Connor sighed and pointed the remote at the tv. He picked something random.

Connor seemed to be having an okay time on his trip.

Evan was relieved to see that. 

Part of him felt guilty about not going. The other part knew it was for the best though.

It was good for Connor to spend time with his father when they were actually getting along. It was also good for Larry, who was still reeling from the loss of his father. Evan could see that, even if Connor couldn’t.

And it was good for Evan because the thought of going on that trip had filled him with terror.

Not terror. Dread. That was a better word for it.

He wasn’t scared to be around Connor. He didn’t even really dread it. He just...

He was still trying to wrap his mind around things. Talking to Dr. Sherman had helped. Writing about it had helped. 

He hadn’t written himself a letter. He’d just jotted some things down to help himself process why the thing with Gabe had bothered him.

It wasn’t that he had feelings for Connor.

He kept telling himself that and he really believed that was not the case.

He was scared of being replaced. He was scared of being an embarrassment, of being such an embarrassment that Connor was embarrassed to admit he’d drunkenly kissed him.

He was scared of things changing.

Dr. Sherman had pointed that out and he knew he had a point.

He was scared of losing his best friend.

That was the scariest thing of all.

He started his job at Ellison State Park the first week of June. He was a trail guide this time. That was his official title. 

His job was more involved than it was before. It was full-time, for one. 

It was more interactive, for another. He was expected to lead several hikes throughout the day. He had to give talks while he did that. He had to tell people about the trees and the plants and the birds they saw. He had to answer their questions and make sure they didn’t step in any poison ivy.

He was also supposed to help oversee the junior park rangers. He kind of vaguely remembered a college student being assigned to him when he’d been a JPR. He thought they’d spoken once, maybe. He wasn’t sure. He knew he hadn’t been one of the popular JPRs. He’d kept to himself for the most part and spent the majority of his shifts wandering around on his own. 

He still did that whenever he could. He liked how peaceful the forest felt. The other trail guides complained about being asked to help maintain the paths and clear things, but he didn’t mind. He would’ve spent the whole day doing that if he could.

Connor decided not to be a trail guide. He never even submitted his resume after he saw the job description. The thought of spending that much time in nature did not appeal to him at all.

He took a volunteer job at the local library instead. He was helping them run their summer reading program.

It was for the best, Evan thought. It really, really was.

Cole was getting married in a barn.

Evan laughed when he realized that. 

The wedding was taking place in an actual barn.

It was a very nice barn, one that had been renovated so that it could be used for special occasions.

It wasn’t a church though. That was what made Evan laugh. 

Cole lived in a rural area two hours away from Evan’s house. His family had rented out an inn for all the out of town guests to stay at. 

Evan drove up with Connor and Jared the day before the wedding. Zoe was planning to get a ride with Alana and Tracy the next day.

Evan envied the girls when he realized exactly what was in store for him.

Rehearsals, lots of rehearsals. 

And then a hunt.

An actual hunting trip.

Because apparently that was a tradition in Cole’s family. The groom went hunting the day before his wedding. 

Evan wondered if anyone would believe him if he said he was sick.

Evan swatted a branch out of the way as he struggled to keep up with Connor. “Where are we going?”

“This way,” Connor said. He froze and squinted as he looked around. “Or maybe that way. Which way is south?”

“You have no idea where we’re going,” Evan sighed.

“Ryan looked it up. He said we should all meet by the stream on the south side of the forest.”

“Why aren’t we following him then?”

“Because it would’ve been too obvious if all seven of us went off together.”

Evan closed his eyes because he could see Connor’s point. “So, what’s the plan when we find them? We’re all going to lay low there until the hunt’s over?”

Connor nodded. “Pretty much.”

“This is so much worse than a bachelor party.”

“We’re having a bachelor party, just without the bachelor.”

Evan blinked when he saw what Connor was holding. 

Connor spun around and shook his head. “Okay, you’re the trail guide. Which way is south?”

They were all pretty drunk by the time Cole found them. He didn’t look surprised to see that. He put his hand on his hip and asked why he hadn’t been invited.

That made them all pause.

No one had even thought to see if Cole wanted to skip the hunt too.

He threw his rifle down and walked over to them. “I mean, it was obvious what you were doing. I saw your bags and none of you even took a gun.”

Evan felt a flash of guilt. 

He wasn’t the only one who silently offered Cole a sip of their beer.

Evan rolled over and blinked at the ceiling as it swirled around above him. He kicked his shoes off and decided that was enough. Changing involved moving and he didn’t feel like doing that.

He opened his eyes when the mattress shifted next to him. He half-heartedly attempted to shove Connor when he laid down too. “This is my bed, not your bed.”

“There are two beds and three of us,” Connor reminded him.

Evan was not in the mood to do math. He shook his head and hissed, “So?”

“So, you’re on this one and Jared’s already claimed that one.”

Evan propped himself up to see.

Sure enough, Jared had not only claimed the other bed, but he was already sound asleep and snoring.

Evan blinked as he scanned the room. “Well, there’s...”

“What? The floor? The tub? Should I sleep in the tub?”

“I don’t know! This is my bed!”

Connor scooted up so that his head was on a pillow. “Good night.”

Evan rolled over and yawned. He wasn’t in the mood to argue.

He woke up to the sound of laughter. He closed his eyes as tightly as he could and buried his head in his pillow again.

Which was not a pillow at all. 

He jolted up when he realized that.

And then he grabbed his phone to check the time and saw what had woken him up.

Jared was awake and standing in the doorway. He grinned and waved his phone before ducking out of the room.

Evan groaned and buried his head again.

And then he jolted back up because Connor was definitely not a pillow.

Or asleep. Connor was no longer asleep.

Evan’s face went red when he noticed that. He mumbled a quick apology and hurried to the bathroom without meeting Connor’s eye.

He splashed water on his face and quickly weighed the pros and cons of taking a shower. He knew he needed one. He decided it could wait until right before the ceremony though.

Connor was sitting up and blinking at the wall when he emerged from the bathroom. He sucked in a breath and forced himself to look Connor in the eye.

He decided to address the thing that wouldn’t stop poking around his brain.

“Okay,” Evan chuckled. “So, you are not a pillow. I will try to remember that from now on.”

Connor smiled faintly. “Where’s Jared?”

Evan shrugged because he wasn’t sure. He decided to answer the question Connor wasn’t asking. “He definitely saw us and documented it on his phone though.”

Connor closed his eyes. “Which means Zoe knows. Which means there’s a fifty percent chance at least one of my parents does too.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It was my idea to sleep here.”

“You were drunk.”

“I wasn’t that drunk.”

Evan scratched his neck. “I was. Which is why my head kept deciding you were a pillow.”

“At least you didn’t drool all over me.”

“Do you think I can put that on my resume? That’s a good skill to list, isn’t it? I promise I can keep the drool to a minimum if you’re forced to share a bed with me.”

“Hey, every bit counts when you’re looking for a job.”

Evan snorted and turned towards the door. “I’m going to go find something to eat.”

“Me too,” Connor decided.

Evan wondered if that was a good idea. Jared would definitely say something if they showed up to breakfast together.

Who was he kidding? Jared would say something even if he showed up alone.

At least this way he didn’t have to deal with the teasing by himself.

And there was always a chance Connor would decide to drop Jared’s phone in a water pitcher.

Cole was having a dry wedding. 

They had all known that from the start. It was important to Cara’s family that there not be any alcohol at the reception.

Which was one of the reasons it was so early.

The wedding took place at twelve and the reception was a luncheon.

It wasn’t as terrible as Evan had expected.

The ceremony didn’t center on an excessively long sermon. 

The photo shoot afterwards was quick and painless. No one made a scene.

Evan had been worried they would. He’d been worried that Chris and Hilary would break up between poses or that Alana and Tracy were planning something. 

Nothing happened though.

Tracy was a good date to have actually. She was easy to talk to and she didn’t mind taking the lead when Evan ran out of things to say to the people who approached him. 

And she didn’t try to make him dance.

That was a huge plus, especially when he saw the way Alana was pulling on Connor’s arm.

“Alana really likes this song,” Tracy explained. She smiled wistfully. “Do you think it would cause a scene if I went out there with her?”

Evan had no idea. He told her to go for it anyway.

He watched them laugh as they twirled each other around. 

Something clicked in his head when he did.

He remembered Alana from high school. She was one of those people who were hard to forget. He’d never really spoken to her or known her, but she’d always been there. Right there. In the middle of everything. 

He hadn’t really remembered Tracy though.

Seeing her laugh with Alana like that made things click together for him.

He remembered that they’d been friends. They’d pretty much been inseparable for a couple years, until senior year if Evan was remembering correctly. He remembered that Alana had spent most of that year by herself.

Because he noticed things and that was one of the things he’d noticed.

He was pretty sure they’d been best friends at one point. They’d acted like they were anyway. 

And now they were...

He wondered what that was like.

He decided to ask Tracy when she came back.

She didn’t come back.

Jared moved into Zoe’s room after the after-party that night.

Connor was poking at the bed Jared had slept in when Evan stepped out of the bathroom.

“What?” Evan laughed. “Does it smell or something?”

“Did you hear the way he snores? He probably slobbered all over this thing.”

Evan chewed his lip. They were both sober. He knew that for a fact. 

Even the after-party had been dry. It had been at a bowling alley, for goodness’ sake.

“I don’t think he has any horrible diseases,” Evan pointed out.

Connor didn’t look convinced. His eyes kept darting between the two beds. “Do you care if I just...”

Evan sucked in a breath. He eyed Jared’s bed. “Okay, fine. I’ll take that one.”

“I don’t care if you use me as a pillow,” Connor grinned.

He was teasing. Evan knew that. Something flipped in his stomach anyway. He decided to ignore it.

He climbed into Jared’s bed. “It’s fine. I’ve probably built up an immunity to all his germs.”

Connor snorted and climbed into the other one. “Are you sure?”

“It’s fine,” Evan breathed. He put his phone on the nightstand and rolled over so he was facing the wall.

He couldn’t stop thinking about Cole and Cara and their relationship as he tried to fall asleep.

He couldn’t believe how quickly things had progressed between them. They’d known each other for less than a year and now they were married.

He couldn’t imagine how that had happened and he’d basically had a front row seat to it. Part of him wondered if they were going to last. Part of him wondered why they hadn’t waited until after they graduated to get married.

He wasn’t about to ask.

They were happy. That was easy to see. They were both seriously, almost deliriously happy.

He hoped it worked out for them. 

He also hoped their relationship was a good sign for him. For people like him.

Because if someone like Cole, with all his faults and quirks and opinions, could find someone who looked at him like Cara did, then maybe there really was someone for everyone.

It was a busy summer for Evan.

A busy one and an exhausting one. His job kept him busy and made sure that he went home tired.

Just being out in the sun all day could do that, but there was more to it than that.

Talking to people, giving tours, helping with manual labor, advising the JPRs...

He was always tired when he got home.

And then the day still wasn’t done.

He was taking two online classes to get some more gen ed credits. 

And he had to deal with his mom and Geoff. 

Deal with made it sound more negative than it really was. 

They were both trying so hard to be nice to him and make sure that he felt welcome in his home that it was exhausting. Sometimes he just wanted to tell them to stop.

He didn’t though. 

He was kind of afraid of what would happen if he did.

He was so busy that he didn’t have much time for his friends.

He really didn’t.

No matter what Jared said, he wasn’t doing his weird hermit thing and hiding from them.

And he wasn’t avoiding their texts and calls. Cell service kind of sucked at the park and, even when it didn’t, he wasn’t supposed to be on the phone while he was at work.

He took that seriously even if they didn’t.

He took his job seriously.

Which was why he tried to suck it up and be professional when he saw that Jared, Zoe, and Connor were all part of his 10 AM hike one day.

He knew why they were there. He knew they were making a point by showing up like that. 

He also knew it had been almost a month since he’d seen them. Really seen them. He’d seen them here and there for a few minutes at a time. He hadn’t been up for doing more than that.

None of those things justified what they were doing in his mind though.

There were five other people in the group, so he chose to focus on them. He barely even glanced at his friends as he led the group down the trail.

He made sure he answered everyone’s questions though because he was a professional and part of that meant answering stupid questions about falling acorns.

He really hoped Jared got a job someday where he had to deal with the public. Evan was definitely going to find the time to show up there when he did and bug the crap out of him.

He took his time going over to the three of them when the hike was over. He checked in with Burt first, and then with two of the JPRs who’d been helping him pick up trash that morning.

And then he ate his sandwich and sent his mom a text saying he liked the centerpieces she’d chosen and finished proofing an essay for his online English class.

He took so much time that he was sure they would give up and leave.

They didn’t though. They were sitting on a picnic table when he returned.

Zoe grinned when she spotted him. “Sorry for the ambush. You’ve been AWOL lately, so we thought we’d come to you.”

“The word you’re looking for is hermit,” Jared corrected. “Not AWOL. He’s been doing his crazy loner guy hermit thing.”

Zoe shook her head. “He’s been busy. How many times a day do you have to do that?”

“Three or four usually,” Evan said.

“You’re going to be fit by the end of summer.”

“You better watch out,” Jared grinned. “Kai might try to make you join the track team.”

“I’m not a runner though,” Evan muttered.

“But your legs will make you look like you are and-”

“You didn’t come to our Fourth of July party,” Connor blurted out.

It was the first thing he’d said all morning. He hadn’t even reacted when Jared had asked which tree was the worst one to climb.

That had been the one question Evan had refused to answer.

Evan rocked back on his heels. “I had to work.”

“On the Fourth of July?”

“The park didn’t close. It was crazy busy. We had fireworks here that night.”

Zoe nodded slowly. “They did. I remember hearing about that.”

Connor scoffed at that. “You had to help with the fireworks?”

Zoe gave Jared a sideways glance. “Hey, you want to go check out the lake? I want to come back here and go swimming next week.”

She elbowed Jared when he didn’t respond.

And then she practically dragged him away.

Evan swallowed several times before he found his voice. “I didn’t help with the fireworks. I’m a trail guide, not a... whatever you have to be to do fireworks.”

“An arsonist?”

Evan snorted. “Yeah, that sounds right.”

Connor looked like he wanted to sigh. “So, you’ve been busy?”

“Yeah...”

“Too busy to return texts?”

“I texted you back. Name one text I haven’t responded to.” He smiled when he saw he had Connor there. 

“So, you haven’t been avoiding me then?”

“Why would I be avoiding you?”

“I don’t know,” Connor muttered. “Because...”

“Because what?”

Connor squared his shoulders like he’d made a decision. “Cole’s wedding. You used me as a pillow and then it got weird.”

Evan blinked at that. “You thought that was weird?”

“I was only joking when I suggested we share again.”

Evan nodded rapidly. “No, I know.”

“And we only shared in the first place because-”

“We were drunk and you didn’t want to share with Jared. I _know_.” 

Evan closed his eyes when he heard how sharp his tone had gotten. “I have to get back to work.”

“What are you doing?”

“What?”

“Right now. What are you doing that you have to get back to? Do you have to lead another hike?”

“Not for another hour or so. I...”

“What?” Connor demanded.

Evan glanced around quickly. “I should finish clearing the path behind the welcome center. I started it this morning and then two of the JPRs needed help with something and-”

“Okay,” Connor nodded. “Let’s go.”

“Go?”

“Clear the path. What does that mean exactly? Are we pulling weeds?”

“We?” Evan shook his head. He decided not to argue when he saw Connor’s face. He knew that look. He knew Connor wasn’t going to back down. “Okay, fine. The path can wait. I guess I can take a break for a few minutes.”

“Really?” Connor drawled.

Evan rolled his eyes as he sat down at the picnic table. Connor looked annoying smug when he plopped down next to him. “But just a few.”

“You want to set a timer?”

Evan watched his feet as they started kicking a pebble around in front of him. “Shouldn’t you be at work now?”

“It’s a volunteer job.”

“So you get to make your own hours?”

“I only go in three times a week.”

Evan nodded knowingly. “So, that’s the real problem then. You think I’ve been AWOL because you’re bored and I’m not.”

That wasn’t the real problem.

They both knew it. Evan willed his face to behave and hide the fact that he knew.

“You’re wearing your hat,” Connor observed.

Evan’s eyes flashed in his direction. “I was desperate.”

“Desperate?” Connor laughed. 

“I couldn’t find anything else to wear. I feel like a fraud.”

“Because you’re wearing a Gryffindor baseball cap?”

Evan jabbed a finger in his direction. “You just had to go with Gryffindor, didn’t you? I would’ve been happy with any other house.”

“At least I didn’t get you something from Disney.”

Evan’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. “What were you going to get there?”

“A Piglet hat.”

Evan shook his head. “That would’ve been better than Gryffindor.”

“It was pink and had rhinestones.”

“My point still stands.”

“What do you have against Gryffindor?”

Evan closed his eyes for a second. “Nothing. I just... It’s the only house I wouldn’t fit in at all.”

He twisted his hands together in front of him. “And the other day, we had this thing up at the nature center and there were all these kids there and this little boy got super excited when he saw my hat. He kept looking at me like... like... I don’t know. Like he expected me to perform or something. That wouldn’t have happened if I’d been wearing a different hat.”

“He would’ve expected you to hiss at him if you’d been wearing a Slytherin cap.”

Evan wrinkled his nose. “I guess...”

“And...” Connor exhaled slowly. “Okay, fine. Next time I go to Orlando, I’ll get you a Piglet hat with extra rhinestones on it.”

Evan nodded firmly. “That’s all I ask.” 

Connor let his breath out in a huff. “Are you sure you’re not...”

“Not what?” Evan closed his eyes and decided he was done playing dumb. “I may have been avoiding you a little bit.”

He continued on quickly before Connor could get a word in. “Not for the reason you think.”

Partially for the reason he thought. Evan wasn’t about to admit that though. He didn’t want to say it out loud or in his head.

“Why then?” Connor demanded.

“Being back here has been weird. Brings back a lot of memories, you know.”

“This is where you broke your arm?”

Evan nodded. He pointed at a path to their right. “A couple miles down that way. I don’t remember where exactly, so it’s not like there’s a villainous tree I’m warning all the kids about.”

“Jared’s an idiot.”

“He really is,” Evan laughed. “So, I don’t know. It’s weird. Being back here made me feel like...” He shook his head. “It’s not like last time though. It’s more active and I’m around people more and it’s exhausting.”

Evan blinked at the trees. “Last time, I’d spend hours just roaming around. Sometimes I’d go the whole day without seeing anyone. This one time I lost track of time and I didn’t get back to the center until after eight and Burt was the only one still there. He was surprised to see me because he thought everyone was gone. So, now I’m the reason he actually checks the time cards every day to make sure we all made it out of here before dark.”

“See, I would’ve taken advantage of that,” Connor said. “I would’ve run tests to see how long it took people to notice I was gone.”

“I was too scared to do that,” Evan admitted. “Because I was pretty sure it would take days.”

Connor tilted his head. “Your mom wouldn’t have-”

Evan shook his head rapidly. “No. Not then anyway. She was always working and she could never keep up with my schedule, so she wouldn’t have noticed for a while.”

Connor blinked like he didn’t know what to say. “But now? She’d notice now, wouldn’t she?”

“Yeah, probably,” Evan shrugged. “She’d notice or Geoff would. He probably would first actually because he’s being, like, crazy attentive these days. He’s determined to make me like him.”

“I thought you did like him?”

“I do. I just...” Evan shrugged. “It’s weird. I feel like I’m a guest there, like I’m barging in on their lives. And they’re trying so hard to keep me from feeling that way that it’s just...”

“Weird?”

Evan nodded. “It’s been a weird summer, so yeah. I know I probably haven’t been around a whole lot lately.”

“That’s going to change now though, isn’t it?”

Evan chuckled at how stern Connor looked. “Okay, fine. I’ll do my best not to be a hermit.”

He chewed his lip and reached for his phone. “Starting with... Since you’re here, you want to read an essay I wrote for that English class I’m taking?”

“The online one Mansfield’s teaching?”

Evan nodded. “We had to pick an adaptation of a classic and compare it with the original. I went with _The Lizzie Bennet Diaries_.”

Connor clucked disapprovingly. “That’s too normal for Mansfield.”

“What would you suggest then?”

“I don’t know. _Bride and Prejudice_ would’ve been a better choice for him. When’s it due?”

“Tonight.”

Connor made a face. “Nevermind then.”

“Is it too normal for me to pass the class?”

Connor held out his hand. “Let me see what you got.”

His mother got married a week before he was supposed to head back to school.

Evan had to admit the timing was as good as it could be. It meant he’d only have to intrude on their “newlywed love den” (Jared’s words, not his) for seven days.

Six, actually, since he was planning to go back to Connor’s house after the reception. 

Because, of course, his mom and Geoff hadn’t decided if/when they were going to take a honeymoon.

It was fine though. He could deal with six more days in their house.

And he could handle spending the night at Connor’s.

Because Connor was his friend. His best friend. And there was absolutely nothing weird or awkward going on there.

The only weird and awkward thing going on was that he kept thinking about how things between them weren’t weird and awkward. 

It was true though.

Things between them weren’t weird and awkward.

Not even a little bit.

Not at all.

The wedding was bigger than he’d been expecting.

A lot bigger.

He’d had no idea his mother knew that many people. 

Or maybe they were all there for Geoff.

Well, not all of them. He knew the Kleinmans were there to support his mother.

So were the Murphys, though Evan suspected they’d been invited more for his sake than for hers.

The wedding wasn’t overwhelmingly big, but it was large enough to make Evan feel kind of dizzy as he watched everyone arrive.

Geoff’s brother lived in one of the mansions on the outskirts of town. His backyard was the size of a park. The tent they’d set up for the reception looked like it could house a whole circus.

Evan shook his head and asked if it was safe for him to turn around.

His mother and Maggie laughed before telling him to go ahead.

He smiled when he saw them. They were both dressed and no longer looked they’d been swigging champagne all afternoon.

He took his mother’s hand and helped her up. “You ready?”

She grinned when she met his stare. “Let’s do this.”

The ceremony was quick and to the point. The photographs didn’t take long either. The perks of having a small wedding party, Evan supposed.

The reception was another story. The tent was packed and hot and filled with smells.

Evan was glad to see he’d been seated at a table with the Murphys and the Kleinmans. He took a seat between Connor and Zoe.

Everything went smoothly until the speeches.

Because of course there were speeches.

Maggie went first. She gave a funny talk about how Heidi wasn’t marrying her best friend because Maggie refused to relinquish the title. She then went on to tell a couple stories that made Heidi blush and Evan squirm in his seat. She wrapped things up by telling Geoff they could possibly come to some kind of arrangement about the BFF role. She suggested they alternate every other week. 

Geoff grinned and gave her a thumbs up.

Geoff’s brother went next. His speech was short and more like a toast than anything else.

Evan glanced around anxiously when he sat back down. He started to get up, but Geoff’s parents beat him to it.

They gave a long talk about how happy they were that their last son was finally married. They said it made them feel like they could rest in peace.

The tent fell silent when they were done.

Evan cleared his throat and stood up.

Everything he’d been planning to say immediately left his brain.

He closed his eyes and took a breath and tried to ignore the way Jared was snickering across from him.

Someone – Zoe, Evan guessed – put a stop to that before it got out of hand.

He felt around for the notecards he knew weren’t there. 

Because, of course, he hadn’t actually written anything down. He’d had a vision of himself standing there, trembling, hands shaking, while he tried to flip through the cards and decided not to go that route.

His eyes landed on his mother when he opened them. 

And that was all he needed to see.

She knew what he wanted to say.

And that was enough. That was all that mattered.

He cleared his throat again and lifted his glass. “To Heidi and Geoff!”

The response was loud and instantaneous. “To Heidi and Geoff!”

Evan took a sip of his drink and sat back down.

They didn’t get back to the Murphys’ house until almost one.

Evan was so tired that he couldn’t even make himself feel embarrassed about how drunk he felt. 

Not that it really mattered. Connor’s parents were even tipsier than he was. There was no way they were judging him for being a sleepy drunk.

He wordlessly followed Connor upstairs and got ready for bed and blinked when he didn’t know what to do next.

He mumbled something that didn’t even make sense to him and pointed at the floor.

“Air mattress?” Connor guessed.

Evan nodded solemnly.

Connor nodded too. “I’ll get it.”

Evan yawned and followed him into the hallway. 

And then he laughed when Connor started poking at the ceiling. “What are you doing?”

Except it came out, “What doing?”

Connor looked at him strangely. “It’s up there.”

“Where?”

“In the crawlspace.”

A ladder suddenly crashed down next to them and just barely missed hitting Connor’s head.

Evan shook his head when Connor started to climb. “Not good.”

“What?”

“Fall.”

“I’m not going to...” Connor cursed when he tripped on the second rung.

“Fall,” Evan drawled. “Floor?”

“You want to sleep on the floor?”

Evan shrugged and turned on his heel.

He yawned and stole a pillow off Connor’s bed before curling up on the floor. He wagged a finger at Connor when he stepped over him to get in his bed. “No closets.”

“No closets?” Connor repeated.

Evan nodded sleepily. “Nothing good happens in the closet.”

Evan yawned again. And then he rolled over and promptly fell asleep.

His back hurt when he woke up. 

Partially because he’d spent the night on the floor. Partially because at some point he’d rolled over and landed on one of Connor’s shoes.

He put one hand on his back and the other on his eyes once he managed to sit up. He attempted to rub the sleepiness away.

He yawned and leaned back so he could blink at the ceiling. 

There were stars on it. He wondered why he’d never noticed that.

He tilted his head back to watch as Connor started to stir.

And then he quickly looked away in case Connor woke up and found him staring at him.

Connor groaned and sat up a minute later. His eyes met Evan’s and he blurted out something that made Evan’s blood go cold.

“What did you mean when you said no closets?”

Evan wasn’t totally pretending when he decided to play dumb. “Huh?”

“Last night, you said no closets. Nothing good happens in the closet.”

Evan shielded his face with his hands. He had a very vague recollection of saying that.

He shook his head. “Nothing.”

Connor refused to look away.

Evan sighed and wrapped his arms around himself. “I was talking about last spring, when we got stuck in the supply closet.”

“That’s what I thought,” Connor muttered. 

“We...” Evan didn’t feel like finishing that sentence. He glanced at Connor quickly.

“Kissed?” Connor finished. “You remember that?”

“You remember that?” Evan countered, even though he thought he knew the answer.

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Why didn’t you?”

“Are you going to ask me everything I ask you?”

“I don’t know. Am I?”

Connor looked pissed for a second before he started to laugh. “Okay. Fine. Is that why you’ve been so weird lately?”

He put up a hand to stop Evan. “If you say ‘I don’t know. Is it?’, I’m going to...”

“What?” Evan grinned. “Lock me in another closet?”

His face went red when he heard himself. He groaned and buried it in his arms.

Connor snorted. “We were drunk.”

“Yeah,” Evan mumbled. They had definitely been drunk.

“And I was freaking out and we’d just been talking about seven minutes in heaven.”

Evan lifted his head. “Yeah...”

“It was just a stupid, dumb, drunk thing.”

Evan released the breath he’d been holding. “Yeah.”

“Is that all you have to say?”

“I don’t know. Is it?”

Connor rolled his eyes and stood up. “I need coffee. Let’s go eat.”


	29. Senior Year - August and September

Living with three roommates was much calmer than living with seven. Calmer and quieter.

And messier. Much messier. It didn’t take them long to realize exactly how hard Cole had worked to keep everything clean.

It was also lonelier. A lot lonelier.

There were days where Evan didn’t even see any of his roommates. 

It was easy to do that when they weren’t living on top of each other all the time. They each had their own cubicle of a room and there were two private bathrooms, so they never ran into each other in there anymore.

Evan had to admit it was nice to have some privacy for a change. It was nice to be able to take a shower without hearing someone pee across the room. Or sing songs from _Galavant_ in the next stall. He really wasn’t going to miss hearing Seth sing every day.

It was lonely though. 

It reminded him of high school. It reminded him of what it had been like to live with his mom back then. It reminded him of how he’d thought their paths only crossed occasionally. 

He didn’t want that to happen with Connor. 

Or with Seth and Chris, he supposed. Or with any of his friends.

He knew he had to make an effort and keep himself from doing his crazy loner guy hermit thing.

The big problem was that they were all so busy and their schedules didn’t coordinate at all.

It was enough to make Evan miss being a freshman. He missed spending hours in the basement lounge, hanging out with Connor and watching their crazy soap.

He missed being bored.

All his days were packed. Even his weekends were busy.

He was taking a full course load and working for Dr. Whitney and starting his senior project and doing his volunteer hours. 

He was volunteering at Ellison State Park every weekend. He needed the hours in order to graduate. He spent most of his time there helping with their conservation initiative, though they did occasionally ask him to fill in and be a trail guide for the afternoon.

So, even that part of his life was different. 

Lonelier. Much lonelier.

It wasn’t unusual for him to spend hours at the park by himself. 

It was peaceful and terrifying and unsettling in a way he couldn’t quite put his finger on.

It wasn’t all doom and gloom though.

He liked his classes. He liked working with Dr. Whitney. He liked feeling like he was part of something bigger than himself.

He was helping save the trees. And, really, what could be better than that?

He thought it was funny that he seemed to see way more of Ryan now than he did when they lived together.

He knew that was intentional. He knew Ryan was making it a point to meet up with all his friends on a regular basis.

Part of him still thought it was strange that Ryan thought he was someone he wanted to keep up with though. 

He did his best to suppress that train of thought whenever it appeared.

Ryan wasn’t the only one going out of his way to see his former roommates.

Jared was doing it too. A lot.

He was doing it so much that it was getting annoying, but that wasn’t a surprise. This was Jared he was talking about after all.

Jared was doing his best to stay out as much as possible because he hated sharing an apartment with his brother. 

He was also growing increasingly insecure about his relationship with Zoe.

Because Wyatt was back and handsomer than ever.

And he’d spent his semester abroad writing a show with Zoe in mind as the lead.

A fact that, according to Jared, made Zoe turn into a puddle of goo because it was flattering and made her feel like she finally understood what was going on in Wyatt’s head.

Jared was coping with that turn of events in true Jared fashion.

He was avoiding Zoe and Wyatt and the entire music department. 

And he was developing a habit of popping up in random places and scaring Evan half to death so they could strategize.

Evan screamed and nearly dropped his tray when Jared snuck up on him in the dining hall. He could tell Jared was really out of sorts when he didn’t make fun of him for that.

Jared didn’t react at all. He simply carried on like they had been in the middle of a conversation. “I bet I could write a musical too. How hard can it be?”

Evan’s hands shook as he finished filling his glass. “We’re talking about Wyatt again?”

Jared rolled his eyes. “Duh.”

Evan grabbed his tray and sat down at an empty table by the window. Jared raised an eyebrow before sliding onto the chair across from him.

“You’re eating in here?” Jared asked with his mouth full.

It really was amazing how he could go from zero to eating in a fraction of a second.

Evan nodded and poked at his pasta. 

“Without Connor?” Jared spat.

Literally. He literally spat a chunk of his chicken onto the table.

And then he popped it back in his mouth.

Evan closed his eyes and shook his head. “And you wonder why Zoe...”

He decided not to finish that thought.

He regretted starting it the second he opened his eyes.

Jared looked pale, sick even. He took a sip of his water and squeezed the side of his tray.

Evan swallowed dryly. “I mean-”

“I know what you mean,” Jared snapped. He squeezed his eyes shut. “Okay. Let’s figure this out. How am I going to keep her?”

“Keep her?” Evan repeated. “She isn’t a-”

“A thing. I know. She has her own mind and free will and woman power and I’ll be over here.” Jared grinned as he sang the last part. 

Evan sighed heavily. “Have you tried talking to her?”

“About this?” Jared shrieked. He slumped down in his seat when he heard himself. 

“I don’t know,” Evan muttered.

“You don’t know! You’ve never had a girlfriend or a boyfriend or anything that in any way resembles a-”

“Then why are you asking me for advice?”

Jared puffed his cheeks out and glared at the wall.

“Because you don’t have anyone else to ask,” Evan said. “Because-”

“Cole!” Jared interrupted. “I could ask Cole. He’s a married man now.”

“You think he knows-”

“More than you,” Jared laughed. “Or Ryan. I could ask him. I think I’ll do that actually.”

Evan shrugged. “Okay.”

Jared pretended to reach for his phone. His hand froze in mid-air. He sighed and pushed back against his chair. “What am I going to do?”

“Talk to her. Tell her you want to talk about this thing with Wyatt, that it’s making you crazy.”

Jared made a buzzer sound. “Nice try. Next.”

Evan drummed his fingers along the side of the table. “Tell her you’re pregnant.”

“You mean trick her into thinking she’s pregnant?”

Evan shook his head. “You heard me.”

“You think I should tell her I’m...” A wicked grin spread across Jared’s face. “What kind of twisted fan fic have you been reading?”

His grin widened when Evan didn’t respond. “I’m serious. I’m going to need some links.”

Evan downed the rest of his water and stood up. “I have to go.”

Jared narrowed his eyes like he didn’t buy that for a second. “You have to go?” 

“I have to get back to the lab.”

Jared made a face like he couldn’t argue with that. “I’ll walk with you.”

Evan sighed because he really should’ve seen that coming.

It took him a minute to realize what the sound was. It took him another minute to realize exactly where it was coming from.

There was an injured squirrel in the tree next to him.

Evan pulled out his walkie-talkie to tell Burt.

And then he started to climb.

It had been years since he’d climbed a tree, but it was like riding a bike. His body automatically knew what to do.

He didn’t stop until he was on the same level as the squirrel. He didn’t touch it. He pulled his hoodie off so he could use it to transport the squirrel, but he decided to wait for Burt before he tried making a move.

He leaned back to squint at the sun and breathe in the fresh air.

It was a warm day. Much warmer than he’d expected, especially since he was in the middle of the woods. It was almost fall, but it still felt like it was the middle of summer. He felt like he was being cooked alive.

He lifted one hand up so he could adjust his position and...

It was like he’d been hit by a truck.

He tightened his hold on the branch and shifted around so that he was leaning back as far as he could. 

The falling was the easy part. The landing was where it got tough.

He shook his head when that thought popped into it.

He shook it again when he found himself wondering what would happen if he let go. 

He knew what would happen. 

Been there, done that, had the scar to prove it.

He took a breath.

His whole body seemed to shake as he exhaled.

He thought about his mother, about how she’d think the squirrel was adorable. He wondered if her nurse training extended to tiny rodents.

He thought about his father, about how they used to camp out in the backyard and count the stars.

He thought about the stars on the cuffs of Zoe’s jeans.

He thought about the ones she’d started drawing on Jared’s shoes when he wasn’t looking.

He thought about how Jared only pretended not to notice.

He thought about how Jared liked to think of himself as a real outdoorsman because he’d spent a few summers at Jewish overnight camp, but he would have no idea what to do in this situation.

He thought about Connor.

He thought about how Connor really would have no idea what to do in this situation.

He thought about how Connor would never be in this situation because he hated being outside for more than a minute.

He thought about how Connor kept saying he wanted to go to the park again. About how he wanted to go on a hike again. About how he wanted to see the trees in person. About how he kept saying (texting... some days, they only had time to text) that he felt like they were freshmen again because of all the tree photos Evan was sending him. 

He thought about...

The squirrel. He thought about the squirrel.

He thought about how the squirrel needed him. He thought about how it was a good thing he’d found the squirrel when he had. He thought about how the squirrel would’ve died without his help.

He took a breath.

He looked down when he heard leaves crunching below.

Burt was there.

He waited to hear his instructions.

It was Connor’s grand birthday that year.

He was turning 22 on the 22nd.

Evan had never even heard of a grand birthday until Zoe said something about it to him one day.

And then he thought it was vastly unfair because that meant his grand birthday had happened when he was ten and he’d had no idea.

And then he was happy about it because he realized that meant no one had made a fuss over his grand birthday and that was just fine with him.

Connor didn’t want a fuss. Evan knew that without asking.

Zoe did too, so Evan wasn’t really sure why she even bothered bringing it up.

He wasn’t sure until he realized she was using Connor’s birthday to help her get intel on Jared.

He was not in the mood to get in the middle of that, so he cut her off and suggested that she try talking to Jared about what was bothering him.

She chewed her lip in a way that told him everything he needed to know.

She had tried, but Jared was Jared. He had no trouble telling people what he thought, but his feelings were a different story. Especially when he was embarrassed about them.

“How’s Wyatt’s show coming along?” Evan asked in the lightest tone he could manage. “Have you started rehearsals yet?”

Zoe glanced up quickly. “Is that all this is?”

Evan smiled slightly. “Jared really isn’t that complicated, you know.”

Zoe snorted. “He knows I’m not getting back together with Wyatt, doesn’t he? That we’re just friends.”

Evan decided not to betray Jared’s trust by confirming that he really, really did not. “Does Wyatt know that?”

Zoe nodded firmly. “Yeah. I told him that in no uncertain terms. He didn’t even seem to care. I’m pretty sure he’s already started hooking up with Gina.”

“Tell Jared that in those words,” Evan suggested. “In those exact words.”

“You think that’ll help?”

“And maybe let him go to a rehearsal or two. Let him see Wyatt and Gina together.”

Zoe sighed and shook her head. “Okay. I can do that. It’s a good thing I really like him.”

“Maybe try telling him that too.”

Zoe smiled into her hand.

Connor’s mother came up to see him on his birthday.

She took him out to dinner, just the two of them.

Connor didn’t seem particularly pleased when he heard. 

It must have gone okay though, judging from the sounds Evan heard when Connor got home.

He heard a lot of laughing and rustling and then something that almost sounded like a mantra.

“No closets. No closets. No...”

Evan did not leave his room.

Evan collapsed on the couch and yawned so loudly it startled him. He laughed when he heard himself.

“Tired?” Connor grinned.

“Little bit.” Evan yawned again, not as loud that time. “We released Timmy today.”

“Timmy?”

“The squirrel. Timmy the squirrel.”

“You named him Timmy?”

“Burt named him.”

Connor nodded like that explained a lot. “So, Timmy’s all better then?”

Evan yawned and gave a quick nod. “We think so.”

Connor waved the remote at the tv. “Did you see that?”

“See what?”

“That ad. They made a Halloween special.”

“Who did?”

“Our show! They made a freaking Halloween special.”

“Well, that’s going to be terrible.”

“Or amazing,” Connor grinned.

“One extreme or the other.”

“It’s going to be out on Friday.”

Evan stared at the ceiling while he tried to visualize his schedule. “I don’t have plans Friday night. I don’t think I do anyway.”

“I do,” Connor muttered.

Evan pulled himself up when he heard that. 

And then he looked away before his face could betray him.

It didn’t matter because his mouth had a mind of its own.

“What kind of plans?”

He felt like slapping a hand over his mouth when he heard himself, but that would’ve been too obvious.

Connor scratched the back of his head. “I wasn’t going to say anything, but-”

“You have a date?” Evan blurted out. He blinked rapidly at the tv. “You can still tell me about these things, you know. It’s not like we... We kissed once when we were drunk and... It didn’t change anything. You can still tell me when you-”

“It’s not a date.”

Evan squeezed his eyes shut.

He was an idiot.

A sleepy, delusional idiot who really needed to learn when and how to keep his mouth shut.

He shoved a handful of popcorn in his mouth before he could say anything else.

“You can’t tell Zoe,” Connor begged.

That got Evan’s attention. He sat up a bit straighter. “Tell Zoe what?”

“She’ll tell our parents and I can’t deal with that.”

“What did you, like, enter another limerick contest or something?” Evan laughed when Connor stared at his hands. “You did!”

“It’s not a limerick contest.”

“But it is a contest?”

Connor let his breath out in a huff. “It’s not a contest. The English department is doing a haunted house to raise money for the library. It’s running every weekend in October.”

“And you’re helping them?”

Connor nodded slightly. “It was my idea.”

Evan let out a startled laugh. “Your idea?”

“You want to save the trees. I want to save the library.”

“Is it in danger?”

Connor shrugged. “It could use some help.”

“And you don’t want your parents to-”

“See me dress up as a zombie ghost? I’ll pass.”

“I bet they’d love that.”

“My mom would,” Connor agreed. 

“So-”

“We need more volunteers.”

Evan looked away when Connor continued to stare. “No. What? No. You can’t be serious.”

“I can’t seriously be asking my best friend to work at the haunted house I’ve helped organize?”

Evan made a face and glared at the tv. “What would I have to do?”

Connor’s face lit up. “So, you’ll do it?”

“Maybe. Depending on what you-”

“You can be a zombie ghost too.”

Evan chewed his lip. “I’ll think about it.”

“I’m taking that as a yes.” Connor reached for his phone. “I’m telling Kelly I got another volunteer.”

Evan decided not to argue. “You should ask the others too.”

“What others?”

“You know, the others. Our friends. Chris, Seth, Jared, Ryan... All of them. I bet they’d do it.”

Connor didn’t look convinced.

Evan was sure he was right though. He had a feeling they’d all jump at the chance to be together and to scare a bunch of kids.

For a good cause, of course.

“And you really should tell Zoe,” Evan said. “She’d be all over this.”

Connor’s mouth twisted to the side as he considered that.

“And just think, maybe you’ll get the chance to terrify your parents.”

“Now you’re talking,” Connor grinned. “Okay, fine. I’ll ask them tomorrow.”

Evan yawned and rested his head on the armrest. He needed to go to bed. He was so tired he couldn’t even see straight.

He didn’t want to move though.

He was comfortable and...

And it had been weeks since they’d hung out like this. He didn’t want it to end.

He stifled a yawn as Connor picked another movie for them to watch.

He was so tired he didn’t even see what it was.

Or care. He really didn’t care what it was as long as it wasn’t a slasher film.

He knew Connor knew better than to choose one of those.

He curled up so that his head was resting on his arm and allowed himself to yawn again. “Wake me up if I fall asleep.”

And then he fell asleep.

Not right away, but it didn’t take long.

He woke up for a minute a couple hours later.

He bolted up and squinted around the room while he tried to get his bearings. It took him a few seconds to figure out where he was and why he was there.

He weighed the pros and cons of moving to his room until he noticed two things.

One, that he wasn’t alone. Connor was sound asleep on the other end of the couch.

And two, they each had a blanket covering them. Someone had gone into both of their rooms and brought them each a blanket.

Evan pulled his up to his chin and yawned and put his head back down.

It only took him a moment to fall back to sleep.


	30. Senior Year - October

Evan closed his eyes as soon as the music grew louder.

Again. For the third time in ten minutes.

Not that he was keeping track or anything.

He kept them closed until something landed on his shoulder.

And then he screamed and startled so violently he almost fell off the couch.

Connor and Zoe were looking at him with a mixture of concern and amusement when he calmed himself down. His eyes landed on Connor’s hand, the one that was clenching and unclenching between them.

He swallowed sharply when he put the pieces together and realized exactly what had been touching his shoulder. His brain couldn’t process that while the violins were still screeching though.

“Should we watch something else?” Zoe asked Connor.

Evan blinked at the screen when they glanced in his direction. He shook his head. “It’s almost over, isn’t it?”

Connor paused the special long enough to check. “Twelve more minutes.”

Evan nodded determinedly. “Okay.”

He could handle twelve more minutes of terror. 

He thought he could anyway.

It wouldn’t be fair to the others if he made them turn the show off at this point. It wouldn’t be fair to Connor. He didn’t think Zoe was particularly interested in the special. She’d just been nice enough to let them use her tv after Chris and Seth randomly invited a bunch of people over so they could figure out exactly when _Alias_ had jumped the shark.

The music reached a crescendo just as the masked figure popped up and cut off Jeffrey’s ear.

Evan decided that meant it was time for a bathroom break.

He took his time in there. He thoroughly washed his hands and then he washed them again because he thought he saw something under one of his nails.

And then he dried them and wiped down the sink and the counter and then he started smelling things because it smelled good in there and he couldn’t tell exactly what he was smelling.

There were a lot of things for him to smell. Lotions, body washes, perfumes. Zoe had five roommates, so the bathroom was well-stocked.

He spun around when the door opened and Connor poked his head in. “Is it over?”

Connor smiled slightly. “It was all a dream.”

“What?”

“Everything that happened after Jeffrey got hit by the golf cart happened in his head.”

Evan nodded because that made sense. Their soap loved to do crazy things, but he’d been wondering how they were going to go forward when half the cast had been killed by a psycho in a mask.

Which reminded him... “Did they show who the killer was?”

Connor grinned at that. “The third triplet.”

“What?”

“Turns out the twins aren’t twins. They’re triplets.”

“For real or in Jeffrey’s dream?”

“Both. That was the big reveal at the end. Jeffrey woke up and found out there really was a long-lost triplet.”

“Is he evil?”

Connor shrugged. “Not yet, but with those genes...”

Evan nodded at the door. He could hear music playing out there now. He assumed that meant at least one of Zoe’s roommates had returned. “We should go.”

He followed Connor out and...

The living room was empty, which meant the music was coming from the hallway.

It sounded like something from an ‘80s movie. It was tinny and had a weird techno beat.

And it was coming from Jared’s phone.

Because Jared was serenading Zoe with a song he’d obviously written himself.

Evan chuckled when he realized that. He glanced at Connor quickly before moving forward so he could see.

Jared jumped like he’d been shocked when he spotted them. He lowered his phone, but the tune kept playing for a minute before he remembered to turn it off.

His hands shook as he fumbled with it. “Shit. What’re they doing here?”

Evan glanced at Connor again. He motioned for Jared to go on when Connor didn’t respond. “Go ahead. Pretend we’re not here.”

Jared closed his eyes and glanced over his shoulder like he wanted to make a run for it.

Evan decided to take pity on him. He nudged Connor’s arm and told him they should go.

He didn’t start laughing until they were outside. 

Because he was nice like that.

He couldn’t stop laughing once he started though.

He couldn’t stop until he saw the look on Connor’s face. “What?”

Connor continued to look dazed for a moment before he snorted. “And I thought Rat Guy had it bad.”

“Rat Guy? Who’s Rat Guy?”

Connor shrugged. “I don’t his name. He went out with Zoe for a couple months when she was in tenth grade.”

He smirked when he saw the way Evan’s eyes had widened. “You know who I’m talking about, don’t you?”

Evan sighed because he did. He knew exactly who Connor was talking about. And he got the rat thing too. “His name’s Austin.”

“He looked like a rat.”

“Yeah... I can see that.”

“Especially when I was high. He came over this one time and I could’ve sworn he had a tail.”

Evan smiled at his feet. “You didn’t tell Zoe that, did you?”

Connor shook his head. “I spent about an hour following him around though.”

Evan chewed his lip to keep from laughing. “Why?”

“To prove he had a tail.”

They both started laughing when their eyes met.

Connor closed his eyes when he made himself stop laughing. “It’s funny now, but at the time...”

“Not so much?”

“I mean, there I was, Zoe’s gay stoner brother, following her boyfriend around and staring at his ass like it held the answers to all the world’s mysteries.” 

“Well, when you put it like that...”

“She didn’t invite anyone over again after that. Not while I was home, at least.”

“Can you blame her?”

Connor shrugged. “I wonder what happened to Rat Guy.”

“To Rat Guy or his ass?”

Connor narrowed his eyes.

“Was it a good ass at least? That story’s even worse if he had a bad butt.”

“It was decent, I think.”

“You think?”

“I mean, I was more concerned about the tail than anything else, so...”

“Right,” Evan nodded. “Jared doesn’t have a tail. You know that, right?”

“I am aware.”

“So, you’re saying you’ve checked out Jared’s butt too?” Evan instinctively took a step back when Connor whipped around to glare at him. “That was a joke!”

Connor rolled his eyes and kept walking. 

Evan hurried to catch up. “Okay, so... Rat Guy. You said he had it bad too?”

“He never wrote a song comparing her hair to a blanket of coconut-scented silk, but yeah.”

“You know why Jared did that, don’t you?”

“To show her that anything Wyatt can do, he can do better?”

Evan nodded. 

“It didn’t work. That song was terrible.”

Evan nodded again. “I don’t think that matters though. Did you see the look on Zoe’s face?”

Connor shuddered at the memory. “Do you think I can-”

“Scare him off by trying to see if he has a tail?” Evan laughed. “Have you met Jared? He’d take that as a compliment.”

Evan wrinkled his nose. “The part where you wouldn’t stop staring at his ass, I mean. Not the tail part.”

He considered that for a second. “Maybe the tail part.”

Connor pressed a hand against his forehead. “That song won’t get out of my head now.”

Evan took that as his cue to start humming it.

He grinned when Connor covered his ears.

The haunted house ended up being more complicated than they’d originally thought it would be.

There was more to it than just the house. A lot more. There was music and art and food. Something for everyone.

Evan was glad to hear that. He happily volunteered to help run the kids’ craft area. He’d take helping a bunch of kids glue leaves to construction paper over being a zombie ghost any day.

It was a busy, exhausting job that required him to talk to dozens of strangers, but he didn’t mind. He only had to do it for a couple hours a week.

He’d just finished cleaning everything up when he heard someone calling his name. He rubbed his eyes to make sure he wasn’t seeing things.

His mother was there. 

So was Geoff.

And Connor’s parents were right behind them.

Zoe managed to reach him first though.

She smiled tightly as she hissed, “They just showed up.”

“The four of them?”

Zoe’s smile didn’t falter as she nodded.

“Together?”

“They drove up to see the haunted house.”

“But we’re closed!”

“Try telling them that! I think they expected me to pull my guitar back out and play another set.”

Evan started to shake his head, only to stop when his mother pulled him into a hug.

She beamed as she stepped back to study him. She always did that when they hadn’t seen each other in a while. It was enough to make him wonder exactly what she was hoping to see.

“So, this is why you didn’t want us to come to Family Weekend this year. And here I thought it was because you think you’re too old for all that now.”

Evan’s arms dangled awkwardly at his sides when she let go of him. He didn’t know what to do with himself when Geoff stepped forward.

For a second, they just stood there, staring at each other. 

It occurred to Evan that neither of them knew what to do. Were they supposed to hug? Shake hands? Give each other a high five?

He didn’t even try to hide his relief when Zoe asked if he knew where Connor was.

“He’s probably downstairs still,” Evan said. “It always takes them a while to pack everything up.”

Zoe nodded at her parents. “The haunted house is in the basement. They have to make sure everything’s back to normal before they leave.”

She smiled sheepishly when her phone began to ring. “It’s Jared.”

Evan glanced at his mother when Zoe stepped away. “You didn’t ask Jared’s parents if they wanted to come with you?”

He didn’t see how that was fair. Jared deserved to be ambushed by his parents too.

Heidi’s eyes flashed like she knew what he was getting at. “They’re at a wedding this afternoon. They’re planning to come up and surprise him next weekend.”

Evan grinned because there was no way he was ruining that surprise.

His smile faded when he saw the way Zoe was squinting at her phone.

“That was weird,” Zoe muttered.

“What was weird?” Evan asked.

“Jared wasn’t there. There was all this noise and...”

“You think he pocket-dialed you?”

Zoe shook her head. “No... It sounded like it was intentional. You know, like...”

“You think we should check on them?”

Zoe’s eyes darted around uncertainly. “We probably should.”

Checking on them involved going into the basement.

Evan’s spine stiffened when he remembered that.

Zoe smiled knowingly. “I’ll be right back.”

“I’ll go with you.”

Zoe raised her eyebrows. “You sure?”

Evan nodded before he could change his mind.

It wasn’t that he was scared of the basement. It was just that...

Okay, he was a little bit scared.

He’d only been down there once since they’d started the haunted house and that had been more than enough.

He knew it was all fake. He even knew all the people who were in it.

He knew Kai was the mummy and Ryan was the vampire. He knew Cole was the one doing all the sound effects. He knew who all the ghosts and ghouls and zombie ghosts really were. 

That didn’t stop him from being slightly freaked out by the haunted house though.

He followed Zoe downstairs anyway.

So did their parents.

It made him feel a bit better when he realized they were coming too. It didn’t even bother him that they wouldn’t stop chattering on about some vineyard Connor’s dad thought they should visit.

It bothered him when the lights went out the instant they reached the bottom of the stairs.

He wasn’t the only one who jumped. He heard his mother and Cynthia gasp behind him. He heard Geoff trip and Larry swear under his breath.

He felt Zoe grab his arm as they crept forward.

He thought about how that would’ve made his day, his week, his year, if she’d done that four years ago.

And then he shook his head because he didn’t know where that thought had come from.

It was probably just his brain’s attempt to think about anything other than the darkness that had engulfed them.

Zoe called out to Jared and then to Connor and then to anyone who happened to be down there.

No one responded.

Her hand squeezed Evan’s arm so tightly he had to bite his lip to keep from whimpering.

There was a quiet clicking sound and then suddenly the room was filled with light.

Evan shielded his eyes while they tried to adjust. 

He jumped and glanced around frantically when Zoe started to scream.

It wasn’t a loud scream or a blood-curdling one. It sounded like she’d been startled, shocked even. 

It took him a second to see what she was seeing.

And then he wished he hadn’t.

His heart sped up and his body went numb and a series of indescribable sounds escaped from his mouth.

He felt his mother pull him towards her.

He heard Connor’s mother break down.

He heard Larry ask if anyone had a knife.

Not ask. 

Shout.

He shouted the question in a way that made Evan shiver.

“Did someone ask for a knife?”

The question came from the stairs.

Evan glanced over his shoulder quickly and then he glanced over it again when his brain caught up with his eyes.

Jared was staggering towards them with a knife sticking out of his chest.

He grabbed at it as he swayed. “Blood... blood...”

Jared’s body went rigid as he fell back onto a pile of boxes. “And death.”

He stuck his tongue out and moaned when he landed.

Zoe’s mouth dropped open as she glanced from him to Connor and back again.

Evan’s heart did a flip when he saw that Connor was smiling.

Grinning. 

Smirking, really.

And definitely not dead.

Or hanging.

He wasn’t really hanging from the rafters.

That was obvious when Evan actually looked at him. Really looked at him.

Connor smiled weakly when he was back on the ground. “Surprise...”

Zoe threw her arms up in disgust. “This was a joke?”

“I’d say it was more of a prank,” Jared grinned. His smile wavered when he realized how big his audience was. “It was only meant for you, but, uh-”

“For me?” Zoe gasped. She spun around to point at Connor. “Not funny. This was not funny.”

“He’s always had this morbid sense of humor,” Larry murmured to Heidi and Geoff. “I don’t know where he gets it from. He would always say things like, ‘how many pills would someone need to take to-‘”

Zoe let out an exasperated groan and stomped back up the stairs.

Evan decided to follow her because he thought someone should.

And because the basement was even creepier than he’d remembered.

She didn’t go far.

He found her by the stacks next to the basement door. He slid down next to her.

She shook her head when she noticed him. “I don’t know why I...”

“It was scary. He fooled me too.”

Zoe snorted. “Connor’s ‘morbid sense of humor.’ Can you believe him?”

Evan didn’t know what to say, so he simply shrugged.

“They never took him seriously when he...” Zoe’s mouth snapped shut when the door creaked open again.

It was just Jared.

His mouth opened and closed several times when he spotted them. 

He finally hung his head and mumbled an apology.

And then he turned to go.

Neither of them stopped him.

Evan cleared his throat. “Did you take him seriously?”

Zoe chewed her lip for a moment. “Not really. Sometimes. Eventually.”

“He said you were the one who really got through to him.”

“He said that?”

Evan nodded. 

He didn’t say anything else.

He could tell she needed a minute to collect her thoughts.

She didn’t get a minute.

The door creaked open again and the rest of their group came stumbling out.

Connor was with them.

He caught Evan’s eye before trying to catch Zoe’s. 

She very pointedly stared at her feet.

Evan pulled himself off the ground when his mother cleared her throat and nodded at the door.

She told him she wanted to leave before they got roped into going to Flora with the Murphys, but he knew it was more than that.

She knew the four of them needed to be alone too.

Connor was already home when Evan returned.

Not just home. 

He was in Evan’s room, sprawled out on his bed like he belonged there.

Evan decided not to comment on that.

He just made a mental note that that was something they did now.

They went into each other’s rooms without knocking, without waiting for permission, and made themselves at home.

He could live with that.

He sat down at his desk and spun around while Connor closed his book.

They stared at each other for a beat.

“I’m sorry,” Connor finally said.

“I’m not the one you should be-”

“Zoe said you were scared too.”

Evan picked at his shirt.

“I already apologized to her, so now I’m apologizing to you.”

“Did you apologize to your parents?”

Connor nodded solemnly. “See, I knew my instincts were right.”

“What instincts?”

“About Jared.”

“Did he trick you into doing that?”

Connor shook his head. “That the two of us shouldn’t-”

“Team up like that?” Evan finished. “I’m with you on that one.”

“It sounded funny at the time.”

“You thought Zoe would think it’s funny to see you hanging like that?”

“I don’t know,” Connor muttered. “I thought she’d laugh about it afterwards.”

He sighed and met Evan’s stare. “And I didn’t think you’d be with her.”

“I appreciate that, but-”

“But what?”

There was an edge to Connor’s tone. Not like he was angry. Like he was nervous. Like he was worried Evan wasn’t going to accept his apology.

Evan took a breath. “I’m tired.”

Connor started to get up. “Oh. I’ll, uh...”

Evan shook his head. “You want to watch something?”

Connor gestured at the door. “Are they still...”

Evan nodded.

Chris and Seth were still using the tv to figure out when _Once Upon a Time_ jumped the shark.

“We can use my laptop.”

Evan tried not to react after he said that.

Because there was nothing to react to. It wasn’t a big deal. 

They watched things together all the time.

It was just that they usually used the tv or sat on the floor with one of their laptops propped up on a chair.

But Connor was already on his bed and he really was tired and...

Connor scooted over so he could lie down too.

Zoe turned 21 on the 21st.

It really was the year of grand birthdays.

She actually wanted to do something for hers though. Mainly because she was turning 21.

She decided to be good and wait until the weekend because she wanted to go on a bar crawl with her friends. She told Connor he could be their sober chaperone.

She said it was only fair for him to do that after she babysat all his friends in March.

He thought it was her way of getting revenge on him for scaring her in the haunted house.

He didn’t argue though. It was obvious he wanted to be back on her good side.

Evan decided to refrain from drinking too. Not because they needed two sober chaperones. Though it turned out they did once Nicole showed up.

That wasn’t why he decided not to drink though.

He just felt like no good could come from it. 

Even if he did successfully manage to avoid getting stuck in a closet.

He didn’t feel like embarrassing himself and the thought of getting drunk while Connor, the person he’d be hanging around the most, did not seemed strange.

The night wasn’t as boring as Evan had expected.

It stopped being a bar crawl when they reached their second stop.

Evan should’ve known that was going to be it for them the second he realized what it was – a karaoke bar with a live band playing the songs.

Of course, Zoe and her friends were extremely into that.

Zoe and Jared kicked things off with a very enthusiastic, mostly in tune version of ‘We Are the Champions.’

That was the highlight of the night, though Evan had to admit things got more interesting as their song choices got bolder.

And more random.

He kind of thought they should call it a night when Jared started singing songs from _Fiddler on the Roof_ , but no one else was ready to go.

Evan sighed as he watched Jared take a bow. “You know, I’m glad I’m not drinking. I don’t think I would’ve appreciated how terrible that was if I weren’t sober.”

Connor took a sip of his soda and shook his head as Zoe and Nicole jumped on the stage to sing ‘Matchmaker, Matchmaker’ with Jared. “You think you need to be sober to recognize how horrible they sound?”

He had a point.

It was clear that Jared was the only one who actually knew the song.

Nicole put a stop to it halfway through and asked the band to play ‘Single Ladies’ instead.

Zoe and Jared dutifully fell into formation behind her.

“Zoe used to spend hours dancing to this song,” Connor said.

“So did Jared,” Evan grinned. 

Connor snorted. “I can see that.”

“This and _High School Musical_. He was obsessed.”

Connor’s face fell into his hands as he watched them slide around the stage. “Okay, that’s it. We need to get them out of here before they try to make everyone sing... that song. You know. The one where they...” He waved his arms around above his head.

“’We’re All in This Together’?” Evan guessed.

Connor snapped his fingers. “We need rope.”

He laughed when he saw how horrified Evan looked. “To put them on a leash, like Zoe did with us.”

He frowned for a second. “Though actually...”

“We’re not tying them up.”

“I didn’t say we should tie them up!”

Evan shook his head. “We’re not tying them up.”

The haunted house was so popular that they extended it for one more day so people could go through it on Halloween. 

That turned out to be a mistake though because hardly anyone showed up. Evan supposed most of the kids were too busy trick-or-treating to go to the library.

He decided to wander around when it became clear that no one was interested in making a leaf collage that day.

He ended up in the lobby where Zoe was performing to an empty room. 

She smiled when she saw him and put down her guitar. “You too, huh?”

He nodded. “It’s a graveyard in there. Pun intended.”

“How is it downstairs? Do they have a big crowd?”

Evan shook his head. “I’ve hardly seen anyone go down there.”

“I haven’t seen many people go around the back either. We probably should’ve called it quits yesterday like we planned.”

“We’re only staying open for another...” Evan tilted his head to check the clock. “Ten minutes. I may as well go clean up my station.”

“I’ll help,” Zoe said.

It didn’t take them long to clean up the mess from the four kids who had shown up that afternoon.

Zoe sighed and sat down on the floor when they were done. 

Evan plopped down next to her. He followed her gaze across the room and then he looked away because...

Because he really didn’t want to get into all that or know what to say if he did.

She smiled when she realized he knew why she was staring at the basement door. “I’m still kind of mad at them.”

“Them?” Evan repeated.

Zoe nodded. “Both of them. I know it was a prank, but...”

“It was dumb.”

“Really dumb. I don’t know why they wanted to scare me like that.”

Evan shrugged because he didn’t know either. “At least you got your revenge.”

“My revenge?” Zoe chuckled.

“On Connor anyway. You made him chaperone you and your friends last week.”

“Did he say that?”

“Say what?”

“That he thinks I made him do that so I could get revenge on him?”

Evan’s hands twitched in his lap. “Kind of.”

“That wasn’t a revenge scheme. He was paying me back for last spring.”

Zoe’s brow furrowed as she squeezed her knees. “I should get revenge on him. On them. On both of them.”

Evan let out a startled laugh. “Um... Okay. If you say so.”

Zoe twisted around to face him. “You should too. You have just as much a right to be upset as I do.”

Evan hadn’t thought about it that way. “I guess...”

Zoe nodded firmly. “We should totally do something to freak them out.”

“Like what?”

Zoe deflated slightly. “I don’t know.”

“Pretend to be dead?”

Zoe shook her head. “We can’t do what they did.”

The door to the basement creaked open and the volunteers started trickling in.

Ryan and Layla were the first ones up. They were already attached at the lips.

Evan jumped as an idea popped into his head. He glanced at Zoe quickly and...

She was thinking the same thing.

He was almost certain she was anyway.

They whispered back and forth as more people started coming up.

Evan kept an eye out for Connor and Jared, even though he expected them to be the last ones out.

And he was right.

Zoe scrambled into his lap the second they appeared in the library.

It took them a minute to spot them and then...

Evan laughed into Zoe’s hair. She shifted around so they couldn’t see that. He felt her breath on his neck as she pretended to kiss it.

He braced himself when he heard footsteps hurrying their way. 

Zoe’s whole body went rigid when they came to a stop. Her acting classes were really paying off. She looked so incredibly guilty that Evan felt something twist in his stomach.

Which probably made him look guilty too. He tried not to smile when he realized that.

Zoe staggered to her feet and hugged herself while she blinked at Jared. “I, um... I...”

Jared looked pale, like he was about to pass out. “What’s going on?”

“What’s going on?” Connor barked. “What do you think is going on?”

Jared jabbed a finger at both of them. “Wait. No. You two are... What? Why? I don’t...”

Evan felt an actual twinge of guilt when he met Jared’s stare. He looked away quickly.

This wasn’t nearly as funny as he’d thought it would be.

Zoe seemed determined to keep it going though. “I didn’t mean for you to find out like this.”

“To find out?” Jared breathed. “There’s something to find out?”

“You’re cheating on him with...” Connor didn’t seem capable of finishing that sentence.

Evan looked up long enough to confirm that was the case. He caught Connor’s eye and smiled weakly. “Surprise...”

Zoe closed her eyes and gave him a tight smile. “What he said.”

Jared and Connor exchanged a look.

It was obvious they weren’t getting it.

“That’s what you said,” Evan reminded Connor. “When you pulled yourself down. You-”

“This was a prank?” Jared gasped. He laughed so loudly that people turned to stare. “Oh my God.”

“It was a joke,” Zoe confirmed.

“Okay,” Jared grinned. “From now on, leave the pranking to the professionals. That was not funny.”

“And yours was?” Zoe snapped. She narrowed her eyes at her brother.

Connor turned on his heel and stalked away.

Zoe waited a second before she hurried after him.

Jared shook his head at Evan. “Really? Of all the ways you could’ve gotten your revenge, that was the one you chose?”

Evan shrugged. “It was a spur of the moment decision.”

“I bet.” Jared frowned as something occurred to him. “That wasn’t your way of getting closer to Zoe, was it? You don’t still-”

“I don’t have a thing for her anymore!”

Jared sighed heavily. “That’s what I thought.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing...”

His grin suggested it meant anything but. 

Evan debated if he really wanted to know. He didn’t think he did.

Jared decided not to give him the option. He tapped his chin before pointing at Evan. “It’s just interesting is all.”

Evan didn’t want to know... And yet he did. He really, kind of did. “What’s interesting?”

“This revenge scheme you two cooked up. I mean, kudos obviously. You did a number on me. I think I lost a year of my life today.”

Evan wrinkled his nose and waited for Jared to get to his point.

“But it was aimed at Connor too, wasn’t it?” Jared tapped his chin again. “Interesting...”

“Why is that-”

Jared cut him off with a wave of his hand. “Think about it.”

He cackled to himself as he strutted away.

Evan didn’t think about it. He decided not to give Jared the satisfaction of making him think about it. 

He decided not to think about it as anything other than a goofy prank that had genuinely spooked two of his friends.

Because that was really all it had been.


	31. Senior Year - November

Evan held it together until the door clicked shut.

He sort of held it together. 

He kept himself from having a full-on panic attack at least.

He didn’t even panic when the door closed. He was too confused to panic.

Confused and angry and kind of hurt. Not just hurt. Left out. He’d thought they were leaving him out of something all week and now he had proof that he wasn’t being paranoid.

Proof that had landed him in jail, but proof nonetheless.

Not that he was in jail-jail. Campus jail. Which was really just a room in the back of the campus police station. The door didn’t even look like it had a lock on it.

It still felt like he’d been arrested though. 

Arrested for something he still didn’t understand. For something he hadn’t really been a part of.

He had a lot of questions for Connor and Jared, but only one managed to make it out of him. “Where did you get the goat?”

His question made them laugh. He wasn’t sure if it was the question itself or the way he’d asked it. He didn’t think he’d ever heard his voice sound that shrill.

He folded his arms across his chest and narrowed his eyes as they continued to grin. “It’s not funny. I was just arrested and-”

“By campus police,” Jared snorted. “I’m pretty sure that guy’s friends with Henry. I’ll ask him when he gets back.”

“And...” Evan took a breath. “I have no idea why.”

Jared nodded like that was fair. “For helping steal a goat.”

Evan grabbed at his hair. “But where did you get the goat? And-and why...”

He squeezed his eyes shut. The panic was starting to kick in. His thoughts were beginning to spiral.

Was this going to go on his permanent record? Did he have a permanent record? Was there any way this could jeopardize his scholarship? Could he get suspended? Would Dr. Whitney have to kick him off her research team because he was caught stealing a goat? Would this become something that followed him throughout his life and came up every time he applied for a job? Was he going to be like the guy from _The Social Network_ with the chicken? 

He hadn’t hurt the goat and he was certain (almost certain) no one had been intending to hurt the goat. These things had a way of getting twisted around though and...

He was spiraling. He knew that and yet he couldn’t make himself stop. 

He jumped when someone touched his arm. Not just jumped. It was like he had no control of his limbs.

He opened his eyes when Jared started clucking his tongue.

“Told you not to touch him...”

He blinked at Jared and then at Connor, who was rubbing his chin like he’d been punched.

Or elbowed.

Evan had a feeling that was exactly what had happened.

He didn’t ask.

He turned on Jared again. “What was with the goat?”

Jared rolled his eyes. “Jeez. You really have a one-track mind tonight.”

“The goat,” Evan maintained. “Why were you stealing the goat?”

Jared glanced at Connor quickly. “I don’t we should answer any questions without our lawyer present.”

“What lawyer?” Evan shrieked.

Was this going to trial? He couldn’t handle it going to trial.

Especially when he still didn’t know what the deal was with the goat.

He dug his hands into his forehead and rubbed. “Why did I think it was a good idea to follow you two?”

“Uh huh!” Jared beamed. “So you admit it! You were following us!”

Evan sat down on the bench. “Only for a minute. I was leaving Levy Hall and I saw you with the goat and...”

He pushed back against the wall. “Okay, seriously, why a goat?”

He looked up when the bench sagged next to him and Connor sat down.

“Kai. You know Kai?”

Evan looked between the two of them before rolling his eyes. “I think we’ve met once or twice.”

“He has that meet tomorrow.”

Evan nodded slowly. “The big one.”

“The big one,” Connor confirmed. “The goat’s the mascot for... I don’t know. Our rival. The one Kai says is our rival.”

“And you two decided to steal the goat because we’re all living in a sitcom now?”

“I’d say this is more like a plot from an 80s movie,” Jared chimed in. “But you know.”

“Ryan and Layla were supposed to distract the guards,” Connor said. “And Chris and Seth were keeping a lookout. Something must’ve happened to them.”

“So, everyone was involved except for me,” Evan muttered. “And Cole. And Kai himself.”

“He couldn’t be involved directly,” Jared laughed. “He wouldn’t be able to run tomorrow if he got caught.”

That didn’t make Evan feel any better.

“We didn’t think you’d want to do it,” Connor whispered. 

“We didn’t ask Zoe either,” Jared added. “We thought you two would-”

“Have too much sense to steal a goat?”

“Something like that.”

Evan shook his head at them. He couldn’t keep the hurt out of his voice when he said, “You still should’ve asked.”

He looked away when they exchanged a look.

He shook his head again. “Okay, that’s it. You two are no longer allowed to make decisions together. I mean, individually you lack impulse control and are kind of terrible at making good choices, but together...”

He mimed a bomb exploding.

“It’s not that bad,” Jared insisted. “It’s like I said, I’m pretty sure that guy’s friends with Henry. All I have to do is mention I’m Henry’s little brother and he’ll let us go.”

“But the goat-”

“Has been returned to its rightful owners safe and sound. No harm done.”

Evan chewed his lip as the door opened and the guard stepped back in.

Jared practically leapt over to greet him. “Beau! It is Beau, right?”

The guard’s brow furrowed as he jabbed at his nametag. “That’s Officer Hartley to you.”

Jared’s grin wavered for the briefest of seconds. “I’m Jared. Jared Kleinman. I think you know my brother.”

“You’re Henry’s brother?”

Jared nodded eagerly.

“Remind him he owes me twenty bucks.”

Jared deflated as he threw himself onto the bench.

Beau stepped aside so they could see someone was behind him.

Zoe.

A wave of relief spread through Evan’s body when he saw her.

She didn’t look nearly as happy to see him though.

Them, really. Her glare was mostly aimed at Connor and Jared.

“I texted her before he put us in the car,” Connor explained.

Zoe shook her head at the three of them. “Do I need to sign something or...”

Beau handed her a clipboard. “That’s the release form. Which one are you taking?”

Zoe froze with her pen in the air. “One? I’m here for all three.”

“One per customer,” Beau shrugged. “That’s the rule.”

“Oh.” Zoe pursed her lips as she studied the three of them. She flicked her wrist in Evan’s direction. “I’ll take that one then.”

“Good choice,” Beau nodded.

Jared stood up to protest. “But...”

Beau snapped his fingers at him. “You have a phone, don’t you? Call your brother to come get you. Remind him about my twenty.”

Evan scurried across the room before he could get shut inside again. 

He didn’t look back. He didn’t say goodbye. He just left.

He didn’t say anything to Zoe until they were outside. He scratched his head and glanced up at the building. “Thanks.”

Zoe stared at him for a moment before she started to laugh. “A goat?”

Evan hung his head. “I have no idea.”

“No, really. A goat? Why a goat?”

“I... I don’t know. You’ll have to ask those two.” He glanced at the building again. “Should we ask someone to come get them?”

Zoe shrugged. “Henry will have to come get Jared. I don’t think that guy’s letting him go until he gets his twenty.”

Evan’s hands twitched at his sides. She had a point. “What about Connor?”

“I can send one of my roommates later,” Zoe decided. “In an hour or so. Let him sweat it out for a bit.”

She laughed into her hand as they started to walk. “At least no one’s pressing charges.”

“They’re not?”

She smiled when she saw how relieved Evan looked. “That guy... Beau, was it? He said he told the goat’s owner that it must’ve gotten out of the pen on its own. He didn’t want you all to get in trouble because he thinks you were just pulling a harmless prank.”

Evan closed his eyes and nodded. “We pretty much were.”

“We?” Zoe raised her eyebrows. “You were actually in on it?”

“Not really,” Evan admitted. “I just ran into them while they were chasing the goat across the quad.”

“That’s what I thought. I didn’t think you were part of their plan.”

“You say that like there actually was a plan.”

“They spent the whole week scheming about something. Didn’t you notice?”

“Yeah,” Evan huffed. “I noticed.”

“They didn’t ask you to help?”

He shook his head. “They didn’t ask you either.”

“Because they knew I would’ve talked them out of it. Or tried to anyway.”

“Same.”

Zoe chuckled to herself. “It’s funny.”

“What’s funny?”

“Two things, actually. This is the first time Connor got arrested.”

“He wasn’t actually-”

Zoe waved her hand in a so-so motion. “Sort of got arrested. He never got brought in for his weed or his driving or anything like that. No. It took a goat to bring him down.”

Evan grinned at that. “Literally bring him down. Did you see his clothes? He fell in the mud while they were chasing the goat.”

Zoe slapped her forehead and groaned. “I can’t believe I don’t have any photographic evidence of this night.”

“I do,” Evan assured her.

“Send it to me.”

Evan nodded. “What’s the second thing?”

“Huh?”

“You said there were two things. What’s the-”

“Oh,” Zoe breathed. “Right. I was just thinking about how I always kind of wondered what would’ve happened if Connor had a friend in high school, if they would’ve kept him from doing stupid things or egged him on more.”

“And now?”

“I’m really glad he wasn’t friends with Jared back then.”

“Me too.”

She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. “You on the other hand...”

“I couldn’t stop them from stealing the goat tonight,” Evan reminded her.

“I know, but... I don’t know. He could’ve used someone then. Someone who got him and accepted him and-”

“It’s not like he was the easiest person to get to know.”

“Did you try?”

Evan stared at his shoes. They both knew the answer to that.

“Me neither,” Zoe whispered. “I don’t know. It’s just something I think about sometimes.”

“Me too,” Evan admitted.

And he meant it. He thought about it all. About the differences between the Connor he’d known of and the Connor he actually knew. About how things would’ve been different, possibly better, if they’d become friends when they were younger. About how there was a time when he’d really needed someone like Connor in his life. About how he was pretty sure that went both ways.

Zoe smiled sadly as she fished around in her purse. “I’m going to call my roommate Joanna. She should be finishing her shift at the library now. She can go get him.”

Evan put up a hand to stop her. “I have a better idea.”

“What?”

His idea was mean. Cruel, even. He knew Connor would not be amused.

He also knew it could be worse. It would’ve been worse if he’d done this three years ago.

And Connor deserved it for stealing the goat.

And for leaving him out, for making him feel like his friends were avoiding him, for making him wonder if he really belonged.

He reached for his phone. “I’m calling Cole.”

He scrambled to hit pause when the door to his room flew open without warning. He didn’t bother looking up though. He knew who it was.

“Cole? Really?”

Evan refused to let Connor’s tone get to him. “A goat? Really?”

Connor rolled his eyes and motioned for Evan to scoot over. “What’re we watching?”

Evan stretched his leg out to block him. He didn’t even try to mask the fact that he was checking him out.

Not checking him out. Not like that.

He was inspecting Connor’s clothes and confirming that they were not the same ones he’d been wearing when he fell in the mud.

His face went red when his mind went down that path. Connor’s expression did not help.

“What?” Connor demanded.

“Just checking.”

“Checking?”

“That you changed your clothes. I don’t want to get mud all over my bed.”

Connor picked at his shirt. “New clothes. I showered and everything. Goats stink.”

“They really do.” Evan moved over so he could sit down. “I’m watching a documentary on the dairy industry, but...”

“But what?”

“We can watch something else if you want.”

Connor shrugged and leaned back against the headboard. “I like milk.”

“Are you sure? It’s not a particularly entertaining documentary. It’s kind of dry and factual. I find it interesting, but you-”

Connor rolled his eyes and hit play.

He’d used Connor’s shoulder as a pillow again.

He realized that right away. Partially because there was a wet spot on Connor’s shirt. Mostly because his head was still on it.

On the shoulder and the wet spot. Which was really wet, to the point of being gross.

He owed Connor an apology. He managed to give him one when their eyes met.

Connor snorted and stretched his arms out in front of him. “At least it’s not goat shit.”

“Good to know my drool’s better than goat shit.”

“And mud. I’d say it’s better than mud too.”

“Good to know.” Evan bit his lip. “So.”

“So?”

“The goat.”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

Connor shrugged. “It seemed like a-”

“Good idea at the time,” Evan finished. “Okay, so many things are going through my head right now. Like, okay, I still don’t get why you two decided to steal a goat, but really? That was the best plan you could come up with? It took you all week to come up with that?”

Connor narrowed his eyes at the wall. “You think you could’ve done it better?”

“Well, I wouldn’t have done it in the first place, so...” He watched his hands as they flexed in front of him. “That’s why you didn’t ask me?”

He lifted his head to look up at Connor and...

His head was still on Connor’s shoulder. He realized that so suddenly it was like he’d been struck by lightning. He jolted up and tried to play it off like he needed to stretch.

It didn’t work. One look at Connor confirmed that.

He shook his head and scooted over ever so slightly. 

“We weren’t the only ones involved,” Connor reminded him.

“That’s supposed to make me feel better?”

Connor pulled himself up to study him. “Is that what’s bothering you?”

“Is it bothering me that my friends all went and did something together behind my back because they think I...”

He didn’t finish that thought. He decided to let it hang in the air. 

Connor closed his eyes for a second. “We knew you’d freak out and try to stop us.”

Evan shook his head. “Okay, see I still don’t get why you wanted to steal the goat. I get why Ryan would do something like that. And Layla will do anything he does. And Chris and Seth probably thought it was some kind of quest. And Jared... Jared probably thought it meant he’s part of the cool crowd. But you? Since when do you actually give a crap about sports?”

“It wasn’t about the goat.”

“Really?” Evan drawled. “You weren’t helping steal a goat to boost our team’s spirits and lead them to victory?”

“I needed a distraction.” Connor cleared his throat and glanced at him quickly. “And scheming to steal a goat sounded like a better idea than numbing myself with weed.”

That got Evan’s attention. He sat up a bit straighter. “What did you need to be distracted from?”

Connor fell silent in a way that told him nothing.

He sighed and tried to catch Connor’s eye. “Did something happen?”

His heart skipped a beat when Connor still didn’t respond. “What happened?”

Connor sighed and swung his legs around so they were dangling off the bed. “There’s just a lot going on right now, you know.”

Evan did know. 

Sort of.

He knew they were all stressing out about the future. They all had some tough choices to make. Graduation was six months away. That was nothing. It felt like there was no time left to find jobs and apply to grad schools and...

Evan took a breath. “I know. I really need to finish my applications. The deadline for that one grant Dr. Whitney told me about is next week.”

“Are you still leaning towards going here next year?”

Evan nodded. “If the grant works out, definitely.”

“And if it doesn’t?”

Evan shrugged. “No idea.”

“Me too, except without the grant part. I have no fucking clue what my next step is.”

“I thought you were applying to the library science program here.”

“I was. I am.” Connor exhaled deeply. “I don’t know if I want to stay here though. I feel like I don’t know anything right now.”

“So, that’s why you decided to steal a goat? To distract yourself from your lack of direction?”

That wasn’t the reason. Or, if it was, it wasn’t the only reason.

One look at Connor confirmed that.

He didn’t say that though.

He didn’t say anything when Connor simply nodded. He didn’t pry or ask for more information.

He didn’t say a word even though Connor’s silence felt worse than being left out of the goat theft.

Zoe’s show – Wyatt’s show, technically – debuted the weekend before Thanksgiving.

It was a huge success.

A huge success among their school’s theater crowd at least.

There was a cast party after the final performance. A very civilized cast party hosted by one of the drama professors.

Connor was invited, which meant Evan was invited. So was Jared, though he was quick to point out that he was going as Zoe’s date. 

The three of them walked in together. Jared immediately abandoned them and attached himself to Zoe’s side.

Evan followed Connor across the room. He stayed close to him because the house was crowded and tiny and smelled like cinnamon. 

“Do you know any of these people?” Evan whispered. He took a breath and glanced around and...

And then it was like time stood still. 

He half-expected the crowd to part dramatically to emphasize exactly how hilarious his question had been.

Because there was one person they knew standing across the room by the patio door.

Connor spotted him before Evan did. Evan knew that when he saw the way Connor’s eyes had widened.

That was Connor’s only reaction. 

He didn’t look pale or dizzy or surprised. His eyes widened when he spotted Matt and then he shrugged and told Evan it looked like the drinks were in the kitchen.

“What’s he doing here?” Evan hissed as he hurried after Connor.

“He’s friends with a lot of these people, including Zoe.”

“She’s still friends with him?”

Connor shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe. Or maybe he’s friends with Wyatt or one of the many other theater people here tonight.”

Connor drummed his fingers on the counter. “What do you want?”

Evan eyed the selection. He decided to go with water because he wanted to keep his wits about him. He wasn’t surprised when Connor went for something harder.

He sipped his water and inhaled sharply. “He’s coming this way.”

“Who?”

“Matt!”

He closed his eyes when that came out so loudly it sounded like a greeting. He decided to play it off like it had been one.

He was not successful.

It didn’t matter. As usual, Matt paid him no mind.

Evan stayed put anyway. He stayed until Matt led Connor away to introduce him to some people.

And then he didn’t know what to do.

He was in a tiny, crowded house that reeked of cinnamon and the three people he knew there were all busy talking to other people. He felt dizzy and alone and...

He couldn’t believe Connor had gone off with Matt.

He pushed that thought away.

And then he didn’t because it wasn’t a weird thought. It was very not weird of him to be concerned about a friend. It was very not weird of him to be staring at his friend and the guy who’d done a number on him.

He took a breath and tried to center himself.

He did the only thing he could think to do.

He called his mom.

He took the call outside. He tried to make it look like it was a very important call.

It went to voicemail.

He hung up and checked the time. It was way past his mother’s bedtime. She was probably sound asleep.

Which meant the ringing had probably woken her up. Which meant she was going to panic when she saw that she had a missed call from her son. A missed call and no message.

He had to call her back.

She still didn’t pick up.

Her voicemail was full.

He cursed and hung up again.

And then he sent her a text saying he hoped that Geoff’s family served the canned cranberry sauce for Thanksgiving because he liked that better than the real kind.

Random, but he knew it would do the trick. She’d laugh when she saw it. She’d be able to go back to sleep thinking he’d just drunk dialed her.

He took a breath and held it while he looked back at the house. 

It looked so bright from the outside. Bright and full of life.

He felt like he was watching it from outer space. It may as well have been a million miles away.

He couldn’t make himself go back in. 

He did the only thing he could think to do. 

He turned on his heel and left.

He woke up when his overhead light turned on.

Woke up made it sound a lot more graceful than it was.

He almost fell out of bed in his attempt to shield his eyes.

And then he sat up and blinked around the room until his eyes landed on Connor.

Connor sighed and turned the light back off.

He left without saying a word.

Stormed out was more like it.

It took Evan a minute to realize he should check his phone.

There were ten missed calls and over a dozen texts. The majority of them were from Connor, but Zoe and Jared had chimed in at the end.

The most recent one was from Jared.

_Are you alive? Text 1 if yes. Text 2 if no._

Evan felt a momentary flash of guilt.

And then he rolled over and went back to sleep.

Evan glanced up from his cereal when Connor came out of his room. He didn’t say anything until Connor had poured himself a bowl.

He put down his spoon and took a breath and muttered a quick apology.

“Sorry?” Connor laughed. “Is that all you have to say?”

“What else should I say?”

“Do you even know what you’re apologizing for?”

Evan shrugged. “For scaring you all? For ruining your night?”

“For ruining our...” Connor shook his head.

“How long’s Matt in town? Can you still... you know, meet up with him?” 

Connor looked at him like he’d sprouted another head. “Is that what you think?”

“Is what what I think?”

“That Matt and I... That that’s actually a thing that could happen.”

“Gabe,” Evan reminded him. “It’s not outside the realm of possibility.”

“The difference being that Gabe’s a decent person and Matt is a self-centered asshole.”

Evan tapped his chin. “How is Gabe? Have you heard from him recently?”

“He texted me the other day. He’s fine. He’s looking at grad schools in California.”

“Good for him.”

Evan gulped down a bite of cereal when he heard the edge that had crept into his tone.

The edge that Connor had definitely noticed. He put a hand on his hip and stared at Evan. “Do you want to know why Matt approached me last night?”

Evan wasn’t sure if he did.

“He wanted to know if I was interested in having a threesome with him and this guy he’s seeing.”

Evan choked on his cereal. “What?”

Connor grinned when their eyes met. “Yeah. That was who he wanted me to meet.”

“What did you say?”

“What do you think I said?”

“I don’t know,” Evan mumbled. “I mean, it could be, like, another experiment for you. Something you haven’t tried.”

His head popped up when a horrifying thought crossed his mind. “Right?”

Connor let out a barking laugh. “Right.”

He grinned as he picked at his nails. “Well, when you put it like that, maybe I made the wrong choice. Maybe I should’ve actually thought about it for a second or two.”

“You didn’t even consider it?”

“A threesome involving Matt?” Connor shuddered at the thought. “A threesome in general? That just sounds...”

“Terrifying?”

“Messy and not in a good way.”

Evan finished his cereal and went to wash the bowl. “I’m sorry I scared you.”

“We thought you’d been abducted or something.”

“Abducted? At a theater party?”

“Have you seen some of Zoe’s castmates? I wouldn’t put it past them.”

“I didn’t think you’d...”

“I’d what?” Connor demanded. “Notice that you left?”

“Care,” Evan corrected. “I didn’t think you’d care.”

“Well, I did.”

“Okay.”

“I really did.”

“Okay,” Evan laughed. “I promise I won’t do that again.”

Connor wrinkled his nose as he started sniffing his sweatshirt. “I smell like cinnamon.”

Evan had noticed that right away. “That’s the shirt you wore last night, isn’t it?”

Connor nodded as he continued to sniff. “Smell this.”

Evan jumped backwards when Connor stepped forward. “No!”

“I reek of cinnamon. Oh my God. Why do I reek of cinnamon?”

“That house reeked of cinnamon.”

Connor smelled his hair and his nails. “It’s everywhere.”

He stepped forward again and lifted his collar for Evan to smell. “Smell my shirt.”

Evan closed his eyes and shook his head. “No!”

“Smell it!”

“No!”

Evan opened his eyes when he heard the front door open.

They both froze while Chris walked by.

He gave them a confused look and snickered as he slipped into his room.

Connor waved his sleeve under Evan’s nose the second Chris’s door closed. “Smell it!”

Evan laughed so hard it came out as a wheeze. “No!”

Connor refused to back down.

Evan sighed and took a small sniff. “You smell like cinnamon.”

Connor nodded contentedly. “I know, right?”


	32. Senior Year - December

Evan sneezed so hard he almost spilled his soup. He sniffled and started to wipe his nose on his sleeve, only to stop when a tissue was dangled in front of face.

He grabbed it and blew his nose so loudly he sounded like a goose. “Thanks.”

It came out like “fangs.”

Connor understood anyway. He nodded and flipped another page in his textbook.

Evan leaned over his tray so he could inhale the steam from his tea. His throat was killing him. So was his head. He felt like there was an elephant sitting on it. 

Of course, his body would decide to come down with The Cold of Doom during finals week. That was just his luck.

He couldn’t blame the others for wanting to sit as far away from him as possible. They were sitting all the way at the other end of the table. 

All of them except for Connor, who had plopped down next to him like it was no big deal. Like he wasn’t at all concerned about the amount of snot currently oozing out of his best friend.

Evan sneezed again. 

Another tissue appeared.

He was really starting to wonder how many tissues Connor had in his bag. He must have picked up one of those travel packs, the kind Evan’s mom always kept in her purse.

Jared shook his head as he watched Connor collect Evan’s discarded tissues and put them in a pile on his tray. “How are you not sick?”

Zoe scoffed at that. “His immune system’s insane.”

“You mean like he doesn’t have one? Like all the weed he’s inhaled made it disintegrate?”

“Like it pretty much takes the plague itself to make him sick. It’s not fair. When we were in high school, I caught pretty much everything that went around and he got sick, like, twice.”

“You mean all those classes he missed weren’t due to illness?” Jared gasped.

“It used to drive me crazy how he could smoke pot and stay up all night and skip meals and eat nothing but junk and still be healthier than I was.”

“So, you’re saying he’s immune to all that...” Jared wrinkled his nose and waved his hand in Evan’s general direction.

Zoe nodded. “Evan could sneeze right in his face and he still wouldn’t get sick.”

Jared leaned forward to catch Evan’s attention. “Do it! For science! Sneeze in his face! Come on, I know there’s another sneeze just dying to come out.”

Evan sniffled and slurped down some more of his soup.

Jared pretended to pout when he didn’t respond. “What if he licked him?”

“Why would he lick him?”

Jared shrugged. “I don’t claim to understand the inner workings of Evan Hansen’s brain.”

“Somehow I doubt he’s thinking about licking my brother.”

Jared sighed and hung his head sadly. “Too easy...”

Zoe rolled her eyes. “Evan’s been sick for three days now, right?”

“Something like that.”

“And Connor has been-”

“Following him around so he can be his human tissue dispenser,” Jared finished. “Yeah.”

“He’s been around Evan a lot this week and he isn’t showing any signs of illness.”

“Hmm,” Jared hummed. “You know, I think my throat’s starting to feel a bit scratchy.”

Zoe closed her eyes. “I’m not following you around with a pack of Kleenex.”

“What about cough drops? Do you have any cough drops?”

Zoe sighed and got up to put her tray back.

Jared hurried after her. “My head hurts. Do you have any Tylenol?”

Evan reached for his tea. His shoulders slumped when he saw it was all gone.

“Cough drop?” Connor said. He held one out in his hand.

Evan accepted it gratefully. “Thanks.”

Fangs.

He sniffled again.

Connor studied him for a moment. “Did you take your echinacea?”

Evan nodded. 

“And the Mucinex?”

Evan nodded again.

“Okay,” Connor breathed. “You have two hours until your next final. Let’s go back to the room so you can lie down for a bit.”

Evan sniffled as he started towards the door. He blinked when he felt Connor’s hands on his shoulders.

“Wrong way,” Connor grinned.

Evan blinked and looked around. He had been heading in the wrong direction. He wondered how that had happened.

Connor chewed his lip. “You said you can pass your botany final in your sleep, right?”

Evan shrugged. That sounded like something he may or may not have said. It was hard to tell.

Connor shook his head. “I think you might be testing that theory today.”

The snow started at the perfect time. The first flakes fell just as Evan was finishing his last exam. 

It wasn’t supposed to be a big storm, just enough to give all the students who wanted to put off going home an excuse to stick around.

Evan wasn’t in that group. Not completely anyway. He wasn’t dreading going home, even if it still felt kind of weird that Geoff lived there too. 

It helped that he would only be there for a few days before he left for Colorado. He was spending Christmas with his father’s family that year. His father had asked and he’d said yes. 

Part of him was looking forward to it. Another part was nervous because he didn’t know what to expect. He hadn’t celebrated Christmas with his father since he was seven. He’d never celebrated it with Lisa and the kids. 

He wondered if the kids still believed in Santa. Probably not. He still thought of them as babies, but he knew they were growing up. They were ten and twelve now. He wasn’t sure when most kids stopped believing, but he’d been eight. He’d figured it out because Santa had always left him a note and the handwriting changed the year his father left. He hadn’t told his mother that though. She’d been so excited, so determined to make it a special Christmas, that he hadn’t said a word. He’d let her go on thinking he believed until the tradition just kind of petered out on its own.

It was kind of weird to think about spending the holidays away from his mother. He knew it was weird for her too, but she was trying to act like it wasn’t. She kept saying it was fine. She was glad his father had stepped up and invited him for a change, even if it had taken him more than a decade to extend the invitation. She’d pointed that out several times.

He knew she thought he’d accepted the invitation because of Geoff, because of Geoff’s family, because Thanksgiving with the Heffelfingers had been so overwhelming he needed a year to recover.

There was some truth to that, but it wasn’t the only reason. Evan actually did want to spend some time with his father and his half-siblings. And Lisa, he supposed. It was okay if she was there too.

And it wasn’t like his was avoiding his mom and Geoff completely. He’d be stuck at home for several weeks when he got back.

Which was why he didn’t feel any guilt whatsoever for deciding not to go home as soon as he finished his statistics final.

It was actually a very smart decision on his part, he thought. The combination of exhaustion, stress, and cold medicine made him feel loopy in a way he knew the other drivers would not appreciate.

And then there was the snow. He did not like driving in the snow.

Neither did Chris and Seth, so it really wasn’t a surprise to see they had decided to stay another night too. Evan could tell they’d stayed behind for more than just their safety when he saw how many cookies Seth had baked though.

“Hilary broke up with him,” Seth whispered when Evan walked by. 

“Again?” Evan sniffed. He wiped his nose on his sleeve and looked around expectantly. “Did Connor leave?”

“Doesn’t he have his English presentation now?”

Evan nodded slightly. That sounded right.

“And yes again,” Seth sighed. “I think this one’s going to stick though.”

“Really?” Evan drawled. 

“Yes, really.” Seth scowled when Evan started to reach for a cookie. “Don’t touch them!”

Evan jumped like he’d been burned. “What?”

“Germs! I’ll get you a plate.”

Evan couldn’t argue with that. He felt like his body mostly consisted of slime.

Seth glanced over his shoulder as Evan flopped down on the couch. “You want a drink? We poured everything we have in a pitcher. It’s really potent.”

Evan didn’t say yes, but he didn’t say no either. He was distracted when Chris came stumbling out of the bathroom. He accepted a plate and a cup from Seth without thinking and started to eat.

And drink. It didn’t occur to him until later that he probably shouldn’t mix alcohol with cold medicine.

He was too distracted to care at that moment though. He tried not to dwell on the fact that Chris had obviously been crying. 

Seth saw that too and immediately shoved another cookie at him.

Chris sprawled out on the floor in front of the tv and groaned at the ceiling. “That’s it. I’m never dating anyone ever again. I’m going to go live in the mountains and become a monk.”

“I don’t think they have wi-fi up there,” Seth pointed out.

Chris groaned ever louder. “Okay, in that case, I’m going to adopt a dozen cats and name them all Moe.”

“Why Moe?”

“Why not Moe?”

Seth nodded like he had a point. “You want to watch _Doctor Who_? That always cheers you up.”

Chris shook his head. “I want to wallow in the pain.”

“We could watch ‘Doomsday.’”

Chris sat up and looked at him like he’d lost his mind. “I don’t want to wallow that much!”

Seth’s hands flew up in surrender. “Okay. You’re the boss.”

“I am the boss,” Chris sniffed. He stared at Seth like he was seeing him with new eyes. “You know, it’s a shame I don’t find you attractive.”

Seth leaned over to check Chris’s cup. “Okay, how much have you had?”

“Not enough to numb the pain.”

“I’m cutting you off.”

“No!” Chris shouted. He stuck his tongue out as he leaned back against the couch. He did a double take when he noticed Evan. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Evan parroted.

“When did you get here?”

“A few minutes ago.”

“Hmm,” Chris hummed. His face scrunched up as he studied Evan.

“What?” Seth demanded. “Are you trying to decide if you find him attractive now?”

Chris shook his head. “No. Just wondering if maybe a good, old-fashioned fever would do the trick.”

“I have a cold, not a fever,” Evan told him.

“Colds can come with fevers though. Would you mind giving me your tissues from now on?”

Seth shook his head at Evan. “Don’t give them to him.”

“I wasn’t planning to,” Evan said.

Chris made a face and shoved another cookie in his mouth. “You two are no fun. That’s just one of the reasons we could never work out.”

He gestured between himself and Seth.

Seth closed his eyes for a moment. “Okay, I’m probably going to regret asking this, but where is this whole thing-” He gestured between them. “-coming from?”

“I was just thinking how much easier my life would be if I found you attractive.”

“Ah,” Seth nodded. “Okay then.”

“Okay?”

“You are officially cut off.”

“Okay, just hear me out for a second.” Chris’s hands flew around so quickly he almost knocked over the lamp. “We’re best friends. We like each other. We get along.”

“All good things,” Seth agreed.

“Right. Exactly. So, wouldn’t it be easier for both of us if we-”

“Found each other attractive?” Seth laughed. “Dude, I love you and all, but-”

“You love me?”

Seth shrugged. “I grew up in a houseful of women. I’m man enough to say I love you.”

Chris snorted.

“So, yeah, I love you and all, but not enough to...” Seth wrinkled his nose. “I’d take a bullet for you before I’d suck your dick.”

“You’d take a bullet for me?” Chris gasped.

“Maybe,” Seth shrugged. “It would depend how strong my will to live was that day.”

Chris considered that for a moment. “Same. I think. I don’t know. I still think it would be easier if we could just-”

“Want to see each other naked?” Seth laughed.

“But isn’t that the dream?”

“Seeing each other naked? Dude, I’ve seen you naked. That’s not my dream.”

“No! I mean... Falling for your best friend. Isn’t that the dream?”

“It’s the plot that’s launched a thousand rom-coms,” Seth conceded.

“See!” Chris yelled. “It’s totally the-”

“But why do you think that would be a good thing?” Evan demanded. He jumped when he heard himself.

So did they. Not for the same reason he did though. He was pretty sure they’d forgotten he was there.

Evan closed his eyes and took a breath. “I’m just saying, you two are best friends. You get along. You get along really well. Things are good. And relationships... Relationships don’t last.”

“Sometimes they last,” Chris whispered.

“Yeah, but... but we’re in college. What are the odds that a relationship you start now will actually last? Boyfriends, girlfriends, they come and go, but best friends... There’s a reason for the second F in BFF.”

Seth nodded. “He has a point.”

“And...” Evan put a hand on the armrest to steady himself. He wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or the residual effects from his cold medicine, but he was starting to feel dizzy. “And what happens when things fall apart? You don’t just lose your boyfriend. You lose your best friend. Why take that risk if it’s not...”

“Not what?”

Evan let his breath out in a huff. “I don’t know. I’m just saying best friends are one of the few good things in life. Why throw that away for something that doesn’t stand a chance?”

“But what if it does?” Chris asked. He smiled when Evan blinked at him. “Being best friends with someone before you... you know. That’s a solid foundation for a relationship right there. That’s why it’s the dream.”

Seth narrowed his eyes. “I still don’t want to see you naked.”

“I didn’t say you did! But, you know, I’m really starting to get insulted that you feel that strongly about it.”

“Okay, how about this? If we’re both single in twenty years, we’ll get a cabin somewhere and adopt a dozen cats.”

“Two dozen,” Chris corrected. “Since there’ll be two of us.”

“Two dozen,” Seth agreed. “We’re not naming them all Moe though.”

“Why not?” Chris whined.

“Because that would be confusing.”

“Okay, fine. We’ll name the first dozen Moe. You can name the second dozen.”

“Really? That’s so generous of you...”

“I’m serious! Start thinking because I fully intend to be single in twenty years and, with your track record, I’m thinking you will be too.”

Seth’s mouth dropped open. “What did you say?”

“You heard me.”

Evan downed the rest of his drink and stood up without saying a word.

They didn’t notice. Or, if they did, it didn’t faze them at all. 

Evan could still hear them bickering after he’d closed his door.

There was a snake on Evan’s face.

No, not a snake. A cluster of worms. 

He gasped and tried to bat them away.

He opened his eyes when they started to laugh.

When Connor started to laugh. Because, of course, the worms belonged to him.

Connor grinned as he lowered his scarf. “I thought you said you weren’t a deep sleeper?”

Evan rubbed his eyes. “When did I say that?”

“Freshman year. In the basement lounge. That night with the fire alarm. It was one of the first things you ever said to me. You told me you aren’t a deep sleeper, even though there was a siren going off right above your head.”

Evan nodded sleepily. That sounded sort of familiar. “Well, I’m not. I’m not a deep sleeper.”

“I just said your name, like, ten times.”

“So, naturally, your next step was to dangle your wet scarf in my face until I woke up?”

“You were sound asleep.”

“I took cold medicine this afternoon.” Evan wrinkled his nose. “And drank a glass of whatever’s in Seth’s pitcher.”

“You drank that?”

Evan nodded again.

“That stuff’s strong enough to remove paint.”

“Which probably explains why I didn’t wake up. I’m normally not a sound sleeper.”

“Yeah,” Connor agreed.

Evan studied him for a moment. “Was there a reason you woke me up or was it just to tell me I’m secretly a deep sleeper?”

“Mia says hi.”

“Mia?” Evan blinked. He resisted the urge to put the word ‘my’ in front of her name. She’d never been his Mia. He knew that even while his head felt fuzzy.

“You remember Mia.”

“I remember Mia,” Evan confirmed. “I’m just surprised that you-”

“I ran into her and Lauren after my English final.”

“Lauren?” Evan gasped. He pulled himself up into a sitting position. “Okay, that explains the snake-worms.”

“The snake-worms?” Connor laughed.

Evan waved his hand dismissively. “What happened?”

Connor lowered his eyes. “Lauren wanted to talk about Matt.”

Evan was really having trouble processing information. “About Matt? What?”

“She heard from a friend of a friend that I went out with Matt after her. She wanted to know if that’s why we didn’t work out.”

“What’d you say?”

Connor shrugged. “I said I don’t really like labelling myself, but I’m probably closer to gay than anything else.”

“You told her that?”

“It seemed to make her feel better.”

Evan hummed at that. “Well, that’s good I guess.”

“I told her I really did like her though and that I didn’t have any regrets there.”

“Good. That’s good. You gave her closure.”

“I gave myself closure.”

Evan sat up a bit straighter. “What do you mean?”

“That whole thing was such a mess and... I don’t know. I’m glad she doesn’t hate me.”

“Me too.”

“Mia’s single now.”

“Yeah,” Evan nodded.

“You knew that?”

“I wasn’t sure, but she shows up in my feed sometimes, so I kind of thought she might be. Either that or she has a very understanding boyfriend.”

“She’s still here if you need some post-finals stress relief.”

Evan laughed so hard he started to cough.

And then he really started to cough. It wasn’t pretty.

“Right,” Evan wheezed. “Because that’s exactly what my body needs right now.”

“You look pale,” Connor conceded.

“I’m sick and drunk and-”

“Were you having vivid dreams? I always have vivid dreams when I mix cold meds with things.”

“I dreamt I was swimming in a giant Mountain Dew bottle while a bunch of giant baby penguins cheered me on.”

“That sounds about right.” Connor sighed and nodded at the door. “I should let you sleep. What time are you leaving in the morning?”

Evan shrugged. “Depends what time I wake up.”

“Are you up for it?”

“For?”

“Driving.”

“As opposed to teleporting home?”

“Zoe’s car’s in the shop, so she can take mine and I can drive you if you’re still...” Connor gestured in his general direction.

He left before Evan could respond.

Evan buried his head in his pillow and tried not to think about how all the baby penguins had been named Moe.

His father had had an ulterior motive for inviting him to spend the holidays in Colorado.

Of course, he had.

Evan snorted when his mother’s voice slipped into his head. She was going to have a field day with this when she heard. So much so that he wasn’t sure if he wanted to tell her.

He gripped the edge of the sink and stared blankly at his reflection. 

He had to get back out there. There was a whole hall filled with people his father and Lisa wanted him to meet.

This was not how he’d been expecting to spend the day after Christmas. He’d thought it would be like it was back home. They’d all stay in their pajamas and eat cookies and watch cheesy movies while they played Monopoly. 

He hadn’t figured his father’s 50th birthday into that plan.

It wasn’t that he’d forgotten about his father’s birthday. It was just that he knew his father normally celebrated his half-birthday instead. He’d spent his whole life hearing how much it sucked to be born the day after Christmas. It hadn’t even crossed his mind that Lisa might be planning a big party this time.

Everything had made sense when he heard the news. It explained why his father had suddenly, out of the blue, decided it would be nice to spend the holidays with Evan.

Because they wanted Evan there for the celebration. They wanted to show him off and make sure everyone met Dan’s oldest son. They wanted everyone to know all about Evan’s education and future and how he was going to save the trees.

It was enough to make Evan miss Geoff’s family.

He managed to pull himself away from the sink when someone else came in. He ducked back into the hall and froze when he saw the pictures on the screen.

Someone had started a slideshow and the pictures were...

He didn’t know what was worse – the ones of Liam and Ella or the ones of him.

There were more of Liam and Ella, of course. A lot more. It was like he was being hit over the head with the fact that his siblings had grown up with a loving, attentive father who took them camping and chaperoned their field trips and let them paint his nails.

The ones with Evan were few and far between. 

And they’d all be edited. Evan could see that, even if the other guests couldn’t. 

He could tell exactly which pictures his mother had been cropped out of.

She hadn’t been cropped out of all them though. Evan realized that with a start.

Lisa had missed one. 

It was a group picture from when his father had been in high school. He was at a concert with a bunch of his friends and there, standing in the back was a young Heidi Hansen.

Evan’s breath caught in his throat.

He knew his parents’ story. He knew how they’d been friends in high school, how they’d gone out for a few months before graduation, how they’d gone their separate ways before reconnecting in their 20s. 

He’d never really thought about that part of it though.

He’d only ever dwelled on the dark days, the aftermath, the radio silence.

Another picture popped up. 

Lisa had clearly not paid attention to her husband’s high school photos because this one was just of Dan and Heidi.

It was a goofy picture. They were crossing their eyes and sticking out their tongues. They looked like they were about fifteen.

Evan was almost positive they were because he remembered his mother telling him that was the year she’d been obsessed with tie-dye t-shirts.

He stared at the picture until the next one took its place.

It was a picture of his father holding Ella when she was a baby.

He took that as his cue to go.

He wove his way through the crowd until he reached the porch. He gripped the railing and tried to breathe.

His parents had been friends. Actual friends. Real friends. 

And now they barely even spoke.

He wondered if it had been worth it.

He knew his mother would say it had because of him, because he was the result of their relationship.

She’d said that to him once after a night of drinking with Maggie and it had really, truly stuck.

He didn’t know about his father though.

He didn’t know how to ask.

He didn’t know if he wanted to ask.

He didn’t know anything at all.

He didn’t get a chance to ask until it was time for him to leave. 

Because, of course, the one and only bit of one on one time he got with his father was the ride back to the airport.

At least it was a long drive. The snow made it even longer. So did the fact that it was New Year’s Eve.

Traffic was horrible.

“I guess everyone’s trying to get out before the storm,” Dan observed.

“Yeah,” Evan muttered.

The storm was expected to hit late that night. That was why Dan had changed Evan’s flight. He’d been afraid they’d be stuck with Evan for another week if he didn’t leave before the snow started.

And that really would’ve messed with everyone’s plans.

Dan put the car in park when it became clear they weren’t moving. “So, I feel like we haven’t had a chance to talk.”

“We haven’t.” 

Dan raised his eyebrows and laughed. Evan could tell he was surprised by his son’s assertiveness. “No, you’re right. It was a whirlwind trip. I’m sorry about all the fuss.”

“It’s fine. I liked spending time with Liam and Ella.”

“They liked it too. I think Ella’s going to be suffering from some serious Evan-withdrawal tonight.”

Evan hummed at that. He pressed his forehead against the window and stared blankly at the clouds.

“Liam reminds me so much of you it’s uncanny sometimes.”

“Yeah,” Evan nodded. “I can see that.”

“Can you?” Dan grinned. “Any words of advice from someone who’s been through it?”

Evan chewed his lip while he considered that. He tried to think of something smart, something meaningful, something that would help his father help Liam in a way no one had helped him.

The sound of a horn blaring yanked him out of his thoughts before he had a chance.

“Moron!” Dan screamed. He blew the horn again. “I swear, people these days... Did you see that? Did you see how that guy just cut in front of me?”

Evan nodded even though he hadn’t.

“It terrifies me to think that Liam will be on the road with these idiots in a few years. And Ella... She’ll let every single one of them jump in front of her.”

“It’s scary on the road sometimes,” Evan agreed.

His father glanced at him quickly. “How’s the car?”

“Good,” Evan chirped.

His father nodded with satisfaction. “What are you doing tonight? You have any plans?”

“I guess it depends what time I get in.”

“You should be home well before midnight. Plenty of time to...” Dan laid on the horn again. He shook his head at the person next to him. “I swear...”

“There’s a party at my friend Connor’s house.” Evan bit his lip. “You remember Connor?”

“I remember Connor,” Dan grinned.

“His family always has a New Year’s party. I’ll probably go there if I get in on time.”

“And after that? When do you go back to school?”

“In three weeks.”

“That long? Damn. Glad Liam didn’t hear that. He’d be begging us to let him skip straight to college.”

“I’ll probably spend most of it working on my senior project.”

Dan glanced at him again. “But you’ll be at home with your mom and... what’s his name?”

“Geoff.”

“You’ll be home with them for three weeks?”

Evan nodded. “It’s okay. I like Geoff.”

Dan didn’t look convinced. “You do, do you?”

Evan nodded again. “He’s nice and he treats Mom really well.”

He wondered if he’d said the wrong thing when he saw the way his father was gripping the steering wheel.

He decided that was as close to an opening as he was going to get.

“I saw that picture at your party. The one of you and Mom when you were teenagers.”

“The one where we’re sticking out our tongues?”

“Yeah,” Evan said. “You looked like you were having fun.”

“We were at our friend Shelly’s birthday party. Your mother pushed me in the pool two seconds after the picture was taken.”

Evan let out a startled laugh. “Mom did that?”

“Don’t worry. I splashed her until she was almost as wet as I was.”

“But you were friends. You were friends, right?”

Dan nodded. “She was one of my best friends in high school.”

“Do you miss her?”

Evan stared at his hands when his father didn’t respond. He wasn’t sure if it was because he’d asked the question too quietly or because his father didn’t know what to say.

Dan cleared his throat as he started creeping forward again. “I do. Miss her, that is. I wish things hadn’t turned out the way they did.”

“You mean...”

Dan sighed and closed his eyes for a second. “Don’t get me wrong. I love Lisa. I love our kids, our life, everything about it. And your mother and I... We weren’t meant to be. Maybe we were at one time, but we drifted apart. We weren’t able to... It wasn’t working for either of us. I could’ve handled it better though.”

Dan nodded to himself. “I should’ve handled it better.”

“Yeah,” Evan agreed.

Dan smiled slightly. “You really have a lot of her in you. You know that, right?”

“Is that a good thing?”

“It’s definitely a good thing.”

Evan smiled because he could tell he meant it.

It was after nine when Evan got home. 

The house was empty, but it wasn’t dark for once. That had to be Geoff’s doing. His mother never remembered to leave the outside lights on.

Evan let himself in and showered and changed. He didn’t know what to do. Part of him felt like calling it a night and going to bed early. The other part felt like going to the Murphys’ party.

He decided to suck it up and go when he saw the increasingly desperate texts Connor had been sending him all night.

He knew things must be really bad because Connor didn’t even know his plans had changed. As far as Connor knew, he was still in Colorado and there was no logical way for him to save him from the Harrises.

The house was packed when he got there. 

It was so crowded that he could barely get inside. 

He regretted his decision to come when he realized that. He really regretted it when he didn’t see anyone he recognized. 

He spun around several times and sighed because he was stuck in a sea of unfamiliar faces.

And then he heard someone shouting somewhere behind him. A familiar someone. A voice he would recognize anywhere.

“Ahh! You’re here! Stay right there!”

Evan spun around again as he tried to figure out where Jared was. “What?”

“No moving! Stay right there! Don’t move an inch!”

Evan’s heart raced as he continued to search the hall. He couldn’t see Jared anywhere and it was making him sick.

He craned his neck to look above him. He searched for a bucket of water. Or blood. He half-expected to see a bucket of pig’s blood above his head.

He didn’t see anything suspicious.

He spun around again. “Jared?”

No response.

Several of the people close to him raised their eyebrows, but that was it.

He was starting to sweat. He needed to move. He needed to find Connor or Zoe or Jared. 

He was scared to move though on the off chance that Jared actually had a reasonable reason for expecting him to stay put.

He glanced over his shoulder when he sensed someone watching him.

Connor was on his way down the stairs.

He was so relieved he felt like he could faint.

“Hey,” Evan breathed.

“What are you doing here?” Connor laughed. “I didn’t think you were coming home until tomorrow.”

“Change of plans. They’re getting a blizzard in Colorado.”

“I’m glad you’re here.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

There was a loud screeching noise and then Justin Bieber’s ‘Mistletoe’ started blaring somewhere above their heads.

Evan covered his ears and looked around. He blinked when a light that was practically a spotlight shone down on him.

That was when he noticed it.

He was standing directly under a sprig of mistletoe.

He was going to kill Jared.

He couldn’t bring himself to look in Connor’s direction.

His face was too red and his heart was too fast and...

His mother was there.

He did a double take when he saw that.

His mother was there with Geoff and Maggie. They were standing in the doorway to the living room, whispering to each other and smiling.

He wondered how that had happened. 

He didn’t have time to wonder how that had happened. They were attracting attention. The longer the song went on, the more people came out to see what the noise was about.

He didn’t need to see Jared to know he was cackling somewhere upstairs. He kept hoping Zoe would come along and convince Jared to make it stop, but part of him thought she would find this just as amusing as Jared did.

He took a breath and spun around to face Connor. 

They stared at each other for a moment and then...

Evan did the only thing he could think to do.

He kissed Connor’s cheek and ran towards his mother.

Not ran. He couldn’t run through that crowd. 

He walked as quickly as he possibly could.

The music stopped.

The light went out.

He sighed and stepped forward to hug his mother.

“Sweetie,” Heidi laughed. “What are you doing here?”

“I got an earlier flight.”

She smacked his arm. “And you didn’t call me? How did you get home from the airport?”

“I took a Lyft.”

He tried to focus as his mother chattered on and asked him questions.

It was hard. 

His head was spinning and his heart was racing and...

He glanced over his shoulder. 

Connor was nowhere to be seen.

He closed his eyes and met his mother stare.

“But the trip was okay?”

Evan nodded. “It was okay.”


	33. Senior Year - January

Evan crept across the room as quietly and carefully as he could. He felt like he was walking through a minefield. One wrong move and he’d step on Zoe’s hair or Connor’s hand or Jared’s...

Jared’s everything, really. 

Jared was a crazy sleeper. He was tossing and turning like he was a dog dreaming about chasing squirrels.

Evan chuckled when that thought popped into his head and then he buried it because there was no way he was saying that out loud. 

Not while Jared was in the room at least.

He held his breath until he was back on the couch. He felt like he’d accomplished something a lot more challenging than simply walking across the Murphys’ den.

He stretched out on the couch and stared at the wall. It was after three. He should be tired.

He was tired. Sort of. Not enough to fall asleep.

Traveling across the country had made his internal clock go haywire.

He pulled his phone out and started clicking around aimlessly.

He should’ve gone home with his mom and Geoff. At least he could’ve watched something on his laptop if he’d done that. He was scared to make noise because he didn’t want to wake any of his friends up.

He’d come dangerously close to doing that when Liam had called him.

That had been a surprise. His brother had barely said a word to him the whole time he was in Colorado. Apparently, the rush from staying up late and consuming a lot of sugar had made Liam chatty that night though.

Evan hadn’t minded. 

He hadn’t minded talking to Liam at least. He hadn’t been thrilled about the gymnastics he’d had to do to get out of the room before he woke anyone up.

Before he woke Zoe and Jared up.

Connor was awake and staring blankly at the ceiling.

Evan startled and nearly broke his no noise resolution when he saw that.

Connor sat up when he realized Evan was watching him. His face went totally blank when his eyes landed on Evan’s phone. “Who was that?”

There was a definite edge to his tone. Evan bristled when he heard it. He took a breath and gestured at the others. “Should we go back to your room?”

His heart sped up when he heard himself. He felt the need to clarify that question and then he felt the need to clarify his need to clarify it. 

He forced his mouth to stay shut. No good ever came from overexplaining things.

Connor nodded vaguely. He crossed the room so easily Evan couldn’t help feeling jealous.

The house was dark and quiet. The guests were long gone.

Connor paused when he reached the stairs. “I’m hungry.”

Evan nodded. “Okay.”

His stomach almost growled as he followed Connor into the kitchen. He hadn’t realized how hungry he was until he started thinking about food. He hadn’t eaten anything since his layover in Utah and even then, he’d just scarfed down a not-so-jumbo pretzel. 

Connor sighed as he studied the contents of the refrigerator. “There’s nothing in here.”

Evan’s face scrunched up as he tried not to laugh. “Um...”

He’d never seen a refrigerator with that much food in it. Not in person anyway. Every shelf was stocked, every drawer full. 

He laughed when Connor closed the door.

“What?” Connor demanded.

“I was just wondering if you need glasses.”

“There’s nothing in there for us to eat,” Connor clarified.

He said it like that explained everything.

Evan shook his head because it didn’t. 

“My mom’s meal prepped for the entire week,” Connor explained. “Every day has a different color lid. The loose ingredients are for her juices. We can’t mess with that. Trust me.”

“Why?” Evan grinned. “Are you scared of your mom?”

“When it comes to all that...” Connor gestured at the fridge. “It’s best to just let her be.”

Evan understood that. His mother was like that with her coupons.

Connor chewed his lip as he tried the freezer. His eyes lit up when he spotted something in the back. He dug around for a moment before pulling out a tub of ice cream. “Dad’s secret stash.”

Evan took a step back. “Should we eat that? Won’t your dad get mad?”

Connor grinned as he grabbed two spoons. “This is the one thing I can always blame on Zoe.”

“Zoe’s an ice cream thief?”

Connor shook his head. “Not really, no, but all I have to do is tell Dad she must’ve been PMSing and he drops it like that.” Connor snapped his fingers.

Evan could live with that. He took a small bite and then another, much larger, one. 

He glanced around the room as he licked his spoon. “Your family really goes all out for Christmas.”

That was an understatement. It felt like every inch of the house was filled with Santas and snowflakes and silver bells.

And ribbons and holly and mistletoe.

There was a sprig of mistletoe above the sink. 

Evan lowered his eyes when he spotted it.

Connor sighed like he knew what Evan was thinking. “Jared’s an ass.”

“Yeah,” Evan huffed. 

He didn’t know what else to say. 

Neither did Connor from the looks of it.

He cleared his throat and absentmindedly poked at the phone in his pocket. “That was Liam before. On the phone. That was Liam on the phone.”

Connor’s brow furrowed as he tried to process that. “Liam?”

Evan nodded. “My brother.”

“Your...” Connor let out a startled laugh. “The ten-year-old?”

“He’s twelve, but-”

“He’s allowed to call people in the middle of the night?”

“It’s earlier there.”

“It’s still late.”

“It’s New Year’s Eve. My dad and Lisa are probably letting him stay up as late as he wants.”

Connor was silent for a moment while that sunk in.

Evan didn’t ask who Connor thought had called him.

Partially because he was pretty sure he knew the answer or at least the category the answer fell in.

Mostly because he didn’t want to go there. He didn’t want to open that can of worms. Not while they were tired and hungry and...

Never. He never wanted to open that can of worms. He didn’t even want to acknowledge its existence.

There was a chance it didn’t exist. A real chance. There was a real chance all the weirdness he kept picking up on was all in his head. 

Or that it didn’t mean there was a can of worms they needed to keep closed. It could mean something else. Something completely different. Something like...

He couldn’t think of anything else it could mean. That didn’t mean anything though. It was late and he was tired and his brain was mush.

And it wasn’t like there was anything really weird about Connor’s questions. He would’ve been curious too. If it had been the other way around, he would’ve wondered who Connor was talking to in the middle of the night. He would’ve wanted to know who was calling Connor at 3 AM and making him cross the minefield that was their friends to get a bit of privacy.

It didn’t mean anything. It didn’t...

He scratched his neck and rocked back on his heels. “I’m sorry I woke you.”

Connor shrugged. “You didn’t wake me.”

“I didn’t?”

“I was somewhere between being awake and being asleep. I couldn’t do anything more than that with Jared snoring next to me.”

Evan snorted. “He is loud.”

“The loudest.”

“Did you see the way he was twitching? He looked like a dog chasing squirrels. I’m surprised he didn’t take anyone’s eyes out.”

Connor smiled slightly. “What did the ten-year-old want?”

Evan decided not to bother correcting him. “To talk.”

“In the middle of the night?”

“It’s not the middle of the night there.”

Connor watched his fingers as they danced along the counter. “You must’ve had a good trip.”

Evan’s face scrunched up as he tried to follow that thought.

“Because the ten-year-old called you in the middle of the night. He must like you now.”

Evan was fairly certain Liam had always liked him. Sort of. Liam had liked him the way people always liked the non-obnoxious, non-cheek pinching relatives they saw once every other year or so.

“I spent a lot of time with Liam and Ella this week,” Evan explained. “I hung out with them while my dad and Lisa were at work.”

He pulled his phone out so he could show Connor the pictures he’d taken. He showed him the pillow fort that had turned into a pillow maze that had turned into a pillow avalanche. He showed him The Great Cookie Disaster That Must Never Be Spoken of Again. He showed him the booties he’d helped Ella make for her rat. He showed him the bite he’d gotten for trying to put said booties on Professor Ratigan. 

“I don’t think I’m an animal person,” Evan muttered. “They must sense my loyalty lies with plants.”

“Or maybe it’s because you were trying to force a rodent to wear shoes.”

“Maybe...”

Connor started laughing all of the sudden. “I killed my goldfish.”

“On purpose?”

A look flashed across Connor’s face. A look that was equal parts hurt and amused. “I was seven.”

“I stand by what I said.”

“You-”

“I knew you when you were seven. The printer?”

“I didn’t throw my goldfish!” Connor chewed his lip. “You remember that?”

Evan stared at his feet. He didn’t know what to say.

“Everyone remembers that,” Connor sighed.

“Not everyone,” Evan said quickly. “I’m sure there’s at least one person who’s forgotten.”

“Oh. Well, that’s okay then.”

“It was pretty much the most memorable thing to happen in Mrs. G’s class.”

“It’s the only thing my parents remember from that year.”

Connor said it plainly, like it was a fact, like there wasn’t a doubt in his mind that was the only thing his parents remembered about the year he was seven.

He gestured at Evan’s phone. “You said there was a party?”

Evan blinked as he tried to follow that. “What?”

“In Colorado. You said there was a party for your dad?”

Evan nodded. “He just turned fifty.”

“Was it horrible?”

“It...” Evan puffed his cheeks out. “It could’ve been worse.”

“My dad turned fifty when we were in twelfth grade.”

Evan’s eyes flashed knowingly. “Was it horrible?”

“Horrible doesn’t even begin to cover it. One of the partners threw him this huge party at this snooty country club and...” Connor shook his head. “Zoe and I ended up getting high in my car.”

Evan let out a startled laugh.

Connor grinned at that. “Yeah. It was bad. She couldn’t deal with the party either, so we decided to leave.”

“You left your dad’s fiftieth birthday party?”

“We didn’t go far. We stayed in the parking lot and were planning to go back, but we ended up falling asleep instead. The groundskeeper found us there the next morning. We snuck home before our parents even noticed we were missing.”

“They didn’t notice you left the party?”

Connor shook his head. “There were hundreds of people there and Dad was trying to impress them and Mom was playing the role of his supportive wife and...”

Connor shrugged. “That was the breaking point for Zoe. Seeing Mom like that right after they’d spent the whole day fighting really got to Zoe.”

“So, you suggested you go outside and get high?”

“It was her idea!” Connor laughed at how surprised Evan looked. “It was funny actually. She spent, like, five minutes coughing and then she wouldn’t shut up about _Frozen_.”

Connor glanced at him quickly. “I told you about that, didn’t I?”

“About the time you got high and made Zoe watch it with you?”

“Yeah.”

“About how you decided you were Elsa and Zoe was Anna and-”

He grinned when Connor narrowed his eyes.

“Yeah,” Connor huffed. “She kept going on about that and how she would open the door if I ever knocked.”

“Did she want to build a snowman?”

“That may have come up too.”

“So, it sounds like the night wasn’t a total disaster then.”

“I guess,” Connor admitted. “It wasn’t bad after we left.”

“And you didn’t get caught, so there’s that.”

“I think my dad knew we left actually. When we came down for breakfast that morning, he told us all about the time Uncle Kevin and he snuck out of their cousin’s wedding to go to a concert.” 

Evan snorted. “Yeah... He definitely knew then.”

“He didn’t say anything.” Connor took a breath. “Technically. He didn’t actually come out and say anything.”

Evan knew that look. Connor was going to put the ice cream back. 

He quickly grabbed another spoonful before Connor put the lid on it.

Connor yawned into his hand. “I’m tired. You want to go to bed?”

Evan’s heart skipped a beat.

There was nothing suggestive about that question. People used those words all the time.

And yet he couldn’t help searching Connor’s face for...

Something. He wasn’t sure what.

He looked away when he realized what he was doing.

He forced himself to nod. “Yeah. Let’s go.”

Evan braced himself when he saw the look on his mother’s face. His stomach twisted when he saw the look on Geoff’s.

He seriously considered running for it when Geoff mumbled an excuse and got up from the table.

Evan closed his eyes as he slid onto the chair across from his mother. She was resting her chin on her hand and studying him when he opened them.

“You’re eating here tonight,” Heidi said.

Evan blinked and looked around. “Yeah.”

He swallowed sharply when she continued to stare. “Is that okay?”

“I don’t know. Did something happen to Connor’s family?”

So that was what this was about.

Evan took a breath. “Mom-”

“Every night this week, Evan. You’ve gone there for dinner every night this week.”

“How do you... You weren’t even here for half of them!”

“Geoff was though.”

“Oh, so he’s spying on me now, is he?”

“He’s not...” Heidi shook her head. “He made spaghetti the one night because I told him it’s your favorite and-”

“I didn’t know that!”

“I know this is tough. I know you’re still adjusting to Geoff being here. And I know you’re an adult and you’re used to being on your own now, but-”

“When I’m here, I have to follow the house rules?”

Heidi closed her eyes for a moment. “At least let us know where you are and when you’re coming home.”

She put up a hand to stop him. “I’m not giving you a curfew or anything like that. I’m just saying a quick ‘hey mom, I’m staying at Connor’s tonight’ would be nice.”

Evan stared at his hands and took a breath and swallowed what he wanted to say.

His skin was prickling. He was doing that thing he always did when he felt cornered.

He knew that. 

He also knew there was no reason for him to do it.

His mother wasn’t being unreasonable. 

Quite the opposite, really.

He also knew he’d been spending a lot of time at Connor’s house.

He liked it there. 

It was nice and clean and smelled really good.

And there were people. 

It was weird spending his break in an empty house. He liked his alone time, but he’d gotten used to being surrounded by people. 

He liked going to the Murphys’ house. He liked the decorations and the food and...

All of it. He liked all of it.

He blinked as he stared at his hands. “You didn’t put the tree up this year.”

Heidi looked at him like that was the last thing she’d expected to hear. “There wasn’t time. I’ve been working on this case-”

“The Carter case,” Evan nodded. He smiled when she stared at him. “Connor’s dad said something about it last night.”

Heidi smiled tightly. “We’ve all been working late for weeks trying to get it ready for trial. And Geoff’s been so busy he didn’t have time to put it up either. A lot of people have electrical problems during the holidays, you know.”

Evan nodded even though he didn’t know. “You didn’t even put out the menorah though.”

Heidi lowered her eyes. “You weren’t here and Geoff’s not... We spent Christmas at his brother’s house. We got our fill of it there.”

Evan nodded again. “Lisa likes those giant inflatable decorations.”

That made Heidi chuckle. “Why does that not surprise me?”

“It wouldn’t have been so bad if it was just one or two, maybe, but she filled their entire lawn.”

“Did you take any pictures?”

Evan handed her his phone. He watched as she scrolled through them. 

She grinned when she got to The Great Cookie Disaster That Must Never Be Spoken of Again. “I see you got your baking skills from me.”

Evan inhaled sharply.

He thought about his father. He thought about how his father had said he had a lot of his mother in him.

He thought about the party, about the pictures, the pool, the...

He looked up when he realized his mother was watching a video.

He wanted to grab his phone from her, but he knew that wouldn’t go over well.

And it was too late.

She’d already seen the video he took of the slideshow.

Of part of the slideshow.

He’d recorded his father’s high school pictures when they’d looped around again.

“That’s from Dad’s party,” Evan explained. “Lisa threw him a party for his-”

“Fiftieth,” Heidi interrupted. “So, that’s why he wanted you to come visit.”

She didn’t sound as annoyed as he’d expected.

She sounded more resigned than anything else. Resigned and disappointed.

For his sake. He realized that when she squeezed his hand.

“It was fine,” Evan said quickly. “It’s always good to see Dad.”

“And the kids,” Heidi added. “It looks like you spent a lot of time with them.”

Evan nodded. “Yeah.”

Heidi lowered the phone. “I’m going to be fifty in May, you know.”

Evan nodded again. “I know.”

“So’s Maggie.”

Evan scratched his neck nervously. “Okay.”

“She’s already rented a hall.”

Of course, she had.

“Do you think I should invite your father?”

That was the last thing Evan had been expecting to hear. The absolute last.

Seeing those photos really must’ve made his mother feel nostalgic.

He didn’t know what to say.

Heidi smiled when she saw that. “It can’t hurt to try.”

“Yeah,” Evan agreed.

He watched as his mother watched the video again.

Evan didn’t think he’d ever seen Louie’s that empty before.

He supposed the snow must be keeping people away.

Or possibly the fact that it was two o’clock on a Wednesday afternoon. Most people were at work or school, not meeting a group of their former classmates at a diner.

A very small group, Evan was relieved to see. 

Miniscule, really. 

It looked like there were only going to be four of them. Five, if Zoe convinced Jared to show up.

He doubted that was going to happen though. Jared had not seemed at all interested in taking Alana up on her offer to help people figure out their post-college plans. He’d burst out laughing when he saw the invitation on their class’s Facebook page.

Evan hadn’t gone that far, but he hadn’t been particularly interested in Alana’s offer either. He was only there because of Connor and Connor was only there because he liked Alana.

And because she’d sent him over a dozen texts reminding him about the event.

It kind of amused Evan to think that Connor was slightly terrified of Alana Beck.

Possibly more than slightly.

Evan raised his eyebrows when he realized that.

Connor looked sick as he listened to whatever Alana was saying.

Evan’s curiosity got the better of him. He hurried across the diner to hear.

“Nothing?” Alana asked skeptically. She glanced at Tracy and shook her head. “You’re seriously telling me nothing has happened since-”

“Evan!” Tracy cried. She jumped up to hug him.

He returned the hug and tried not to think about how excessively cheerful she had sounded. 

He tried not to let himself wonder if they’d been talking about him. 

He tried not to let his paranoia get the best of him and make him obsess over every possible thing they could’ve been saying.

He took a seat next to Connor. “Sorry I’m late.”

“You’re not late,” Alana assured him. “The rest of us were early.”

She gave Connor a look that made Evan’s stomach sink.

He blinked at the counter. “Have you ordered?”

Alana chewed her lip. “We weren’t actually planning on eating, but...”

She glanced at Tracy uncertainly.

Tracy smiled patiently. “I want to get a milkshake.”

Alana let out a deep breath. “Okay. Why don’t you two go eat then? That’ll give me a chance to work with Connor for a bit.”

She looked at Evan like she could see straight into his soul. “And then it’ll be your turn.”

Tracy chuckled as they made their way to the counter. “It won’t be as bad as you think.”

Evan picked at his shirt. “Alana’s always seemed a little, uh...”

“Intense?” Tracy guessed. “Yeah. She is. She means well though.”

“Yeah,” Evan nodded.

Tracy glanced around sadly. “I can’t believe no one showed up. Alana’s going to be devastated.”

Evan thought about pointing out that he’d shown up, but he knew he didn’t count. Not really.

And neither did Connor.

“I don’t think people really use Facebook all that much anymore,” Evan said.

Tracy shrugged. “I guess. Alana’s convinced they all check the page the school made for us though.”

She snorted when she met Evan’s stare. “Yeah. I know.”

“Jared saw it, for whatever that’s worth.”

“Is he coming?”

Evan shook his head. “I think he only checks it because he’s afraid he’ll miss something good.”

“Well, he is today,” Tracy huffed. “Alana gives really good advice. She’s helping Connor narrow down his list of grad schools now.”

Evan glanced over his shoulder. “She is?”

That bothered him more than it should. He knew that. He was well-aware of that.

It still stung to think that Alana knew more than he did about Connor’s future plans though.

He pushed that thought aside. “Do you know what you’re doing next year?”

“Sort of,” Tracy sighed. “I’ve been applying to some jobs and... I don’t know. I don’t think I’m going to go to grad school. Not right away at least.”

“I am,” Evan said. “It’s hard to get a job in my field if you aren’t at least working towards your Master’s.”

“Are you going to stay where you are or...”

“Fingers crossed.” Evan held up his hand. “I applied for a grant so I can stay. I won’t know for sure until March.”

“And if you don’t get it?”

“I’ve applied to a couple other schools. My mom and I went over all the financial hypotheticals we could think of the other day.”

Tracy tilted her head to study him. “What are you doing here then? It sounds like you’re all set. Or, you know, as set as you can be at this point.”

“Connor asked me to come.”

Tracy smiled knowingly. “Aw.”

Evan glanced over his shoulder. “It’s not like that.”

“Like what?” Tracy asked innocently.

Evan didn’t dignify that with a response.

He leaned forward to get the waitress’s attention and asked for a chocolate milkshake.

Talking to Alana wasn’t terrifying for the reason Evan had thought it would be.

She didn’t pick apart his plans or ask him questions that made him feel like he was on a job interview.

She seemed relieved to hear that he more or less knew what he was doing.

Relieved and excited.

So excited that she felt the need to tell him all about her plans.

Which was when the terror kicked in.

He tried not to let it show.

She didn’t notice if it did.

Or she didn’t care if she did.

It was hard to say which.

She had plans. Lots and lots of plans. 

She was going to take graduate classes at night and work during the day. She was going to get an apartment with Tracy and possibly a cat. 

She didn’t just know what she was doing the next year. She knew what she was doing for the next ten years.

It was terrifying to hear that.

She smiled at him when she was done. “So, what do you think?”

Evan could only blink. “About?”

Alana’s smile wavered. “You weren’t listening?”

“No, I was!” Evan insisted. “I just... That was a lot to take in at once.”

Alana stared at her hands. “Yeah. I’ve been told I do that sometimes.”

“It sounds good though. All of it. It sounds like you have a plan.”

“You do too,” Alana said. “You have more of a plan than Connor does at least.”

Evan glanced over his shoulder at the counter. Connor and Tracy were busy laughing about something.

He took a breath and focused on Alana. “He has a plan?”

Alana squinted at him. “He’s working on one.”

“What-”

Alana put up a hand to stop him. “I don’t think I should say.”

She cleared her throat when Evan opened his mouth. “Correction. I’m not going to say. Ask him if you want to know.”

Evan deflated a bit at that. 

Alana straightened herself up as she watched someone step inside. 

It only took a moment for her face to fall and her shoulders to slump.

Evan tried to figure out what she’d seen. “What-”

“Nothing,” Alana said quickly. She drummed her fingers on the table. “I just... I thought that was Sophie Ventura. From high school. You know, the one with the...”

She waved her hand around to say something Evan didn’t follow.

He nodded anyway.

She pulled herself up again. “So. Have you given any thought as to where you’re going to live?”

Evan wiped his hands on his jeans when he finished brushing the snow off his car. He turned around to help Connor, only to see that Connor was already done.

“Are you coming over for dinner?” Connor asked.

Evan shook his head. “Last night before we head back.”

“Right,” Connor nodded. “Or as my mom calls it, the last chance for Zoe and me to have a healthy meal until May.”

Evan wrinkled his nose. “I’d invite you over, but I think my mom’s making a big deal out of it. She banished Geoff to his brother’s house and everything.”

His breath caught in his throat when his eyes suddenly landed on the diner.

Alana was feeding Tracy a bite of her ice cream.

It was adorable. Completely, disgustingly adorable.

Evan forced himself to look away.

Connor smiled when he saw them. “They seem happy.”

“Yeah.” Evan’s face lit up as he remembered something. “Hey, you remember George and Conor One?”

“Conor One?” Connor frowned. “Shouldn’t I be Conor One? I came first.”

Evan waved his hand dismissively. “His name only has one N though.”

Connor shook his head. “But I-”

“Take it up with Jared! He’s the one who came up with it!”

“I should’ve known,” Connor muttered.

“So,” Evan drawled. “Anyway. You remember them?”

Connor nodded slowly.

“They’re happy too.”

Connor tilted his head in confusion. “How do you know that?”

“George told me after our botany final. I forgot to tell you because of the giant penguins and Moe, but-”

“Moe?” Connor frowned.

Evan shook his head. “Long story. But, yeah. They’re happy.”

“Was he rubbing it in?”

“Who? Moe? He’s a cat. A hypothetical cat... A dozen hypothetical cats, actually.”

“George,” Connor laughed. “Did he say that to mess with you?”

“I don’t think so. He thanked me for introducing them.”

“Well, that’s good, I guess.”

“It’s definitely good. I’m glad he’s not holding a grudge anymore because we’re going to be working together a lot next semester.”

“You are?”

Evan nodded. “I’m in a group with George and Meg for our legislation seminar.”

“Meg too?” Connor chuckled. 

“It’s not like I know that many people,” Evan muttered. “And Meg’s okay. Bossy, but okay.”

“You won’t have Diana around to keep her in line this time,” Connor reminded him.

“I miss Diana,” Evan sighed.

“How is she? Have you heard anything?”

“She’s coming to visit her mom this summer. She also...” Evan shoved his hands in his pockets. “She also told me Dr. Whitney told her I’m a shoo-in for that grant I applied for.”

“Really?” Connor blinked.

“But what does she know?” Evan shrugged. “She lives across the ocean.”

“Dr. Whitney’s her stepmother.”

“Yeah, but it’s not like Dr. Whitney gets the final say in it or anything.”

“But still. That sounds promising.”

“I guess...” Evan rocked back on his heels. “What about you? Alana said you have a plan now.”

Connor glared at the diner. “She said that?”

“She said you were working on one.”

“That’s not the same as having one.” Connor looked at him like he knew what he was thinking. “You know I’ve been weighing my options.”

“I know.”

“I got into the library science program at our school.”

Evan glanced around wildly. “When?”

“Last week.”

It took all of Evan’s willpower not to smack him. “And you’re just telling me now?”

“I’m not sure if I’m going to go there.”

“Why not?” Evan demanded. “That would be perfect.”

He made a face. “Assuming I get the grant, that is.”

“You’re going to get the grant.”

“We can get an apartment together. That would be perfect actually because the grant doesn’t cover housing and I don’t want to commute, so-”

“I’m not sure if I’m going to go there.”

Evan squeezed his eyes shut. “Why not?”

“I just... I don’t know. It might be time for a change.”

“A change? What kind of-”

“I never thought I’d stay this close to home. It might be time for me to go somewhere else. Shake things up, meet new people, that kind of thing.”

Connor stared at his shoes in a way that made Evan’s stomach sink.

He couldn’t help feeling like this had something to do with him.

Which was ridiculous. Clearly, his paranoia was kicking in and making him think things that weren’t true.

Knowing that didn’t make his stomach stop sinking though.

“When do you have to decide?”

“Alana told me I should reserve my spot now since I have until the end of May to cancel. I think I might do that just to lock something in.”

Evan let out a small laugh. “That sounds like a plan. You keep saying you have no idea what you’re doing.”

“I don’t,” Connor maintained.

“But-”

“It’s not definite.”

Evan absentmindedly kicked at the snow. “Well, I hope you stay.”

“You do?”

“Well, yeah. I mean...” Evan took a breath. “Of course, I do. You’re my best friend and... you know.”

He didn’t know. Not really. Not in a way he could pinpoint.

Connor did though. Somehow Connor knew what he meant. Or he thought he did anyway.

Evan blinked when he saw that. 

He added that to the list of things he wasn’t going to think about.

He kicked the snow again. “I’ll probably end up living with Jared and Henry if you leave.”

Connor snorted. “That-”

“Sounds like a sitcom that takes place in the Twilight Zone? Yeah. It would be bad.”

“Jared does have a wacky neighbor. The guy with the tights, the one who’s always singing Gregorian chants.”

Evan bristled at the thought. “You would leave me to deal with that on my own?”

Connor was silent for a moment. “Nothing’s set in stone.”

Evan sighed because he knew that was all he was going to get.

He could live with that.

He would have to live with that.

Until May, at least.


	34. Senior Year - February

Evan really should’ve worn thicker gloves.

He would have if he’d known the search for Kai’s car was going to require him to get his hands wet. Literally. They were all using their hands to dig through the snow and see if the thing they’d walked into was Kai’s car.

Make that Kai’s white car that may or may not have been parked on one of the streets surrounding their school. 

May or may not being the key phrase there. 

There was a very good chance that Kai had been so drunk when he came home that he’d left his car in one of the parking lots on campus. 

Or by the stream. Or at the bowling alley. Or...

Evan was starting to feel like they were searching for a needle in a haystack. 

He shook the snow off his gloves after he determined that the car he was clearing was silver. 

“I found a white one!” Jared called from across the street.

Evan hurried over to help.

So did Connor.

The three of them brushed the snow off the windshield until they could see inside the car.

No shoes. No hoodies. No water bottles.

None of the things Kai thought were strewn around the back of his car.

That was all they had to go off of.

Because, of course, not only could Kai not remember where he’d left his car, but he also couldn’t remember the tag number or anything about it besides the fact that it was a Toyota Camry.

Which really didn’t mean anything to Evan because he barely knew what his car looked like, let alone the other kinds. 

It made him feel slightly better to see that Connor and Jared were in the same boat. The three of them were just looking for a white car with clothes all over the backseat.

“Okay,” Jared sighed. “Here’s a crazy thought. Why don’t we go home and let the sun do its thing for a few hours? This would be a lot easier if we hadn’t had a blizzard last night.”

“It wasn’t a blizzard,” Evan said.

Jared scoffed at that. 

“It wasn’t technically a-”

“Nerd,” Jared coughed. He shivered when the wind picked up again. “I can’t feel my toes.”

Evan squinted at him while he tried to figure out if he was being serious.

Jared rolled his eyes.

And then he puffed up in a way that could only mean Zoe was near.

Evan glanced over his shoulder to watch her approach.

“No luck with the car?” Zoe asked. She shivered and hugged herself when the wind smacked her in the face. 

She laughed as she looked around the street. “Are all these people helping Kai?”

“The entire track team’s out here,” Jared said. “Kai needs to find his car because his jersey or...”

Jared wrinkled his nose. “Or something. Whatever track guys need to run. He left it in his car.”

“Are they running tonight?”

“Not tonight. They’re running on the indoor track tomorrow. Unless the school finally came to its senses and postponed the meet.”

Zoe smiled slightly. “They haven’t cancelled tomorrow’s classes yet.”

“Dang it,” Jared grumbled.

A high-pitched staticky sound behind them made them all jump.

Connor shook his head when he glanced over his shoulder. “Who the fuck gave Cole a bullhorn?”

“We need more people to check Sawyer Street,” Cole called. “I repeat, we need more people to check Sawyer Street.”

He pursed his lips when he realized the four of them weren’t paying him any mind.

Zoe nudged Connor and nodded at a guy down the street. “He’s cute.”

Jared whipped around to see. “He’s clearing a red car.”

“So?”

“So, he’s either colorblind or dumb as fuck.”

“What-”

“White!” Jared yelped. “The car we’re looking for is white.”

He shook his head when the guy looked up at him. “Yes, buddy, I’m talking about you. That car is red. Move onto the next one!”

Jared let his breath out in a huff. “He’s not moving on.”

“I don’t think he’s part of our group,” Evan said.

Jared very pointedly turned away.

Zoe pretended to pout. “That’s too bad.”

She smiled when Jared practically jumped out of his skin. “Not for me. For Connor.”

“For...” Jared chewed his lip as he glanced at the guy again. He looked Evan right in the eye and said, “For Connor? Really?”

Evan very pointedly turned away.

“I don’t know,” Zoe shrugged. “I was thinking about it on my way down here and there’s got to be at least one gay guy on the track team, right?”

Jared shook his head at her. “Is this because Valentine’s Day is coming up? We’re not going to be one of those couples, are we? The kind that thinks it’s our responsibility to-” He lifted his hands to form air quotes. “-help our poor, pathetic, single friends.”

“I was just thinking about how Connor’s getting ready to graduate and a fling with an athlete might be-”

“So, now you’re trying to help your brother get laid?” Jared laughed. “That’s not creepy at all.”

Zoe closed her eyes and sighed. “Forget it.”

Jared gave her a smug smile before redirecting it towards Evan.

Evan scratched his neck and looked for Cole.

He muttered something about how someone really should be checking Sawyer Street.

And then he left. 

He didn’t make it very far.

Ryan grabbed him before he reached the corner.

“Here,” Ryan said. He held out a scraper and nodded at the car in front of him. “Can you help me?”

Evan tilted his head. The car was a deep shade of silver. “That’s not Kai’s car.”

Ryan rolled his eyes. “I know. It belongs to that guy in the store over there. He flipped out at me for touching his car and said this was the only way he wouldn’t press charges.”

Evan grabbed the scraper and started working on the back.

“So,” Ryan grinned. “How’ve you been? Long time no see.”

It had been a while. Evan didn’t think he’d seen Ryan at all since he’d been back at school.

“Okay,” Evan shrugged. “Busy.”

“Same,” Ryan sighed. “I feel like I barely even see Layla these days and we live together.”

“How’s that going?”

“Good.” Ryan’s eyes flashed knowingly. “There aren’t any wedding bells in our future. Not for a while at least.”

Evan nodded slightly.

“You’ll know if there are. I expect you to be a groomsman whenever that day comes.”

Evan didn’t know what to say.

Ryan smiled like he got that. “Do you remember freshman year? Back when I used to swear Layla was not my girlfriend?”

Evan grinned at that. “I remember.”

“Yeah. I lied.”

“She wasn’t at first though, was she?”

“I guess not,” Ryan said thoughtfully. “I knew though. Even then, I knew. It was like... I don’t know. I had this feeling in my gut whenever I was around her. I felt comfortable, like I could talk to her about anything.”

Evan leaned over so he could concentrate on picking at a particularly stubborn piece of ice.

“It took me a while to really wrap my mind around that,” Ryan went on. “I’d just gotten out of a serious relationship and I wasn’t looking for another one.”

“What changed?”

“Nothing. Everything. These things have a way of sneaking up on you. You know what I mean?”

Cole’s bullhorn spared Evan from having to answer, from even having to think of an answer.

“We’ve found the car,” Cole shouted. “I repeat, we’ve found the car.”

Kai grabbed the bullhorn from him. “Guys! There are lightning bolts on it now! I must’ve paid someone to paint lightning bolts on it!”

He shook his head dazedly. “I don’t remember doing that.”

Ryan let out a loud whistle and clapped his hands above his head. “My best friend, ladies and gentlemen...”

Chris cringed as he pulled the pore strip off his nose. “Do you think this is why we’re all single?”

Seth scrambled to get away when Chris dangled the strip in front of his face. “Because of your clogged pores? Yes. I think that’s definitely the reason we’re all single.”

Chris flicked the strip at him. “No! I mean this...” Chris gestured at the others before pointing at the tv. “It’s a Saturday night. It’s Valentine’s weekend and you aren’t even wearing pants.”

Seth shrugged and shoved another handful of popcorn in his mouth. “Who wears pants when they aren’t going anywhere?”

He wrinkled his nose when he realized that his roommates were all in fact wearing pants. He shrugged like that didn’t matter.

“Exactly!” Chris cried. “We should go somewhere.”

“Go where?”

“I don’t know. Out. We should all be out there, meeting people and dancing in the street.”

“Speak for yourself,” Seth huffed. “I’m digging this movie.”

He patted the sofa excitedly. “Here it comes! Toe pick!”

Chris shook his head at him. “How many times have you seen this movie?”

“Way too many. _The Cutting Edge_ is a staple in my house. My sister wanted to be an Olympic skater until she realized there are apes more coordinated than she is.”

Chris hummed absentmindedly as he patted his face. “Would you all think less of me if I put a sheet mask on?”

“Dude,” Seth laughed. “If I didn’t think less of you after you barfed up all that-”

Chris let out a hiss of indignation. 

Seth rolled his eyes. “Do you have enough to share with the rest of the class?”

Chris nodded and went to get them.

“Now this,” Seth called after him. “This might be why we’re single.”

Chris ran back into the room and tossed a packet at each of them. “Because we practice good skincare?”

“Because...” Seth opened the package and stuck the mask on his face. “Because we’re hermits. My foot’s been asleep for over an hour and I can’t bring myself to move it. I mean, seriously, where would we go if we left this couch?”

Chris reached for his phone. “There’s got to be something going on. There’s always something going on.”

He waved his phone triumphantly. “There’s a movie playing in the student center!”

Seth made a buzzer sound. “Pass.”

“It’s _The Princess Bride_.”

“I own the Blu-ray.”

“But it’s on the big screen tonight.”

“They show it, like, five times a year.”

“Because everyone loves it.”

“Exactly,” Seth nodded. “Which is why it’s not a good enough reason for me to put on pants.”

Chris made a face. “There’s a Singles’ Mixer in Garrett Hall.”

Seth squeezed his eyes shut. “You’ve got to be kidding.”

“What? It’s a mixer for people who are single, which we are.”

“I thought you were taking a break from all that for a while. Do I need to say the H-word?”

“I’m over Hilary,” Chris squeaked. “So over. Seriously, I’m like, Hilary who?”

Seth glanced at the others for support. “They don’t want to go either.”

“How do you know? They haven’t said a word.”

“Look at them. They don’t want to go.”

Chris narrowed his eyes at all three of them. “If they don’t want to go, they can tell me themselves.” 

Evan scrambled to open his sheet mask. “I think my face could really use some snail extract.”

“You got snail?” Connor snorted. “I’m going to smell like a fucking apricot if I put this thing on.”

“But your face will be so soft,” Seth grinned.

Chris slumped down in his seat when he realized he was fighting a losing battle. “Next week. Next week we’re doing something that requires pants.”

Chris didn’t forget his threat.

Evan had been hoping he would and he was pretty sure he wasn’t the only one. 

Chris remembered though and he made sure they all knew to be ready to leave at eight.

They didn’t know where they were going. Only Chris knew that.

It was enough to make Evan want to claim he had a major project he needed to finish.

He didn’t though.

Mostly because of how obvious it was that Connor didn’t want to go. Because that was amusing. Not because of anything else.

He leaned against the wall while Connor finished getting dressed. He picked at his nails in an attempt to look relaxed. 

And casual.

Totally casual.

He smiled when Connor bumped his head and started cursing under his breath. “You okay?”

“Why are we doing this again?”

“Because Chris wants us to.”

“Do we like Chris enough to...” Connor gestured at the door. 

Evan shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess.”

He stared at his hands and tried to keep his voice as calm as possible. “Isn’t this what you wanted?”

Connor froze like he didn’t understand the question at all.

Evan glanced up quickly. “You said you wanted to, uh, try something different. To, uh, to meet new people.”

Connor stared at him for a beat. “Is that what this is about?”

Evan decided to ignore the question. 

And he really decided to ignore the way Connor’s eyes had flashed.

“It’s not like we have anything better to do,” Evan reminded him.

“It’s your turn to pick the movie. Don’t you want to watch _The Iron Giant_?”

Evan did want to watch _The Iron Giant_. He’d been talking about it for weeks, ever since the four of them had decided to have a semi-regular movie night. 

He liked that movie. It really spoke to him.

He was kind of curious what Chris had planned though.

And he could see Chris’s point about why they should actually go out and do things once in a while.

And there was a part of him that hoped this little outing would make Connor...

That wasn’t what this was about. It had nothing – almost nothing – to do with Connor’s future plans. 

He swallowed sharply and started towards the door. “I’ll let you finish changing.”

They didn’t have to go very far. 

Chris only took them to the conference room on the first floor.

Evan was relieved to see that at first and then he was terrified.

They were at one of those events the RAs were always planning. There were pizzas and sodas and chairs. So many chairs.

He hoped it was just a lecture of some kind.

He didn’t think he had that kind of luck though. This was obviously a social event.

He decided to make the most of it. He decided to eat as much pizza as his stomach could handle.

He took a seat with his roommates and waited for something to happen.

He didn’t have to wait long.

It wasn’t as bad as he’d been expecting.

There weren’t any ice breakers or trust falls. There wasn’t anything to remind him why the promise of free food wasn’t enough to lure him to these things.

They were going on a scavenger hunt.

They were going to divide into teams to find things around campus. The first team back got a giant bag of candy.

And, best of all, they got to pick their own groups.

Evan had to admit it was nice not to have to worry about that for once. It was nice not having to fiddle with his shoelaces until his classmates had finished sorting themselves out. It was nice not having to look around and hope someone took mercy on him and invited him to join their group. It was nice not having to ask the teacher (or, in this case, the RA) to figure out what he should do.

It was nice to have a group that was automatically his. It was nice to feel like he belonged. 

The first clue was easy. So was the second and the third and...

The list got progressively harder after that.

And more active.

The first few questions just required them to take selfies with various landmarks around campus.

After that, it was almost like they were playing Truth or Dare, but without the Truth.

Evan was glad Seth didn’t get embarrassed easily because there was no way he was letting anyone take a picture of him canoodling with the statue of their school’s first female president.

It was a long game with a long list. So long that it took Evan forever to scroll to the bottom. 

“Maybe we should split up,” Seth suggested. He waved his phone at the others. “It seems like everyone else already did.”

Evan knew he had a point. The pictures from the scavenger hunt were being uploaded so quickly it was hard to imagine all the teams had remained intact. 

Chris muttered to himself as he counted the questions. “We’ll do the next ten. That’ll leave you guys with the last six.”

“Why do they only have to do six?” Seth grumbled as they walked away.

Evan opened the page again and scrolled to the bottom. “Should we work our way up?”

Connor shrugged.

Evan chewed his lip as he read the question.

He tried not to think about how quiet Connor had been all night.

“This is weird, isn’t it? We’ve been going here for four years and I didn’t even know half these places existed. Like that Zen garden. How have I never been there before? I can’t believe none of my professors have had class there. Like Dr. Turner. I would’ve thought he’d be all over that. You didn’t know about it, did you? Because if you did, well...”

Evan bit his lip while he tried to decide if Connor was listening.

He decided not to worry about that either.

He tapped his phone as he read the last six questions. He clicked on the picture attached to the fourth one and...

He almost dropped his phone.

He caught it at the last second.

That got Connor’s attention. He grabbed his phone to see what had spooked Evan.

Evan could see the exact moment Connor figured it out.

A small smile spread across his face and then a laugh escaped. A small laugh, followed very quickly by a larger one.

“It’s not funny!” Evan hissed. “They expect us to do that!”

Connor laughed into his hand. He lowered his phone and looked Evan in the eye. “I never knew you had such a dirty mind.”

“A dirty... what?” Evan squeezed his eyes shut. “I’m calling Chris. They can have that one. We’ll take the one where we have to go to the-”

“You know that’s a yoga pose, don’t you?” Connor grinned as Evan looked at it again. “Don’t you think the RAs would get in trouble if they made people fuck for the sake of a scavenger hunt?”

Evan hadn’t thought about it that way. He’d seen the image and his mind had gone blank. “I mean, that would be one way for people to bond.”

Connor snorted. “And tonight’s all about the bonding.”

Evan pretended to study the questions again. “Are you disappointed?”

“About what?” Connor frowned.

“You got stuck with us. You didn’t get to meet anyone new.”

Connor shook his head. “You keep saying that. You seriously think I went there to meet new people?”

“I don’t know,” Evan mumbled. He jabbed at his phone. “Let’s do this one next. We just have to get one of those bamboo straws from the smoothie stand.”

Connor glanced at him as they started to walk. “You know we don’t have to do the pose ourselves, right? We can get anyone to do it.”

“Who can we ask to do that?” Evan shrieked. He forced himself to take a breath. “We could get Ryan and Layla, I guess. Do you think Ryan bends that way?”

Connor shrugged. “We’re not asking Zoe and Jared.”

“Jared definitely doesn’t bend that way.”

They both laughed and shuddered at the thought.

“We could try Mel and Aimee,” Evan said. “Aimee’s pretty flexible.”

Connor froze and then started to laugh.

“What?” Evan demanded. 

That just made Connor laugh harder.

Evan leaned over to see what he was looking at. “What?”

“There’s a yoga class at the gym right now.”

Evan felt like smacking his forehead when he heard. “This whole thing was designed to teach us where things are, wasn’t it?”

“Like we’re fucking freshmen,” Connor nodded.

“I didn’t even know our school had yoga classes.” He tilted his head when Connor looked down. 

Connor scratched his neck. “I did.”

“You did?”

“I go to them sometimes.”

Evan knew what he wasn’t saying.

He also knew it wasn’t something Connor wanted to discuss.

“I wish I’d heard about that Zen garden earlier,” Evan sighed. “There have been times where I really could’ve used that.”

“The yoga helps,” Connor admitted. “Don’t tell my mom.”

“I won’t,” Evan promised. He made a show of studying his phone. “But you should. I bet she’d like to hear that.”

He tapped his phone as he studied the questions. “Okay, so we need a bamboo straw and I think this one is referring to the clock tower and those three are... I don’t know. We’ll have to figure those out. What time does the yoga class end? We need to get over there before all the flexible people leave.”

“Nine.”

“Nine,” Evan breathed. He checked the time. “We better hurry.”

Connor nodded and away they went.


	35. Senior Year - March

Evan did a slow pan of the room before flipping his phone back around. “See. It’s fine.”

His mother didn’t look convinced. “Show me the bathroom again.”

“Why?”

“I think I saw mold in the shower.”

Evan closed his eyes and tried keep his frustration from showing. 

He didn’t need a mirror to know he wasn’t successful.

“One more time,” Heidi said. “And then I’ll stop. I promise.”

The door to the room opened before Evan could move. 

Connor and Zoe’s laughter cut short when they realized he was still FaceTiming with his mother.

Evan caught Connor’s eye and it was one of those weird moments where he swore someone was reading his mind.

Connor darted into the bathroom without saying a word.

Evan sighed dramatically and turned the phone so his mother could see the door was closed. “Connor just went in there.”

Heidi was smiling patiently when he flipped the screen around again. “Evan.”

“What? Is it my fault he has to pee?”

His mother sighed like she knew it was time to quit. “All right, fine. The room looks fine. It’s a lot cleaner than I was expecting.”

Evan jumped when Zoe squeezed in next to him. He pulled the phone back so she was in the frame too.

“My parents picked the hotel,” Zoe said. “They’ve stayed here several times.”

Evan lowered his eyes. He knew Zoe meant well, but he also knew that wasn’t going to sit well with his mother.

The bathroom door cracked open for a second before closing again.

It was just enough to distract his mother.

She sighed and forced herself to smile. “Evan and I were just talking about how generous your parents are.”

Zoe glanced at Evan quickly before smiling at the camera. “It’s nothing, really. They have the points and...”

Zoe shrugged. “Evan’s doing us a favor actually. Connor and I would kill each other if we had to stay by ourselves for five days.”

“Jared’s with you too, isn’t he?”

Zoe nodded. “So, actually, I guess you could say Evan’s here to keep Connor from killing Jared.”

Heidi smiled knowingly. “Jared can be a handful.”

“He definitely can,” Zoe laughed. She bumped Evan’s arm. “We should go. We’re supposed to meet everyone on the boardwalk.”

Evan waited for his mother to protest. He tried not to look relieved when she didn’t.

He ended the call and threw his phone onto the bed next to him. “Thank you.”

Zoe patted his head and hopped back up. “It’s safe to come out now.”

The bathroom door swung open all the way.

“Did the room pass inspection?” Connor asked.

Evan nodded. “I think so.”

“I’m surprised our mom hasn’t asked us to do that,” Zoe said. 

The door to the room opened again and Jared came stumbling in. 

“They have three hot tubs,” Jared gasped. “And the guy at the desk says we can go snorkeling if we want. This place is so much better than that hellhole the rest of them are staying in!”

Evan was glad his mother hadn’t heard that. He knew she had mixed feelings about where he was spending his spring break. 

On the one hand, she was glad he was staying in a four-star hotel in a safe part of town. 

On the other hand, it bothered her that the Murphys were paying for his entire trip.

He knew that was why Zoe had mentioned her parents’ points. He also knew their points weren’t covering everything.

He wasn’t about to tell his mother that though.

He checked his phone when it buzzed. “Seth says they’re on south side of the beach, right across from the hot dog stand with the purple umbrella.”

Connor did not look pleased to hear that. “They’re already on the beach?”

Evan shrugged. “Apparently.”

Zoe ran to her suitcase. “Well, in that case, I need to change. I thought we just grabbing something to eat.”

She flicked Jared with her towel when he craned his neck to see what kind of bathing suits she’d brought. “Are you guys going to change?”

Jared glanced down at his shorts and shrugged. “I can go like this.”

Evan cleared his throat to make Connor think twice before saying whatever he was about to say.

Connor decided to shake his head at his sister instead.

“You’re not going,” Zoe guessed. She glanced at the others. “Connor’s not a beach person.”

“Neither am I,” Evan said.

“Oh my God,” Jared groaned. “You two are going to spend the whole trip in here, aren’t you?”

He wiggled his eyebrows at them. “Watching your stupid soap and obsessing over whatever documentary you’re currently addicted to. Not even doing anything _fun_.”

Evan’s skin prickled at the way Jared said ‘fun.’ 

He picked at his nails and looked at everything except his friends. “There’s an arboretum about ten blocks from here. I’ll probably go there while you’re at the beach tomorrow.”

Jared rolled his eyes as soon as Zoe stepped into the bathroom. “Why did you even come then? It’s not like you fell asleep and just happened to wake up at a beach resort.”

Because he didn’t want to miss out on anything. Because he didn’t want to be the only one who stayed behind. Because this was his last chance to have a traditional spring break experience.

Those were the reasons he’d come. Jared moved on before he could put them into words.

“So.” Jared rubbed his hands together excitedly. “Thursday. The big day.”

“Your birthday,” Evan nodded.

“Followed immediately by the, uh...” Jared scrunched his face up like he was thinking really hard. “Ninety-sixth most important day of the year.”

Evan refused to let that get to him. “My birthday.”

“Any thoughts as to what we should do?”

Evan shrugged because he really didn’t have any.

That had been the wrong move. He knew that when he saw the way Jared’s face lit up.

“So, I have total control over everything?” Jared pressed his fingers together like Mr. Burns. “Excellent...”

The door to the bathroom opened and Zoe reappeared.

She finished piling her hair on top of her head before glancing at Jared. “You ready?”

“I was born ready,” Jared grinned.

Zoe flicked his shoulder. “Let’s go.”

And then there were two.

Evan glanced around the room. He finally had a chance to notice everything.

The balcony, the mini-fridge, the TVs (there were two), the beds.

Of which there were also two.

Evan blinked and did a double take. It was a delayed reaction. 

An extremely delayed reaction.

They’d been in the room for over an hour.

“Does the couch pull out?” 

He didn’t wait for a response. He crossed the room so he could examine the couch himself.

It didn’t pull out. He realized that before he got there.

That didn’t stop him from trying though.

He thought about everyone else’s sleeping arrangements. He knew some of them were trying to squeeze eight people in a room. 

He hoped their couch pulled out.

He decided not to worry about it. That was a problem for Future Evan.

He was banking on the fact that the Future Evan would be too tired to worry about where he was sleeping.

He spun around and nodded at his laptop. “You want to watch the musical episode again?”

A look flashed across Connor’s face.

A look Evan recognized.

Connor was trying to figure out where that question had come from. 

Evan decided not to explain himself, mostly because he wasn’t sure if there was an explanation.

“Yeah,” Connor shrugged. “Sure. Why not?”

“You’re going to sleep there?” Jared cackled. “Do you have any idea how many naked people have sat on that couch?”

Evan scratched his neck and stared blankly at the wall. “This is a hotel. There have been naked people everywhere in this room. In the shower, the beds... My mom told me not to shine a blacklight on the bedspread unless I don’t want to sleep.”

Zoe jumped off her bed and rubbed her leg like she’d been burned.

“That’s different,” Jared insisted. “They clean the showers and change the sheets and, yeah, that spread’s probably carrying a million diseases, but-”

Zoe yelped and dove for her purse. She pulled out a bottle of hand sanitizer and started rubbing it on every bit of skin that had touched the bed.

“They never clean that couch,” Jared went on. “You can count on that.”

Evan knew he had a point.

He also knew the beds were huge. There was definitely enough room for him to share with Connor.

He felt like he should explore all his options before settling for that one though.

He sighed because he knew it was the best one.

Jared grinned triumphantly.

Evan refused to meet his stare.

He was starting to feel like this was a thing with Jared. First the library, then the mistletoe, and now this. He was really starting to feel like it amused Jared to see him end up in these situations.

Who was he kidding? Of course, it amused Jared.

He carefully avoided catching Jared’s eye as he turned around to face Connor. 

Connor answered his question before he could ask it.

It was fine.

Of course, it was fine.

There was plenty of room.

It was raining when they woke up the next day. 

Zoe was the first one to notice that.

She pulled the curtains back so the rest of them could see.

Evan rubbed his eyes and buried his head in his pillow, which was not actually a pillow because his subconscious brain was still convinced Connor’s shoulder was the best pillow of all.

He was just glad he managed to sit up before Jared opened his eyes.

Zoe noticed though. He looked away when he saw the way she was smiling.

And then he rolled out of bed and practically ran across the room so he could hide in the bathroom for a minute before he had to face the world.

He heard Jared make a crack about how he must have a tiny bladder. He didn’t let that get to him. He went about his business as quickly as he could so the next person could get in.

He sat on the couch for a second when he was done and then he jumped up so quickly it made Jared laugh and the others smile.

Zoe lowered her phone and looked at each of them in turn. “I think we should go sightseeing since the beach is out.”

“Or we could go to the indoor pool,” Jared suggested.

Zoe rolled her eyes because he was obviously thinking about her swimsuits. “I was thinking we could try the arboretum since Evan wants to go there.”

Jared scoffed at the suggestion.

“It looks like they have a small aquarium and a petting zoo there too.”

Jared perked up at that. “A petting zoo? Are there any goats?”

“What is it with you and goats?”

“They speak to me on a spiritual level.”

“That’s not what you said when it tried to mount you,” Connor smirked.

Jared’s eyes bulged at the memory. “I think I blocked that part out.”

Connor felt around for his phone. “I have pictures.”

Zoe chewed her lip to keep herself from laughing. “We should tell everyone where we’re going in case anyone wants to meet us there.”

Evan grabbed his phone to help.

He tried not to laugh when Connor pulled up a picture of Jared being tackled by the goat.

He was not successful.

He didn’t have to fight the urge to laugh when Connor ran out of the Forest Room at the aquarium.

It wasn’t funny even if it probably looked like it was.

He knew there were definitely people laughing at the way Connor had screamed when a bird landed on his shoulder. He knew they’d laughed even harder when Connor ran out of the room.

Evan didn’t think it was funny though.

Not really.

He only found it a little funny.

He managed to keep that from showing.

Or so he thought until Connor glared at him.

“It’s not funny.”

“It’s a little funny.”

“That thing swooped down from nowhere and attacked me.”

“It hopped off a branch above your head and landed on your shoulder. Most people would be thrilled to get that kind of photo op.”

“Most people don’t understand that birds are-”

“Feathered hell beasts,” Evan finished with a sigh. 

Connor nodded solemnly.

Evan tried to hold his laughter in.

He was not successful.

“It’s not funny,” Connor hissed. “How would you feel if a...”

“A what?”

Connor squeezed his eyes shut. “Give me a second. My brain’s too frazzled to remember what you’re scared of.”

“I’m not scared of anything!”

Evan cringed because he was scared of lots of things. He just wasn’t scared of anything that could swoop down and land on his shoulder.

“People!” Connor cried.

Evan let out a startled laugh. “Okay, yeah, I’d probably be pretty upset if a person suddenly landed on my shoulder. More hurt than upset though. Hurt as in injured and possibly dead.”

“That bird could’ve killed me.”

“It was a tiny sparrow.”

“It could’ve given me a heart attack.”

Evan rolled his eyes and pointed at the next room. “You want me to go first to make sure there aren’t any feathered hell beasts in there?”

Connor narrowed his eyes when Evan started laughing again. “It’s not funny.”

“It’s a little funny.”

“Is not.”

“Is too.”

Evan didn’t set foot on the beach until his last night there. 

He would’ve avoided it altogether if it weren’t Jared’s birthday.

Because that was Jared’s big plan. He’d heard there were parties on the beach every night during spring break and he decided that was what they were going to do.

Evan wasn’t pleased.

Not because he was scared.

He wasn’t scared of people like Connor was scared of birds.

He just didn’t like being around them. He didn’t like being around people he didn’t know. He didn’t like having to talk when he didn’t feel like talking. He didn’t like feeling lost and helpless and overwhelmed to the point of being dizzy.

Which was exactly how he felt the second he set foot on the beach.

He looked at Connor and knew he was thinking about their conversation at the arboretum too. 

“I’m not scared.”

“I didn’t say you were.”

Evan covered his ears. “That music is really loud.”

“Yeah,” Connor agreed. 

Evan jabbed a finger in his direction. “You’re one to talk, you know. You’re just as much a hermit as I am.”

“I’m not scared of people though.”

Evan made a face because he knew he had a point.

“I just don’t like them.”

“You like me.”

The words left Evan’s mouth before his brain could process them. He wanted to cringe when it did.

Connor didn’t say anything for a minute.

They just stood there, awkwardly watching the world’s loudest reggae band play a truly terrible rendition of ‘Sweet Caroline.’

“In large quantities,” Connor amended. “I don’t like them in large quantities.”

“Okay,” Evan nodded. He watched as a girl ran up to a guy with a clipboard. “It looks like they’re taking requests. We should ask them to play something from _Fiddler on the Roof_ for Jared.”

“You think they’re Broadway fans?”

“Probably not,” Evan sighed. “But we could try.”

Connor wrinkled his nose like that was the last thing he wanted to do.

Evan couldn’t blame him. The more he thought about it, the worse the idea sounded.

Connor pointed at the bar. “Let’s get a drink.”

Evan nodded. That was more like it.

Evan’s phone rang at the stroke of midnight.

It was his mother.

He was surprised and not surprised at the same time.

Surprised because it was past her bedtime. Not surprised because she’d been checking up on him all week.

And because it was officially his birthday.

He knew that was why she was calling.

He hit a button and it somehow turned into a video call. He cursed and wondered how he’d managed to do that.

She was smiling when he remembered to look at the screen.

“Sweetie.”

“Mom.”

“You like you’re having fun.”

Evan wasn’t sure if he would’ve used that word. He nodded anyway.

“I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday.”

“Thanks.”

He cringed when he heard how badly he’d slurred the word.

“You’re not driving tomorrow, are you?”

Evan shook his head. “We’re taking the bus.”

“Right,” Heidi breathed. “The bus. I forgot.”

“I should be home around eight.”

“You’re coming here?”

Evan nodded. “The dorms don’t open until Sunday morning.”

“Well, in that case, I’d better pick up a cake.”

“Chocolate.”

“Chocolate,” Heidi confirmed. She studied him for a moment. “You are having fun, aren’t you?”

That was a complicated question. One that Evan really didn’t feel like answering.

“I have to go.”

His mother frowned but decided not to press. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Evan mumbled something that may or may not have contained words and ended the call.

He felt dizzy as he glanced around. It was dark and crowded and he was surrounded by strangers. He breathed a sigh of relief when he spotted Jared sitting on the stairs.

“Fry?” Jared said when Evan plopped down next to him. He waved a container in Evan’s general direction.

Evan popped one in his mouth. “Where’s Zoe?”

Jared snorted and jerked a thumb in the direction of the party’s makeshift dance floor.

Zoe was bouncing around to a medley of Pink’s greatest hits with Connor.

Evan rubbed his eyes when he saw that.

“She dragged him out there,” Jared grinned. “Apparently, they both went through a major Pink stage in middle school.”

Evan shook his head dazedly. “How did I not know that?” 

“Really makes you wonder what else we don’t know about those two, doesn’t it?”

Evan stared at his hands.

He was starting to feel sick. Probably because of the three shots he’d done when he’d thought Connor had abandoned him.

Jared knocked their shoulders together. “What’s your problem?”

“I don’t feel so good.”

“You’re drunk,” Jared observed.

Evan nodded or at least attempted to nod. There was no point in denying it.

“You’re drunker... more drunk?” Jared made a face. “You’ve had more than I have. I need to use this to my advantage.”

Evan didn’t like the sound of that.

“What’s the deal with you and Connor?”

Evan really didn’t like the sound of that. 

He wrapped his arms around his stomach. “I think I’m going to be sick.”

“Can’t say I blame you. I’d be sick too if I had a thing for Connor.”

Evan covered his mouth and swallowed several times. “No. I really think I’m going to be sick.”

“Not on me!” Jared yelped. “There’s a trashcan over there!”

Evan barely made it in time.

Jared wasn’t alone when Evan returned.

Zoe and Connor had left the dance floor because the band’s break was over. The three of them were mocking the band’s version of ‘Who Let the Dogs Out’ when Evan sat back down.

Their laughter faded when they saw how pale Evan looked.

“He needs water,” Zoe said. She stood up to get some.

Jared went with her.

Evan wasn’t sure whether or not he was relieved about that.

He watched as Jared slipped his arm around Zoe’s waist. He watched as Zoe whispered something in Jared’s ear.

It made him dizzy.

Not because he was jealous.

He wasn’t jealous. Not really anyway. Not in a way that would make Jared mad.

It wasn’t that he wanted Zoe.

He wanted what they had.

He grabbed the railing when he realized that.

“You okay?” Connor murmured.

Evan barely heard him.

His eyes darted all over the place as he tried to take everything in.

He saw Ryan and Layla. And Cole and Cara. And Aimee and Mel.

He saw Kai grinding up against a girl he’d just met.

He saw Seth and Chris chatting with a group of their classmates.

And, okay, that one wasn’t so bad. But the rest of them...

Evan didn’t understand why it was so easy for everyone else. He didn’t understand how people could just meet and fall in love and find someone who accepted them, warts and all.

He was too weird to find someone who looked at him the way Ryan looked at Layla. He was too awkward to find a Cara of his own. He was too...

Too much.

That was the best way of putting it.

He was too much. He wouldn’t wish himself on anyone.

He didn’t say that out loud.

Thankfully.

He was too out of it to form the words.

It played across his face though.

He knew that when he saw the way Connor was frowning.

“I want to leave,” Evan muttered.

Connor nodded. “Okay. Let’s leave.”

Evan slept the whole ride home.

He was so tired he felt like he couldn’t move.

He was so tired that he didn’t think twice before resting his head on Connor’s shoulder.

Probably because he was still hungover from the night before. Or because he’d spent most of the night throwing up in the bathroom. Or because he’d spent four nights sharing a bed with Connor and it no longer felt weird to wake up with his head on Connor’s shoulder.

It didn’t feel weird at all.


	36. Senior Year - April

“And then Daisy finally admitted she works for the FBI and has been hired to kill us all.”

“Hmm,” Evan hummed. He glanced up from his laptop long enough to squint at Connor. “I always thought that was more of a CIA thing than a FBI thing.”

“You were listening?”

Evan kept his eyes on the screen as he clicked the next listing. “Don’t sound so disappointed.”

“I didn’t think you were listening.”

“I was listening.”

“I thought you were too busy looking at apartments to listen to me rant.”

Evan closed his laptop and stretched his arms out in front of him. “I can multitask.”

Connor stared at him for a beat. “So, what do you think?”

“About what?”

Connor waved his hand triumphantly. “You weren’t listening!”

Evan closed his eyes. “I was. You just said a lot of things though, so I’m not sure which one you’re trying to get my opinion on.”

He smirked when he saw the look on Connor’s face. “Next time you decide to test whether or not I’ve been listening, you might want to come up with an actual question before you start the quiz.”

He slid his laptop back on his desk and stretched again. “You know, I’m starting to think Daisy sounds like a gossipier version of Meg. I didn’t when you first mentioned her, but after that...”

Connor squinted at the ceiling while he considered that. “She’s not as bossy as Meg.”

“But you just said she spent the whole class ordering Tom around.”

“That’s because Tom never has a fucking clue what’s going on. He needs to be ordered around or he’ll never do anything.”

“Is he the one who-”

Connor nodded. “The toothpaste. Yeah. That’s Tom.”

Evan snorted. “Okay. I see your point.”

“It’s better for everyone if Daisy keeps after Tom. I don’t have the patience and Joy-”

“Is in love with him,” Evan finished. “Has Tom noticed yet?”

He snapped his fingers before Connor could respond. “Tom doesn’t have a clue what’s going on.”

“Yeah,” Connor nodded.

Evan’s face scrunched up when he remembered something. “Does Daisy have red hair?”

Connor shook his head. “Blonde with purple streaks.”

“Oh,” Evan muttered. “There was a Daisy in front of me at Starbucks yesterday and I kept wondering if she was your Daisy.”

“The Daisy I know thinks corporations are-”

“Evil,” Evan interrupted. “Right. You said she did a whole speech about it last semester. I was going to say you can call her out for being a hypocrite the next time she’s driving you crazy, but if she’s not the same one...”

Connor tapped his chin thoughtfully. “She wears a red wig sometimes. Did she have a nose ring?”

Evan nodded. “And a purple backpack with a unicorn patch on it.”

“That’s Daisy!”

“You mean I finally saw the famous Daisy?” Evan chuckled. 

Connor leaned forward eagerly. “What did she order?”

“A caramel Frappuccino.”

“Oh, I’m going to give her so much crap about that. She spent, like, ten minutes lecturing me for eating a Twix the other day. She said things like that ruin our bodies and the environment.”

“It may not have been the same Daisy,” Evan pointed out.

“Did she have a tattoo on her neck?”

Evan hesitated before saying, “Of the peace sign?”

Connor’s face lit up like Christmas had come early.

Evan scratched his neck and reached for his laptop. “I always thought she’d be taller.”

“I didn’t say she was tall.”

“I know. It’s just from the stories you’ve told me, I was picturing someone a lot taller than that.”

It was kind of funny when Evan stopped and thought about it. He knew all these things about all these people he’d never met, people he would most likely never meet, because Connor talked about them. 

And he knew it went both ways. He knew Connor knew things about the other Environmental Science majors that they’d probably prefer to keep to themselves.

Connor pointed at Evan’s laptop. “Have you found an apartment?”

Evan shook his head. “There are a few I’m planning to check out this weekend though.”

“Oh.”

“What?” Evan frowned.

“Do you want me to...”

Evan’s eyes widened when he got what Connor was getting at. “That depends. Are you planning to be here in the fall?”

That was the question, the elephant in the room, the reason Evan hadn’t come out and said what he was doing on his laptop.

He hadn’t exactly hidden it though. It wasn’t like he’d angled his laptop away from Connor. If anything, he’d angled it so that Connor could see what he was doing.

He hadn’t planned to say anything though.

He didn’t really want to know the answer to his question.

Connor shrugged. “At this point, yes.”

Evan closed his eyes.

At this point. He didn’t like the sound of that.

He forced himself to shrug. “Okay, well, I’m leaving around eleven on Saturday if you want to come.”

“Okay,” Connor nodded.

Evan clicked on the next listing. “Okay.”

The first apartment was in Jared’s building.

Jared insisted they stop by before their tour.

He waved a plate of chocolate-covered matzah under Evan’s nose as soon as he stepped inside. “My mom came over last night.”

Evan snagged a piece as he walked by. “It wouldn’t be Passover without this.”

“Are you being good this year?”

Evan gestured at his mouth like the caramel on the matzah was making it impossible for him to talk.

Jared rolled his eyes. “I’ll take that as a no.”

“I had a bagel for breakfast,” Evan admitted.

“Heathen,” Jared hissed.

Evan threw his hands up defensively. “I’m technically only a quarter Jewish. Which means I can choose to observe Passover by watching _The Prince of Egypt_ and the Rugrats special.”

“Let my babies go,” Jared nodded. “A classic, but it’s not enough. You should still be-”

Evan flicked his thumb in the direction of the door. “You said the apartment across from you is coming up for rent?”

He chewed his lip to keep from laughing when he saw the way Connor’s eyes had bulged.

Jared licked a bit of chocolate off his finger. “Yeah, but you won’t want that.”

“Why?” Evan grinned. “Is it haunted?”

“It’s a two bedroom.”

Evan frowned as he tried to follow that logic. 

He frowned even harder when he realized he hadn’t actually talked to Connor about what kind of apartment they were looking for.

“You’re looking for a one bedroom, aren’t you?” Jared wondered.

He said it so plainly that Evan’s heart skipped a beat. 

“Why...” Evan started. He put a hand on his neck while he cleared his throat. “What makes you say that?”

“Because,” Jared drawled. “It’s cheaper and it’s not like you two have never shared a room before.”

Evan knew he had a point.

He also knew it was something he should discuss with Connor before they let Jared put his two cents in.

“We should go,” Evan announced. 

“But you just got here.”

“Yeah, but our appointment’s at twelve and it’s...”

11:30. It was barely 11:30.

And they only had to go down one flight of stairs to get to the office.

“I, uh, I think I forgot something in the car and...” He glanced at Connor helplessly.

“We’re hoping they can take us right away,” Connor filled in. “We have five other places to see this afternoon.”

Jared raised his eyebrows. “Five?”

“Evan’s search was very thorough.” 

“I bet it was,” Jared scoffed. 

He opened his mouth like he was going to say something else.

Evan was glad when he didn’t. 

He was really glad when Jared let them go without argument.

They didn’t say anything until they reached the stairwell and then they both started talking at the same time.

Evan’s mouth snapped shut when he realized that. “You first.”

Connor smiled slightly. “Do you think all the apartments here have that smell or was it just Jared’s?”

“The onion smell?” Evan wrinkled his nose. “I’m pretty sure that’s a Kleinman thing.”

Connor snorted. “What were you saying?”

Evan stared at his hands. “Are we looking for a one bedroom or a two?”

Connor didn’t respond right away.

He took so long to respond that Evan started babbling before he could say anything.

“Not that it matters. To me anyway. I don’t care. I mean, it’s like Jared said, we have shared a room before and it would be cheaper if we got a one bedroom, but a two bedroom would give us more privacy and that would be a good thing, especially since it’s just going to be the two of us and it would be weird if either of us ever...”

If either of them brought someone home.

Evan stopped himself before he said that.

Connor seemed to understand anyway.

Connor started laughing as soon as they left Jared’s building. 

“What?” Evan demanded. He shook his head when Connor continued to laugh. “What? That apartment wasn’t _that_ bad.”

“It’s not the apartment,” Connor grinned. “It was that lady. Did you see the way she was trying to figure us out?”

Evan frowned because he really hadn’t. He’d been too busy trying to figure out where his stuff would go to listen to a word she’d said.

“She was trying to figure out if we’re brothers or friends or... you know.”

Evan swallowed dryly. “Oh. I heard her ask if we were sure we only needed one bedroom.”

“She looked relieved when I said we might take a two bedroom.”

“Relieved like she’d get a bigger commission?”

“Relieved like maybe there’s a chance you’re still single.”

“Me?” Evan blinked. “What?”

He shook his head dazedly and wondered how he’d missed that.

“Well, she definitely wasn’t checking me out.”

“Are you sure?”

“Am I-”

“It’s not outside the realm of possibility that someone could be checking you out.”

Evan said the words so quickly it took his brain a second to catch up with them.

And then he wanted to die when it did.

He said the only thing he could think to say.

“You want to make a game out of it?”

“A game?” Connor repeated.

Evan nodded quickly. “See who can confuse the agents more.”

Connor sighed and then laughed. “You’re on.”

“We can put a couch over here,” Evan said. He took a step back to study the wall. “And hang a tv here.”

He glanced over his shoulder at the agent. “That’ll be perfect for when we’re watching our soap.”

Connor nodded. “Mom will like that when she visits.”

Evan’s head spun as he looked away.

Brothers.

Connor was going for brothers.

Which meant he had to...

He rubbed Connor’s arm and pointed down the hall. “This is a two bedroom, right? We can use the second bedroom as a study.”

“Or to make pillow forts.” Connor rolled his eyes. “Or, you know, as a bedroom.”

“You think we need a guest room?”

“A guest room?” Connor spun around to face the agent. “Are there any three bedrooms in this building?

Evan resisted the urge to sigh as he caught the agent’s eye.

He knew when to throw in the towel.

Round one was clearly going to Connor.

The next unit was a one bedroom apartment in someone’s basement. 

It was the creepiest thing Evan had ever seen.

Connor obviously agreed because he faked an emergency and got them out of there in less than two minutes.

Evan decided to step things up when they got to the fourth stop.

He decided to do something totally different.

He pretended he only spoke Spanish.

Which was a total disaster because he could barely even stammer his way through a few basic sentences.

And, of course, as luck would have it, the agent was fluent in Spanish.

His ears went red and he made an excuse to leave when she started talking to him.

Connor was still laughing when he got back in the car.

Evan tried to look on the bright side.

He looked Connor in the eye and said, “I won that round.”

They silently called a truce when they reached the fifth stop.

It was by far the best one they’d seen.

It was the only one Evan could actually imagine living in. That he could imagine enjoying living in.

Which, of course, meant it was out of his price range. There was no way he’d be able to afford it if Connor ended up going somewhere else.

He didn’t say that though.

He didn’t say anything other than the fact that he liked it.

The last stop was by far the worst.

Which meant they were both feeling twitchy and eager to win the game. 

Evan decided to go the brother route that time. 

He pretended to study the bedroom for a moment before spinning around to face Connor. “We could put the bunk bed over there.”

Connor tapped his chin and nodded slowly. “As long as it has a double bed on the bottom.”

He had the nerve the wink at Evan.

Evan shuddered at the suggestion. “You are not having guests over while I’m in the room.”

“I meant in case you want to join me.”

Evan tilted his head like he was confused. “Why would I do that?”

“The same reason you always do.”

“To...” Evan chewed his lip as a dozen ideas pinged around his brain. They hadn’t really established any rules for the game, but he thought it would be cheating if he actually came out and said the word ‘brother.’ “To have a pillow fight?”

“Is that what we’re calling it now?”

Evan resisted the urge to stick out his tongue. 

It wasn’t that Connor was better at the game. It was that he was faster.

Probably because he’d grown up fighting with Zoe about stupid stuff.

Evan chanced a glance in the agent’s direction.

Nothing they’d said had fazed the guy at all. He wasn’t even paying attention to them. He was too busy talking on the phone to hear a word they’d said.

Evan shook his head when he saw that.

Connor did too.

The agent hung up and gave them an apologetic shrug. “I’m sorry, gentlemen, but that was the front office. They said someone just came in with a deposit for this unit. There is another one I can show you in the back. It’s a studio, so it’s a bit smaller than this one, but...”

Evan exchanged a look with Connor.

They both shook their heads and thanked the agent for his time.

Evan drummed his fingers on the steering wheel when he stopped at the light. “So.”

“So?”

“I liked the fifth place best.”

“Me too,” Connor nodded.

“The one in Jared’s building wasn’t bad. That’s my second choice.”

“Mine too,” Connor sighed. “Any chance Jared’s thinking about moving?”

“Not that I know of.”

“That one had the best price.”

“Yeah.”

“And...”

“And?” Evan glanced at him quickly.

“You’d be able to afford it on your own if I go somewhere else.”

Evan’s mouth formed a thin line as he stared straight ahead. “Yeah.”

“I think you should apply for that one. You can always add me later if necessary.”

Evan focused on the car in front of him. “Okay.”

“Okay,” Connor sighed.

Evan closed his eyes before trying to lighten the mood. “I won, by the way.”

It took Connor a second to follow that. “Did not.”

“I would have if that guy had been paying attention.”

“I was way more confusing that you were.”

“You weren’t confusing. You were very clear about what you were saying. I, on the other hand-”

“We were equally confusing.”

“You’re just saying that because you know you lost.”

Connor shook his head. “Individually, nothing we said was all that confusing, but together...”

Evan wrinkled his nose. “I guess.”

“I’d say it was a draw.”

“Fine.”

“Though, technically, your Spanish schtick wasn’t what we’d discussed. That lady didn’t think we were brothers or boyfriends. She just thought you were weird and possibly challenged.”

He had a point. Evan refused to admit it, but he did.

“How do you know? For all you know, I could’ve been saying how much I-”

“You asked her where the library is.” Connor smirked when he saw Evan’s expression. “We were in the same Spanish class in tenth grade.”

Evan glared at the windshield. “Well, you...”

He couldn’t think of anything Connor had done wrong.

He sighed and flicked his turn signal on. “So, we’re calling it a tie then?”

“Yeah,” Connor nodded. “We’re calling it a tie.”

Evan felt like his stress levels were going up every day.

Every hour, every minute, every second.

Graduation was less than a month away.

He had so much to do he didn’t know how he was going to get it all done.

His senior project was going to be the death of him and Kyle, the junior who was supposed to be his assistant, was not helping.

He hoped he hadn’t bothered Lisbeth as much as Kyle bothered him. He felt like he owed her an apology either way.

He tried to look on the bright side. He tried telling himself it didn’t matter what grades he got as long as he still walked away with his diploma in the end.

And at least he knew what he was going to do after he graduated.

He’d gotten the grant he needed to continue his studies and he was pretty sure he’d found an apartment.

Things were good in that sense.

He knew he had it better than some of his friends.

Most of them were going to graduate school. Kai and Cole were going because their futures depended on it. Ryan was going to buy himself some more time.

Seth was going to take grad classes on the weekend and manage his family’s restaurant during the week.

Chris was taking some time off to travel and possibly become a monk.

Jared kept saying he didn’t have a clue what his future held. The only thing he knew for certain was that he didn’t want to leave Zoe. 

Which meant he’d found a job at a software company near their school.

So, actually, things were looking up for him too.

Connor was the only one who really seemed like he was on the fence about what he was doing. 

Evan tried not to worry about that.

His stress levels were high enough as they were without adding that to the mix. 

Evan jumped when he heard something hit the wall behind him.

He didn’t just jump. 

He nearly fell off his bed because the thumping sound had been that loud.

He sat up and stared at the wall while he debated if he had the energy to deal with whatever was bothering Connor.

He knew the sound had something to do with Connor because Connor had been in a mood all day. 

And because it had come from the wall they shared.

Mostly because of Connor’s mood though.

It was their impending graduation. It was doing a number on all of them.

He sighed and put down his book and rolled off the bed like the good best friend he was.

He knocked on Connor’s door once before letting himself in. He knew better than to expect an answer.

He put a hand on his hip while he surveyed the room.

It was a mess. There were papers everywhere.

He shook his head when Connor noticed him. “What did you do? Throw your printer?”

“I don’t have a printer,” Connor snapped.

Evan threw his hands up defensively. “You threw something.”

“My stapler.”

“Your stapler made that sound?”

“And my math book.”

Evan nodded. That made a bit more sense. “Do you need help with your math homework?”

“I’m not stupid!”

“I didn’t say you were! Needing help doesn’t make you-”

“God,” Connor groaned. “What is with people today?”

Evan’s stomach sank at that. He hated feeling like he was being lumped in with the people who were driving Connor to throw his school supplies at the wall.

“What happened?” Evan whispered.

“What happened?” Connor mimicked. “You want to hear what happened?”

“Yes,” Evan nodded. “That’s why I asked.”

Connor flopped down on his bed and threw an arm across his face. He kicked the spot next to him and squinted at Evan until he perched on the edge of the bed.

They stayed like that for a minute. 

Evan felt like he was going to fall if he budged at all.

Connor finally sat up and sighed. “I was just talking to Gabe.”

Evan nodded for him to go on.

“We were just catching up. He was telling me about his plans and I started telling him about mine and...”

“And?” Evan prompted when Connor didn’t go on.

“He laughed.”

“He laughed?”

“He was surprised to hear I’m seriously planning to become a librarian. So surprised that he laughed.”

“He laughed at you for wanting to be a librarian?”

“He laughed because he thought it was ridiculous.” Connor tilted his head back at the ceiling. “He thought it was fucking ridiculous because I don’t have the right temperament for the job.”

“He said that?”

“Yeah.”

“In those words?”

“Yeah.”

“In those exact-”

“What part of yeah aren’t you understanding?”

Evan puffed his cheeks out and exhaled slowly. “Well-”

“Screw him,” Connor huffed. “Yeah. I know. It’s just...” Connor grabbed at his hair. “It’s just he’s not the only one who’s said that.”

“Who-”

“Zoe was surprised when she heard. She laughed and said she’d never pictured me doing a job where I had to be around people.”

“She thinks it’s a good idea now. She told me that recently. And your parents-”

“Are supportive,” Connor finished. “Even my dad has been supportive. He keeps saying he thinks it’s a good idea.”

“Yeah. Exactly. So, who cares what some guy you went out with a couple summers ago thinks?”

“Jared thinks it’s a terrible idea.”

“Since when do you care what Jared thinks?” Evan grinned. “It’s Jared. And, you know, he’d pretty much think anything you wanted to do was stupid just because you’re you.”

Connor snorted at that. He pulled himself up so he was leaning against the wall.

Evan scooted back so he was too. “You’ve got this. If I didn’t think you could do it, I would’ve said something.”

Connor snorted again. “No, you wouldn’t.”

“Yeah, I would!”

“You’d come out and say you think I’m making a fucking mistake?”

“I might not put it that way, but I’d say something.”

Connor wrinkled his nose like he almost believed that.

“I don’t though. I don’t think you’re making a mistake.”

“But what if I am?”

“Then you’ll pick something else. How’s that saying go? Tomorrow’s a new day with no mistakes in it yet?”

“ _Anne of Green Gables_.”

“See,” Evan grinned. “The fact that you recognize that means you-”

The kiss came out of nowhere.

In Evan’s mind, it did anyway.

At first.

It didn’t really when he stopped and thought about it.

Their shoulders had been touching and their faces had been getting closer and...

He didn’t get a chance to give it much thought.

It kept going... and going and...

It was obviously something Connor needed.

And possibly even wanted.

It didn’t stop.

Neither of them stopped.

Evan didn’t know what to do when they were done.

That wasn’t unusual. He never knew what to do afterwards.

He didn’t know what to think.

He was too tired to think.

And talk.

He was way too tired to talk.

Connor was too, judging from the way he was rubbing his head against Evan’s neck. He was breathing on it like he was about to pass out.

Evan couldn’t blame him.

He was exhausted. He was way too tired to move.

He needed to move.

The part of his brain that always wanted to flee afterwards was going into overdrive.

Was trying to go into overdrive.

He was too tired to let it.

He didn’t want to move. He needed to move, but he didn’t want to. 

For once, he didn’t want to make a run for it.

He closed his eyes and allowed his head to rest on top of Connor’s.

He tried to ignore the part of his brain that kept scolding him, that kept asking the questions he couldn’t bring himself to answer.

What had they done?

What had he done?

Why had he ruined everything?


	37. Senior Year - The Day After

Evan woke up first.

It took him a second to get his bearings, to really wrap his mind around where he was and why.

And then he panicked like he’d never panicked before.

His heart raced and his mind raced and his stomach felt like it was going to explode. 

At least he did it silently.

It could’ve been worse. 

A lot worse.

He disentangled himself from Connor as carefully as he could and tried not to think about the fact that they were both naked.

He was not successful.

He pulled the covers back over Connor like that would make a difference.

And then he began the search for his clothes. 

He tried not to think about the night before. He tried not to think about the reason his clothes were scattered all over Connor’s floor. He tried not to...

He caught a glimpse of the time and it was somehow the best and worst thing that could’ve happened to him.

He had less than twenty minutes to get to the lab.

To get to a building that was easily a ten minute walk from his dorm.

He flicked his forehead and willed his brain to cooperate.

His hand landed on something that made him want to thank every higher power he could name.

Pants.

He had successfully located his pants.

He could do this. He could...

The sound of the bed squeaking made him freeze.

He turned around after he finished fixing his jeans. 

Connor was up.

“You’re leaving?”

Evan grabbed his shirt off Connor’s desk and bought himself a second by slipping it on. “My chem lab starts in fifteen minutes.”

Connor nodded vaguely.

Evan glanced around for his socks. There were too many socks on the floor for him to tell which ones belonged to him.

“You really need to clean your room.”

He said it with a smile, like it was a joke. 

Because it was a joke. He meant it as one.

Connor didn’t see it that way. That was obvious.

“Yeah. I’ll get right on that.”

Evan scratched his head and eyed the door. He had just enough time to run back to his room and get his shoes and his backpack and maybe even a piece of gum. His mouth tasted like something had died in it.

His hand twitched in the direction of the door.

He wanted to go. He needed to go.

He felt like he should do something first though.

Kiss Connor? 

No. Terrible, horrible idea. No good could come from that.

Punch Connor’s shoulder and say ‘good game?’ 

Even worse.

Do their secret handshake-high five thing?

The thought of that made Evan so sad he closed his eyes.

He thought about the night they came up with it. He thought about how drunk they’d been. He thought about how there was no way he could blame this mess on alcohol.

He reached for the door.

He had to leave.

He had to say something, do something, but he really had to leave.

And not just because he was afraid Meg would pour a beaker filled with acid on him if he was late. 

He cracked the door open and spun around at the last second.

“Are you feeling better?”

“Better?” Connor frowned.

Evan nodded. “Better. Calmer. Last night you were...”

He stared at his feet when Connor’s face went blank. “So, uh, I’ll, uh, I’ll see you at dinner. I guess?”

He didn’t know what to think when he saw Connor was already scrolling through his phone.

“Yeah,” Connor shrugged.

Evan nodded and slipped out the door.

He chewed his gum so vigorously he felt like he was going to pull something if he kept it up.

He forced himself to slow down.

He had ten hours to get it together. Ten hours until he’d see Connor again.

That was the one good thing he could think of. It was Monday, which meant their schedules didn’t coordinate at all. 

There wasn’t a chance he’d run into Connor before dinner.

He had a busy day ahead of him. He had two labs and two classes and he really needed to spend at least an hour working on his senior project.

That meant he had absolutely no time to even think about Connor or what they’d done or what it meant or... Any of it. He didn’t have time to think about any of it.

That feeling lasted about a second.

He needed to talk to someone. He needed to get some perspective on the situation.

He felt like laughing when he realized Connor was the person he usually went to with things like this.

That wasn’t an option, for obvious reasons. He went with his second choice instead.

Jared answered on the first ring. “Hey, buddy. What’s new with you?”

Jared sounded like he was on the verge of laughter. That wasn’t unusual, but something about his tone made Evan wonder if he already knew somehow.

“Nothing,” Evan muttered.

He scratched his neck and checked the time and decided Meg could handle waiting a few minutes.

He sat on a bench outside the science building and tried to find the words to say what he wanted to say.

The problem was he wasn’t sure what he wanted to say.

“Are we still on for lunch?” Jared asked.

Lunch.

Evan breathed into the phone.

It was Monday, which meant he was supposed to meet Jared in the dining hall at twelve.

“Yeah,” Evan said.

“Okay,” Jared drawled. “Did you have a reason for calling or...”

“I slept with Connor.”

The words flew out of Evan’s mouth so quickly he slapped a hand across it.

Jared didn’t laugh. He didn’t even sound surprised when he said, “Really?”

“Yes!” Evan hissed. “I can’t believe we... This is a nightmare.”

“It was that bad?”

“What?” Evan squeezed his eyes shut. He could practically hear Jared rolling his eyes.

“The sex. I’m assuming we’re talking about sex.”

“Yes,” Evan muttered.

“Okay... So, it was bad?”

“It wasn’t bad! It was good. It was... It was really good.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“It was Connor!”

“Yeah,” Jared hummed. “And that would be a problem if we were talking about me, but you on the other hand...”

“He’s my best friend!”

“I thought I was your best friend!”

Evan pulled the phone back to stare at it before shoving it back against his ear. “You’re both... That’s not what this is about.”

“Okay, so you fucked Connor. It was bound to happen eventually, wasn’t it?”

Evan’s eyes darted around frantically. “What?”

“You and Connor. Are you seriously telling me this was the first time you...”

“Yes!”

“Really?” Jared chuckled.

“Yes!” Evan rubbed his forehead like that would make his headache go away. “What do you mean it was bound to happen eventually?”

“Which part of that’s tripping you up?”

“The part where... Connor and I are friends.”

“Yeah. You also...” Jared stopped talking all of the sudden. There was a rustling sound like someone was covering the phone and then Jared sighed into it. 

Evan frowned when he heard Zoe’s voice in the background. He frowned even harder when he heard her say his name. “Who is Zoe talking to?”

“No one.”

“Jared.”

“The tv.”

“I heard my name.”

“Oh...” Jared breathed. “You know, I think she may be talking to her brother.”

“Connor? She’s talking to Connor?”

“He called her a minute before you called me.”

Evan rubbed his forehead even harder. “I’ll see you later.”

“But we haven’t even-”

“I’m late for class.”

“That’s it? You’re just going to leave me hanging? Am I going to have to get the details about what happened from Zoe?”

“Bye, Jared.”

He hung up without waiting for a response.

Meg handed him his goggles as soon as he sat down. “You’re late.”

“I know.”

She frowned as she looked him up and down. “You look terrible. Are you sick?”

Evan didn’t dignify that with a response. He flipped through his textbook to find the page they were supposed to be on.

He wrinkled his nose when he realized the smell he was smelling wasn’t coming from any of the beakers at their work station. It was coming from him.

He really should’ve tried to clean up a bit before he left his room.

Meg wrinkled her nose too and scooted over as far as she could. “Are those the same clothes you were wearing last night?”

George’s face lit up as he looked up from his phone. “They are! I remember because I noticed he had an ink stain on the back of his shirt. I saw it when he dropped his notes.”

Evan ducked when Meg and George both tried to see. “I overslept.”

He couldn’t believe his luck. Of all the times for his classmates to actually notice something about him, this would be it.

He chose to ignore the way Meg and George were looking at each other. “Have I missed anything?”

Meg sighed and shook her head. “Dr. Unger’s just been showing everyone pictures of his baby chicks.”

“They finally hatched?”

Meg waved her hand at the front of the room. “Go see for yourself.”

Evan didn’t have the energy for that.

He decided to take advantage of the distraction though and use the bathroom before they got started. 

“Here,” George said. He fumbled through his backpack for a moment before pulling out a gigantic can of deodorant. 

Evan glanced around frantically.

No one was watching them. No one cared that George could very easily spray every armpit in the room until they all smelled powder fresh.

Meg dove for her bag too. She pulled out a pack of face wipes. “I use those when I go to the gym.”

The pack was sealed like it had never been opened.

Evan decided not to comment on that.

He muttered his thanks and didn’t even try to hide the items as he hurried out of the room. 

He had definitely seen people walk around campus carrying weirder things than face wipes and giant cans of deodorant. 

He decided to skip his economics class that morning.

It was the one class he could get away with skipping. There were over a hundred students in it and attendance was not mandatory. He’d be fine as long as he passed the final.

He skipped it because he didn’t have the energy or the attention span to sit through a lecture on supply and demand.

And because he knew the suite would be empty.

He took a shower and changed his clothes and decided to lie down for a bit before lunch.

He regretted that decision when he saw there was a pair of socks on his pillow.

His socks from the night before. He knew that the second he spotted them.

He turned on his heel and walked back into the hall. He automatically poked his head in Connor’s room.

The door was open. The bed was made. The sheets were clean. The room was spotless. Not a sock in sight.

Evan breathed in sharply and decided to watch tv instead.

He put on the cartoon he always watched when he in a funk. The one whose name he could never remember, that was bright and happy and perfect for staring blankly at.

Because that was really all he had the energy to do.

His mind kept trying to spin. Thoughts that weren’t really thoughts kept bouncing around his head.

He couldn’t focus on them. He didn’t want to focus on them.

He just wanted to see if the happy, rainbow-colored characters saved the day.

His phone rang during the characters’ second song. It took Evan a second to realize it was his phone and not part of the episode.

His mother was calling him. He sighed and quickly weighed the pros and cons of answering.

He didn’t feel like talking to her, to anyone really, but he’d have to call her back if he didn’t pick up and the thought of doing that sounded even worse.

He accepted the call at the last possible second.

“Oh, hi, sweetie.” She sounded breathless, like she was on the go. “I didn’t think you’d pick up. Don’t you have class now?”

That was a lucky guess. He knew for a fact that his mother had no idea what his schedule was like.

“It got cancelled.”

The lie slipped out of him so easily it didn’t feel like a lie. 

He felt a quick flash of guilt until he realized it was better that way. It was better for her not to know he was skipping a class. It was better if she didn’t think he was throwing away one of his educational opportunities.

Because that was how she’d see it, even if he was just skipping a boring, basic class he was only taking for the credits.

“Oh,” Heidi said. “Well, I’m glad you’re there. I need your help with some things.”

He nodded along as she listed the things she needed him to do for her birthday party. There were shops she needed him to visit and gift bags she needed him to assemble and...

He really did not have the energy to think about all that.

“Mom.”

“You’re planning to come here before the party, aren’t you? Maggie and I are counting on you to be our designated driver.”

“Yeah, sure, that’s fine,” Evan said quickly. “I need to go though.”

“You need to go?”

“I’m meeting Jared for lunch and...”

“And?”

Evan grabbed at his hair. “And I just... I have to go, okay? I have to go.”

She didn’t say anything for a moment. He could picture the way her brow was furrowing.

“Is everything-”

“I’m going to be late.”

“I think Jared will understand.”

Evan squeezed his eyes shut. He turned the show off because he couldn’t handle hearing any more peppy songs about the power of friendship. 

“Why did your class get cancelled?”

The question caught Evan off-guard. He blurted out the first thing he could think of. “The professor’s dog died.”

“Oh, the poor thing.”

“Yeah.”

“That’s such a shame.”

“It really is.”

He nearly fell of the couch when he heard the door opening behind him.

Seth.

It was just Seth.

He closed his eyes and focused on his breathing.

It took him a second to realize his mother had asked if he was okay.

“Yeah,” Evan said quickly. “I have to go though. Send me the list and I’ll see what I can do.”

He hung up before she could respond.

She’d done it to him enough times he knew she’d understand. She knew what it was like to be so busy you couldn’t stay on the phone.

He checked the time.

It was almost twelve. 

Seth glanced at him as he hurried by. “Hey.”

Evan froze in his tracks. He couldn’t tell if that was a casual greeting kind of ‘hey’ or the start of an actual conversation. He shoved his hands in his pockets and gave Seth a brisk nod. “Hey.”

“You got out of here fast this morning.”

“I overslept.”

“Oh,” Seth nodded. “What did you, like, leave your phone in your room last night?”

Evan’s stomach did a flip.

“I mean, that would do it, wouldn’t it? You overslept because you were in Connor’s room and your alarm was-” Seth snorted when he saw Evan’s expression. “It’s cool. You do you and all that. I’m just glad it’s happening now and not last year. Can you imagine how Cole would’ve taken it? He was so worried about us all bringing in outside guests, it would’ve blown his mind to see two of us-”

“It’s not like that.” Evan squeezed his eyes shut. There was no point denying it. “I mean, it was, but-”

Seth’s eyes widened. “Is this about to get awkward?”

Evan tugged at his shirt. “I-”

“Shit,” Seth muttered. He shook his head sadly. “It’s a good thing we’re only here for a few more weeks.”

He wagged a finger at Evan. “Chris and I are Switzerland here, okay? So, don’t even think about dragging us into whatever you two have going on.”

Seth gave him a sad smile before heading to the fridge.

Evan thought about claiming there was nothing going on, that Seth had nothing to worry about, but he really didn’t see the point.

And he really didn’t think he was that good at lying.

Evan folded his arms across his chest when he saw the way Jared was studying him. “What?”

“Nothing,” Jared grinned.

“What?” Evan demanded. He was not in the mood to put up with Jared’s Jaredness. 

Jared tapped his chin as he looked Evan up and down. “Just trying to decide if you look different now.”

Evan instinctively took a step back. A small part of him hated himself when he asked, “Do I?”

“I don’t know,” Jared said slowly. “Turn around. Let me see your butt.”

Evan rolled his eyes and very purposely moved forward in a way that did not allow Jared to see his behind.

“Or should I be checking Connor’s butt?”

“Check Connor’s butt. I dare you.”

Jared made a face. “That was your cue to tell me exactly what went down last night.”

“Yeah. I’m not doing that.”

Jared put a hand on his arm. “I’m trying to help you here.”

“By checking out my butt?”

“By...” Jared let his breath out in an exasperated huff. “You’re obviously freaking out about this.”

Evan glanced around wildly. Was it that obvious? He really hoped it wasn’t that obvious.

“I know the signs,” Jared reminded him. “I’ve been dealing with them my whole life.”

Evan blinked at Jared’s tone. It was calm, almost soft. 

It didn’t sound like he was trying to mock Evan at all.

“So,” Jared prompted. “What happened?”

“We had sex.”

“Yeah. Got that.”

“We...”

“You said it was good?”

Evan nodded.

“Really good?” Jared smirked.

Evan nodded again.

Jared’s grin grew even wider. “So, again I ask, what’s the problem?”

“We... I don’t know. Afterwards it was...”

“What? Is Connor a cuddler? I bet he’s a cuddler.”

There had been some cuddling.

A lot of cuddling.

They’d still been cuddling when Evan woke up.

“Are you both big spoons?” Jared tilted his head. “Or little spoons? I can’t decide.”

Evan sighed because that wasn’t it.

He didn’t know what it was.

Not exactly.

Not in words he could say out loud, especially to Jared. Even if Jared was trying to be nice.

He closed his eyes and decided to try anyway. “It just... I don’t know. It felt like it was the end of something.”

Jared nodded slightly. “Of your friendship?”

Evan shrugged.

“Yeah,” Jared agreed. “It won’t be easy for you to go back to being friends after that.”

Evan’s head popped up a bit. “But you think we can?”

Jared chewed his lip. “Maybe. I don’t know. Do you want to?”

“He’s my best friend!” Evan put a hand up to stop Jared. “One of my best friends.”

Jared breathed in sharply. “And you don’t want to give it a try?”

“Give what a try?”

“Peace,” Jared deadpanned. “Connor. Dating. The whole nine yards.”

Evan stared at his hands, at the trees, at the dining hall as they drew closer. 

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Jared beamed.

It was a yes and a no and everything in between.

“Maybe if we weren’t friends,” Evan sighed.

“You think you’d be interested in him if you weren’t friends? The only reason you like him, that you even know him, is that you two are like this now.” Jared crossed two of his fingers together.

He had a point. Evan knew that.

He also knew there was a difference between being friends with someone and going out with them. 

There was a difference in the way you liked them, in the way you felt about them. And it was terrible when the two of you weren’t on the same page. And awkward when you weren’t sure what the page was.

And there were things you could put up with when someone was just your friend that you wouldn’t be able to tolerate if they were more than that. Things that could destroy you both.

And relationships didn’t last and terrible things happened when they fell apart.

And Connor was the best friend he’d ever had.

He couldn’t lose that.

He scratched his neck as they climbed the steps to the dining hall. “I think I’m going to have pizza today.”

Jared looked at him strangely. “Pizza sounds good.”

“Yeah,” Evan nodded. “Pizza sounds really good.”

Evan’s geology class actually was cancelled that afternoon.

For one brief, horrifying moment, he wondered if the professor’s dog had died. 

That was not the case though. It was a simple case of a flat tire and a TA who could not be found.

Evan could live with that. It gave him an extra hour to work on his senior project.

An extra hour that turned into two extra hours when he lost track of time.

It wasn’t intentional. 

He knew Connor thought it was though. He knew that the second their eyes met.

He scratched his neck and stopped himself from dropping his backpack on Connor’s floor like he always did.

It occurred to him that it might not be okay for him to stay.

He nodded at the containers of Chinese food on Connor’s desk. “You ordered in?”

“You didn’t show.”

Evan nodded vaguely. “I was at the library. I lost track of time.”

He eyed the food in front of Connor. There wasn’t as much of it as there usually was. 

Connor usually ordered enough for both of them. They both did. Whoever placed the order always got enough to share.

It didn’t even look like there was a spare eggroll for Evan to steal.

Evan nodded at the door. “I guess I’ll...”

He cleared his throat and decided to say something. To do something to address the elephant in the room.

“I saw you found my socks.”

“They were under my bed.”

Evan chuckled slightly. “Oh. Right. Makes sense.”

“Does it? Does it make sense to you?”

Evan shrugged. “I mean, logically speaking, of all the places for them to end up, that’s probably the most, uh... the most...”

Evan shrugged again.

He closed his eyes and took a breath. “So. Last night. That was, um, unexpected.”

Connor raised his eyebrows. “Unexpected? That’s the word you’re going with?”

“Well, yeah, I mean... I don’t know. That wasn’t what I thought was going to happen when I came in here.”

“When you came in here to calm me down.”

“What?”

“You weren’t expecting to have to calm me down by fucking me.”

“That’s not what I said! Or what I did. You were already-”

Connor’s eyes flashed. “But it’s why you came in here. To calm me down.” 

“You were throwing things at the wall!” Evan laughed. 

He expected Connor to laugh too.

His laughter faded when he did not.

Evan inhaled sharply and rocked back on his heels. “Okay, look, so what happened was... It was good. It was really, really good. You’re right, you know. You really are good in bed.”

He expected that to get him a smile.

It did not.

He closed his eyes and rocked back again. “But... I don’t know. It probably shouldn’t have happened.”

Connor spun around and started stabbing his rice. 

Evan’s heart sped up. His mind started to race. It was like the words couldn’t stop spilling out of him. “Not because it was bad. It really was good. Like I said. It just kind of happened though. We were talking and then we weren’t talking and then we kept not talking and then we started doing things and-and it was all consensual. I’m not saying it wasn’t. And I know we talked about what we were doing. Kind of. We sort of talked about what we were doing, but not why-”

“So, you just decided to take one for the team and calm me down by-” 

“No!” Evan hissed. “That’s not... I mean, if anything, you were the one who started-”

“Fuck you.”

“You already did.” Evan snorted when he heard himself. “Or, I guess, technically I was the one who...”

He cringed when he saw Connor’s expression.

“Too soon?”

He closed his eyes and decided not to wait for a response he wasn’t going to get.

It was too soon.

And too late.

And everything was a mess.


	38. Senior Year - May

Seth and Chris may have been Switzerland, but the suite was not.

It was no longer a safe haven for Evan. It felt weird and foreign and uncomfortable in a way that made it hard for him to sleep.

So he stopped.

Sleeping there, that was.

Not sleeping in general.

Though his body did attempt that for the first couple nights after the thing with Connor.

The thing that he preferred not to think about. The thing that should never have happened.

The thing that had left them both feeling hurt and upset and confused for so many reasons it made Evan’s head spin.

He really didn’t like to think about it.

He didn’t have time to think about it.

Graduation was getting closer every day and he had way too many things to do to worry about something that never should’ve happened in the first place.

He started sleeping on Jared’s couch, accidentally at first. It actually was an accident when he fell asleep the first time. 

It was more accidental than not the second time, but the third...

By the third time, even he had to admit it was becoming a pattern.

On the third morning, he woke up to a stiff neck and a sore back and the sound of the Kleinman brothers arguing.

“He’s still here.”

“He’s going through a rough time right now.”

“Can’t he go through a rough time somewhere else?”

“He’s my friend.”

“Your best friend.”

Jared didn’t even hesitate before saying, “My best friend.”

“This is my apartment too!”

“Yeah, I know. That explains why there are three pairs of your underwear hanging in the shower right now.”

“I ran out of quarters!”

“I didn’t ask for an explanation! I don’t want to know if you’re shitting your pants every day! But if you are, you really ought to see a doctor about that.”

“I’m not shitting my... Seriously, Jare, he has to go.”

“Why? Did he eat your jerky? I’ll tell him not to eat your jerky.”

“It’s not about my jerky.”

“Then what-”

“It’s bad enough that your girlfriend’s here all the time, but now this... This apartment is barely big enough for the two of us. You can’t go around inviting your friends to stay here too.”

“I’ll race you.”

“What?”

“Around the block. First one back wins.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“It’s how we settled the hermit crab debate.”

“We were kids.”

“So? You beat me then. You don’t think you can beat me now?”

Henry scoffed at the suggestion. “I could give you a two-minute head start and still-”

“Two minutes!” Jared cried.

“Hey!”

Evan closed his eyes when he heard the brothers run by. The stampede was immediately followed by the sound of the front door slamming shut.

Evan sat up and rubbed his eyes. He stumbled into the kitchen and poured himself a bowl of cereal. He put a dollar in the jar Henry had left on the counter.

He wrinkled his nose and put another dollar in to play it safe.

The door to Jared’s bedroom opened and Zoe came wandering out. She froze in mid-stretch and blinked at him.

It took Evan a second to realize she was on the phone.

“He’s fine.”

Evan’s stomach twisted when he heard Zoe’s tone. 

She was talking to Connor. He was as sure of that as he was of his name.

“No, I know he’s fine... Because I’m looking right at him...” Zoe covered the phone and said, “It’s Connor.”

Evan nodded numbly.

“Do you have anything to tell him?”

Evan stared at his hands. His brain felt annoyingly, overwhelmingly blank. “Um.”

“He says um. I’m thinking that’s code for hi.” Zoe nodded solemnly. “Sure. I’ll tell him.”

She hung up and put her phone on the counter. “Connor says um.”

Evan smiled slightly. That made him feel better. He didn’t know why, but it did.

Zoe watched him out of the corner of her eye while she poured her cereal. “He wasn’t sure where you were.”

“I’ve been staying here.”

“He knows that now.”

Evan didn’t know what to say. He shoved some cereal in his mouth so he didn’t have to respond.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Zoe offered. 

“Not really.”

Zoe chewed her lip. “You know, Connor said something the other day and... He told me this sucks because you’re the person he would normally talk to about all this and now...”

She shrugged.

Evan knew the feeling. He’d had that same thought so many times he’d lost count.

“You can talk to me if you want. I may be Connor’s sister, but I can be neutral. I’m good at being neutral. And I don’t know if this helps, but I look like Connor from certain angles.”

He returned her smile even though his heart wasn’t really in it.

“You need to talk about this. You both do. With each other ideally, but...”

Evan slurped the rest of his milk and put his bowl in the dishwasher. “I have to get ready for class.”

He went back to the couch and fished some clothes out of the duffle he’d packed the night before.

The duffle he’d packed while Connor had been meeting with his advisor.

He loved and hated the fact that he had Connor’s schedule memorized.

He tried to look on the bright side. At least he had clean clothes to wear. He didn’t think he could’ve put up with any more teasing from Meg and George.

He closed his eyes when he thought about George.

He tried to put a positive spin on that. They’d reached a point where they could tease each other, where they were actually friends. If they could get there after everything they’d been through, then maybe things with Connor could eventually go back to the way they were before.

Of course, he realized he hadn’t been nearly as close to George as he was to Connor. And things with Connor had gone much farther than they had with George. And...

It wasn’t the same.

He hugged his clothes to his chest and started towards the bathroom.

Zoe blocked his path. “Do you understand why Connor freaked out the way he did?”

Evan did and he didn’t and everything was a mess.

That was the real difference between the thing with George and the thing with Connor. 

There hadn’t been as much at stake with George. And the weirdness had been the kind that time and space could heal. 

That wasn’t the case with Connor.

Zoe shook her head sadly. “You two need to figure this out.”

They did.

Evan agreed with her there.

Putting his head in the sand and avoiding Connor still felt like perfectly valid options though.

Zoe pursed her lips like she was reading his mind.

They both jumped when something suddenly crashed outside the apartment. The front door swung open so forcefully Evan wondered if they were under attack.

Jared and Henry came bursting in. They were both gasping for breath, but only Henry looked triumphant.

Jared put a hand to his chest before pointing at Evan. “You have to go.”

Evan didn’t go back to Jared’s apartment that night.

He didn’t go back to his room either.

He decided to spend his last few weeks as an undergrad couch surfing. 

It was a good thing he had enough friends to be able to pull that off.

He spent two nights at Ryan and Layla’s apartment and then two nights at Kai’s house and then a night at Cole and Cara’s. Only one night. That was all he could handle.

He didn’t know where to go next. He thought about asking Mel and Aimee if he could stay with them, but they weren’t really that kind of friends.

He tried to circle back to Jared’s and then to Ryan’s and then...

It quickly became clear to him that there was a mass conspiracy going on.

A mass conspiracy meant to get him to go back to his dorm.

He was no longer welcome at any of their places.

He told himself it didn’t matter. He only had two more days of classes and then a week of finals and then a week of nothing and then it was time to graduate.

He could spend his free week at home. That wouldn’t be a problem.

And as for the rest of it, he was going to be so busy he’d hardly be in the suite at all.

None of them would.

He kept telling himself that.

“Are you nervous?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“You look nervous.”

Evan closed his eyes and clenched his teeth so tightly he was sure something was going to crack.

“You look really nervous.”

“Kyle.” He said the name like it was a warning.

Kyle recoiled like he’d been slapped. “What?”

“You really don’t have to be here for this.”

“But-”

“You did your part. You helped me. You saw how this works. You’re going to ace your senior project next year.”

Kyle looked like a feather could’ve knocked him over. “Really? You think so?”

Evan forced himself to nod. And smile. 

It was a very fake smile, but Kyle didn’t seem to notice.

“Okay,” Kyle sighed. He glanced around anxiously. “If you’re sure you’re okay...”

“I’m sure.”

“I should probably finish writing my chem lab.”

“Go finish your chem lab. I’m fine.”

Kyle only hesitated a moment before hurrying down the hall.

Evan released the breath he’d been holding. He really hoped Lisbeth hadn’t thought he was that annoying when he’d helped her.

He grabbed his phone as soon as Kyle was gone. He knew he should probably go over his notes one more time, but the thought of doing that made him feel sick. He was afraid he’d want to redo his entire project if he looked at it before Dr. Whitney called him in to present.

There were a bunch of good luck texts waiting for him when he unlocked his phone. Sincere ones (from his mom and Zoe), enthusiastic ones with lots of exclamation points and emojis (Seth, Chris, Ryan, and Kai), one containing a quote from the Bible that was either meant to wish him luck or tell him he was going to hell (Cole, of course), a sarcastic one telling him not to vomit on the panel of professors (Jared, naturally), and a short one that made him wish he’d never checked his phone at all.

Connor had texted him two words.

_Good luck._

That was it.

He tried to look on the bright side. It was something and that was better than nothing. 

And it proved that Connor was keeping tabs on him, that he still knew what was going on in his life.

Which was a relief because he still knew what was going on in Connor’s.

He knew all about Connor’s Hemingway essay and his parking ticket and the fight he’d had with his mom and...

He knew the headlines. He didn’t know the context or the implications. 

He hated that he wasn’t getting his news straight from the source.

And he really hated Connor’s text.

Good luck? That was all Connor had to say?

It made him feel impossibly sad to remember how Connor had shown up before he’d presented his senior project proposal. It made him sad and hungry and...

He couldn’t think about that. Not when he was about to present his findings.

Not ever. He was never going down that path.

He ignored the rest of the texts. They could wait. He’d write back when he was done and let them all know he’d survived.

His knee bounced as he sent Connor a quick text.

Two letters, no words.

_ty_

He hit send right before Dr. Whitney called him in.

His mother’s birthday party was the day after his last final.

Which was a good thing because it meant he didn’t have to spend the whole night worrying about papers and exams and whether or not he’d remembered to carry the one.

Instead he got to worry about talking to people and remembering their names and whether or not Maggie was joking when she said he had to give a speech about how awesome his mother was.

And Connor.

He got to worry about Connor.

Because Connor was there. 

The entire Murphy family was there.

So were the Kleinmans.

Evan didn’t even try to hide the fact that he was planning to latch himself to Jared’s side.

Jared grinned when it became clear that Evan was going to be following him all night. “It’s cool. I already told Zoe you were my date for this.”

Evan automatically followed Jared’s eyes.

Zoe was standing in the corner with her brother.

“This isn’t affecting your relationship, is it?”

Jared smirked as he took a sip of his drink. “It’s making us closer than ever. Because, you know, we’re both dealing with two total dumbasses who refuse to see what’s right in front of them.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“My point exactly.” Jared nodded at the bar. “Come on. I need a refill.”

The door to the bathroom opened just as Evan finished washing his hands. He didn’t look up because he really preferred not to make eye contact with people right before they did their business.

He kept his eyes on his hands until he sensed someone standing behind him.

Connor.

Of course, it was Connor.

He really should’ve dragged Jared to the bathroom with him. The barbs he would’ve received as a result of that would’ve been less awkward than being trapped in a bathroom with Connor.

At least they weren’t really trapped. And at least...

“At least this isn’t a closet.” Evan cringed when he realized he’d said that out loud.

He really shouldn’t have had that third or fourth or whatever number it had been drink.

He grabbed a paper towel when Connor didn’t say anything. He took his time drying his hands and started babbling about how he wondered if the hall used recycled paper towels.

He leaned over to look inside the dispenser. “I bet they don’t. These feel like the cheap ones which really sucks because they make me feel like a bad Environmental Science-”

His mouth snapped shut when Connor leaned against the wall next to him. “What?”

“What?” Connor laughed.

It was a harsh laugh, one that made Evan’s stomach twist.

Evan decided to ignore that. “How’ve you been?”

“How have I...” Connor shook his head. 

It took Evan a second to realize Connor was drunk too. He wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.

They hadn’t been drunk when they...

Evan scratched his neck and refused to let his brain finish that thought.

He didn’t know what to say, which was weird because he felt like he always knew what to say to Connor.

“I hate this.” He closed his eyes when he heard what he’d whispered. “I hate not talking to you. I hate... Jared’s getting so fed up with me that he just said he’d lock us in a room together if he didn’t think we’d both end up bursting through the wall like the Kool-Aid Man.”

Evan smiled at his feet.

Connor’s expression had softened considerably when he glanced up.

That made Evan smile even more. “Can we just... I don’t know. Forget about all this? It wasn’t an accident, but it was a mistake. Can’t we just-”

“Pretend it didn’t happen?” Connor finished sharply.

Evan tugged at his shirt. “Not pretend. Just... Can’t we just-”

“I like you.”

“I know,” Evan nodded. “We’re friends. We are still friends, right?”

That wasn’t what Connor meant.

Evan knew that.

Part of him knew it. The other part was determined to keep his head in the sand as long as possible.

“We’re friends,” Connor confirmed. “But that’s not what I meant.”

Evan swallowed sharply. It felt like they were on the edge of something they couldn’t undo. 

He turned to go. “I should get back. I think Maggie seriously expects me to give a speech tonight and-”

“I love you. I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you.”

Evan chuckled awkwardly. “Pretty sure?”

“It’s not like this is something I have a lot of experience with.”

“Right,” Evan nodded swiftly. “Okay. Um. I, uh...”

He was at a total loss for words.

Connor smiled when he saw that. “That’s why I freaked out after we... I started freaking out because I love you, because I’ve known I love you for a while, and I started thinking about how you only slept with me because-”

“I was trying to calm you down.”

Connor nodded.

“That’s stupid.”

“I didn’t say it wasn’t.”

“I wouldn’t sleep with someone to calm them down.”

“People are always doing things to calm me down. My teachers. My family. My mom. Especially my mom.”

Evan nodded slightly. “That’s not why I... It just happened.”

He squeezed his eyes shut. “I mean, it didn’t just happen. It’s not like it just... It’s not like we slipped and...”

It had been a rather involved process. A rather awkward involved process. One that had involved a lot of fumbling and laughter and...

Evan could feel his face heating up when he started thinking about it.

There had been plenty of times he could’ve put a stop to it, but he hadn’t. He hadn’t wanted to. Not while it was happening anyway.

“It was a mistake.”

Connor’s face clouded over. “You keep saying that.”

“Well, it was.”

“Does what I said mean nothing to you?”

“You’re drunk,” Evan laughed. “You probably think you’re in love with Jared too.”

“I’m not that drunk.”

Evan sighed and nodded at the door. “I really need to get back. Maggie’s probably looking for me.”

Connor opened his mouth like he was going to say something and then he closed it like he’d changed his mind.

Evan left before he could change it again.

His brain didn’t fully process what Connor had said until later that night.

And then it was like a dagger to his chest.

He bolted up in his bed and grabbed his head and really regretted letting Jared pick their drinks all night.

Connor was in love with him.

Correction, Connor thought he was in love with him.

Drunk Connor thought he was in love with him.

There was a difference.

Evan hoped Sober Connor didn’t feel that way.

Because that was definitely something they couldn’t recover from.

It would ruin everything.

He stayed at his mother’s house all week. 

That had been his plan all along. 

Classes were over. Finals were over. There were things for the graduating seniors to do around campus, but there was nothing he really had to do.

He was not in the mood to participate in a foam war in the quad or go to midnight breakfast or light candles and sing sappy songs.

He was only in the mood to sit on the couch and eat junk food and watch stupid stuff on Netflix.

But not his soap. There was no way he was going to watch that, even though they dropped a new season two days after his mother’s party.

He knew his mother and Geoff were aware of his mood. He knew they were walking on eggshells around him.

He really didn’t care about that though.

He was just happy to be somewhere he could tune out the world and ignore everything that was bothering him.

His mother took that option away on his fourth night there.

She sat on the couch next to him and turned off the tv and looked him right in the eye. “Why are you still here?”

“School’s over,” Evan shrugged.

“Did you move home already?” Heidi squinted at the stairs. “I don’t remember seeing you drag all your things up to your room.”

“I still have some things there,” Evan admitted. “I’ll get them after the ceremony.”

Heidi studied him for a second. “I had an interesting conversation with Connor’s dad today.”

An alarm went off in Evan’s head. He brushed the crumbs off his shirt and started to get up. “I think I’ll go take a shower.”

His mother pushed him back down. “Larry said Connor’s thinking about switching schools next year.”

Evan’s heart skipped a beat. He scratched at his neck and eyed the door. “Yeah, I, uh, I know. I know he’s been, uh, talking about that.”

“Larry said Connor’s doing more than just talking. It sounds like it might be happening.”

Evan stared at his hands. “Oh.”

“He also said Zoe told him it’s because of you.”

Evan’s head popped up at that.

“He said Connor stomped on her foot before she could elaborate.”

Evan nodded slightly. “We, um, we had a falling out, I guess.”

“And that’s why you’re here?”

Evan shrugged.

“Sweetie.”

“I don’t want to-” He bristled when his mother squeezed his hand.

She didn’t say anything for a minute and neither did he.

He blinked at the wall before he gave in and met her stare. “Something happened between us and...”

“Something like...?” Heidi smiled knowingly.

Evan hated how quickly her mind jumped to that. He wondered if it really was as obvious as Jared seemed to think it was.

He swallowed sharply and nodded. “He told me he’s in love with me.”

He looked away when he saw how that made his mother melt. “He was drunk though and-and it’s stupid. It’s so dumb.”

“Why is it dumb?”

“Because...”

“You don’t feel the same way?”

Evan recoiled at the suggestion. “I... I don’t know.”

“I think you do.”

Evan closed his eyes because he did.

And that was the problem.

“It wouldn’t work out though,” Evan said. “It could never work out.”

“You can’t know that.”

Evan decided not to argue. He knew better than to argue with her about things like this. She could be relentless when she wanted to be. She would try her hardest to convince him she was right, but it would be impossible because he definitely had not inherited her optimism.

“You can’t know unless you try.”

Evan shook his head. “It’s not worth it.”

“You don’t think love is-”

“I’m not worth it.” Evan squeezed his eyes shut when he saw her expression. “I mean-”

“You are absolutely worth it.”

Evan shook his head. The words spilled out of him before his brain could catch up. “I’m a mess. I’m too... Why would anyone choose to be with me? It doesn’t make sense. It wouldn’t work. There’s no way it would work.”

He continued on before she could launch into one of her pep talks. “It’s different when you’re just friends with someone. It’s easier. There’s a distance and... Connor knows me. He _knows_ me. He gets me. Why would he want to put up with all this?”

Evan gestured at himself and pushed back against the couch.

“Because he loves you,” Heidi said softly.

“And that makes everything okay?”

“It’s a start.”

“I’m not worried about the start. I’m worried about the end. I’m worried about what will happen when it ends. Connor’s my best friend. I don’t want to lose that.”

He stared at his hands because he was starting to think it was too late. That was already gone. He wasn’t getting it back.

Heidi smiled sadly. “There are no guarantees, of course. There’s no way you can know how things will turn out. It’s worth trying though. When you find someone you love, who loves you in return, it’s worth trying.” 

She leaned over to kiss his forehead. “And you are absolutely, positively, without a doubt worth it.”

He stared at his hands when she was gone. He watched them twist around in his lap.

He didn’t know if he believed her.

He didn’t know if it was worth it. If he was worth it.

He didn’t know if he was too late, if he’d missed his chance, if he was only feeling this way because he had nothing left to lose.

There was only one thing he knew for certain.

He knew what he had to do.

And it was quite possibly the most terrifying thing he could imagine.


	39. Graduation Day

It took Evan a long time to fall asleep the night before graduation. He tossed and turned so much he woke up feeling like he hadn’t slept at all.

He didn’t think he’d been that restless since the night before he first left for college.

Which was kind of fitting when he stopped and thought about it. It was like his college experience was being bookended with bouts of insomnia.

He would have found it poetic if he’d been in the mood to find it poetic.

Or if he’d been talking to Connor.

Connor would have thought it was poetic, except he wouldn’t have used the word ‘poetic’ because he thought it was overused and didn’t accurately convey what he was trying to say.

Connor could be such a nerd sometimes.

The thought of that made Evan smile and then panic and then scurry out of his room before he could start thinking about the reason he hadn’t slept.

His parents were sitting at the kitchen table when he came stumbling in.

That wasn’t a total surprise. His father had flown in the night before and had spent the night on their couch.

It did make Evan pause when he realized they were both smiling though.

Smiling and laughing and looking at a photo album.

“I forgot how round his cheeks were,” Dan chuckled. His face lit up when he turned the page. “Do you remember this?”

Evan poured himself a cup of coffee and crept over to see what was making them laugh.

It was a picture of him in a cow costume. He looked like he was about three.

Heidi smiled when she saw him. “You refused to take it off when we got home. It was covered in hay and grass and who knows what else, but that didn’t matter to you. I think that was the worst meltdown you ever had. Your father finally said-”

“I said let him sleep in it then,” Dan finished. “And you did.”

Evan frowned as he studied the picture. “Was this a Fourth of July party?”

Heidi nodded. “It was at Maggie’s brother’s house.”

“Why was I wearing a cow costume then?”

His parents exchanged a look. 

Evan sat down as they tried to explain.

It was a long story and slightly funny.

He kind of remembered parts of it.

His parents thought it was a lot funnier than he did.

It was weird seeing them laugh together. It was weird seeing them get along. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen them be anything more than civil to each other.

He knew it was for his benefit. He knew they were on their best behavior because it was a big day for him.

And because they were feeling nostalgic.

And, in his mother’s case, because she was trying to show him that a bad breakup wasn’t the end of the world. That life went on and things got better.

He poured himself a bowl of cereal while his parents continued to page through the album. The mood shifted when they got to the year he turned eight.

He picked up on the tension before he saw what they were looking at.

“Those are from his second-grade field day,” Heidi said. “I was one of the parent volunteers.”

It was the first and last time she’d chaperoned one of his school events. 

Evan decided not to point that out.

Dan smiled wistfully as he ran a finger along the photos. “He wore the jersey I bought him.”

The jersey had been one of the gifts his father gave him before he left. It was a souvenir from some game Dan had gone to with a group of his friends. Evan had slept in it every night for a month until he’d realized it was making his mother sad. He’d balled it up and hidden it in his closet after that. They’d dug it out for the field day because he was on the purple team and it was the only purple shirt he had.

Evan glanced over his father’s shoulder as he turned the page. There were a lot of pictures from that day. That was the thing with his mom. She didn’t make it to everything, but when she did, she made sure she documented every second.

There was a picture of him high fiving Mrs. G and one of him sulking as Jared stuck his tongue out at him. One of him sandwiched between Jared and Henry and one where he was hugging his mom. There was a picture of him doing the three-legged race with Sophie Ventura and one where they landed in the mud. 

The last picture was of the entire purple team holding up their participation ribbons. Evan spotted himself sitting in the grass with his arm around one of his teammates.

Connor.

He blinked when he realized the teammate was Connor.

They had their arms around each other and were smiling the smiles of a pair of eight-year-olds who had just been told to say ‘cheese.’

Evan didn’t remember posing for that picture at all.

He wondered if it was a sign. Not that he didn’t remember it. That Connor was in it with him. That they were smiling and happy and...

He wondered if the whole morning was a sign.

He’d been so nervous about going to college that he’d hardly slept the night before he left. And look how that had turned out. 

It had been fine. Mostly fine. More than fine some of the time. 

He cleared his throat and stood up. “I’m going to go get dressed.”

His parents didn’t seem to hear him. They were too busy trying to remember who had bought him his first polo shirt. 

Geoff was meeting them there because he had a job that morning.

Which actually worked out well because they had to take two cars anyway. Evan was planning to spend the night at school so he could finish packing up his things.

They took Evan’s car because he would need it the next day. 

He was too nervous to drive though. His parents took one look at him and decided it would be for the best if his father drove.

Which was how he ended up sitting in the backseat while his parents bickered about the quality of the local radio stations. 

It was weird and familiar and did nothing to calm his nerves.

His mother noticed that when she turned around to ask if he had any CDs. She smiled slightly. “Sweetie?”

“Hmm,” Evan hummed. He pressed his forehead against the window and watched the trees go by.

“There’s nothing for you to be nervous about.”

She said it like she wasn’t just talking about the possibility that he could trip and fall off the stage.

He wondered if she knew.

He shook his head.

He wondered how she knew.

His father glanced at him in the rearview mirror and smiled too. “We’ll still love you, even if you fall.”

Evan took a breath. Somehow it made him feel better to know there was at least one parent who had no idea what was going through his head. “Good to know.”

“I’m serious,” Dan grinned. “We’ll still love you even if you take someone down with you. If you knock over the podium and damage some fancy schmancy equipment. If you...”

Evan tuned out the rest of his father’s spiel.

He kept his eyes on the trees.

The ceremony was long and boring. And hot. It was really hot.

Temperature-wise, that was. It was being held outside and the combination of body heat, nerves, and polyester robes made Evan feel overheated the whole time.

He couldn’t focus on anything anyone was saying. His brain wouldn’t stop racing and his heart wouldn’t stop pounding and he changed his mind every few seconds.

He couldn’t see Connor.

He couldn’t see anyone he knew.

The only person who looked slightly familiar was a girl sitting two rows in front of him who may or may not have been in his English class freshman year.

He followed the crowd when it was time for him to move.

The whole thing was a blur.

He crossed the stage without tripping and posed for a picture and that was it.

That was almost it. 

He had to go back to his seat and wait until the ceremony was officially over.

It took forever. He didn’t think he’d ever hated being in the first half of the alphabet as much as he did that day.

He wondered if it would’ve been better if his school had split them up for the actual diploma portion of the afternoon.

It would’ve been faster, but then he wouldn’t have gotten to see Jared trip on the stairs or Ryan propose to Layla by holding up a ring or Connor...

Nothing eventful happened when Connor crossed the stage.

But seeing him, just seeing him, cemented things for Evan.

He knew what he had to do, what he wanted to do, what he should’ve done a long time ago.

It was a mob scene after they were dismissed.

There were people everywhere. Some in gowns, some not.

Evan was glad he’d thought ahead and told his parents to meet him by the science building.

They weren’t the only ones meeting there.

Far from it, really.

At least it wasn’t as crowded there as it was in the quad. It only took him a second to locate his parents and Geoff.

And the Kleinmans.

And the Murphys.

Apparently, word had gotten out that this was the place to meet.

Evan didn’t know what to think about that. He needed to talk to Connor, but not like this. Not in front of everyone. Not...

He froze when he heard Zoe teasing Connor about moving to Philadelphia. 

She grinned as she elbowed him again. “But you don’t even like cheesesteaks.”

Her smile wavered when she spotted Evan. 

Evan didn’t think it was his imagination that the entire mood of the gathering shifted when everyone noticed he’d arrived. 

He batted Henry away when he tried to get a closeup of him.

“This is history in the making,” Henry whined as he tried again. “I need to preserve it.”

Evan shook his head. He didn’t know who had thought it was a good idea to let Henry film the ceremony, but he was not in the mood to deal with that.

He stepped forward so he was facing Connor. “Can I talk to you?”

It came out as a whisper.

He wasn’t sure if Connor hadn’t heard him or if he was just pretending.

He closed his eyes and took a breath and glanced over his shoulder like doing that would give him the courage to try again.

His eyes landed on Jared.

Jared rolled his eyes and motioned for him to go on.

That made his heart beat even faster.

Jared knew.

He thought it was safe to say he could officially add Jared to the list of people who knew what he was trying to do.

He paled when Henry focused the camera on him again.

If Henry knew too, then...

He squeezed his eyes shut.

He wondered if Connor was planning to spend the night in the dorm too. He wondered if it would be too late if he talked to him then. 

He wondered if it was already too late. He wondered if Connor was definitely, officially moving to Philadelphia.

Zoe cleared her throat and glanced at her father. “Did you mail the check yet?”

Larry shook his head. “I’m waiting for Connor to give me the papers.”

And then Zoe winked at him.

At least Evan was pretty sure she did. There was a chance his imagination and paranoia were working overtime to make him feel dizzy.

He took a breath and tried again. “Can I talk to you?”

It almost came out as a shout.

Connor raised his eyebrows, but didn’t respond.

“Please,” Evan whispered.

Connor shrugged and nodded to his left.

Evan hurried after him.

They couldn’t go far. There were too many people for them to go more than a few feet away from their families.

It wasn’t enough to give Evan a sense of privacy. He knew for a fact that every person in their group was straining their ears to listen.

He turned his back so he couldn’t see them.

That was as good as it was going to get.

He didn’t know what to say. 

He knew what he wanted to say.

Sort of.

He hadn’t given it a lot of thought. He hadn’t let himself give it a lot of thought. He hadn’t let himself rehearse it because he knew he’d lose the nerve if he did that.

He tried to shove his hands in his pockets, but there weren’t any pockets in his gown. He snorted when he realized that.

Connor looked slightly amused.

It was a relief to see that.

He closed his eyes and forced himself to breathe. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said last week. In the bathroom. You know. The thing you said about how you...”

“Are in love with you?” Connor guessed.

Evan’s eyes flew open. “Yeah.”

Connor stared at him for a beat. “Okay.”

“Okay,” Evan breathed. “So, uh, yeah, I’ve been thinking about it and I’m pretty sure it’s the same for me.” He scratched his head when he realized his meaning might not be clear. “I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you too.”

“Pretty sure?” Connor chuckled.

“Well, yeah, I mean I’d need to run some tests to make sure my hypothesis is correct, but uh-”

“Spoken like a true scientist.”

“I have the degree now and everything,” Evan grinned. 

“So, you want to test it out? Is that what you’re saying?”

“I...” Evan puffed out his cheeks. “Are you really moving to Philadelphia?”

His stomach twisted when Connor’s face clouded over. His brain scrambled to figure out what he’d said wrong.

“Is that what this is about?” Connor demanded. “You don’t want me to leave?”

“I don’t want you to leave!” Evan hissed. He grabbed at his hair when Connor took a step back. “But that’s not... that’s not...”

He tried to focus. He needed to focus. He needed to get the words out before Connor stormed off.

Which he was in immediate danger of doing, judging from the way his arms were swinging.

“I love you,” Evan said. He cleared his throat and willed his voice to grow stronger. “I love everything about you. I love that you’re terrified of birds.”

He laughed because he hadn’t meant to say that. It was true, but he hadn’t meant for that to be one of his opening statements. 

He couldn’t look Connor in the eye. He couldn’t let himself try to gauge Connor’s reaction.

He closed his eyes and tried to focus. It was hard when there were hundreds of thoughts and half-thoughts bouncing around his brain.

“I love that you know you’re an Elsa. I love that you’re proud you’re an Elsa. I love that you cried when Jeffrey came back from the dead for the fourth time and Madeline said she’d never love anyone else, that there was no one else. I love that you write terrible poems. I love your terrible poems. I love that you want to be better, that you try to be better, that you make me want to be better too. I love talking to you because not talking to you is terrible. It’s crap. It’s total crap. I love that being with you is like being home. It’s safe and exciting and I never want it to stop. I-”

He stopped when Connor kissed him.

Which, in retrospect, was the only thing that would’ve made him stop.

That or if Connor had stormed off in a huff.

He was glad it was the former.

It wasn’t the first time they’d kissed and Evan was sure it wouldn’t be the last.

He was positive it wouldn’t be the last.

It was slower than their previous kisses had been. More tentative. 

And it lasted a lot longer.

He was vaguely aware of the fact that people were cheering in the background. He could hear Jared whistling and Zoe sighing. He heard Henry groan that he’d forgotten to hit record and Larry tell him not to worry, that he’d gotten the whole thing.

He heard several people say the words ‘finally’ and ‘about time,’ but he couldn’t place the voices.

It didn’t matter.

It was just background noise.

The only thing that mattered was the guy standing in front of him, kissing him and confirming his hypothesis.


	40. Post-College

**One Day Later**

Evan shifted around while he waited for Connor to answer his call. He arranged himself on his pillow in what he hoped was a flattering position before wrinkling his nose and deciding to sit up instead.

Connor was smiling when he looked at the screen. Evan scratched his neck when he saw that. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Connor parroted.

Evan giggled. He actually giggled.

They both did.

They giggled even harder when their eyes met.

“I thought you hated FaceTiming,” Connor reminded him.

“I do,” Evan nodded. “But I wanted to see your face.”

“You saw my face three hours ago.”

“I saw a lot more than that.” Evan blushed when he heard himself. “I mean...”

“Uh-uh, no take backs. You said it.”

Evan closed his eyes and sighed. “It’s true. I did say it. And I saw a lot more.”

“Yeah,” Connor smirked. His grin vanished as quickly as it had appeared. “I miss you.”

“You saw me three hours ago.”

“This sucks.”

“It does.”

“If we’d done this sooner, we could’ve-”

“Had more nights like last night?” Evan covered his face when he heard himself that time.

“I like this side of you,” Connor laughed.

“I don’t!”

“Why?”

“Because...” Evan shrugged.

“Zoe keeps saying I’m glowing.”

“Like you’re pregnant?”

“Like I’m happy.”

“Are you?”

Connor rolled his eyes. “Little bit.”

“Only a little bit? I’ll have to...” Evan slapped a hand over his mouth. “Okay, I’m going to go now.”

“Not until you finish that thought!”

Evan pretended to pout. “Change that?”

“Change that?” Connor repeated skeptically. “That’s what you were going to say?”

“Maybe,” Evan squeaked. “Bye!”

He hung up and threw the phone onto his bed.

He wasn’t surprised when it started ringing a second later.

****

**One Week Later**

Evan smiled when his hand brushed against Connor’s as they both reached for the ketchup. He grinned when it happened again.

He jumped when someone started gagging behind them.

Jared.

Of course.

“Don’t be _that_ couple,” Jared begged. “Please. Whatever you do, don’t become one of those sugary, coma-inducing, makes-me-want-to-barf couples.”

“We’re not even holding hands,” Evan pointed out.

“I’m not talking about your hands! I’m talking about your faces!” Jared shook his head. “Disgusting...”

Evan could almost understand what Jared meant when he saw Connor’s expression.

He understood it a bit better when he realized his face was probably sporting the same look.

He glanced over his shoulder when he heard Cole run up to them.

“Aimee just got here,” Cole hissed. “That’s everyone.”

Jared motioned for him to calm down. “Hold your horses. I want to get a burger first.”

Cole looked more than a little annoyed as he stalked off in the direction of the pool.

Connor watched him go. “What’s that about?”

“Nothing,” Jared said quickly. He shrugged when Connor didn’t look away. “You’ll see.”

Jared grabbed his plate and returned to the party. 

“I don’t like the sound of that,” Connor muttered.

Evan didn’t either.

They exchanged a look and silently decided it would be in their best interest to check it out anyway.

There were multiple posters containing pie charts and graphs and percentages stationed around the pool when they returned.

They stepped forward to examine them.

Connor figured it out before Evan did. He whipped around to glare at Jared before narrowing his eyes at the rest of the guests. “You had a bet going?”

Evan’s eyes widened with understanding. “This is about us?”

Jared ignored them both. He rubbed his hands together and grinned when everyone turned to look at him. “Okay, so I finally figured out who won. It was trickier than I expected it to be. Almost all of you had at least a partial bet on graduation.”

Connor rolled his eyes.

“Only two people got all the circumstances right though.” Jared started ticking them off on his fingers. “That they’d hook up and Evan would freak out and Connor would confess and then Evan would confess and...” Jared did a set of jazz hands. “Graduation.”

He cleared his throat and pretended to open an envelope. “There are no losers here. Everyone will be getting at least some of their cash back, but the winners, the main winners, are Alana-”

“Babe!” Tracy cried. She leaned over to kiss Alana’s cheek.

“And Cole.”

Cole pumped his fist in the air.

Jared hung his head sadly. “I would’ve won it all if I’d been allowed to bet.”

Zoe patted his arm. “I can’t believe I thought Evan would go first.”

“It’s like you don’t know your brother at all!”

Zoe scoffed at that before giving Connor a weak smile.

Connor very pointedly turned away from her. “Anyone want to bet on how long it takes those two to-”

He stopped speaking when he saw the way Evan was shaking his head.

Cole’s hand flew up anyway. “Me! I’m in! What are we starting at?”

****

**One Month Later**

Evan chewed his lip as he blinked at the ceiling.

It only took Connor a second to pick up on that. “What?”

Evan turned to blink at him. “What?”

“What’s with the face?” Connor grinned suggestively. “Was that not to your satisfaction?”

Evan snorted. “You know it was.”

“Maybe you were faking,” Connor shrugged.

“Were you faking?”

Connor nipped at his neck. “Not even a little bit.”

Evan hummed at that.

Connor propped himself up on his elbow. “So. What’s with the face then?”

“I was just thinking.”

“About?”

Evan sighed and propped himself up too. “You know how I’m TA’ing for Dr. Whitney next semester?”

“Yeah,” Connor nodded.

“She wants me to start next week.”

“But classes don’t start for-”

“Two months. I know. She needs help in the lab.”

“And that caused the face because...”

“Because it would be a pain in the ass to drive back and forth every day.”

Connor glanced at him quickly. “You’re thinking about moving.”

“Soon,” Evan confirmed. “Like really soon. Like this weekend.”

Connor raised his eyebrows. “This weekend? Do you have a place?”

“I put down a deposit on one in Jared’s building this morning.”

Connor sat up all the way. “Without talking to me?”

Evan poked at his forehead. “I wasn’t sure...”

“About what? What weren’t you sure about?”

Evan gestured between them. He shook his head when Connor’s eyes bulged. “I wasn’t sure if we were still thinking about living together. Things are good and... I don’t know. I wasn’t sure if that was too fast. If you thought it would be too fast.”

“I was thinking that too,” Connor admitted.

Evan smiled slightly. “See.”

“We’ve lived together before.”

“Yeah.”

“I like living with you.”

“Me too.”

“I don’t want another Cole situation.”

“That turned out okay in the end.”

Connor waved his hand. “Ish. Okay-ish.”

“You know we’re never getting rid of him now, right?”

Connor rolled his eyes. “Right.”

“So.”

“So?”

“How are we doing this?”

Connor chewed his lip. “Does your apartment have two bedrooms or one?”

“One.”

“Really?” Connor drawled.

“It’s cheaper!” Evan hissed. “And I wasn’t sure if you were coming.”

Connor stared at the ceiling for a moment. “You know I’m going to be there all the time, right?”

“By all the time, you mean-”

“Every night. If you’ll have me.”

Evan nodded slightly.

“So, I may as well...” Connor caught his eye and shrugged.

Evan shrugged too. “Okay. I guess we can... I mean, worst case scenario, Jared’s right down the hall and his couch doesn’t smell as bad as you’d think.”

****

**One Year Later**

The sound of the door slamming shut almost made Evan spill his water all over the counter. He craned his neck to see what was going on.

Jared was in a mood.

That was what was going on.

Evan took his glass and flopped down on the couch next to Connor while Jared paced back and forth in front of them.

“She’s crazy!” Jared cried. “I can’t believe I never noticed it before!”

“Hey,” Connor huffed. “That’s my sister you’re talking about.”

Jared shook his head at him. “Exactly. I should’ve seen it sooner. It’s all in the genes.”

Evan squeezed Connor’s arm before he could react.

Jared’s shoulders shook as his head fell into his hands. “What am I going to do?”

“Move out?” Connor suggested.

“It was my apartment first!” Jared groaned at the ceiling. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I miss Henry.”

“What did she do that’s so crazy?” Evan wondered.

Jared closed his eyes like it was all too much for him. “How do you two do it?”

Evan exchanged a look with Connor. “Do what?”

“Live together and not want to kill each other?”

“Zoe’s pretty much been living with you for the last two years,” Connor reminded him.

“It’s different now. It’s real. She doesn’t have a place of her own anymore.” Jared sighed as he looked between them. “So, what’s your secret?”

Evan looked at Connor and shrugged. “Trust?”

“Communication,” Connor nodded.

“Respect.”

Connor bumped their shoulders together. “Love.”

Jared pretended to gag. “Thanks. You two have been really helpful.”

Connor straightened himself up and looked Jared in the eye. “Do you love her?”

“Yes,” Jared said automatically.

“Do you want to be with her?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want to live with her?”

Jared closed his eyes and nodded.

Connor tossed a pillow at him. “Then leave us alone and go figure something out.”

Jared tossed the pillow back and flipped him off before stomping back out the door.

Evan jumped when the door slammed shut behind him. “How much do you want to bet they get married within the next five years?”

Connor snorted. “Make it two.”

****

**Four Years Later**

Evan laughed when Jared suddenly swayed into him. He automatically put a hand up to keep him from falling to the floor.

“Heeeyy,” Jared slurred. He laughed when a burp escaped out of his mouth.

“You having fun?”

Jared nodded dazedly. “Weddings are fun. You should have one too.”

Evan studied Jared for a moment. He was drunk enough to think Jared was drunk enough not to react to the thing he was dying to share. “I already did.”

It took Jared a second to get that. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he did.

“What?” Jared yelped. “You’re married?”

“Shh!” Evan hissed. He glanced around frantically.

“What? When? Where? How? How did I not know this? Who was the best men? It better not have been Ryan or I swear to God...” Jared punched his hand.

“It wasn’t Ryan,” Evan whispered. He rubbed his forehead and seriously regretted his decision to tell. 

“Then who-”

“We eloped.” Evan made a face. “Sort of eloped. It wasn’t planned. You know how we went away last month?”

“Oh my God,” Jared moaned. “You got married in freaking Yellowstone?”

“We didn’t get married in Yellowstone. We got married near Yellowstone.”

“I can’t believe you got married at all! You just had to beat us, didn’t you?”

“It’s not a race!”

“Says the guy who got married first!” Jared’s eyes darted around aimlessly. “Does your mother know?”

Evan shook his head. “You’re the first-”

Jared took off like a shot. “I’m telling!”

It took all of Evan’s self-control not to tackle him to the ground.

****

**Six Years Later**

Evan’s stomach twisted in a way it hadn’t twisted in over ten years.

“Why are we doing this?”

Connor shook his head dazedly. “Because we like Alana.”

“I don’t like her that much.”

“I do and you’re married to me, which means that legally you-”

“I agreed to ‘til death do us part. I said nothing about liking the things you like!”

Connor pursed his lips. “It’s not that I want to go to our ten-year reunion.” He wrapped his arms around Evan. “I already see my favorite classmate every day.”

“So, why are we-”

“Alana planned it.”

Evan sighed. “I know.”

“And she wants me here. Us. She wants us here.”

“I know that too.”

“She’s afraid no one else will show.”

“Tracy will.”

“She’s afraid the people who aren’t married to her won’t show.”

Evan gestured at the school. “I don’t think she needs to worry about that.”

He watched as a few classmates he sort of recognized walked into the building. 

Connor grabbed his arm before he could move forward. “Did you hear that?”

“Hear what?”

“That guy. The one over there...” Connor gestured at a group standing by the entrance.

Evan shook his head. “What did he say?”

“He said he thought I was dead.”

Evan’s eyes flashed knowingly. “You want to leave?”

“Yes, please.”

****

**Eight Years Later**

“They cancelled it again.”

Evan put his book down and rolled over to face Connor. “Our show?”

Connor jabbed his finger at the screen. “They cancelled it again!”

Evan tutted sadly.

Their poor soap had really been through the wringer over the years. After Netflix pulled the plug, it had gone back to having its own website until it ran out of money and then it had been picked up by an obscure cable network until they axed it and then it had been picked up by an even more obscure cable network which had apparently decided to let it go.

“It’ll bounce back,” Evan said cheerfully. “It’s like your mom always says, that show’s going to outlive us all.”

“It hasn’t been the same since they introduced the merpeople.”

“Well, no,” Evan admitted. “But that wasn’t the weirdest thing they’ve done.”

“Not by a long shot.” Connor snorted as he finished scrolling through the article. “Someone already made a petition to save the show. Should we sign it?”

Evan rolled his eyes. “Duh.”

****

**Ten Years Later**

The floorboards creaked as Evan crept into the room. He cringed when he heard them. He’d been trying so hard to be quiet.

Connor sat up and smiled sleepily. “You’re back early.”

“I caught an earlier flight.”

Connor yawned and nodded and scooted over to make room.

“You were sleeping on my side,” Evan observed.

“It smells like you.”

Evan smiled because he did the same thing when Connor was gone.

“How was it?”

“Fine,” Evan yawned. He laughed when he heard himself. “I guess I’m not as jet lagged as I thought.”

Connor nuzzled up against him. “I missed you.”

“I was gone two days.”

“Still.”

Evan swallowed sharply. “I missed you too.”

Connor hummed at that.

It only took Connor a second to fall back to sleep. Evan could tell the exact moment it happened.

He hoped it would be that easy for him too, but he didn’t think it would. 

He yawned and stretched and shifted around until he was more comfortable.

He caught a glimpse of the two of them in the mirror before he closed his eyes.

The sight of it made him smile.

There they were.

Together again.

Naturally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that’s a wrap.
> 
> A huge thank you to everyone who actually made it through this story. I’ve had a lot of fun with it and hope you all have too.
> 
> I don’t think there will be a sequel, but I have been tentatively toying with the possibility of writing a companion piece since the start. It’s one of the reasons I decided to stick with Evan for the whole story (instead of alternating chapters/semesters/years).
> 
> So, I think it’s safe to say...
> 
> Coming soon to a browser near you, the companion piece to _When Evan Met Connor_ ... _When Connor Met Evan_.
> 
> (The rational side of my brain is now shaking its head at the eccentric side and begging for at least a week off, so we’ll see how that goes.)


End file.
